WeCanPretendICanWrite

[pretendicanwrite]

Masterlist

I'm making a centralized post for all of my writings now that I am going to be posting more. This will be updated with each work that I publish.

O'knutzy

O'knutzy week

O'knutzy week day 1 Win/Loss

O'knutzy week day 2 Warm/Cold

O'knutzy week day 3 Strategy/Risk

O'knutzy week day 4 Home/Travel

O'knutzy week day 5 Harvard/NOLA

O'knutzy week day 6 AU/Timeskip

O'knutzy week day 7 Free day

Something Happened Universe

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.5

Fic-o-ween 2022

Superstitions (Day 1)

Moonlight (Day 2)

Corn Maze (Day 3)

Bonfire (Day 4)

Oneshots

Youtube Would You Rather (Feat. Eloise Knut)

Cards Against Humanity (Feat. Coops)

Supportive cubs request (Logan centric)

Cubs early in their relationship request

Struggling cub request (Finn centric)

Insecure Leo request (LeLo centric)

Karate AU

[pretendicanwrite]

Karate AU

Whoo! First post in about 3 months... This was talked about on the discord server, and I worked on it for a while, but it's been a while since I've worked on it!

Character credit to @lumosinlove

**********

Leo pulled the door open and held it while he pulled his boyfriend through.

“Come on Leo, why do I have to do this?” Logan asked as he reluctantly walked into the studio.

Admittedly, it was really nice, and walking into a group of kids, and a few adults moving in sync made Logan a little bit less unwilling to do this.

“It will be fun. I did a lot of research to find this place, and their reviews are really good. Just give it a try please?” 

Leo gave his boyfriend puppy dog eyes, and Logan, ever the lovesick guy he was, smiled and gave a small nod of surrender.

They looked around the studio while they waited for someone to greet them, and took in the design of it. 

The doors opened directly into the main training room, with windows that let the sun reflect off the mats, and lighten up the studio. There was a carpeted area off to the side with chairs set up, currently occupied by what Leo was assuming were the kid's parents. The back wall was painted with a dragon, and the Korean and American flags hung on the front wall in between two pictures, separated by the Tang Soo Do flag.

Finally, after about 5 minutes, a short woman walked over to them with a gentle smile on her face. “Hello, you must be Leo. I believe we spoke on the phone. I’m Master Heather, welcome to my dojang.”

Both Leo and Logan smiled, introduced themselves, and shook Heather’s hand, listening along as she explained a little bit about the studio, and the classes they’d be taking. “So when we start new people, we’ll generally give them one on one, or in cases like yours where there are two of you joining together, we'll start you both with one of our instructors, and keep you out of normal classes until you learn the basics well enough to keep up with some of the more advanced belts. I’ll take you into the back room now, and we’ll get you set up with one of the instructors.”

The boys took their shoes off and followed the master through the door on the opposite wall of the one they used to enter.

As soon as they turned around they were met with a red-haired guy sitting on the floor, legs spread apart, leaning forward. His back was to them, but his back muscles flexed as he leaned forward, to touch the floor.

“Finn, a moment?”

The redheaded man, Finn apparently, stood up from his stretch and jogged over to the master. 

“Yes ma’am?”

“These are Leo and Logan, and this is going to be their first class. I would like you to start them with the basic stances, and if it goes well their first blocks and kicks. Now, Leo mentioned that they’re professional hockey players, and I expect them to be fairly coordinated, so I think it should go well, and relatively fast, so I’m trusting your judgment to give them as much as they can handle.” 

Finn bowed towards her, and Master Heather headed back out to the front. 

Finn gave them an easy smile, as he stuck his hand out to shake theirs. “It’s very nice to meet you. When this class ends, and the adult class starts, I’m going to take you out front to go through the opening of class, and probably the warmup since you guys are professional athletes, then we’ll come back here to get started on the basics. Do you have any questions?” Finn asked, giving them a radiant smile the whole time.

Leo shook his head, already having got the information from the master over the phone, but Logan inclined and tilted his head towards the black belt, and gave him a flirty smile. 

“About what’s going to happen, no. No questions. About you? I could think of a few.” 

Finn gave an anxious chuckle and threw a nervous glance over to the tall blond.

“Ask away, I guess, but I won’t answer any I’m not comfortable with.”

The three boys moved away from the door a little bit, and over to a different part of the foam pads covering the floor of the back room. 

This room was definitely a lot more cluttered than the front room, with anything from exercise equipment, and weapons, to books along the back wall. The mats were blue and red, the same as the front room, but they were the foam pads that are often put in children's playrooms. 

“How long have you been training here, and what made you join?”

Finn took a moment to respond, and Leo was worried Logan had asked too personal of a question. Leo had read a lot of things about martial arts on the internet. One of the things he had read said that a lot of people joined for personal reasons, such as a violent experience, needing to feel in control of their body, for their mental health, or something simple like wanting exercise. 

“I’ve been training for a long time. I joined when I was little, probably like 6. My parents always say that I was watching t.v. one night, and just said, ‘I’m going to be a ninja.’ They enrolled me in karate classes a few weeks later, and I’ve been training on and off since. I got my black belt around age 12, my second degree around 15, then I took a few years off before I got my third-degree belt to play some high school sports. Tang Soo Do was all I knew, and I didn’t want to lose the opportunity to try new things in high school, so I took a break until I attended college. I went to Harvard and took some occasional classes at a studio near there until I moved back to Gryffindor after I graduated.”

Leo and Logan just stared, equally as surprised at Finn’s explanation. Finn had been doing this sport for around 15 years, and the boys were just lucky enough to have met this man.

Finally, Logan had broken out of his stupor and smiled at Finn again. “No way! I went to Harvard too! When did you graduate?”

“Um, 2016.”

“I graduated in 2017! Small world, huh?” 

“Yeah, I guess.”

The door was still open to the back room, and they could still hear some of the class in front, but when Finn heard them say, ‘Please face the black belts,’ he ushered the two boys back to the front room.

Once again, they bowed when entering the front room, and stood off to the side while they watched the higher-ranked belts line up.

“So when we line up for class, we line up based on rank. I’ll explain the belt system to you a little bit later, but right now, we’re going to go to the end of the back line, and stand behind the person in front of you.” Finn lead them over to their spots, and as they went through the opening of class, he was right there behind them, whispering directions into their ears.

“So what you’re going to do is close your eyes, and remain silent. You can use this time to meditate, relax your mind, go over your goals for this class, or really anything that’s productive and works for you.”

Finally, after a few more steps, they began the warmup. 100 jumping jacks, 30 pushups, 40 situps, and a 1-minute plank. 

Really, for two professional hockey players, it wasn’t that much, but they were just barely keeping up with the black belts. Everyone was quick with their movements and showed zero signs of struggling.

Eventually, Master Heather instructed Finn to take them to the back room to begin the two-on-one training, and they followed the redhead to the back room once more. 

“You two did very well out there. What we’re going to do now is teach you a few of the basic building blocks you’ll need before we can move forward with much of anything. What I want you to do, is put your hands on your hips, and pick up your left leg.” Finn turned so he was sideways to the boys, facing the wall to their right. “You're going to step out to a point that’s comfortable for you, but your front knee is bent at a 90-degree angle, and your back leg is straight.”

Logan let out a little noise when Finn dropped into the stance and quickly looked over to Leo and then back. 

Thighs…

The boys followed their instructions, Leo getting into a really deep stance, and Logan struggling just a little. 

The boys learned to walk in the stance, up and down the floor, and then, Finn moved them onto the next thing. 

“Okay, now that you have the stance down, we’re going to learn something called the front stretch kick.” Finn gave them a demonstration, where he got his foot up past his head, as well as explaining it to them, then gave them the go-ahead to try it.

Once again, Leo got a really impressive height on his kick, and Logan just barely managed to get his leg to shoulder height.

“You play goalie, don’t you Leo?” Finn asked, turning to face the boys front on. “I played hockey in high school, and my first year of college, but I quit to focus on my studies. Nobody but the goalies were that flexible on the team. I tightened up so much while playing, that I couldn’t actually reach the normal height I had for my kicks till I quit.”

Leo explained that, yeah, he was the goalie, and yes, he was really flexible.

“That’s going to be really helpful if you continue with Tang Soo Do. We do a lot of kicking here, and flexibility is really good for that.”

They went through a few more things with the remainder of the hour that class was, and towards the end, Finn asked them a few questions.

“You don’t have to tell me, but why did you guys join? I mean, I think as professional athletes you get enough exercise, so...”

“Well, I’ve wanted to try this for a while. I’ve been reading some things about it for about two years now, so I figured it would be a good idea to try in our off-season. I forced Logan to come with me because I may or may not have been too nervous to do it on my own, but I’m really enjoying it so far,” Leo explained, returning the smile Finn had given him throughout his explanation.

“Alright. I’m very glad you decided to try it. This is very special to me, and I love getting to share it with new people.” They stood for a moment, Leo and Logan catching their breaths. “Any minute now, they’re going to call us back out to finish class. It’s going to consist of stretching, something we call creeds, codes, and tenants, then something Master Heather does where you state one good thing that happened today.”

A young man walked into the back room and just gestured at Finn, and Finn led them out to the front room once more. 

Leo and Logan rejoined the class in the spots they were in earlier. Soon, the master instructed everyone to drop into a middle split, and Leo was among the few that made it all the way down.

They did a few more stretches, and the class went through their closing ceremony, and finally, it was time to do their one good thing.

"For those of us that are new, at the end of every class, we do something where we state one good thing that happened. There is so much negativity in the world, that sometimes we just need a little bit of time to reflect on the simple joys."

The class went down the row, everyone sharing, then finally it was Leo's turn.

"I had the opportunity to try something new with my boyfriend, and it was amazing."

Logan smiled at his boyfriend's happiness, then turned back to the master. "I had a really great time tonight here with everyone."

Then, Master Heather turned to Finn. "Finn?"

Finn was staring at the two boys. They could not only see it, but they could also feel it. "Um, I got to work with two new students tonight."

Some of the other instructors shared theirs, followed by the master, but Leo couldn't tear his eyes off Finn. For some reason, the redhead looked sad. Logan had no idea why. They were having an amazing time right before they headed out here.

Finally, after a few more bows, the class was dismissed, and Leo and Logan just kind of stood there awkwardly.

They didn’t want to just leave, but they also couldn’t stand here looking like creeps, so after a minute or two of discussion, Leo decided to walk over to their instructor and stuck his hand out toward him.

“It was very nice to meet you, Finn. I really hope we get to work with you again.”

Finn shook his hand, smiling at the boys.

His smile was infectious, and Leo felt himself smiling with the redhead. The way his eyes shone as his lips quirked up, and the scrunch in his nose was just so adorable to him. 

Leo could feel his cheeks warm up and turn pink as he stared at the blackbelt. He couldn’t just leave the studio without getting some way to contact him. He couldn’t just leave him.

“This may be really forward of me, but can I get your number?”

Finn stood there flustered for a minute, his mouth opening and closing like he wanted to say something, and eventually, he managed a few words. “You-You have a… You have a boyfriend. Unless I’m getting this totally wrong, and you’re not flirting with me, in which case, I’m so sorry, but Logan! Boyfriend!”

Luckily most of the people from the class had left to go change in the changing rooms, so they didn’t get to witness a discombobulated Finn stutter in front of a cute guy.

“Thank you Finn, but I’m well aware I have a boyfriend, and if he wasn’t so nervous, he would be asking for it too. And yes, I am flirting with you. You misinterpreted nothing.”

More smiles were shared between the two as they stood there for a minute, Finn trying to understand, and Leo nervous that he had scared the man off. 

“I’m sorry if that was too forward, or I read this whole situation wrong, but I really want to get to know you, and I hope you want to get to know us, too. From what I’ve learned about you tonight, you really seem like a genuinely nice person, who cares so much for other people, and I want to learn more about you.”

Finn nodded and motioned Logan over. “Come on. I’ll show you guys the dressing rooms you’ll be using when you get a uniform, and I’ll give it to you after.”

When they made it into the dressing room, a majority of the students were out of there, leaving two behind who were out by the time Finn found his locker.

“I’m just gonna get changed then I’m good.”

Without another word, Finn turned towards the locker, his back facing the two hockey players, and removed the shirt of his uniform, revealing muscles that rippled as he folded it into his bag. Next came the pants. He bent over and dropped them, leaving him standing there in a tight pair of black boxer briefs that left nothing to the imagination. 

Logan felt like a creep standing there watching while their new friend/ potential future boyfriend got undressed in front of him, so he grabbed Leo’s arm and turned them in the opposite direction.  

“All done. You guys can turn around now.”

Finn was standing with his back slung over his shoulder, a smile on his face, and his phone unlocked in his hand. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to create a group chat with all three of us, because I don’t want it to be weird if I’m only texting one of you. I don’t want to cause you guys any problems, because you really are super sweet, and I don’t want to mess this up.” Throughout his ramble, his smile slowly faded, as if realizing he was doing something he shouldn’t be. 

They shared their phone numbers, established a group chat, and then they parted ways outside the studio, Finn heading up the road Leo and Logan heading down.

When they arrived back at their apartment, the first thing Logan did was turn to the blonde, and shout, "Thighs!"

"Yes Logan, people generally have those."

"But baby, did you see them? Like seriously, I would be 100% okay if he just decided to choke me with them. He could pull a black widow and I would be completely down for it."

Leo chuckled and pulled out his phone. "I'm gonna text him. What do you think about dinner Wednesday? We have off from our workouts and hangouts with the boys, and I think it would be nice."

Logan jumped around the living room, stage whispering ‘yes!’

Logan<3, Finn O’Hara

Leo: 

Hi!! I know this is kind of sudden, but Logan and I were wondering if you’d like to come over for dinner on Wednesday. You absolutely don’t have to, but I just thought we’d put the option out there!

Finn:

 I would love to!

Are you sure you want to do it at your house though? We don’t have to. You guys can come to mine.

It’s just, I know it might be uncomfortable to invite a stranger to your house when you’re both literally NHL superstars. If you’re more comfortable, we can do whatever you like, I really don’t mind.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m comfortable in public too, but you guys are famous so it’s different for you.

And now I’m rambling, so please ignore me. :)

They sat on the couch together, reading the texts on Leo’s phone. They couldn’t contain their smiles. They had known Finn for less than a day, and they had already asked him out. 

“What do you want to do Logan? I don't think I want to do it in public. Our relationship already has enough attention, and I don’t want to drag our first date into the media.”

“I don’t think so either. I think we should do it here if he’s comfortable with it. It gives us plenty of privacy, and also, maybe he’ll feel safer not being in his own home with two men he barely knows.”

They agreed on a plan and decided to text Finn to ask what he was comfortable with, ruling out the idea of having their date in public.

Leo: 

So I guess we didn’t specify, but we want this to be a date date. If you’re not comfortable with that, we would be more than happy to do it as friends, or not at all if that’s what you want. 

Finn: 

A date date. 

Wow. Okay, umm… Yeah! I would love to. 

I’m good with doing it at your guy’s place if that’s good.

What time works best for you guys?

I’m free Wednesday. I get home from work at 4, then I’m good for the rest of the night.

Leo:

I think 6 is good for us. Does that work?

Finn:

 Yeah! That works for me!

Leo: 

Great! Me and Logan are both very excited! :) :) :) :) :) !!!!!

They texted on and off for a while, well later than they should have. Sometimes Logan would take Leo’s phone and send Finn pictures of the blond. Just cute little shots of Leo smiling at the camera, or of him absolutely melting when Finn sent them a cute text. There was one that Finn had already saved to his phone, of the two of them hugging on their bed and smiling for the selfie they took. 

Nobody needs to know that he saved the one of Logan kissing Leo's cheek as his home screen already…

Leo: So, I guess we never asked, but what do you do for work?

Finn:

I work as an elementary school teacher. :)

My kids are just the absolute cutest little ones, and I love each and every one of them. 

I swear, if I could steal them all, I would!!!

Leo:

Aww! I love kids. My neighbor across had a set of triplets about 4 years before I left NOLA to come to play here, and she would let me babysit them all the time. She was a single mom, so when she went to work in the morning in the summer, she would drop them off with me and my mom, and I watched them almost every day! 

Finn:

That’s so CUTE!

Triplets?

That lady had her hands full!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I love kids too, but they can be some of the most downright terrifying people on the planet. sometimes I'm not sure whether or not they’re aware that they are so chaotic, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. 

Finn sent them a picture of him shirtless, smiling with his eyes close, nose scrunched, and his head tilted. When Logan saw that he had on glasses, he started wiggling just a little bit in bed.

“Yes, Logan?”

“Is it possible to be that freaking adorable? I mean like, this man is so cute! And his glasses? Oh my God!”

Leo just smiled softly at his boyfriend. They were aware that not everything in their relationship was 100%. They had discussed how they had two completely different ways of expressing things, and they were okay with that, but they had discussed adding a third into their relationship after they realized, that it may be good for them to have someone who gets them both. 

Leo tended to be very calm. All the time. Part of being a goalie was never letting anything get past him, and knowing what people are thinking before they even think it, so Logan, the strong but silent type, didn't always mesh well with someone who was used to understanding people.

They wanted someone who understood both of them. Someone who could just sit quietly with Logan while he mentally worked through his problems himself, and someone who would always be there for Leo to bounce ideas off of, and talk through problems with.

They weren't actively searching, but they had been on a date with someone before. It didn't feel right to either of them though, so they decided to try again when they found someone who they thought would work.

Finn.

Finn seemed like he would work well with both of them. 

Before long, they got a selfie in return to their shirtless bed pic, of Finn with fiery red cheeks starting off the side of the camera. 

The caption read, 'OK Mr. and Mr. professional hockey players. I feel the need to put my shirt back on.'

When Logan read that, he stole the phone out of Leo's grasp, took a blurry selfie with a shaking hand, and captioned, 'NooOOOoOooOOoO!!!!! :):):)'

He sent another text saying, ‘You would dare deprive us of that basic life necessity?’

They chatted for a while until Leo glanced at the alarm on his nightstand and realized it was well past 2 in the morning.

He sent a chat explaining that they had plans with teammates tomorrow, and that they had to get to bed. They got a goodnight selfie from Finn of him mid yawn, but obviously trying to smile. The caption read, “Goodnight boys. I can’t wait for Wednesday!!!! :)”

“Leo, I think we’re going to fall in love with that boy.”

**********

I felt it was a little too long to include the dinner, so let me know if you want a part 2!!

[pretendicanwrite]

hii! so I'm like rly insecure, and also have anxiety, so it's rly difficult for me to feel important/special. so I would absolutely love if u could make a fic of insecure Leo? maybe abt finnlo being bff and the fact that he wasn't before or !sth like that? also I just would rly like to see the dynamic of the logan-leo relationship, cus i feel like I don't rly know much how it would be. don't feel pressured to do anything u don't wanna, take as much liberty as u want 🫶🫶

Hi! I had a really good time writing this, and it kind of got off-point in a few places, but I hope you enjoy it.

CW: Anxiety, Verbal fights, Arguments

**********

Hearing laughter out in the hallway pulled Leo away from the endless scrolling he was doing on TikTok. His boys had gone out tonight to a high-end bar/ casino that required you to be 21 to enter with the team to make an appearance after the game they won against the Vegas Knights. It was supposed to be a rivalry game between Cap and Greyback after the fight at their last one, so sports reporters were looking for quotes all over the city.

Logan had asked if Leo wanted them to ditch the team to go somewhere that didn’t require you to be over 21 just to enter, but he had turned them down not wanting to spoil their fun.

The laughter continued to get closer, and Leo shut his phone off and walked to the door to look through the peephole.

Finn and Logan were standing in the hallway right outside of the door now and were laughing so hard Leo was minorly concerned that Finn was going to face plant with how unsteady he looked on his own two feet.

Slowly, Leo opened the door to his boyfriends, and they quieted down some when they saw him.

“Hey, Lovernut. I’m sorry if we were loud. We didn’t mean to wake you,” Logan said, moving to wrap his arms around the goalie. “Talkie challenged us to take a shot every time James lost a game.”

Leo smiled softly as his boys, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

Leo’s smiles always reached his eyes. Finn and Logan, although very drunk took notice of this and Finn stepped up to hug Leo as well.

“I’m sorry Nutter Butter. We should have just gone out with you tonight instead. I don’t know about Logan, but I thought maybe after such a tough game you wouldn’t want to go out with us, so when you turned us down I just took that as confirmation.”

He forgave them, even though he figured the forgiveness was more for them than for him. He didn’t see what they did as anything that he needed to forgive. He had turned them down, right? He told them it was fine to go out without him, and that’s what they did. There was nothing wrong with it.

Except he found himself in the same position a week later. Logan was still living with Dumo and his family, so naturally, Leo felt like he had built a closer and stronger bond with Finn.

The dynamics between the threesome were hard to figure out sometimes. Finn and Logan had known each other since Logan’s first year of college, and Finn and Leo had lived together for 6 months before the thought of a relationship was even brought up. So naturally, Finn and Logan, and Finn and Leo had known each other more, and all three should have been aware of this, but recently, it felt as if Leo were the only one who noticed.

Over the next few weeks, he started noticing all of the time that Finn and Logan spent together without him. Leo knew he shouldn’t be jealous. It was an agreed-upon relationship between the three of them, and it wasn’t like they were cheating if they chose to hang out just the two of them.

But sometimes, Leo felt like an afterthought.

Finally, on like the seventh time something like this had happened since the Las Vegas game, he finally snapped.

They had gone out for lunch around 2 in the afternoon and had promised to bring something back for Leo when he turned down their offer to go with them because he wasn’t feeling great.

It was well after one in the morning when they finally appeared back at the apartment.

Leo was sitting alone in the guest room he hadn’t really used since he confessed his feelings to the boys. He had never gotten around to decorating it, and the plain white walls were grating on his nerves ever so gently.

The laughter carried through the walls to where he sat alone on the uncomfortable, dusty bed. The only thing this room was used for was storage and closet space, but Leo had the feeling that there would be many more nights of him sitting alone in there.

Finally, after hearing another loud burst of laughter, and the just as loud ‘shh Leo’s probably sleeping’ he stormed out of the room, only to find his boys on the couch cuddling without him.

He stalked around the corner of the hallway and sat down quietly on the coffee table in front of them. He stared at the two loves of his life, and he could feel the tears gathering on his lower lash line.

He pondered the words for a few minutes, and at last with a breaking voice, and tears rolling down his face, he asked the dreaded question that had been floating around in his head for days. “What am I to you?”

His lovers’ faces snapped up at him when they heard the first syllable leave his chewed-up lips. To be honest, neither Finn nor Logan had a response. They thought it was obvious that Leo was their soulmate, and the fact that he was questioning it left them speechless.

Leo, on the other hand, took their silence to mean something very different. They didn’t know. They had been dating for well over 9 months, and they didn’t know what Leo meant to them.

Logan opened his mouth to respond, but Leo cut him off with a strong sniffle. “I know that you guys have history, and I know that you guys were best friends, and were in love with each other well before I even arrived in Gryffindor, but that doesn’t give you guys the right to tell me I’m your boyfriend, then ignore me for each other. You guys were supposed to be back after lunch. You’ve been gone for at least 10 hours. I had planned a movie night for us and baked while you guys were gone, but you just left me here. For each other.”

“Leo, I’m s-”

“No, Logan. You don’t just get to apologize and expect me to just forgive you like I did the last few times. I’m sick and tired of feeling like an afterthought. You guys are the loves of my life, but if I’m not yours, I need to know. I can’t sit here and be happy with the minimal scraps you guys are throwing me, while I pour my heart out for you. You tell me you love me, but then you ditch me to hang out with each other.”

Logan stood up, his eyes brimming with tears. “That’s not fair. We ask you all the time if you want us to change our plans to include you, but you’re the one constantly turning us down. You don’t get to sit here and tell us we’re being shit boyfriends when you can’t even be bothered to join us. Why should we have to make plans that revolve around you, because you can’t just go along with us?”

Logan was never one to stand down in a fight. He was bullheaded and always had to prove that he was right. Leo knew this about him. He cared too much not to notice that Logan couldn’t turn down the adrenaline that came from confrontation.

“Exactly,” Leo whispered, looking down at his feet. “Change your plans. You never make plans with me. You make them with each other, and I’m an afterthought. Sometimes, when I’m around you two, I feel like a charity case, and you guys are only “dating” me because you feel sorry for me. And I know that’s terrible of me, but that’s how I feel. It’s how my shitty brain works.” Leo moved his hands up next to his face to make the air quotes when he said the word dating. “I don’t get it. I pour my heart out for you guys daily. I shower you with affection, and I make you breakfast because food and acts of service are my love languages. I’m always there for you, but you’re never there for me. You’re too busy being there for each other.”

Leo’s face had a dark flush on it, from crying, and from holding his breath for the majority of his explanation.

Finn moved to kneel in front of Leo, but Logan still stood there glaring down at the rookie. “So what? Because we don’t do everything the same way you do, you don’t think we love you? That’s bullshit, Leo.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. You’re not listening!”

Leo stood now as well, towering over Logan.

Despite having one of the highest fight counts in the NHL, Logan looked slightly scared as his boyfriend used his height to intimidate him.

Leo, upon noticing the subtle change in his boyfriend's attitude, shrunk in on himself and collapsed back on the coffee table.

“Do you see what this shit is doing to me? I just- Oh my god. I’m sorry.” Leo was full-on sobbing now, and Finn moved to gently pull the blonde into his arms.

“Leo. You have to know that this was never our intention. I personally thought that maybe you were just overwhelmed between hockey, moving to a new state, and being in a polyamorous relationship. And I know it’s been over a year, but you’ve barely had any downtime since joining the Lions. I thought that your turning us down meant that you wanted time alone and that you needed to process all of this. I never meant for you to feel like we didn’t want you as a part of this.”

“Finn? Are you seriously going to sit there and comfort him after he accused us of what? Using him?”

Finn glared at Logan, while simultaneously rubbing Leo’s back.

“Yes. I’m going to comfort our crying boyfriend, and you are going to leave the room so that everyone has some time to cool down. Got it? I’ll come to talk to you soon.”

Logan didn’t even bother with a response. He just threw his arms up, scoffed, and turned to walk down the hallway.

Leo picked his head up and stared at his red-headed boyfriend. “I just ruined everything. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you guys feel like this. I just- I… I’m tired of feeling like a burden.”

Finn shushed him, still rubbing circles on his back. “First off, you can’t make somebody feel someway. Their response is exactly that. Theirs. Second of all, saying that you would rather do something else, is not being a burden. Now, I’m not making excuses for Logan, and I’m not going to make excuses for you when I go talk to him, but I want you to know some things. Some of the outings we’ve taken have been Logan taking me to therapy.”

Leo sniffled again, and he tried to speak, but Finn cut him off with a gentle ‘shh.’

“It’s not that I didn’t want you to know, but I didn’t want to unload all of my problems on you while you were still adjusting, and while you seemed uncomfortable. One of the reasons that Logan knows is that sometimes the sessions leave me emotionally and physically drained, and I need someone to drive me. I promise, I have not been trying to exclude you, and I’m sure that Logan hasn’t been either, but a lot of my sessions are about the things that happened at Harvard, and Logan understands that. He knows what I went through there, and one day, when we all feel ready, I want you to know about it too, but that’s not right now. Now, is there anything else you want to ask, or discuss before I go talk to Logan?”

Leo shook his head, and stood up, pulling his boyfriend with him. Leo wrapped his long arms around Finn and settled his chin on the bright red hair. “I’m sorry again. I do love you guys, but I guess I just kind of lost sight of the fact that you love me too.”

Finn merely nodded and gave Leo’s jaw a soft kiss, then pulled out of his arms heading towards his room, where Logan would be waiting.

When Leo heard the door close, he walked down the hall to stand outside of the room. He knew he shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but he realized he had hurt Logan.

“Why did I say all of that shit to him?”

“I don’t know, but he’s hurt and the things that happened out there did not help. But I told him about the therapy, and he understood a little where we were coming from.”

Leo heard a sharp exhale, probably from Logan.

“I don’t even know why I said that. I didn’t mean any of it, and I sure as hell never think things like that. I love him, I do, but it was so easy to just say that shit to him. He just sat there and said all this crap about us not caring for him, and I guess I thought it would be easier to make him hate us if he decided to leave. I think I thought it would hurt less or something, but I hurt him, and I never wanted to do that. I just didn’t want to relive the pain of when you left me at Harvard. God, I’m so sorry!”

There were a few sniffles before Leo heard the sound of feet scuffling across the floor.

“I’m not the one you need to say that too.”

“What if he never forgives me? I didn’t want to say that. I didn’t mean any of it!”

Leo chose this moment to open the bedroom door, and walked right up to Logan. “I know that you didn’t mean it. I can’t say that you’re forgiven, because it hurt, but I do know that you’re sorry. You never answered my question though. What am I to you?”

Logan let out a watery laugh and turned to fully face the blond in the doorway. “I just told Finn that I loved you when I didn’t even know you were there. Do you honestly think I feel anything less than love?”

“You can love me and not want to be in a relationship with me. Finn, can you just let us work this out between ourselves, sweetheart? I want you to stay here, but I think it’s really important that we don’t have you act as a buffer between us. We need to say the things that we mean, and we need to be able to have these things out in the open.”

Finn, albeit a bit hesitant nodded and sent a small, soft smile toward his boys before walking towards the dresser, and leaning on it.

Logan plopped on the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to him. “I think that I said those things so that the pain of you leaving would be less because I would know that you were angry, not heartbroken. I never want you to be heartbroken because that would break my heart.”

Leo, nodded, taking the seat offered next to his shorter boyfriend. “We could have just talked.”

“It was kind of hard when you were telling us that we were purposefully leaving you out.”

Leo took the subtle dig, dropping his head.

“Shit, I’m sorry. That didn’t come out how I wanted it to.”

“No, I deserved that.”

Logan turned on the bed, pulled one leg up next to him, and gently grabbed the rookie's hands. “You don’t deserve it, Le. I was angry, you were angry, and I think deep down, we both still are.”

Silence fell over the room for a minute as both boys took time to think. They were still connected at the hands, and neither of them made a move to change their positions, but Logan could tell that Leo was trying not to fidget his way right out of his seat.

“Look, we both know that I don’t handle my emotions in the most healthy way, but I’m trying here. I know that I just made a mistake out there, but I’m acknowledging it, and I’m trying to talk about it. I guess… I guess I didn’t want to believe that I could be making you feel like that. Harzy hadn’t told anyone, including you, that he was going to therapy, and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell you where we had spent some of our time, and I couldn’t lie to you, so I guess it was just easier to ignore the fact that we spent so much time out. I-I love you, and I don’t ever want you to question that. I’m sorry that my actions have broken our trust, and I’m sorry that I made you feel unworthy.”

Leo dove onto his boyfriend, his cheeks wet with silent tears.

With Logan’s previous issues handling his emotions, his heartfelt speech meant everything to Leo. Even if he couldn’t forgive him at this exact moment, he knew that Logan meant every word of what he said.

“It wasn’t my place to tell you, but I could have told you some of the truth and I didn’t, so that’s on me. I’m sorry babe. I am truly so so sorry.”

There was work to be done, and so many things that the cubs had to learn to navigate, that a majority of couples didn’t, but after this threat of heartbreak, they knew that they had to work on it. They meant everything to each other, now they just had to learn to show it.

**********

I hope you enjoyed it!

[pretendicanwrite]

Hello!! I've been thinking about o'knutzy alot recently and personally I have not be doing entirely well, so if you wanted to project on my behalf something where one of the boys is having a hard time? Some hurt/comfort (or hurt/no comfort if you feel so inclined) thank you! I love your writing anyways and reread stuff all the time :))

Hi! I hope this works for your request! Please enjoy!

CW: Panic/Anxiety attack, Mental health discussion, argument

**********

“Damnit, O’Hara! You’re supposed to move the damn puck! Run it again!” Coach Weasley yelled, shaking his clipboard to the point where Finn was afraid he was going to throw it at him. “Everyone else is doing their part. Your job is to get the puck to Black. You are failing at your only job! You are an NHL player! Play like one. Get it there!”

Finn merely nodded, his breath coming in rapid pants, and red in the face. They started the play from the beginning, running it again, and Finn failed again.

“O’Hara! You’re out! Tremblay get in here!”

Finn skated off the ice, and bypassed the bench, heading straight for the hallway as he took off his helmet. He was stripping his pads as he went, and he barely made it around the corner before he fell to his knees gripping at his throat. He still hadn’t caught his breath.

It’s not your fault. It’s an off day.

No matter what he told himself, it wasn’t helping his breathing. He was spiraling. His thoughts were becoming more incoherent by the second.

You just couldn’t do it. It’s simple, and you couldn’t even manage it. Failure. You failed at the only thing you know how to do.

Finn shifted from his knees to his butt and leaned against the wall behind him. His knees were pulled up to his chest, and his arms were wrapped around them. He rested his head on his knees, still breathing quickly, but shallowly, and he felt like he wasn’t getting any oxygen.

“Shit! Finn?”

Finn’s head raised to look at who shouted for him, barely breathing at this point. He saw Remus running down the hall towards him, coming from the direction of the ice.

“Hey, Harzy.” Remus kneeled down in front of him, looking him over for any clues as to what was going on. “I need you to try and calm down your breathing for me. You’re going to black out if you don’t.”

Finn was trying to. Honestly, he was. He tried everything he thought would work. Remus tried to breathe with him, exaggerating his breath’s so Finn could match them, but none of it was working.

“I’m going to go get Knutty and Tremz. I need you to keep trying to breath.”

“Don’t! Do-don’t leave me. I… I. Don’t!”

“Okay. Alright. I’m staying right here, but Finn we have to do something bud. You’re breathing isn’t getting any better, and I need you to breathe.”

Finn reached out and splayed his hand across Remus’ chest. He focused on Remus’ heartbeat and tried to match his to it, and it worked a little, but he went right back to panicking as soon as he noticed the team, including the coach turned the corner.

“Hey, Harzy. Are you all right?” Cap asked, glancing over at Remus.

Logan shouldered his way towards Finn from the back of the small group and offered his arms for Finn to fall into. “Hey, baby. We know what to do. We’re going to breathe together, and I want you to focus on the feeling of my ribs expanding. Try to match it.”

Finally, something seemed to slow his breathing to a point where he was actually able to form words, and coherent thoughts. He was no longer on the verge of blacking out, and he was calming down by the second in Logan’s arms.

This wasn’t the first anxiety or panic attack he had in front of Logan, and unfortunately, it probably wouldn’t be the last. They had made a system in college for episodes like this. Logan would hug Finn loose enough for Finn to be able to breathe, and he would over-exaggerate his breathing to the point where his chest was expanding inches for Finn to be able to feel it.

“That’s it. You’ve got this.” Logan rubbed smooth circles on Finn’s back and whispered encouragements into his ear as he held him. “You’re doing so good baby. You’re doing great.”

When he finally felt like he could breathe on his own, he pulled out of Logan’s arms and faced the rest of the group.

Leo looked terrified, Remus seemed relieved to finally see Finn breathing, Logan looked as calm as one could be when they saw a loved one panicking, and Coach and Sirius both looked guilty.

“I failed. I couldn’t get the play right. I’m sorry coach. I was trying though! I promise!”

Coach just chuckled and shook his head. “I don’t even care about that Finn. Hockey means nothing if I don’t have players that are able to play. My team's health, physical and mental, is far more important than running a play for the first few times. If you ever feel like this again during a practice or a game, you can just come to talk to me, and we can work something out. I promise.”

“The same goes for me as well. Every single player on this team matters to me. I don’t ever want anyone to feel like they have to put their health at risk just to get a play down, or win a game.”

Finn just nodded and leaned against the wall. Technically, they were supposed to have a team stretching session after practice, but Finn was pretty sure he could get permission to go home and take a nap instead. He was exhausted from the prior events and didn’t have the energy to face the team.

“They should all be in the shower by now if you want to head into the locker room,” Leo offered, his eyes looking a bit glassy.

Finn didn’t even bother to respond, just started the rest of the way down the hallway. Leo was right, the locker room was almost deserted, and the sound of rowdy hockey players could be heard from the showers.

Leo and Logan gathered his gear off the ground in the hallway and carried it for him to the locker room. Finn immediately stripped, and changed into the street clothes that he wore this morning. He didn’t even bother to shower, not ready to exert that much energy.

“Coach,” Leo started, turning to face the man, “I think it would be best if we took Finn home. He’s in no condition to drive, and I’m sorry, but I’m not comfortable leaving him home alone right now.”

“Absolutely. If you ever need to talk boys, I’ll always be here. And Finn, I’m sorry I was so hard on you this morning. The play didn’t work with Logan either, so it was just the play. It wasn’t you that caused it to fail. It was a long shot, and I took the fact that I made a mistake in the planning, out on you. It wasn’t fair to you, and I’m sorry that I let it happen.”

“It’s a fine coach. It was an off day to start with, so the play was just something that caused it to tip over. It wasn’t the only factor in the equation. Thank you for letting me go. Have a nice rest of your day.”

Leo grabbed both his and Finn’s bag and followed after his boys as they walked to the player parking lot.

“So, how uh- how many of these attacks have you had?”

“They were pretty common for him in college. I can’t speak for the time before or in between, but he hasn’t had one that I’ve known about in months. Before we started dating was probably one of the last ones.”

“Did either of you think that maybe it might have been important to clue me in on these things? I was helpless there while you could barely breathe, Finn. It was terrifying to stand there having no clue what to do for the man that I love.”

Finn stayed quiet, only letting one tear fall before quickly wiping it away with the sleeve of his hoodie.

“I’m sorry Leo. I honestly was the only one who knew what to do for such a long time that I kind of forgot that there was someone else that Finn would feel comfortable enough to disclose this kind of thing with.”

“I’m not,” Finn whispered, dropping his head to avoid Leo’s eyes in the rearview mirror.

“Not what?”

“I’m not, well wasn’t, comfortable enough to share this with you.” Finn glanced up quick enough to see Leo’s face fall, but he quickly steeled it back into a neutral expression and focused back on the road.

“Oh. That’s fine.”

“Leo, I’m sure that’s not what he meant. Finn loves you and he trusts you, but this was a big thing that we kept just between the two of us for the longest time, and it’s hard to bring anyone else into it.”

Leo didn’t bother responding, but he glanced back at Finn again, with something that could only be described as heartbreak in his eyes.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you. I do, I promise babe, but I didn’t want to get you involved in something that I’m ashamed and afraid of. You have enough to worry about, and I was embarrassed by how needy I would seem if we had to put together an emergency plan on how to calm me drown from attacks. The reason I didn’t tell you had nothing to do with how much I love and trust you. I was afraid that it would seem like too much too quickly. Then, as our relationship grew stronger, it was just easier not to tell you. I am sorry love. I am.”

“It’s fine. I’m sorry I overreacted.”

The boys drove the rest of the way home in silence, and when they did get to the apartment, Leo went straight to the bathroom and hopped in the shower.

The water was loud enough, that for the first few minutes, it muffled the sounds of Leo’s cries, but as they grew into sobs, Finn and Logan’s hearts broke more with each noise.

“Did I make a terrible mistake Logan? Should I have just told him before we started dating?”

“It was your decision Finn, and yeah, I do think you should have told him earlier, but the past is the past. All we have to do right now is make sure that everyone is okay, and that there’s no misunderstanding that’s going to grow any larger. I think it’s best if you head to the bedroom and take a nap while I wait for Leo and make some sandwiches.”

Finn followed his instructions, and walked down the hallway towards his room, but paused by the bathroom door. He opened it a crack and called out for Leo’s attention. When Leo responded with a watery, ‘yes?’ Finn stripped down completely and joined his giant boyfriend under the water spray.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like this.”

“It’s not even the fact that you didn’t let me know what was going on with you. Nothing was ever as devastating to me, as seeing you standing there, on the brink of passing out because you couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know what to do, or if there was even anything I could do. I want to be able to help you and take care of you, but I couldn’t. I don’t even care that you kept something from me, I care that I didn’t know what to do to help you. I love you, and I’m supposed to be able to take care of you.”

“I know, and I’m sorry.”

They finished under the shower spray and got dressed before heading out to collect their sandwiches from Leo. After all three of them finished, they climbed into bed despite the fact that it was barely even 6 o’clock.

“We love you, no matter what Finn.”

“We love you more than the number of stars in the sky.

**********

[pretendicanwrite]

hi!! would you write something with the cubs early on in their relationship!! just some nice early days where they’re all cutesy and domestic and excited about each other :)

Hey! I'm working on all of the requests, and suggestions I have, so here we go. I hope you enjoy!

**********

Finn and Leo had told Logan that they would be home, and he could just come over, but they weren't here, and he wasn't sure what to do.

Logan had a key from before Leo had even been drafted to the Lions, but now that they were officially dating, he felt awkward being in the apartment without them. He wasn't quite sure what to do, so he just sat at the dining room table, and played a game on his phone.

Under normal circumstances, when Logan was with either Finn or Leo, the two of them would either be cuddling on the couch or doing something in Finn's bedroom, while they waited for the other, but Logan couldn't do that alone in a place that didn't really feel like his.

he knew that his boys wanted him to feel at home in the apartment, but he just didn't. Dumo's house was his home, and his boys were his home, not their apartment. 

it had been about 20 minutes of Logan playing Angry Birds when finally he heard a key in the lock.

"Hey, babe, sorry I'm late. I decided to order pizza for us, and they took a little longer that expected to have it ready."

Leo stepped in, holding a bag of groceries in one hand, and had two pizza boxes balancing on the other.

Logan rushed to help him set everything down, and gave Leo a large hug when they had everything set to where it wouldn't fall over.

"Hey, baby. I missed you."

"Missed you too," Logan mumbled into Leo's shoulder.

"Finn should be home soon. Alex's flight left about 10 minutes ago, so it should only be like 15 till he's home."

Logan merely responded with an 'okay,' still clinging to his giant blond boyfriend. His arms were wrapped around Leo's neck, and he moved to wrap his legs around the goalie too.

Leo supported his weight with no problem, and slowly spun them around while leaving small kisses on Logan's head. "Don't get me wrong, I love it when you're all cuddly, but is something up Sweetheart?"

"Nothing's really wrong, it was just awkward being here without either of you. I know that it's fine, but this isn't my home. You guys are, and Dumo's family is. I'm just getting used to having another place with the people I love."

"Alright. As long as you're sure everything is alright."

Logan jumped out of Leo's arms and connected his phone to the speaker they had in the corner of the counter. he put on some modern pop love songs and jumped back into Leo's arms. They continued to spin around the kitchen, this time having music to dance and sing to.

At one point, the playlist changed to more upbeat songs that had the two boys dancing around the kitchen laughing as they did their best karaoke performances for each other.

By the time Finn got home, they were both red in the face, and laughing so hard they could barely breath, let alone greet their boyfriend.

"Well, well, well, what do I have here? Having a party without me? You should be ashamed of yourselves." Finn walked into the kitchen, playfully wagging a finger at his boys, and turned the music down for a moment. "And to think I ought you both loved me. Really, I think I'm more ashamed of myself than of you two."

Leo and Logan were both still laughing, but they calmed down to the point that they were no longer at risk of dying of oxygen deprivation.

Leo was the first to speak and moved to take Finn into his arms. "Of course, we weren't having a party without you. We were just checking to make sure that the music would be good before you got here. Wouldn't want to disappoint our boy, would we Lo?"

 "Abs-Absolutely not. We wouldn't dream of it." He turned towards the speaker, turning the music back up, and took Finn's hands in his own. he started jumping up and down, and shaking his head from side to side.

Leo took a second and leaned against the counter just watching the two loves of his life dancing and having fun, thinking about how lucky he was to find not one, but two of the people he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, while he was so young. “As much as I’m enjoying this beautiful site, I did buy pizza for us, and I think we should probably eat it before we completely forget about it.”

The three got to work, Finn getting the plates and napkins set up, Logan grabbing them all drinks, and Leo cutting the two pizzas.

As they sat down to eat, Leo brought up the topic of Logan being here alone. “I’m sorry again I was late. I honestly didn’t expect the pizza place to take 40 minutes to get our dinner prepared. I wouldn’t have gotten it if I had known.”

“Yeah. As much as I love you two, please don’t ever leave me here alone again. I literally sat at the table playing angry birds for twenty minutes while I waited for you.”

“I’m sorry babe, but Angry Birds? Seriously that’s the game you chose? Why not like bit life or trivia crack? You chose Angry Birds. I bet you play with the sound all the way up too, don’t you?” Finn shook his head in mock disappointment, staring at his brown-haired boy. “I cannot even fathom how one could play such a dull, boring game. At the very least, you could have put good use to your Harvard degree and done something at least a little more thought-provoking.”

Logan gasped and dramatically brought his hand up to his chest. “Is the English major, who plays professional ice hockey, telling me to put my degree to good use? What do you even use yours for? Reading the promotion deals you get offered? And for your information, I am not such a heathen that I would play with the sound all of the way up. It’s only like 75% of the way up. So ha! Take that Harzy.”

They all broke down laughing and finished their dinner before cleaning up.

When they all settled onto the couch about 5 minutes later, with bowls of ice cream, it was easy to forget why Logan was ever anxious to be here alone before.

“Hey, Finn?” Logan asked, gently placing his head on Finn’s shoulder while looking up at him.

“Yeah?”

Without responding, Logan took his spoon and stole a spoonful of Finn’s chocolate ice cream before jumping up and throwing himself on the other side of Leo, using him as a human shield.

Finn gasped, setting his bowl down on the coffee table in front of them. “Betrayed! Betrayed by my love. However will I overcome a fate as dreadful as this one? Leo, how will I continue knowing that my beloved has so painfully stabbed me in the back? Blindsided me! I can’t continue. I can’t!” Finn barely got through his dramatics before he toppled to the floor, laughing as he tried to catch his breath. “Leave me here Leo. Leave me to die the slow and painful death one Logan Tremblay has cast upon me. It is a fate I have only earned for myself, allowing me to be so near to him. I am weak, for I am ailed with my love for him. I wish for him to know that I loved him to the last moment, even if he plays Angry Birds with the sound actually on.”

“You know, speaking as the only one here who didn’t go to Harvard, or even college at all, I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that they didn’t have Angry Birds in whatever time period you're pretending we’re in. I feel the only thing missing here is some thee’s and shant’s, and maybe, it would be a bit more believable.”

Finn stood, and straddle Leo’s lap, alternating between eye contact with both of his boys. “I love you two.”

“We love you too Harzy.”

“Yeah, to the moon and back.” Leo placed a kiss on Harzy’s cheek, dangerously close to his lips to really drive home his point. “To the stars baby. To the stars.”

**********

[pretendicanwrite]

Oh idk bro (gender neutral) how about some more supportive cubs? One of them, like Logan, going through a rough time and his boys trying to get him to talk and open up about it when he's ready so they can figure out how to best help him when he doesn't know how to help himself?

Wow that got oddly specific 😅 once the idea starts rolling it doesn't stop lol

Hi! I have been working on this for a little while, and I hope you like it, but it doesn't exactly follow the prompt. I'm sorry, but I hope you enjoy it!

Character credit to @lumosinlove

CW: Mental health discussion and symptoms, SH discussion

**********

Logan sat on the couch just staring at the blank t.v. screen. The team had practiced earlier that morning, and Logan had opted out of the team lunch they were going to after. He hadn't showered at the rink, choosing to just put on his sweats rather than changing, but he had lost track of time sitting there.

He only focused back on the world around him when he noticed Finn squatting in front of him.

Finn's mouth was set into a hard frown, and his eyebrows were creased. Logan tried to focus in on what he was saying, but he could only gather bits of it, 'Goin on... You okay?'

"I don't want to talk about it." Logan could barely even register that he was talking to Finn. He noticed Leo walking back in from the kitchen with a bottle of water. "I'm also bored, but I don't know what to do to fix it."

Leo sat next to Logan, being careful not to touch him. "Have you eaten anything today?"

"No."

"Alright. I'm going to make lunch for you, and I'm not going to force you to eat, but if it would make it easier for you Finn and I can eat with you," Leo said, standing up from the couch.

Logan merely nodded, and laid down, going back to staring at the television. Finn sat on the floor below him, leaning against the edge of the couch where Logan's head was, and stared up at the ceiling.

"This might sound weird at first, but I want you to try something for me." Finn got up off the floor and walked to the desk he had situated in the corner of the living room. He grabbed a pen, a piece of paper off it, and a book. He brought it back over to the couch. "I want you to just scribble. Don't focus on it, but I want you to scribble as we talk. Don't look at the paper, don't try to draw anything, just go for it." he handed over the supplies, resting the piece of paper on the book.

"What are we talking about?"

"Anything really, Why don't we start by talking about practice? Talking hockey has always been easy for you. That new play we ran today worked really well. You got a shot past Leo today. It worked so well he barely even knew what hit him."

"You fed me a really good pass." Logan was staring at Finn as he scribbled on the paper. He started in the middle, just drawing crappy circles, but now he was just drawing one continuous line with no idea where his hand was taking it next.

"Yeah, but the play was brilliant. Anyway, Cap said we're having an extra optional practice next week as a bonding activity. He wants to do things like tag on skates, and play other games. He thinks we need it before we go to the playoffs. We're one of the closest teams, but Cap thinks we can elevate that. He wants the team to be able to play like we do together. So close we can almost read each other's minds. When we play, we always know where each other is. Cap thinks the rest of the team can achieve that through activities he plans to do."

"I don't think the team is going to get as close to each other as we are. Unless they plan on being in love with a person they think doesn't feel the same way for their entire adult life, confessing their love, then moving in together with their third boyfriend." The paper was about 35% covered at this point.

"No, but I do think it will help us get closer. It can't hurt to try."

Leo walked into the living room with three plates. "Lunch is served." Finn reached up to grab two of the plates and handed one to Logan. Leo made a sandwich for Logan and cut one in half for him and Finn to share. He had steamed broccoli on Logan's plate, with a salad.

"Thank you knutty. We were just talking about the bonding activities Cap has planned for Tuesday."

Leo nodded, taking a bite of his sandwich. "Did you tell Lo about Cap's plan for soccer on the ice? Kasey and I will be facing off against each other in goal, and Cap and Dumo are going to be team captains."

After swallowing the bite of food he had in his mouth, Logan put his plate down and continued his scribbling while he looked at Leo. "That sounds like it could be fun."

"Yeah. So, babe, Cap asked about you at the lunch today. We told him you just didn't feel well and didn't go into specifics, but he was very worried about you." Leo explained, "I think it would be a good idea to talk to him. You don't have to right now, or ever if you don't want to, but he looked ready to sprint his way over here."

"I think i should probably call him later."

Logan was still mindlessly scribbling on the paper. it was almost halfway covered, and Leo watched Logan's hand, noticing that it never stopped moving. Even as Logan was talking, his wrist was still moving in miniature circles.

The boys continued trying to hold a conversation with Logan, but he was eating and scribbling rather than talking. It seemed like he could barely keep his eyes open, so Leo suggested they all go to bed.

When Finn woke up the next morning, Logan was sitting on the edge of the bed. with a new sheet of paper on top of the book. he was watching something on the television they had resting on the dresser across from them.

"Hey baby," Finn rasped, "Having fun?"

"Not really. I'm bored, but I don't have the energy to do anything."

Finn just sat up and looked at the paper Logan was drawing on. It was pretty covered, meaning Logan had been up for a while. "Have you talked to anyone about these feelings?"

Logan's head snapped up and stared Finn down. "What?" Logan spoke so loud that Leo rolled over and groaned slightly, so he motioned for Finn to follow him to the living room.

"Why would I need to talk to someone? I'm fine."

"lo, baby, I know it may be hard, but I think it would be beneficial for you to try it. Lots of players talk to specialists, and there's nothing wrong with it."

Logan was getting defensive, and he set the book and paper down. He turned to fully face Finn on the couch and crossed his arms over his chest. "I know that there's nothing wrong with it. I never said that there was. I just don't think I need it."

"It's not about if you need it, baby. It's about if you want it. I talked to someone during my freshman year of college. The team had a therapist that I talked to once. She just gave me some tips to help me process my feelings, and she really helped me. I didn't want to go either, but the coach recommended it, and I never appreciated a recommendation more. Seeing a specialist is not a sign of weakness or anything like that, it's admitting that you're strong enough to seek help rather than let yourself feel like this, or God forbid hurt yourself."

Logan uncrossed his arms and tried to subtly wipe the tears from his eyes, but Finn noticed and opened his arms. Logan practically launched himself into them, placing his head into the crook between Finn's neck and his shoulder. "I need you to know that I would never do that. No matter how bad this gets, I would never do that to you guys, or to myself."

"I know, baby. I know."

Logan was still crying and was basically laying on top of Finn when Leo stumbled out into the living room. He was bleary-eyed, and his sweatpants were hanging low on his shirtless torso. As soon as he noticed his boys on the couch, his back straightened and he sat on the opposite side of the couch from his boys.

"Hey loves. What's going on?"

"Logan and I were just discussing my suggestion of him speaking to a professional. I think it would be beneficial for his mental health, and there was a bit of a sidetrack, but I think we've recovered from it."

Leo just looked at his boys and nodded while he thought through the new information. "I think it would be good for you to talk to someone. I know that this probably isn't what you want to hear, and I don't want you to feel like Finn and I are ganging up on you, but I think we've both noticed that you're showing signs of depression. We may be very wrong, but I think it would be best to see someone. The lack of energy, the boredom, your loss of appetite. it doesn't have to mean anything, and the only thing it'll change is how you take care of yourself. We'll change our schedule to benefit you, and we'll get you into a cycle that will maximize your health. I promise anything that happens will not deter us, or change how we feel about you."

"I was never worried about that, I just didn't, and still don't want to admit that I have problems. I saw a therapist when I was in high school, and she said she wanted to get me to a specialist to diagnose me with depression, but I never went back after she told me that. I've known about it since I was 15, but I couldn't admit it to myself."

Logan sat up and faced the turned off television while he waited for his boy's responses.

he had feared his whole childhood what was wrong with him. He knew that it wasn't normal to feel this way, and every time a wave hit him, he thought, 'maybe this is it. Maybe this one will be the last one,' but every time he was wrong. Another one would come along, just like this one. He would lose his appetite, his energy, and his social battery.

"Okay. Well, will you at least consider talking to someone? you can choose if and when but I want you to know that nothing will change between us if you do or don't get a diagnosis. you are the love of our lives, and if you have a mental illness, or not, that's not going to change. We want what's best for you, and if that means having an intervention, you can damn well bet that Dumo, Sirius, Remus, Leo, and I are all going to be there. Right now, we are giving you your time, and letting you know that you have options, and the choice is yours, but if you start to get bad enough that we fear you're going to hurt yourself whether that be accidentally, or on purpose, I don't care if we have to tie you down, we will get you the help that you need." Finn didn't move from his spot in the corner of the couch, but even without body language, you could tell that he meant every single word he said.

Leo slid off the couch to kneel in front of his boyfriend, and slowly reached his hands out towards him, palms up. "I don't ever want you to feel like you can't trust us enough to talk to us or to admit that you need help. Everyone needs it now and then, and there is no shame in admitting that. We are always going to be here for you, for anything you need. We love you."

Finn followed Leo's motion, sliding to the ground, and also offered his hands.

Logan took one of each boy's hands, and let a few more tears slide. His boys were there for him, and they weren't pushing him. They were understanding, and he knew that no matter the outcome of the appointment he planned to make, that wouldn't change.

**********

I hope you enjoyed this!

There was a bit of a problem in the formatting of this, so just let me know if something is wrong.

[pretendicanwrite]

Looking for promts if anyone has anything they want someone (me) to write!

[pretendicanwrite]

Bonfire

Fic-o-ween Day 4

Bonfire

All character credit goes to @lumosinlove

Prompt credit goes to @noots-fic-fests

The song is all of me by John Legend

**********

Finn was sitting in front of Logan, staring into the flame of the bonfire. He had a beer in his hand, watching as the rest of the team played on the shore of the lake, or in the water.

“Do you think Leo would marry us if we asked? He’s so young, and I want him to enjoy his youth, but at the same time, he’s nineteen, got drafted right out of college, and plays a professional sport thousands of miles away from his family.

“I don’t know. I think somehow, he would always say yes. We didn’t work in college because we didn’t have him, but now, we do, and he makes us so happy. Should we wait, probably, but at some point, we have to realize that he’s not a little kid. If he wanted to enjoy his youth a little longer, I feel like he would say no, but he seems happy.” Finn smiled up at Logan, and Logan leaned down to give him a soft peck on the lips. 

“I just want to give him his ring.”

“I know baby, me too.”

“I brought it with me.” Finn reached for the bag he had kept on his person all day. It contained a journal, a pen, the ring, and a guitar pick. He handed the ring box to Logan and grabbed the guitar pick.

He reached over to the guitar he had previously discarded, picked up, and started playing a simple tune.

What would I do without your smart mouth?

Drawing me in and you kicking me out

You've got my head spinning, no kidding

I can't pin you down

What's going on in that beautiful mind

I'm on your magical mystery ride

And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me

But I'll be alright

Finn had a shockingly good voice. After yelling so much for his job, it gained a rasp that added so much depth to the song.

My head’s underwater

But I’m breathing fine

You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind

‘Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I’ll give my all to you

You’re my end and my beginning 

Even when I lose I’m winning

The team had started to gather around Finn. His eyes were closed, and he was gradually getting more comfortable with singing and playing. 

‘Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh oh

How many times do I have to tell you? 

Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too

The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood

You’re my downfall, you’re my muse

My worst distraction, my rhythm, and blues

I can’t stop singing, it’s ringing, in my head

My head’s underwater

But I’m breathing fine

You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind

‘Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I’ll give my all to you

You’re my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I’m winning

‘Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh oh

Give me all of you

Cards on the table, we’re both showing hearts

Risking it all, though it’s hard

‘Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I’ll give my all to you

You’re my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I’m winning

‘Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you

I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh oh

At the end of the song, Logan handed the box to Finn, knowing that this was the perfect moment. They were surrounded by their family, and Leo was smiling so hard that it looked like his cheeks were going to break.

Finn set the guitar down, and moved to his knees, setting one foot on the ground. Logan moved to join him a second later.

The team was smiling like they knew all along, and Leo looked confused, but his smile never dropped or faded. 

 “Leo Knut, ever since we met you on your first day on the team, somehow we were drawn to you. Immediately, you meant everything to us, and now, we can’t imagine our lives without you. The first time I hugged you, it was like your arms were made to fit around me. The first time I saw you in my kitchen, it was like you had lived there your whole life. From the first moment, you just fit. You fit into our lives, our homes, and our family.” Finn’s voice was cracking, as he gave his impromptu speech.

“I can’t imagine where we would be right now without you. Finn and I would never have worked without you. You brought us back together, and you continue to hold all of us together. So, Leo Knut, Will you marry us?”

Leo had tears dripping down his face as he rapidly nodded, grabbing both of his boys' hands, He hauled them to their feet, wrapping an arm around each of them, alternating whose forehead he gave a kiss. “Yes.” he whispered.

The team let out a collective cheer and moved to wrap all of them in a hug.

“We’re having a wedding!” James shouted, squeezing them harder. “I love love!”

**********

Fluffy fluff.

I think we all need it after day 2's work...

[pretendicanwrite]

Fic-o-ween day 3

Corn maze

All character belong to @lumosinlove

Prompt belongs to @noots-fic-fests

**********

Just the cubs being in a corn maze:

Leo: Taller than some of the corn, and bragging about it to Logan.

Finn: Insisting he knows the way, just to end up getting lost, but really, it was a way to lure his boys to the back of the maze so he could kiss them in public.

Logan: Trying to shortcut his way out of the maze by walking through rows of corn, but gets more lost, but insists he knows exactly where he is.

**********

Merry Christmas!

[pretendicanwrite]

Moonlight

Fic-o-ween day 2

Moonlight

All character belong to @lumosinlove

Prompt belongs to @noots-fic-fests

CW: Suicidal ideation, Suicide note, mental health, medication

It's heavy, beware...

**********

Logan sat on the balcony staring out over the city with the moonlight washing over him. He had gotten in a fight with Dumo earlier and fled to his boys' house, leaving without saying anything.

He had a key to Finn and Leo’s place but decided to finish the season in Dumo’s house. He stayed over often enough, that he had space in the closet, a toothbrush on the counter, and his snacks, and weird brand of protein powder had found a place in the pantry among Leo’s cooking supplies, but a part of him would always live with the Dumais’. 

His boys weren’t there when he arrived, so he just made himself a cup of instant hot chocolate, nowhere near as good as Leo’s, and sat down on the bench outside.

He had silent tears streaming down his face, and his mind kept replaying the conversation he had with Dumo.

“God, I swear Logan! You are so irresponsible! You suddenly get into a relationship, and you forget about everything that’s required of you. We ask you for very few things while you live in this house, and you can’t even complete them!”

Logan had been asked to pick up groceries, and he agreed to get them, but just as he was about to leave to go get them, he had been reminded that he had a therapy appointment. He hadn’t told Dumo about his going to therapy, because it was embarrassing to talk about it with his fatherlike figure. He hadn’t even told his actual parents or his boyfriends either.

“I asked you to pick up groceries, and I come back an hour later to find you sitting on the couch doing nothing.” Dumo stopped yelling, but he still looked just as much, if not more disappointed than he did when he first arrived. “Last week you forgot to switch over the laundry you volunteered to take care of, and you forgot to help Mark with the assignment he as you specifically for help with. Things had better change because I am sick and tired of having another child in the house.” Dumo realized as soon as he said this, that it wasn’t the right way to word it, and he watched as a tear slipped down Logan's cheek.

“I’m sorry.”

Logan got up, picked up his hockey bag, and sped walked out of the door.

Thinking back to the conversation, more tears gathered on his lash line as he stared at the stars. He had walked the fifteen minutes here, and he was so cold when he arrived that the outdoors weren’t even affecting him anymore.

He had managed to grab one of Finn’s extra journals that he kept to encourage Logan and Finn to try journaling, and one of the pens he kept on his desk. 

Finn and Leo,

I’m sorry. I haven’t told you that I’ve been seeing a therapist, and I’m not even sure why. At first, I thought it was because therapy is for people who can’t handle their emotions, and needed an excuse to talk to someone, but I’m realizing now that I was wrong. I realized that it was because I was embarrassed. I couldn’t talk to you guys about this because I was, and still am ashamed that I even need to talk to someone. I am a 23-year-old professional hockey player who can’t get their shit together enough to go two days without crying.

I love you both, so much, and this letter is not a reflection on you, but rather one on me. Sometimes, I feel like such a burden that if I think about killing myself, I talk myself out of it, because I think of how much of an inconvenience it would be. You both, along with my family would have to take care of a funeral, and I think of how much work that would be. I think about the rescue parties that would be sent out to search for me if I jumped off of a bridge, how much time it would take, and how many other people they could save in the time it took them to look for me. I think of the people who would spend their time cleaning up the blood spattered on the wall if I sliced my wrists open. I think of the poor cleanup crew it would take to deal with the scene if I crash my car into a tree.

Sometimes I wish I could be selfish enough to just end it until I remember how selfish I am all the time. I have two boyfriends, whose time I monopolize, while they could be so much happier with just each other. I eat with Dumo’s family, and I take up extra space in their house that they could use for their actual children. I get so many penalty points and give power plays to other teams when someone else could be on the ice actually winning for us. 

I feel empty, and I want it to end. I want to be happy, but I don’t get to have that in this life. I am destined to feel like this for the rest of whatever time I have left on this planet. I want people to look back on my life and realize that I did enjoy what time I had with them and that it was enough, but I wasn’t. I don’t want people to cry at my funeral because they thought I deserve more time, or that they didn’t make me happy. I don’t want them to cry at all. This was how it was made to be.

I don’t want you to be sad. Maybe you’ll miss me, but you probably won’t. I want you both to be happy, but you can't do that with me. 

This isn’t a goodbye, it’s a see you later. Remember that you’ll always have each other and that it’s better off this way.

With love, Logan Tremblay

Logan went back to Dumo’s house before his boys got back, and left the notebook on his dresser. One of the perks of living in the basement is that he didn’t have to walk around upstairs where Dumo or Celeste was sure to hear him. He slept in his bed that night and was awake well before anyone else was.

He grabbed his bag, but left his phone next to the journal, and traveled to the arena. There was no mandatory practice today, but there was an optional skate in 3 hours that very few of the team members decided to go to. 

He had the arena to himself and skated around the ice for about 20 minutes before he laid down on it, staring up at the ceiling. He lost track of how much time he had spent on his back until the sound of doors slamming open interrupted him. He sat up, expecting to see a cleaning crew, but was shocked to see Dumo and his boys racing toward him. 

He got up, and skated over to the tunnel, expecting to find out that it was in fact time for the extra practice, but was shocked when he saw the journal in Dumo’s hands.

All three of them looked like they had been crying, and Leo threw himself at Logan as soon as he saw he was okay.

“You are not a burden. I love you, and I need you. You make my life better every day you are in it.” Leo was full-on sobbing, but he kept his grip around Logan’s neck tight. “I love you. I don’t want to picture a life without you in it. I love you. Please-please don’t leave me.”

Finn seemed to be in better control of himself, but he was crying as well. Not full-body sobs like Leo, but there was a steady stream of tears running down his face.

Dumo’s expression was just empty. His eyes were red, but there were no longer tears in them. He stared at Logan, almost like he was looking past him.

“Please don’t leave.” Leo kept crying, but he was no longer shaking as hard as he had been.

“You read my journal. I thought the point of a journal was to be private!” 

Dumo was finally shaken out of his empty stare as Logan yelled, and pulled out his phone. Logan watched him type a quick message and put it away. “You don’t journal Logan, and as soon as you address a letter to someone talking about killing yourself, it’s no longer private.”

Leo clung to him harder as Logan began to shake, but it didn’t stop Logan from jerking out of his hold. “It wasn’t a suicide letter! Tabernak, can’t you just leave me alone? You’re not my father!”

“But you’re my son!” Dumo’s voice broke in the middle of the word my. “Do you expect me to just sit here and let you destroy yourself from the inside out?! I love you! You are my son and I can’t just let you-” Another crack, “let you do this to yourself.”

Finn interrupted them by letting out a whimper. Leo had moved back to Finn’s side, not looking at Logan. “You are one of the loves of my life Logan. You wrote me and Leo a letter expressing how you thought about killing yourself, but talked yourself out of it because you didn’t want to be a burden to people who have the job of doing all of the things you described. We let you feel like that much of a burden. Oh my god,” Finn let out a full-blown sob at this point, his strong facade rapidly deteriorating. “We let you think you are so much of a burden that removing yourself from our lives would make living easier. We don’t want you to leave Logan! We love you!”

“You don’t. You’ll realize how much easier life is after I’m gone. You won’t have to worry about giving me rides, or texting me every night to wish me good night. You won’t have to worry about making sure I’m okay after I get into a fight. It’ll be better for everyone this way.”

Logan was about to continue when he was interrupted by the doors opening again. This time several more teammates entered, including Cap, Loops, James, Kasey, and Talker.

“Stop! Stop pretending like you care! Just let me go.”

“I called Heather, she’s waiting for you in her office, and I'm sorry, but you’re going whether you like it or not,” Dumo said, moving to lead Logan toward Heather’s room.

The team surrounded him, leaving him no choice but to walk with them, lest he wanted to be dragged. 

Two years later:

Logan had been on this specific dose of anti-depressants for just over 1 year and 4 months, and it seemed like this concoction was actually working. He no longer felt like he was just an empty body moving because it had to, and he was no longer throwing up every 2 hours because of the meds. He had been seeing a therapist who specialized in depression for just under 2 years. 

He has been working hard on his mental health for a while, and he seemed to get better. He had been moved to the injured reserve list temporarily until his meds had stopped making him feel like an empty carcass.

He was back now, better than ever. His mental health was under control, he was scoring more, and he had worked on his relationship with his boys and Dumo.

For the longest time after they found his note, Leo had barely been able to look at Logan. Logan tried to talk to him, but he would just ignore him, or straight up walk out of the room.

Finally, one night about a month after the initial incident, Logan cornered him on the very balcony where he wrote the note that caused so many issues.

Logan leaned against the railing, looking over the city washed in moonlight, as he did that night. “You know, this is where I wrote it. It was a full moon, and I had a cup of hot chocolate. It was nowhere near as good as yours and I couldn’t drink it.” Leo still ignored him, so he continued. “You guys weren't home, and to this day, I still don’t know where you were.”

“We were buying engagement rings.”

Logan turned to face his blonde boyfriend and slowly moved to sit next to him. When Leo didn’t move away, Logan turned his upper body to face him.

“We were going to give you yours the next night at the dinner we were planning. I was going to make your favorite, and ask you to marry me after dessert. I planned a night for us, only to have it ruined by a suicide note when I didn’t even know there was a problem. What kind of boyfriend am I-” Leo whimpered, finally, after a month, looking at Logan. “What kind of boyfriend am I to not realize that the love of my life was planning on killing himself? How did I not notice? I don’t even know what I would do if I lost you. You’re my best friend. I can’t imagine my life without you, and you were just going to rip that away! I am so angry at you that you thought those kinds of things, but then I remember that that wasn’t you, it was the depression. I’m just as mad at myself for not realizing there was a problem. I hate myself for making you think that you couldn’t come to me with this. I need you. I’m sorry.”

“What are you thinking about, hubby?” Legally, they weren’t married, but they had a ceremony with all of their friends and families.

“I’m just thinking about everything that has happened on this balcony.” Logan turned in Leo’s arms, noticing Finn was right beside him. “I’m thinking about the night you told me you were planning to propose, and thinking about how much I love you both. I’m sorry I ever made you both think that you weren’t enough for me. You’re both everything to me, and I can’t imagine my life without you."

**********

Really just my projecting onto characters, but what's new?

:)

[pretendicanwrite]

Superstitions

Fic-o-ween prompt 1:

Superstitions

All character belong to @lumosinlove

Prompt belongs to @noots-fic-fests

CW: shattered glass

**********

“You’re kidding me, right? Seriously Leo?”

“I’m sorry Cap! I didn’t mean to!”

Hearing the screaming, Finn, Logan, and Remus all came rushing into cap’s and Loop’s kitchen. 

Leo was backed up against the wall, with Sirius standing in front of him, in a sort of threatening way. Leo’s had his shoulder’s shrunk into himself, making him appear several inches shorter, allowing Cap to tower over him.

“Not that I really want to get in between this, but why are you yelling at my boyfriend?” Finn asked, moving to stand beside the rookie.

“He backed into an umbrella leaning against the backdoor and knocked it open, which proceeded to knock a mirror off of the wall. So not only did he open an umbrella indoors, he has now given himself 7 years of bad luck as well.”

Everyone in the room stared at the captain, looking at him as if he was crazy.

“Babe, we were going to get rid of that mirror anyway. You said you hated it now that the kitchen actually gets used.”

Sirius turned around, reaching out a hand to help Leo get away from the glass shattered across the floor. “That’s not the point. I don’t give a shit about the mirror, but we have a game tomorrow. We can’t have 7 years of bad luck cursing one of our players! We were on a winning streak!”

Logan slapped Sirius’s hand as he moved to set it on Leo’s shoulder. “Cap, we’re playing the Hufflepuffs tomorrow. I don’t want to sound like that guy, but we have pretty good chances. And anyway, it’s just a mirror. I’m sorry it got broken, but you don’t seriously believe that we’re going to lose tomorrow because of it, right?”

Sirius looked appalled that Logan would even suggest that this wasn’t serious. “I most absolutely do! Here hold on!” the captain pulled his phone out, and held out a finger to Logan as he went to speak. “So what I’m seeing here is that to break the curse we have to take a piece of the mirror and touch it to a tombstone almost immediately to reverse the effects.”

Everyone in the room laughed at him.

“Cap, not trying to judge you or anything, but don’t you think you’re taking this a little too far? I’m sorry, but I’m not going to a graveyard on Halloween eve to put a piece of glass on a grave.”

“Okay, maybe that one’s a little bit too far, but it says if you turn around three times, it should break the curse. It also says, throwing salt over your left shoulder should work.”

Remus patted Leo on the shoulder and whispered a quiet ‘good luck’ to him as he passed on his way to the broom cupboard. 

“I am really really sorry that I broke your mirror Sirius, but I’m not participating in any of your rituals, thank you very much. Thank you for having us, but it’s really late and I think we should head home. If you want, you can text me how much the mirror was, and I will pay you back for it, but I don’t believe in all these curses.”

Leo and his boys made a move for the living room, and Sirius followed them. They chatted for a few more minutes, as they waited for Loops to appear, the subject of the mirror being ignored. When Remus finally joined them, Finn, Leo, and Logan left after a few goodbyes.

That night, while they were getting ready to go to bed, Leo’s face was suddenly taken over by an evil smile. “Gentlemen, I have an idea.”

He spent a while explaining his plan to the boys and even came up with some ideas to execute the next day at the pre-game practice.

As they walked in the next morning, Leo tripped right on the threshold between the locker room and the hallway. As he gathered himself and walked to his stall, he stubbed his toe on the bench as he moved to set his stuff down.

He let out a quiet curse and picked up his foot to rub the sore spot. He had already gathered mostly everyone's attention when he tripped, but hearing Leo curse was extremely rare, and everyone turned to look at him.

“Nutter-Butter, you okay?” Logan asked, moving towards his boyfriend.

“Stubbed my stupid toe.” Leo turned around, secretly looking at Cap to see his reaction. “This is the second time today. I ran into the counter this morning when I was making coffee.”

After everyone saw that their rookie was okay, they continued to get ready for practice, when Leo dropped his water bottle as he was taking a sip. The ice-cold water spilled right down the front of his shirt, and he let out a high-pitched yell, that he will forever deny was him.

“I mean this in the nicest way possible, what the hell is going on with you today rookie?” James asked, abandoning his task of putting on a shirt.

“I don’t know. This morning I got a call that my credit card was hacked, and everything has just been downhill from there. I swear it’s like nothing is going to go right today. I can feel it.”

Leo and his boys watched as Sirius’ eyes widened. They tried to contain their laughter and succeeded until Leo tripped over, fell to the ground on accident, and Sirius turned ghost white. This hadn’t been part of their plan, and they weren’t sure whether this was just an attempt to make Sirius even more superstitious, but they stopped laughing as soon as Leo grabbed his shoulder.

“I swear I didn’t mean to do that!” Leo also looked scared now, but he sat up, still gripping his shoulder.

Sirius turned around towards his stall, reaching towards the bag he brought every day for personal things. He kept whatever item he was carrying behind his back until he bent down next to the giant rookie. “Since none of ya’ll believed me about jinxes and curses last night,” Sirius made sure to mock Leo’s southern accent as he continued to talk to the blonde on the ground, “I brought some salt for you.”

“No thank you. I’m good.” Leo stood up and walked to the trainer's office, leaving Finn and Logan to deal with Sirius’s crazy antics.

“That boy just needs to admit that I’m right and he’s wrong. He’s definitely cursed.”

“Or,” Finn said, drawing it out, “He’s messing with you?”

Everyone in the room laughed again as Sirius glared at the two remaining cubs. “Leo doesn’t pull pranks on me. I’m his favorite besides you two.” As Sirius’s continued thinking about it, his words became even more unsure. “Ok, maybe with the tripping and credit card things, but he actually looked hurt when he fell. I think we should go check on him.”

The cubs, Cap, and Loops, all walked into the trainer's office just to find Leo sitting on his phone leaning against the corner. 

“Babe, are you okay?” Logan asked walking over to his boyfriend.

“No, I dislocated my shoulder, elbow, and wrist. I can hardly move my arm,” Leo said with a straight face as he picked up a water bottle off the counter with it.

“Very funny mister. Now, we have a practice starting in about 10 minutes, and you don’t have a single piece of your gear on. Get going.” Finn ended his command with a loud slap on Leo’s behind, not even trying to contain his smile.

They ended up winning 4-0 against the Hufflepuffs, Leo getting a shutout, and shoving it in Cap’s face that he was right.

**********

Day one is done! I've been really behind, but the next four days are done, so I plan on posting them all tonight to catch up :)

[pretendicanwrite]

Something Happened Pt. 5

Here it is! the last part.

I have decided to open up this universe, and I've decided to call it the Something Happened Universe, or SHU.

Feel free to drop prompts or suggestions. It's encouraged!

Character credit to @lumosinlove

CW: Semi-graphic descriptions of s*xual assault, and mental health issues.

**********

Suddenly, Heather was right in front of him, and he had no memory of how she got there. 

“Alright Leo, I want you to list 5 things you can see.”

Leo worked his way through the whole list, 5 things he could see, Heather, the lights, the lockers, skates, and clothes left on the floor. 4 things he could touch, the bench, his soft sweatshirt, his hair curling over his ears, and he could feel the floor beneath his feet. 3 things he could hear, the guys outside of the locker room, Heather breathing in an exaggerated way, and the music someone was playing as they were changing. 2 things he could smell, sweat, and Heather’s perfume. And one he could taste, Finn’s strawberry chapstick that Leo loves, probably more than Finn.

His breathing had slowed down a little, but now he was crying and shaking. He couldn’t look Heather in the eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have- I’m sorry. I was feeling okay this morning.”

“It’s okay Leo. Nobody has a-”

“I’m sorry. Nothing even happened. I didn’t mean to-” Leo's words cut out again as his breathing picked up. He moved to get up off the bench to continue getting ready, but Heather sat down on the bench and patted the seat where he was previously sitting. 

“Practice has started already. I’m sure Sirius has told Coach why you’re not there yet. And I am sure that nobody is going to care if you’re late, or if you miss. This may be a professional team, but the coaches and the owners care more about their players than they do about an extra practice.”

“I know, but I feel like I should be out there practicing. I missed two practices last week for reasons, and now I’m missing this one. I’m going to lose my place on the team. I just got out of my rookie year, and I can’t afford to be missing practices like this. I could be dropped, or traded, and I don’t want either of those things.”

Heather turned her upper body entirely toward him and rested one leg on the bench. 

Leo had tears running down his face as he turned back to Heather. He looked downright terrified as he looked at her. “It’s been my dream to play in the NHL since I started playing hockey. I just can’t bear the thought of thinking that that man ruined my chances because I can’t handle a little bit of human contact. I was so proud this morning, that I actually gave Finn a hug, but one joking comment from Talker, and I couldn’t breathe. I just want to get better so that I can go back to the things I love.”

Heather thought for a moment, staring at the bench she was sitting on. Leo had been very clear and open about his goals and wishes since their first appointment, but he hadn’t really expressed his fears about what happened if he didn’t reach them.

“Leo, I’m about to make a weird analogy, but I want you to just take a moment to think about it. Recovery is like giving a five-year-old a crayon and asking them to draw a straight line. Sure, a few could do it first try, and others might be able to give you a line that is mostly straight with maybe a few bumps, but a majority of the time, it's not going to look straight. That line is your recovery. It might have bumps, curves, and maybe even paths that go completely out of the prompts, but somehow, the line starts at one side of the paper and ends on the other. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

Leo wordlessly nodded and moved to sit on the floor. He had always been more comfortable there, where he could stretch out and felt like he wasn’t crowded. “I get that, and I know that, but I just wish I could feel like I did before this happened. I want to be able to give my boyfriends what they want, and I want comfort from them, but as soon as I try to get it, something happens and I can’t even think about it without getting panicky. I want to get better, and I want for that man to get what he deserves for what he did to me, but I don’t want to face him again, and I don’t like that I want revenge. I feel like there are so many people out there who had worse things done to them, and they never get the chance to do anything about it. God, he just touched me, but I feel like this? It wasn’t even that major in the grand scheme of things.”

“Leo, what happened to you is important. Just because people go through different experiences, it doesn’t make this any better or worse. You are entitled to how you feel about this, and I’m not going to tell you that wanting revenge is a bad thing, because this man hurt you. Maybe not physically, but he hurt you emotionally, and you get to feel how you feel about this. Now, I will sit with you however long you want me to, and I will get you out of practice today, or you can go practice, but I need you to make a decision so that we can inform Coach. Deal?”

“I think I want to practice. Skating always helps me to calm down my brain.”

“Alright, but I want you to know that the guys were terrified for you. None of them knew what was going on, and they didn’t want to leave you. I’m not going to tell you to tell them what’s going on, but I do think it would be a good idea to just remind them of your boundaries. I’m not trying to make excuses for them, but a lot of them are used to being touchy, and chirping each other, so they more than likely just forgot about what you told them. I can be there with you or explain it for you if you’d like, but you don’t have to.”

Leo sat in silence thinking again. He wanted the team to understand what was going on with him, and he wanted to share what had happened, but he felt ashamed. He felt ashamed that he let it happen, and he hated that he wasn’t strong enough to save himself. “Is the team going to hate me if they find out that I let this happen to myself? Are they going to hate me for keeping it from them for so long? I know they won’t but maybe hearing it from someone else will help my brain comprehend it.”

They continued discussing Leo’s plan for the next 15 minutes and having some idea of what he was going to do formulating in his mind was calming him down significantly. He had always thrived off of organization and scheduling, so the spontaneousness of his anxiety attacks was messing with his already anxious brain, making him more likely to devolve into an attack.

By the time Leo had his gear on for practice Coach had the team gathered around him to work on their next play. Coach had noticed him walking towards the group, and dismissed to the team to work on their play while he joined Heather and Leo in the tunnel.

“Hey, Sirius told me what was up. Is everything alright?”

Leo stared at Coach Weasley, figuring that he had never seen the coach mad and that it would be okay to talk to him. Coach Weasley always had the team's best interest at heart and was very understanding.

“Um, I was- I was sexually assaulted a few weeks ago, and I’ve been trying to process everything, and trying to heal from it. I had an anxiety attack in the locker room, and the reason I missed those practices last week was that I was in appointments with Heather, and I wasn’t comfortable being with the team just yet. I’m trying to overcome my issues with people right now, and I honestly just want to play hockey, so…”

“Absolutely. Do you plan on telling the team? I can call a team meeting if that’s what you would like, or you can tell them individually. It’s up to you how you move forward.”

They talked for a few more minutes about Leo’s plan, and soon he joined them for the rest of the 1-and-a-half-hour practice. 

At the end, the team gathered in the locker room and got ready to head home, but not without glancing at Leo often. He could feel their eyes on him as he changed, electing to shower at home, rather than be naked in a shower full of his teammates.

“Um, is everyone here?”

The team responded with a collective yes and sat down while they looked at the rookie.

“Um, I know that I scared you all earlier with the anxiety attack, and I just wanted to explain a few things, so just bear with me. After that home game against the Golden Knights, I was in the parking lot of a grocery store, and I- I was assaulted.” Leo was interrupted by a soft, ‘Oh my God’ from Talker, but continued anyway, “A man snuck up behind me and groped me, but I got him off before anything worse happened. I have been talking to Heather, and I was hesitant to tell all of you this, but I feel like having you all know would be easier than dealing with all of you sending me worried glances you think I don’t notice. I’m still not comfortable standing in front of people, and now I think you can imagine why, and I still don’t want to be touched, but I will initiate contact, so just go with it, please? I know it’s a lot, and probably not what you were expecting when I asked you all to listen to me, but you guys are basically my family, and I need you. I trust you, and Heather, and I think that having more people on my side is vital for my mental recovery.”

“Did my stupid comment cause your anxiety attack? I’m so sorry Leo. I didn’t mean anything by it!’ Talker’s eyes were glossy as he spoke looking directly into Leo’s. “I swear, I never would have said it if I knew that it would make you uncomfortable.”

“I know Talkie. I didn’t even know that it would make me uncomfortable. I’m still learning what qualifies as triggers for me, and how to respond to them, but I’ll let you guys know as I figure it out.”

The room went silent for a minute, everyone staring down at the floor, and Finn and Logan were silent crying, along with Leo.

Sirius glanced up at the goalie and smiled softly at him. This not-so-little teenager had been through so much, and still found the courage to stand here in a room full of big strong guys, and tell them about his experience.

“Leo, I can not express how incredibly privileged I am to have you on my team. I know I speak for all of us when I say that you are not alone. We will always be here for you, whatever you need, whenever.”

The guys let out words of agreement at Cap’s words, smiling at the rookie.

Leo smiled, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his chest. His team had always, and would always be there for him. He was unsure why he had ever thought that they would hate him, or think he was disgusting. They were his family, and he would always love them.

**********

Agh! It's over :(

[pretendicanwrite]

Hi! I'm looking for anyone who can give me information as to how to get into the hazelnoot discord. I messaged @jacklighting a few weeks ago, (Probably over a month and a half) and haven't gotten a reply. I'm new to discord, (and Tumblr kind of) and have no idea how to do anything, so any info would be helpful, and very much appreciated.

Thank you ! :)

(Another chapter to come soon!)

[pretendicanwrite]

Something happened Pt. 4

Who's over a week late? not me....

Part 4!!

I wanted to write a little bit more of this story before I published another chapter so that I could explain a few things.

I haven't really been able to find a good place to end this story, so I have decided to open up this universe. I haven't come up with a name for it, and I'm not sure that I will. However, this specific plot point in said universe is probably only going to be a few more chapters. Possibly about 3 including an epilogue.

I have really enjoyed writing this, and that might be why I can't find a stopping point.

I hope you all have enjoyed this despite the heavy topic.

Enjoy!!

Character credit to @lumosinlove

CW: Semi-graphic descriptions of s*xual assault, and mental health issues.

**********

When they walked in, they were met with the sight of a bunch of half-dressed men, whipping towels at each other's legs. Finn and Logan had already changed, but they were still sweaty so they decided to hit the showers, and left Leo sitting in his stall.

Remus walked over eventually after getting dressed and sat next to Leo. “Hey, Knutty. Everything alright?”

Leo nodded, telling him that he was going through some stuff.

Remus, not wanting to force Leo to elaborate just said, “Of course. Just know that me and Cap are always here for you.” He went to pat Leo on the shoulder, but Leo flinched violently, drawing the attention of half the room, the other half looking over when they noticed everyone went quiet.

Leo’s breathing picked up speed noticing everyone staring at him. He stood up quickly and walked out into the entrance hallway. He knew logically that the team would never judge him for what had happened, and would be supportive, but still. The thought of them knowing scared him.

Finally, after he had calmed himself down, he walked into the locker room, noticing how the team avoided staring at him. He could still see the looks of concern on their faces though.

“Sorry. Something happened to me, and I’m not ready to share it yet, but I don’t want to be touched right now.”

The team all let out words of understanding and continued on. When Finn and Logan got out of the showers and finished dressing, all three boys walked out to the car.

“I know you said you don’t like people behind you, but would you like to sit in the front or the back?”

“I’m okay with the back, thanks, Logan.”

They drove home, Finn and Logan much calmer than they had been the previous two weeks.

When they got to the apartment, all of the boys sat on the couch and put on Friends for background noise.

Leo was sat in the middle with boys on either side of him, and with everything finally out in the open, it was the safest he has felt since the whole thing happened.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys sooner. I know you said that it was okay, but I want you both to know that I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t ready. It was nothing to do with either of you. My brain kept giving me all these scenarios of what could happen, and it was always the worst reaction. Thank you guys for being here, and understanding this. I want you both to know that I really love you and that I appreciate your understanding.”

Leo tentatively wrapped his arms around his boys and laid his head on top of Logan's.

Leo had scheduled 3 appointments this week with Heather, all of them before practice. So when he woke up in the morning earlier than his boys, he rolled out of bed and got ready quietly.

Knowing that his boys would need the car to take their gear, he called Cap. Sirius was always at the rink at least an hour before everyone else and was always the last to leave.

“Hey Cap, can you pick me up on your way to the rink?”

“Of course Knutty. What’s up?”

“I have an appointment with Heather, and I don’t want to make Logan and Finn head to the rink early, and I know you’re always there early.”

“Alright, I’m heading out the door now, so I’ll be there in about 5 minutes.”

Leo thanked him and hung up, heading out of the apartment to wait on the curb. Not even 4 minutes later Cap pulled up in his Range Rover, sunglasses perched on his nose.

“Get in rookie.”

Leo hopped in on the passenger side, and Sirius pulled away from the curb, starting the 15-minute trip to the rink.

“I just want to let you know that you can talk to me anytime. If something’s going on with someone on the team, the staff, or even one of your boyfriends, I’m always here and willing to talk.”

Leo nodded, keeping his eyes on the road instead of looking at his captain. “Thank you. Something happened a couple of weeks ago, and I’m not comfortable talking about what it was just yet. I should probably let you know that I don’t want to be touched right now though, and I don’t like people standing behind me. I know that it’s an inconvenience being on a pro hockey team, but I just need some time.”

“Of course. Whatever you need Knutty.”

When they arrived at the rink Leo waited for Cap to grab his bag, and they walked in together. Leo thanked Cap for his ride and walked straight to Heather’s office.

“Hello, Leo.” She greeted. She was sitting at her desk writing in a journal perched on one leg. She had glasses hanging on her nose and smiled up at Leo. “Take a seat wherever. If you’re interested, we can go talk out in the actual arena. I know Sirius is usually in the locker rooms working on plays, so we’ll have it all to ourselves.”

Leo took her up on her offer. He kept a regular pair of skates in the locker room to use sometimes instead of his goalie skates. 

After working with hockey players for so long, Heather learned to skate. She realized that her hockey players usually felt most comfortable on the ice. They tended to open up to her more, and they seemed calmer while they were skating. 

She and Leo did slow laps around the ice, talking about how he’s coping, giving him helpful hints, and working on how to talk about it, and how to work past his adversity to being touched. 

“I can initiate it, but anytime Logan unconsciously reaches out for me, all I can think about is that guy, and I can’t handle it. Almost everything makes me think of him, and I feel like I’m letting everyone around me down. Some days I can barely function without breaking down.”

“Alright. Well, Leo, you’re not letting anybody down by taking the time and space you need to heal. We’ve discussed some different techniques of what to do while you’re experiencing these feelings, but right now I’d really like to talk about what you think is causing them. I know we’ve talked about a few of them, but I think there are more that you just haven’t realized are triggers yet.”

Leo stayed silent for a lap. He thought over almost every interaction he’s had since the incident. A few things came to mind as he passed the goal for the second time in silence. When he was ready, he shared his thoughts with Heather.

“I think I would agree with most of those. Now that you recognize them, do you think it will make it easier to handle your thoughts towards them?”

Leo silently nodded and watched as Remus walked into the rink. He smiled politely and headed back to the locker room while Leo and Heather skated over to the bench. 

“How do you feel today went, Leo?”

“I think it went pretty well. I’m sorry I took so much of our time to think.”

Heather smiled a genuine one and sat across from Leo as she took off her skates. “No apology needed. That was kind of the point of today’s session. I wanted to get a feel of where you are at, and where you want to be. The entire idea behind this was to get you thinking about your processes.”

Leo thanked her once again and headed into the locker room where slowly, more people were beginning to get ready for practice. His face formed a small smile as he thought about how much progress he had made today. He was genuinely proud of himself, and as he walked through the doors, he found himself heading straight for his redheaded boyfriend. 

He gently rested his hand on Finn’s shoulder, and when he turned around, Leo slowly wrapped his arms around Finn. 

“Well this is new, Nutter Butter,” He chuckled.

Leo knew that he was moving fast, but Heather had told him that recovery was different for everyone and that it wasn’t a linear path. He was proud of himself for initiating this contact. He had wanted to be held by his boys this whole time, but his mind had held him back.

“What do you mean, this is new? You guys are always disgustingly all over each other.”

Leo felt Finn tense up. They both knew that Talker was joking, but Leo’s mind immediately provided the thought that Talker thought they were disturbing.

He was quick to withdraw his arms, not noticing how Finn was trying to keep him there in his panic. 

Finn leaned in towards him, being careful not to grab or touch him. “He was just kidding baby.”

“I know.” Leo’s voice came out raspy, and kind of shaky. Most of the guys turned to look at him, and he only sunk further into his panic.

“Knutty, I was just kidding. You guys are adorable together.”

“I know.” Leo moved, and lowered himself onto the bench behind him. “I know.”

“What’s happening rookie? Would you like one of us to go get Heather?” James offered, moving to set his hand on Leo’s shoulder. 

Leo flinched. Hard. “Don’t want to be touched.”

Jame’s face melted into a guilt stricken look as he quickly pulled his hand back.

Leo had gathered the attention of the rest of the team, including Logan as he walked out of the P.T. room.

He was vaguely aware of someone, he couldn’t tell who, walking towards the staff hallway. His breathing was picking up, and he finally figured out what was going on. He was having an anxiety attack. 

Heather had gone over what to do during these, but for the life of him, he could not remember what it was. 

“Alright- out- this is non-negotiable. -needs space.” He barely registered Cap’s voice as he ushered everyone out of the locker room.

**********

[pretendicanwrite]

Something Happened Pt. 3

Part 3!!!

I'm really enjoying writing this, but there will probably only be a few more parts.

Character credit to @lumosinlove

CW: Semi-graphic descriptions of s*xual assault, and mental health issues.

**********

The boys skated over, removing their helmets as they came.

Heather could see the fear in their eyes when they spotted her. Finn’s hands were shaking, and Logan couldn’t stop tapping his fingers against his legs.

They followed behind her as she walked towards the locker room, and instructed them to change into their street clothes and come to her room when they finished.

She purposely closed the door when she got there, giving a silent warning for the two cubs to knock.

“They’re changing right now, they’ll probably be a few minutes.”

Leo nodded, and he seemed fine, in fact, he seemed calmer than when she left. He had picked up one of the squishy ball fidgets that sat in a basket on the end table she kept for the players to use to keep themselves occupied.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, waiting for Finn and Logan, until they finally heard a couple of quiet knocks on the door.

“Come in.”

The door opened slowly to show Finn peeking his head through with Logan right behind him.

Finn spoke quietly as he let the door open all the way, “Hey Nutter Butter baby.”

Logan just waved, seeming too scared to actually speak.

“Come on in boys, why don’t you both take a seat?”

Tentatively, they both sat on the couch Heather had in the back of her room that matched the chair Leo was in. Both he and Heather moved to sit in the chairs across from the couch.

“Is this about why you’ve been avoiding us, Honey?”

“Finn, I think it would be really good if you let Leo take his time to tell you what’s been going on.”

Finn nodded and kept his mouth shut, although Heather could see the worry in his eyes increase.

“You both remember that night I went to pick up groceries after the home game?” After receiving nods, Leo continued. “Something happened in the parking lot. Some guy snuck up behind me and started touching me.” Finn and Logan let out matching gasps, both of their eyes going glossy. “He pushed me up against the car and reached down towards the front of my pants. I got him off of me then, but I still feel horrible.” There were far fewer breaks this time as Leo went through his recount of the exchange.

He finished explaining why he didn’t tell them sooner, what happened afterward, and why he had been distancing himself.

“Leo, love, I can promise you that we don’t feel any different about you after hearing this. This was not your fault, and it was something you had no control over. You didn’t consent to it, and you did nothing wrong. Baby, none of this is your fault.” Logan was quietly crying as leaned forwards, resting his elbows on his knees, hands palm up.

It was a subtle gesture to let Leo know that he had the option to take his hands, but Logan wasn’t going to force him to.

“I know that, but it still feels like I should have done more, or handled it differently. And I know that it wasn’t my fault. I know that, but I can’t help but feel like everything I did in that situation was wrong. I think I should make appointments with Heather to help me gather my thoughts, and learn how not to blame myself.”

Everyone nodded, and slowly, Leo reached a hand out to each of his boys. “I’m not comfortable with any sort of sexual contact right now. I know that you guys would never do anything like this, but I still am struggling to let you even initiate any sort of touches.”

“Of course. Whatever you need baby. Is there anything else you’re not comfortable with?” Finn asked.

“I don’t like people being behind me. It reminds me of how that guy snuck up on me.” Finn interrupted with a small, ‘of course,’ and Leo continued. “I don’t want to go to the grocery store alone anymore. I also don’t want to go to that specific one yet. I know we’ve been ordering out a lot lately, and that’s because I don’t want to go shopping.”

Leo listed a few more things he was no longer comfortable with, and Heather made a note of them on a paper pad. When they were finished, the team was already back in the locker room, and they could hear the rowdiness from Heather’s office. Heather ripped off the paper she had been making the list on and handed it to Finn, knowing that Logan would lose it.

“I included a list of things to do if Leo ever has a panic attack or an anxiety attack. Please feel free to call me anytime. Night or day, it doesn’t matter.”

Finn nodded, checking his contacts to make sure he had Heather’s.

“What should we tell the team? I don’t want them to worry about me when I move out from in front of them, or flinch when they go to touch me.” Leo asked, getting ready to stand.

“What you tell them is up to you. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but if you do want to tell them, maybe it would be a good idea to plan what you want to say, wait until you think it’s a good and safe time to tell them.”

The boys all stood, getting ready to leave when Heather called for them to wait. They slowly all sat back down, looking towards the team therapist.

“There’s one more thing I forgot to discuss with you. Leo, would you like to press charges?”

Leo looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “I don’t think I do. I have no idea who he was, and I don’t even remember what he looks like so. I was so busy trying to get out of there, that I just ran.”

“Alright. I just want to make sure that you know that’s an option.”

They finished in Heather’s office, and they all walked down the hall toward the locker room.

**********

Thank you! I hope you enjoyed this.

[pretendicanwrite]

Something Happened PT. 2

Part two!

All character credit goes to @Lumosinlove

This part is a little shorter, but it gets a little more graphic, just letting you know.

CW: Semi-graphic descriptions of s*xual assault, and mental health issues.

**********

Heather nodded, although aware Leo was paying her no attention. “Was it a good or a bad thing?”

“I know it was bad, but it’s messing with my brain.”

“Okay,” Heather paused, pulling out a notebook from one of her drawers. “Was it an interaction with someone, or just a specific occurrence?”

Again, Leo hesitated. “It was kind of both.”

Heather stayed quiet, waiting for Leo to continue, not wanting to press him too far. He was still a nineteen-year-old, and this was only his second year on the team. Sure he had played through high school, and had interactions with other teams, but as a professional, meeting fans can either be really great experience, terrible, or anywhere in between.

“I went to pick up groceries just over two weeks ago by myself.” Leo lifted his head to look at one of the posters hanging on Heather’s walls. “I was loading the bags into my car. We had just gotten back from a game and it was late, but we didn’t have anything to eat, so I offered to go pick some things up and make something. I found a really cool new sauce while I was there, and I was so excited to go home and make something with it. The parking lot was dark, and I was parked away from any of the lights like an idiot.”

Heather had an itchy feeling like she knew where this was going. She took notice of his scrambled timeline, and how he sidetracked in order to avoid saying what he was thinking.

Leo paused and took a deep breath, pools of tears gathering in his eyes. “I was leaning over the trunk, putting a bag towards the back so it didn’t roll, and I felt someone walk up behind me.”

Having known the teenager for almost two years, heather felt sick as he recounted what happened.

“He put his hands on me, grabbed my hips, and was breathing and mouthing on my neck. He knew my name, so I’m guessing he recognized me and followed me out into the parking lot. Anyway, he was holding me so tight, and his bottom half was… was pinning me a-against the car. I couldn’t move.”

Leo’s breath picked up, now actively crying. He kept wringing his hands together, picking at the skin around his fingernails. 

Heather made sure to keep her face blank, although thinking about what happened to the rookie was making her sick to her stomach. She thought she would be used to hearing about people’s traumatizing experiences, especially having worked in a women’s mental health clinic before joining the lions, but listening to him was affecting her way more than anyone else she had ever worked with.

“I- It felt like I was paralyzed. I should have… should have moved. I should have gotten him off of me. I’m a professional hockey player for God’s sake.”

All Heather wanted to do was wrap the kid up in a hug, but she knew that after this experience, contact would probably be a bad idea.

“Eventually, he moved his hands lower, and it shocked me out of whatever kind of trance I was in. I elbowed him in the face and pushed him. I just slammed the trunk and drove away to a well-lit parking lot full of people. I sat there for a little while crying, then eventually I went home to Finn and Logan.”

Full-blown sobs were now coming out of Leo. He looked like he was struggling to breathe, and his arms were crossed over his chest with haunched shoulders.

Heather knew that he was trying to make himself smaller, probably thinking that in doing so, he could make himself less of a target, or trying to disappear altogether.

“Leo, I have to ask you some hard questions now. Feel free to take as long as you need to answer them, but they will help me to understand how you’re processing this.”

Wordlessly, Leo nodded, staring into his lap, his cries slowing down.

“Do you think this is your fault?”

“Not really, but I know that I should have moved quicker. This wouldn’t have happened if I had just immediately pushed him off.”

Heather wrote down that he was partially blaming himself for this, and that he was thinking about how he could have changed the results.

“Alright, are you aware that this is considered sexual assault?” 

Leo snapped his neck up to meet Heather’s gaze that was focused on him. “It- there wasn’t any,” Leo hesitated for a minute, his mouth opening, but no words coming out. Finally, he dropped his voice into a whisper. “There was no penetration.”

“Leo, there doesn’t have to be for it to be considered assault. Did he ask if you wanted him to touch you?” When Leo shook his head, she continued, “Did you tell him he could?”

“No.”

“Then he didn’t have your consent, and therefore no right to touch you. He did not have your permission, and even if you weren’t saying no, you didn’t say yes. You didn’t consent, and he still touched you. This is by no means your fault.”

Heather let Leo sit with it for a moment. She could practically see the gears turning in his head.

Finally, when he seemed to understand what she said, she continued. “Have you told anyone else about this yet?”

Leo took a moment to think out his response. “No. I was, and still am ashamed that I let it happen. I don’t want Finn and Logan, or the team to think that I’m dirty, or like I asked for it. If people know that I’m gay, a man did this to me, they’ll probably think that I want it to happen.”

“Alright, hearing your thoughts, it sounds like you’re not ready to tell anyone, but eventually would you like to tell anyone? Telling me was a huge accomplishment, and I’m proud of you for taking that first step.”

“I want to explain to Finn and Logan why I've been so distant, but I panic just thinking about it. Telling you took a lot out of me, and I’m not sure I can go through that again.”

“Alright, I hear you, but I’m going to give you an offer. Would you like me to be there? I can take control of the situation, and answer some of the questions that could be asked, or you could use me as a type of grounding mechanism.”

Heather watched as Leo’s face took on an awed look. “You would do that for me?”

“Oh, Leo, of course, I would. I’ll always be here for you. Whether it’s as a resource, a therapist, or a friend, you can always talk to me.”

“I think I can tell them if you’re there. Can we do it after practice?”

Heather nodded, leaning back in her chair, and crossing her legs. “Just an offer, but I can pull them out of practice if you don’t want the noise of the locker room in the background while you tell them. Having a calmer more tranquil environment might help to keep you calmer.” As she was speaking, Heather pulled out a light controller from a drawer and handed it to Leo.

He dimmed the lights a little and turned them into an orangish-yellow color. 

“Can you do that please?”

She nodded and told him that she would be right back.

As she stood in the hallway, she took a moment to lean against the wall and take a breath. She could feel a few tears gather in her eyes, her brain averting back to the fear in Leo’s. 

After composing herself, she walked down the bland corridor and out to the ice. 

The boys were running drills, working in groups being led by different people. There was a puck handling section, speed drills, and plays all being run at the same time.

The coach spotting Heather waved her over to the boards, motioning for his group to stop.

“How can I help you, Heather?” 

She kept her voice down as she asked him to borrow Leo’s boys.

“Of course,” He turned his head to the ice, and continued, “O'Hara, Tremblay! Get over here.”

**********

I still have no idea how long this will be, but here we go!

Feel free to leave me prompts.

[pretendicanwrite]

Something Happened PT.1

AGHHH! I'm back. I've been working on this for a little while, and there are going to be multiple parts. I have no update schedule, but I have multiple parts written, so we'll run with it!

Character credit to the lovely @lumosinlove

This is a dark piece, so just beware. There are a few graphic descriptions, but no blood.

CW: Semi-graphic descriptions of s*xual assault, and mental health issues.

**********

Both Finn and Logan could feel Leo slowly pulling away. Some nights, instead of spending the rest of the evening with them, he would go into his own, rarely used bedroom, saying that he was going to call his mom, or that he wanted to read. Although not unusual for the other boys, Leo was almost always the one to initiate their nights of fun. He would start a movie, put some music on his speaker, or even bring out a board game.

The other two boys sat in the living room, trying to understand why their boyfriend was avoiding spending their free time with them. They each had a bowl of ice cream sitting on their lap, much to the dismay of their nutritionist. 

“Do you think something happened at home? I think he would have told us if that was the case. Maybe he just doesn’t want to be with us anymore.”

“Oh, Lo.” Finn moved to pull Logan onto his lap. “I’m sure that’s not it. He may just be going through some stuff. We have to let him take the time he needs. All we can do is care for him, and maybe ask Heather for some advice.”

“Logically I know that, but it just sucks that there’s nothing I can do because I don’t know what's going on. It kind of feels like he doesn’t want to be with us anymore. And I know that we have to respect that, but it hurts. He’s avoiding us Finn, and we don’t even know why.”

Unbeknown to the two in the living room, Leo could hear everything they were saying. He knew that he was pulling away, and he could see the toll it was taking on his boys, but he didn’t know how to stop. Everything was too much for him all the time. 

He tried telling himself he was fine, but it didn’t work. He wanted to tell himself that nothing happened to him and that he was just being dramatic. 

There were silent tears running down his face, and it was taking everything in him, not to break down sobbing and screaming. 

The thoughts running through his head felt like there were 70 computer tabs playing all different songs from different genres at their highest volume while people screamed like banshees in the background. All of his self-control was being used to trying to keep himself quiet, and there was nothing he could do to stop the thoughts. 

Leo had no clue how long he was sitting on his bed just curled up in the fetal position with tear tracks running down his face. He was only pulled out of his head by a few quiet knocks on his door. 

“Baby, Nutter Butter, can I come in?”

Leo made no move to let Finn in and only grunted in response. He wiped the sleeves of Harzy’s oversized sweatshirt across his face, trying to wipe away the evidence of his tears. He unraveled himself and sat up just as Finn walked in. 

“Hey babe, I noticed you didn’t grab dinner, so I brought you some soup. I’m afraid it’s not Leo Knut quality, but I ordered it from that diner you like a couple of blocks away.”

Silence overtook the room, neither Leo nor Finn moving. Finn just stared at his boyfriend, who had obviously been crying, trying to understand what was going on.

“Thank you.”

Finn took notice of Leo’s raspy voice. He was slowly compiling a list of all of the things he was noticing about Leo. Something was definitely up with his boyfriend, and Finn just wanted to find out what was going on. 

“Where’s Logan?”

While Finn was thinking that Leo missed his other boyfriend, much darker thoughts were going through his mind. 

‘Maybe he realized that I’m not worth his attention. Maybe he realized that there’s something wrong with me. Maybe he realized that I don’t deserve either of these two.’

“He’s a little bit worried about you, and he’s kind of radiating a nervous energy, so I didn’t want him to overwhelm you.” Finn moved to sit down on the bed next to Leo’s feet. He hesitated a little before he placed his hand on Leo’s knee, which was pulled up under his chin, the other tucked behind his foot. He took note of the subtle flinch. “Would you like me to call him in here?”

Leo hesitated a moment, not sure what he wanted. He thought that maybe Logan being worried meant that he actually cared, but, at the same time, he didn’t actually come in here, so maybe that meant he didn’t care.

“I can talk to him, tell him to calm down, or ask him just to be here. You don’t have to talk to him, or me, but if you want, we can just sit here.”

“Can we all just sit here? I’m not really in the mood to talk bout anything, or do anything.”

Finn just nodded, patted Leo’s knee, and left to go retrieve his other boyfriend. He took his time walking out to the living room, going over everything that happened in Leo’s room.

“Lo, babe, can you come here please?”

Finn sat on the couch and waited for Lo to wander out from the kitchen. He always had a habit of snacking when nervous. 

He walked out carrying a half-empty bag of Chex mix that Finn knew was full this morning. “What’s up?” He greeted, a nervous edge to his voice.

“So, Knutty asked if we could just sit in his room. I tried touching him, and it seemed to go pretty okay, but I think both of us might be a bit too much right now. We should probably just sit in there, and let Leo initiate anything.”

Logan nodded, setting his snack on the counter. 

Their kitchen was spotless except for their used bowls from tonight, drying on a towel on the counter. Leo hadn’t been making food as often, so Logan and Finn had been fending for themselves. 

If they were lucky, Leo would make dinner, but mostly on recent nights, they have been ordering in. So as not to starve, Finn and Logan would toast some bread for breakfast or eat leftovers from the night before, and make sandwiches for lunch. 

Once again nodding, Logan walked over and held out a hand for Finn. As soon as he took it, Logan pulled him up into a hug. Wrapping his arms around Finn’s shoulders, Logan let his head fall into the crook of Finn’s neck.

“I just want to know that he’s okay,” Logan said, his voice muffled by Finn’s shirt.

“Me too, baby, me too.”

They slowly and hesitantly released each other and walked back down the hall to Leo’s room.

“Hey Nutter butter, sorry we took so long. I wanted to let Logan know what’s going on, so we’re just going to sit here, and if you want to talk, or cuddle, we’ll let you take control.”

Finn and Logan moved to Leo’s bed, both sitting on the end.

The room was silent, not even the comforter rustled as they all sat still. Leo was watching his boyfriends. 

“I think I need to schedule an appointment with Heather,” Leo said, about 10 minutes later.

Finn took this in stride, his head unconsciously nodding. “Okay, would you like me to call her? We have practice tomorrow, so you can talk to her then if you want.”

“I think I’ll wait till tomorrow. I don't know if I can do practice in the morning.”

Again, Finn nodded laying his hand palm up on the bed. He made sure not to touch Leo, but also made sure he knew that he could initiate contact.

Leo Slowly set his hand on top of Finn’s not closing it, or intertwining their fingers like he usually does. He was using the contact as a grounding mechanism, focusing on the heat from Finn’s hand instead of the thoughts racing through his head. 

Noticing that it helped, Leo leaned forward and laid his head on Logan’s shoulder, resting his forehead against Logan’s pulse point. He kept count of how many beats, not caring about the time. The steady rhythmic thump gave him something to focus and think about. 

“I think I want to go to sleep.”

“Okay. Do you want to sleep in here or would you like to sleep in our room?”

Leo wordlessly got up, grabbed both of his boyfriends' hands, and pulled them towards what used to be Finn’s bedroom, but now is the one they all sleep in. 

They laid in bed, Leo barely catching an ounce of sleep, his mind still racing.

By the time they made it to practice in the morning, Leo could barely keep his eyes open, and his boys were growing more concerned with each wobbly step he took. Without even sparring a glance towards the rest of the team, Leo walked right down the hallway towards Heather’s office. He knocked on the door, stepping in when given the okay, and fell into the chair across from her side of the desk. 

“Any specific reason you’re here today Leo?”

Leo faltered a minute, not sure whether he was ready to tell anyone anything. Finally, looking down at his lap, “Something happened to me,” he muttered.

**********

Part one? More to come in the next part!

Feel free to leave me prompts!