I think the biggest mistake people are making here is assuming the other side is acting completely rationally and objectively and that they truly want to know your thought process.
In actuality, there’s a big chance that there just mad at you. Or, they’re mad at something. They’re frustrated the things didn’t go their way and taking it out on you. They say „why did you do it like that?” but they actually mean „why didn’t you do it my way?”.
And here’s a thing. They’re probably Thinking they DO WANT your reason. But they actually want a platonic ideal of a reason that doesn’t actually exist.
And at this point you’re probably thinking how stupid and pointless that is, and like, sure. But most of our emotional responses are like that.
Also, I have an example that maybe will let you understand it better – but it’s pretty drastic! Be mindful it’s somewhat of a hyperbole.
Okay so, you know how sometimes someone will do something awful – a murder. And people will ask „why would they do that awful thing?”. And there’s always reasons, maybe the murderer wanted money or they were indoctrinated into violent ideology or they got drunk and angry and that was enough for them. But even if that’s objectively Why the did that awful thing, people will say „that’s not a reason to take someone’s life!”. Because yeah, it’s not a reason for them and not for most people. But it was why the murderer did it.
So when people ask for a reason and that reason doesn’t seem like it would be a good reason for Them, they go – no, that’s just a bullshit excuse
