For a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic.

— This is really nothing more than just an archive now, honestly.

[positibongpessimist]

Haven't decided yet, but I wanna go back to naming my phones/gadgets based on Harry Potter spells and charms. For now though, let me mark the first week of having this.

I mean come on, it's pink and it's thirteen! Teenager me would be so happy. Also, bonus kape, it's choco hazelnut.

Okay, bye ulit.

[positibongpessimist]

Well, that didn't last very long... :'(

[positibongpessimist]

Haven't decided yet, but I wanna go back to naming my phones/gadgets based on Harry Potter spells and charms. For now though, let me mark the first week of having this.

I mean come on, it's pink and it's thirteen! Teenager me would be so happy. Also, bonus kape, it's choco hazelnut.

Okay, bye ulit.

[montygreen]

LEILA’S 10K CELEBRATION: @panickingturtle asked Jake/Amy and Ben/Devi parallels Bonus:

[positibongpessimist]

just coming here to say i’ve reached my first savings goal... and i am v happy drowned in alcohol crying in a bathroom i know could have been cleaner and blogging about an achievement i have longed for for so long but just can’t afford to at the time... look tumblr i’ve come a long way... i mean jeez i have been working for half a decade... and only now... but also FINALLY NOW... yk? i dunno... i’m just so surprisingly happy abt it. it’s sad but it’s also very exciting. look at me. look at this.

[positibongpessimist]

A duck came in the mail

I got this yesterday, a Gratitude Journal from the US merch store of this Youtube channel I used to watch with my ex. Basing on the stamps and package details (and appearance), it seemed like it was supposed to arrive around late last year, or early this year, but the pandemic probably pushed it back and I only got it now.

At first, it didn’t really feel nice to receive it. It made me think, “oh, I have to talk to him and thank him now,” which I didn’t really have the energy to do at all. It made me feel trapped and a little bitter, I didn’t exactly know what it was for and what the intentions were. It was so unexpected that it caught me off guard in a very hostile way. Maybe it was also my current state that lead to it, but what can I do.

Anyway, after overanalysing everything, I eventually got tired and now I’ve decided to just make peace with it. I didn’t have to force myself into talking to him, or anyone, about it anymore. Although it’s a bit uncomfortable for me not to be polite and let him know it arrived safely myself, I figured it wouldn’t be the end of the world, and that I just have to respect my limitations, and that should be okay.

I’ll give myself time before I actually open and use it, and I know it’s supposed to help me, I hope it does, and... yeah... it felt weird, but then it felt fine.

[sheisobvious]

And in the disbelief, I can't face reinvention ♡︎

[positibongpessimist]

hey thanks for making me feel like shit 😀✨ that was so uncool 😀✨

[positibongpessimist]

I hope I continue to be this kind to myself this year. I hope I manage to love myself even more. I hope I make good progress.

Happy first of January, self.

[positibongpessimist]

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine.

[positibongpessimist]

I woke up to Jenna saying she might be leaving Youtube for now, or for forever, and I bet you not the tears on my face just came rolling and rolling.

I had bad feelings about this since last night when I was waiting for her upload and there wasn’t any until midnight of Thursday, and then I noticed a lot of her videos weren’t loading. Thought it was just an internet connection problem, but now it’s clear that she took them down voluntarily because she didn’t wanna hurt people anymore. She didn’t feel comfortable that these contents exists, knowing people can be offended or hurt or upset about it.

I have grown up with this beech, she’s really the only Youtuber I watch on a weekly basis, even more so when I knew about the podcast. It hurts a lot that it has to come to this, but I fully understand and support her decisions. She has evolved and improved so much, and a lot of the self-care I’m practicing right now I really got from her. In between every silly, absurd, and stupid things she’s done on camera, is someone that has bloomed beautifully into her best self. And I guess in a way, this is a part of that still, which makes sense.

I don’t know. I never expected this to happen, and it all happened so fast. Since the quarantine started, I saw how quickly unforgiving cancel culture can be even more now that people have so much time on their hands. Her case wasn’t even as bad, but that’s just who she is, she prevented it to even be worse. She wasn’t cornered into taking down her potentially-offensive videos, even emptying her Vlog channel, and just needed a break from it all.

I guess it’s like a breakup of some sorts — you try your best to respect their decisions because you care about them but you can’t deny it hurts like hell.

To Jenna, beech, I’ll be here for you if you come back on your main channel or not. Take as much time as you need, and we’ll dink on.

[najd-social-club]

sorry i didn't respond im losing my fucking mind

[grshn]

i know that this may be hard to believe, but:

you are not a burden

you deserve happiness

you deserve to be listened to

you are so strong

you are kind

you are amazing

your situation right now is not your forever

it’s going to get better

your best is good enough

you are good enough

you are beautiful

you deserve to live your best life

you’re working so hard

you’ve gotten through everything that has been thrown at you so far; you can get through this too

you are worth so much

you are wonderful

you can choose positivity 

your past does not define you

your mistakes do not define you

your grades and achievements do not define you

your mental health does not define you

your struggles do not define you

it’s never too late to try again

it’s never too late to start

you are cared for

you are valued

you are so important

i am so proud of you

you’re going to be okay

[allamericansbitch]

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine

[elsatrash]

[positibongpessimist]

I’m sorry too.

I was too worked up about being hurt, that I never properly acknowledged that you were hurting as well. I also made a handful of mistakes, and all of those contributed to our break up. It wasn’t only your fault; our relationship sank even deeper when I started to refuse to fix it... I see that now.

Decisions were made, and things have drastically changed now, but I want to apologize for letting my pain get the best of me. I shouldn’t have replied to that thread, that was your safe space, and I should know my place. I needed to remind myself that not everything is about me...

So instead of shoving this apology in your face by sending it to you directly, I choose to put this and more in places you’d go to if you ever come looking for me again. So I won't be a bother, so I won't set you back…

I’m sorry too. I wish you well.

[positibongpessimist]

For months, I tried my best for us. Maybe I was already draining myself out then. I told myself, all the pain was going to be worth it; but then things got out of hand, and I lost myself. When I had a clear view of how bad the damage was, it was too late. I had no other working solution anymore but to run away as far as I can, while I can still save myself.

Should I be sorry for wanting to stay sane? Tell me, random stranger, can you blame me for letting go? None of you knew my struggles, none of you saw how messy and awful it turned into in the end. NONE OF YOU WERE THERE.

[lemaddy-art]