For those curious: My Birthing Simulation Practice -or- Finding Gender Affirmation in a Painful Way
For those who don't know, as apart of my pregnancy roleplay, I also simulate labor and birth to as close to the real deal as possible. Some have asked how I do it and what tools I use. For the past weekend, I have been writing down how I approach this simulation/RP, and what I use to make it a beautiful moment. First off, I am very lucky to have a friend that helps me in person for these simulations. They are a retired L&D nurse, so they are super knowledgeable on the process and experiences. They are also super gender-affirming and supportive of me living these experiences, so I feel safe and sound. They are a comforting and welcoming doula. We worked together to design and plan this simulation so that it is as accurate as possible for someone like me (AMAB) to experience the miracle of childbirth. For the birthing simulation there are three main things I focus on: - Physical Prep
- Mental Headspace
- Post-sim recovery
Physical Prep:
The physical prep is the most important step in my experience. Here, I get all of my items gathered and organized, and communicate with my doula on how the day(s) are going to look.
1. Belly Prep:
My fake belly is homemade, consisting of a weighted blanket in a custom-made belly-shaped case (it kind of looks like a massive foam breast form, but belly-shaped). Next to where the fetus’ head would be is a weighted lump that puts pressure on my bladder and groin area. That makes it uncomfortable to walk and waddle. From there, it is held tightly into place with a form fitting belly band and supported with great maternity panties. It’s firm and will not move (since during contractions, the belly muscles are contracting and firm to get the fetus in position to breech and push.
2. Muscles and Contractions: To get the contractions going, I use a specific TENs unit that is programmed to cause contractions in the muscles every few minutes (lasting 40 seconds each). They are placed along the abdomen, groin, perineum, and back. (More info on TENs unit usage later on)
3. Fetal simulation
Thanks to the incredible help of a friend, I created an inflatable butt plug that has been safely modified to be injected with liquid silicone. This allows it to be inserted inside me, inflated with a liquid with mass, and have the same weight as a fetus. As the sim goes on, while my doula “checks to see how dilated I am”, some additional silicone is added until it’s the real size.
Mental Headspace: Day before/Morning Of: Starting at least 12 hours before I start the simulation, I will have a playlist of pregnancy affirmations on repeat through my phone and bluetooth headset. Even during the active labor, we’ll have this playlist going on a speaker. In my experience, these affirmations help you get into the feeling of becoming a mother, and they have helped me face the fear of what active labor can physically do. While we are getting the TENs unit on, I have my soft headband bluetooth headphones with gentle music playing in the background. The more relaxed I am, the easier the simulation is.
I cannot overstate how much having a great birthing robe helps. Having something that looks cute (helps with the gender affirmations) makes you feel not ugly, but it also helps with mobility and medical access TENs Unit Usage: Over a span of 12-20 hours, the TENs unit contracts the muscles in a set pattern and rhythm that 90% accurately mimic actual contractions (I don’t have a link to the machine we use, it’s a specialty TENs unit not on the market). For the first few hours, the contractions are light with 20-ish minute intervals. As we get closer, we use the program to increase the intensity and shorten the intervals. While working through contractions, I sit on a birthing ball to help support my back and legs (and to use during the pushing) By the time I am fully “dilated”, contractions are non-stop and full intensity. At this point, we let these contractions ride for the agreed duration made beforehand (the first time I did this, it was about 30 minutes. Now, I sit on this feeling for about 1.5 hours to 2 hours).
TIME TO PUSH!!!: Once myself and my doula are ready for the pushing, we get my body settled in a kneeling position with my torso on the ball and my legs and hips towards my doula. There, once they have checked and lubed me up, they give me the ok to start pushing. Since my biological makeup is not like an actual birthing canal, they have to take precautions to prevent major damage. At this time, the fetus inside me is about 7-8 pounds (I’ve done 10 pounds before, never again lol), so I have to take my time to push out the silicone-filled plug. Thanks to the shape, there are milestones where I can catch my breath before pushing again. Generally, it takes about 20 minutes to push everything out. Becoming a New Mom: Once pushing is complete, my doula slowly turns down the TENs unit to off, and we do a lengthy and comforting after-care. Generally, it’s affirming talk where we go through our feelings together, let each other cry, and in the future, have me hold a silicone replica newborn. This takes about 1-2 hours, and the focus is recovery and communication. While that is happening, my doula will check me for any injuries or major health concerns. Even though this is a simulation, it can cause some strain on my body. My muscles are weak and exhausted, and nearly every time, I wet myself due to temporary loss of control. As we recover, I usually wear post-labor underwear to help contain moisture and fluids. Once the underwear is on and I am in comfy clothes, we order food that we are craving. Usually, this is In-N-Out, because I just want Animal-Style Fries lol. Once the much-needed food is consumed, my doula does another medical check on me to catch any tears or things that could be a major medical issue (thankfully, haven’t had that yet). From there, I will focus on resting and drinking water (lots of water). This means a movie, progressing my character in Mass Effect (Garrus is my bf, can’t change my mind), or a nice nap. Most times, I sleep over at their place to make sure that nothing goes wrong.
Just to make sure that I don’t injure myself, we have agreed that the most that I’ll do this simulation is once every 2-3 months. That way, I don’t “get used to it” and it becomes too easy, and that it’s a rare treat to experience and not get dull.
We’re always looking to find practices to add to this simulation. My last one was this past month, so we have one planned for May. To answer some potential questions: 1. I don't feel comfortable taking pictures when this happens. This is something intimate that I share with my dear friend, and I want them focusing on my health rather than my pics 2. Don't like the fact that a Trans person is roleplaying birth, then go pound sand. 3. In no way does this negate or erase the actual experience of labor for those who can birth experience. I don't want to take that away from those who decide to become pregnant and deliver a human. Those folks are awesome and are heroes. I only experience a fraction of that moment.
If you have any questions about what I do or how it do it, you’re always welcome to ask <3
