Your post that you wrote about anxious attachment styles and hook-up culture...Chloe…. Miss Cherry…..you did not have to call me out like that ! i feel seen 😔 in the worst way lol damn im toxic and i dont even be knowing it. I screenshotted that post so I can journal about it later. Thank you for giving me clarity through your wisdom. You’re going places girl...you will make a beautiful psychologist
you’re not toxic, you were just doing the best you knew how to do with the attachment style you developed due to the responsiveness and sensitivity (or lack thereof) that your caregiver had when you were an infant. if you’ve discovered that most of your difficulties can be traced back to conflicting intimacy needs, don’t stress! although attachment styles tend to be consistent over time, they can change. by changing our attitudes, our behavior, or our minds, we don’t remain a victim of our circumstances anymore. feelings are indicators and motivators. watch for patterns in your feelings. they will tell you a great deal about yourself and your relationships. other journal entries that might be helpful are
1. Is there any unfinished business from my childhood? how can I finish this as best as I can? do any grieving that's necessary for you. the point of this is to try and get some perspective and to figure out how events from our childhoods are still affecting what we’re doing now.
2. what can I start doing for myself to begin meeting my needs that may have not been met as a child? start doing more of that. nurture and cherish the child inside of you and give it everything you never received. by doing this you are breaking the generational cycle, which is incredibly powerful of you. congratulations to yourself, this isn’t easy work!
3. am I looking for happiness in other people? what can I do to look less for happiness and well-being inside others and start looking for that happiness and well-being inside myself? learning to center yourself in yourself will actually improve all areas of your life, not just your relationships.
4. what can I do to learn to deepen my confidence to depend on myself? even if many people were inconsistently available or inconsistently supportive, we can start being there for ourselves.
feelings are energy. repressed feelings block our energy. we don’t do ourselves any good when we’re blocked. another problem with repressed feelings is they don’t go away. some ways to remove blocked energy that can be felt physically in areas of your body: guided image therapy, sound frequencies therapy, emotional freedom technique (EFT), chiropractic treatments, craniosacral treatments
the habits that we’ve picked up as a result of our attachment style during infancy is not our fault, but it is our responsibility to learn to stop doing them and adopt more healthy habits and behaviors. by unlearning and adopting new healthy patterns, you’ll naturally gravitate toward those with the capacity to make you happy. you won’t be addicted to the highs and lows of being with someone who keeps you guessing all the time. you start believing that there are many potential partners open to intimacy, commitment, and closeness who would be responsive to your needs. you start to believe that you deserve to be loved and valued at all times. soon that thought becomes programmed into you. now, if someone sends vibes that are not in line with these expectations- if they’re inconsistent or evasive- you automatically lose interest. you don’t waste any time on those that you perceive are not being responsive enough to your needs. your new approach is that if a partner treats you disrespectfully, it’s indicative of their inability to be responsive in a relationship, and not of your own worth. by now it becomes a nonissue for you, and you just instinctively move on. you’ve seen enough and have found it pointless to move forward with people you could tell were unable to meet your emotional needs. people’s response to effective communication can be very telling. It either allows you to avoid getting into a dead-end relationship or it will help to bring the relationship to a deeper level. that starts with accepting who we are right now and who we’ve been. acceptance brings peace and it's often the turning point for change. our feelings can provide us with clues to ourselves: our desires, wants, and ambitions. they help us discover ourselves, what we are really thinking. our emotions also tap into that deep part of us that seeks and knows truth, and desires self-preservation, self-enhancement, safety, and goodness. our emotions are connected to our conscious, cognitive thought processes and to the best gift we can possess; our intuition.
If anyone wants to look deeper into attachment styles and theories of love I recommend reading about the “strange situation” procedure by mary ainsworth, robert sternberg’s triangular theory of love, john allen lee’s styles of loving, jean piaget’s stages of development, vgotsky’s cultural theory of cognitive development, erik erikson’s stages of psychological development, and the karpman drama triangle by stephen b. karpman
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