I feel like I live on another planet and no one speaks the same language as me or something. My life is moving on two planes, one where I feel deeply in control of my thoughts and my fate and another that's pure chaos where every move I make surprises and upsets me. The stark contrast of it all is just too fucking much sometimes and I don't know how to break away from it all. At the end of the day I just want to please everyone including myself but I just keep doing the opposite. How do I break out of this habit? How do I stop feeling simultaneously like a human punching bag and the puncher? I just want to be honest with myself and those around me but every time I do it I end up feeling like a vulnerable fucking loser. I don't know what to do anymore world, maybe I should start lying to myself or something. Maybe I should let myself just be petty and mad about all this bullshit on the surface like everyone thinks I am? I'm ready to just hit fast forward on life and move on to something that feels fucking doable. Life is tough and I don't know how I get through it but I also think it's a beautiful thing and I'm excited with the steps I'm taking to move forward and 'focus on sanity.' So I guess I'm here in the middle right now making late night post on fucking tumblr, hoping someone understands my situation or something I don't know... Thanks for listening?
