It seems you know so much about my grandmothers (and grandfathers), but all day today I can’t shake the feeling that I haven’t told you everything, or about everyone...
I had a grandmother who was a crane operator, and a grandmother who was a linguist, but there was another one too, a third one. I did tell you that as a child I used to boast about how many relatives I had ☀️
How can I explain it to you... When my own grandmother lost her mum at the age of 10, her aunt took care of her. And her aunt had a daughter of her own. Her name was Nina. They grew up together, and when my mum was born, Nina became her godmother, and when little me appeared, she became my grandmother 💗
What can I tell you about her... So much, so very much...
She was so kind to me and never (I swear, never) raised her voice at me.
She worked night shifts at the factory, and in the mornings she’d come to look after me as a little one, because my mum had to work too.
She always (always, even when I was a grown-up!) had my favourite sweets at home.
Next to her, I fell asleep, tracing patterns on the carpet with my finger.
She was the one, the only one, who didn’t turn her back on me when I left home, and while the others communicated with me in secret (even my dad), fearing my mum’s anger, Nina said clearly that, "She is my granddaughter and will come to my house whenever she wants!"
Of course, as an adult, I didn’t just come over for tea. I helped her with chores, like cleaning the floors or windows, or simply to be there with her. It was a place – that safe haven I no longer have, but which I am creating for my boys. A place where you are accepted just as you are. Where there is no room for your mistakes, but there is room for you. Where there is unconditional love.
I remember this with gratitude...
Yes, she didn’t have children of her own, I know she had a dramatic love story in which she couldn’t bring herself to forgive the betrayal. But she had grandchildren anyway, as if by magic...☀️
Yes, she was the only one of all the grandmothers who saw her great-grandson, and in fact, she was the first to find out that I’d had a son. She kept ringing non-stop, even though she didn’t even know I was in hospital. I’d like to call it a "motherly bond"☀️
Why did I think of her so particularly today? Because right now, I’m really missing a safe haven. A place where I can go, let my armor down, and be vulnerable. A place where I could feel like that little girl who used to trace her finger across the carpet before going to sleep, while someone stroked her hair...
annaxmalina
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jacobvanloon
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