hello ! im a transboy trying to get out of a toxic, abused raised home
by October. As a child I had to deal with a unloving father who would
verbally and physically abuse me and my mother, leaving me with visibly
large bruises and scars. Time and time again I would forgive him and try
to have a father/child connection I so longed for, only to result in
more anger being took out on me. I grew up very unhappy and ended up
with depression, this affected me greatly at school and hindered my
studies. This went on until I was 12-years-old. My mother then got tired
of this. We then fled to another city when my dad was at work, to avoid
any physical fights, and with no plans on returning. There, we lived
with my brother until we got on our feet. During this time I would
receive phonecalls from him, hearing continuous threats and manipulation
one after the other. From how he would put my mother in jail for NO
apparent reason from how I was an abomination if I did not return to the
house that mentally destroyed me. Several months later we then get a
court date. I had say in what all went down. I was called a liar by my
father even with two other witnesses and pictures of bruises. The Judge
asked me if I wanted to still visit him, of course I didn't want to, but
I was so scared of what he could do, what he would do. One week out of a
month was settled. My mother was puzzled on why I still wanted
visitation with him. I never told her the reason. Every visit after that
resulted to more threats and manipulation, but the physical abuse had
ceased. In 9th grade my depression got so horrid that I stopped
attending public school. By then I wanted to commit suicide because I
felt like I had no hope for my future. I had let the abuse drag me below
negative. I then transferred into online homeschooling. I'm now 18. And
back at the house that I never wanted to stay at again. All due to
manipulation and being afraid by what he could do. When I moved back
down here, the arguments were pointless, endless, back to back and day
by day, still carrying on to this day. Majority of them all being root
of how I was lying in court. How I'm the one in the wrong. And how my
father was the victim. I'm still in highschool, being kept on a leash
from due to my dad paying my school debt that I didn't ask him to pay.
If I needed something small like a tooth brush or deodorant he would
bring up the same excuse, "I paid 1,000 dollars for your school, why are
you asking me for anything else." Or if I needed to go somewhere, "I do
too much for you already." When he only gives me emotional heartache.
The only thing he has done was that payment and nothing else in my life.
I'm forced to eat his way. Which results in me not eating at all or
eating once a day. When I ask for something that I'd like have from the
store its always "You got money?" and nothing else. A small bologna
sandwich will not keep me healthy. When my mother come visits me she
does buy me food which I'm thankful for. But whenever she does, my dad
ridicules what I eat, starting more pointless arguments; but then
proceeds to eat whatever I have. I feel unsafe and threatened here.
There have been talks from the past of him speaking horridly of gay and
transgendered people. From how they should be killed off from how he
would disown me or worse if he found out that I was of that category.
I'm not at peace and will never feel comfortable here, with the past and
knowing this. Thankfully I have a job as a host at Outback now. I'm able
to get food from there and not starve as I did. I'm able to save a
little money a place of my own, a car, transitioning and other important
needs. Unfortunately its not enough for any of this and I'm completely
stuck. The money that is donated will be placed towards moving away from
my father and being able to be free of this toxic environment, the rest
of my highschool education so I can be able to finally complete and
receive my diploma, a decent car for transportation and back, and
savings for my transitioning to finally be who I see myself as. Every
little cent counts, and I'm thankful to whoever donates, thank you so
much.
