staffroom fuckery

@professordry-blog

here's where the magic happens. magic and tea and biscuits and "god-- firewhiskey on a tuesday evening isn't too early in the week. i've had fifth years". the staffroom. the one place in the school that the wood kids haven't managed to get to (except they have and katie has burnt the evidence before the other teachers can find the twenty one owls about keytars and shoes). decisions are made, tea is drank, things much stronger than tea are drank, laughs are shared, eye fucking goes on and sometimes... mysterious messages are left by anonymous owls. pft, and they thought it was the one place they would be free of the students. || owls || ooc || announcements || || staffroomery ||

17 posts

robertnott-blog

an owl to the headmistress,

Professor Hurst,

I’d like to resign from my position as seventh year prefect. Who, in their right minds, would elect me as prefect? Trust me, this is a joke pulled by Elba and it is not in the best interest of this school to have me as prefect. At all.

Perhaps, Malfoy would be a more suitable choice…

- Robert Nott

professordry-blog

Mr. Nott,

Despite what you seem to believe, nine different students seem to view you as a suitable choice - surpassing the six votes of the student who came in second place. And it is worth noting that both Miss. Elba's and Miss. Wood's votes were both uncounted due to putting you in many different positions. (And if the problem is that you would feel more comfortable acting as fourth year female over seventh year male then I do apologise, but I can't offer any assistance beyond passing on that Professor Valance's door is always open if you wish to talk.)

Moving on, if you still wish to decline the position even with the knowledge that the student body believes you to be the best choice then arrangements can be made. However I advise you to consider this carefully, Robert. It is your final year with us and not many students get the chance to say they've been a Hogwarts prefect. It would do you well to be more involved with school life. Perhaps it would encourage you to go to class more often.

- Professor Hurst

Dear students, I would like to inform you all that Robert Nott is not an acceptable choice for sixth year girl. Nor is he a proper vote for fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh and head boy. Just as Grayson Wood should not be voted as seventh year boy and head boy. Writing 'ANYBODY BUT ROBERT NOTT AND SCORPIUS MALFOY' is rude, as well as 'Anybody but that prick McLaggen'. Blank spaces cannot fill prefect positions. Neither can 'no'. And if you write 'whateverhernameis' for somebody you are voting for then you probably shouldn't be voting for her, considering you don't know her full name. And despite how gay, hot or 'oh fiyah' somebody is, that does not mean you should vote for them. Children, please. - Professor Hurst

#hurst #staffroomery

*crying, eyes puffy and red* I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! *sniffs* I d-didn't- I didn't mean to hurt Derek. I just... he kept saying he wanted to have sex with me, even though I'm underage, and I said no, *sniffs* and he... he grabbed me and tried to kiss me and I panicked. *blubbery sob* I didn't mean to use sectumsempra on him. I really didn't! I panicked and it was the first thing I thought to get him off me. *sniffs* Please don't suspend me! *sniffs* It wasn't my fault. I feel so horrible!

Incidences of sexual harassment are taken very seriously in this school and you have our full assurance that Lowe will be dealt with accordingly. His behavior is unacceptable and we hope that, beyond being quite obviously shaken, this incident hasn't harmed you or upset you too much. Professor Valance has asked me to inform you that her door is always open if you ever need somebody to talk to in confidence. Normally, in rare occasions where students use dangerous magic on other students we would take disciplinary action and enforce serious punishment. However, given the circumstances, the teachers all agree that you should be given a warning and no punishment. But please don't underestimate the severity of that type of magic, Ms. Wild. Even used in self defense, it has extreme consequences and we hope you understand that if this happens again, we may be less lenient.

- Professor Hurst

WHODUNNIT?!

- Albert's middle name is Charles. - Among Vitriol's friends is the first doctor who arrived on the scene. - Found in Richard Richardson's car was wads of money. - Amelie never knew who her father was. - When entering the house, the first person Rankin greeted was a member of staff. - Natasha Polova speaks excellent French. AND ONE FINAL BOMBSHELL: It was later discovered that there was no gunshot wound. WHEN MIDNIGHT STRIKES TOMORROW WILL BE YOUR LAST CHANCE TO TELL WHO YOU THINK DID IT. ALTHOUGH A CORRECT NAME COUNTS FOR A LOT, A CORRECT STORY (OR ONE THAT MAKES SENSE BASED ON THE EVIDENCE) AND FACTS ABOUT OTHER GUESTS THAT YOU HAVE DEDUCED (WHETHER THOSE GUESTS ARE THE MURDERERS OR NOT) WILL ALSO COUNT TOWARDS WINNING. GOOD LUCK! AND WATCH YOUR BACK. (OR YOUR DRINK.)

Professor Immar -Natasha Polova - Spy

Lord Hogwarts was a man of secrets and money - two things that Natasha Polova is very interested in. There are many rumours about this woman of mystery and why she is connected to the Lord. Rumours involve missions to find illegitimate heirs of wealthy men for blackmail, investigating a particular New York bar and the businessman who owns it because she believed it may be a front for something and delving into the shady past of a well known reporter to uncover the secrets of a person who's happy to spill everybody else.

Family - All dead

Alibi - Was in the dining room, talking to Trent Rankin. Claims that she heard no gunshot and only realised there was a murder when they were called in.

Motive - Everything this woman does is shrouded in secrecy, but it's been known that she was spending a lot of time near Lord Hogwarts prior to his death - perhaps she needed to kill him for a mission? Or he failed to help her in ways she wanted and he knew too much?

#1920sevent #immar

Professor Wynters - Trent Rankin - American Businessman

Rich, powerful, holding all the cards and all the secrets. It's known that Trent and Lord Hogwarts were fast friends, whether it be for a gambling night or as investors in business. However, if rumours about Rankin's lastest project in New York (involving pansy performers) are true, Lord Hogwarts was reluctant to invest. And if rumours about Rankin himself are true, the project wasn't just because things were becoming popular at that time.

Family - Partner 'Charlie' who he speaks about, but didn't bring to England.

Alibi -In the dining room, conversing with another guest. He claims he was oblivious to everything and didn't realise there had been a murder until somebody called them out.

Motive - As a man so careful with his money, surely Lord Hogwarts would be devestated if the investment he had been so unsure about suddenly went bust and took his money down the drain? Perhaps, with large amounts of money at stake, Rankin had dome the only thing he believed he could?

#1920sevent #wynters

Professor Valance - Amelie Tryst - Socialite

Although only recently arrived on the social scene with limited English from a rather poor background in France, Amelie has recently found her bank account filled to the brim. Whether by some freak accident or an anonymous benefactor (despite trying to trace it's origins, she can't find where her windfall has come from) it's certainly helped her get onto on her feet and there's already a buzz about her. However, a certain Sally Vitriol may be threatening her new found celebrity status with malicious lies... or are they?

Family - Mother, living back in France

Alibi - Powdering her nose in the bathroom. Claims to have heard the gunshot.

Motive - If the rumours that Sally Vitriol brought to her were true, who's to say they didn't involve Lord Hogwarts? Or perhaps he was the only other person who knew them? Perhaps... maybe they were just juicy enough to die for.

#valance #1920sevent

Professor Puckett - Richard Richardson - Chauffuer

Often acting out of order and above his station, Richard Richardson is the sort of employee that most wealthy families would be done with in a flash. He too would be more than happy to find another job as there have been many rumours about disputes between him and his employer. However, he's bound by contract to work for the old man, and so despite the arguments, he's staying. Or was, until the old man's death.

Family - Sister and cousin, both living abroad

Alibi - During the party, he was in the garage tinkering with the cars. He claims not to have witnessed or heard anything during the party, although one suspect was sure she saw him enter through a side door at some point.

Motive - Could he really want to leave his job so badly that he would go as far as to knock off Lord Hogwarts?

#puckett #1920sevent

Is the Halloween Event about Muggles? Why?

Why do you think? Really, when something like this comes about is there ever anybody but Gids to blame?

(That's Professor Higgsy to you, I'm told.)

- Avaline V.

Professor Higsworth - Albert Fluckley - Butler

Usually quite laid back, relaxed, lazy and careless, he had never won the 'World's Best Butler' award. However, he had been working for the Hogwarts family for over ten years and considered himself close to the family. Before Lady Hogwarts passed, it was believed that he had always loved her. To impress her (or somebody in the house) he managed to get up off his backside and began to learn new skills and take interest in such things as clay pigeon shooting and horticulture.

Family - Ex-wife, divorced him

Alibi - Fixing the bedrooms up for the evening, claims to have no heard the gunshot.

Motive - Recently money had been going missing. At first, a hand was waved and it was ignored. He had been (mostly) loyal for ten years. However, things changed when there was an incident and it became clear that the dead wife of the Lord Hogwarts was not who Fluckley had a soft spot for, so to speak. If he could hide that secret, then who says he couldn't sneak a bit of money? Perhaps somebody was getting too curious and needed taking care of.

#higsworth #1920sevent

Professor Hurst - Sally Vitriol - Reporter

Made incredibly wealthy by the mysterious dissappearance of her parents - her first big story, as a matter of fact. She can be found at all the upper class parties (especially close to some in the beauty industry), carrying her trusty pen and pad of paper, gathering any tiny morsel of gossip to splash all over the front page of a newspaper and is rumoured to have a whole number of shady connections. Always first to the scene, many have wondered if there's something more to her speedy coverage.

Family - Parents (deceased), younger brother (mountaineer, lost in the Himalayas three years ago and presumed dead)

Alibi - Slipped down to the kitchens to ask one of the servants to prepare her a drink. Although there were drinks at the party, she claimed that she needed something much stronger.

Motive - He had been feeding her information, and she had been sharing some of hers in return, especially on fellow businessmen. While searching through her notes, he found a particular scandal she was going to expose. Information is very valuable in her business. Motive enough for murder?

#hurst #1920sevent

SPLASHING AROUND CASH TURNED TO SPLASHING AROUND IN BLOOD

It's a real murder mystery at present, as the wealthy owner of Hogwarts House has been found shot dead with his own gun in the middle of a flashy party for the businessman's closest associates. It's tempting to use the word 'friends' although if rumour has it (and rumour always does have it) many of the guests invited were anything but friends. I was lucky to be in attendance myself (as always, I was first to get the juicy gossip) and I can assure you that tensions were running deliciously high. The police are currently in the middle of investigations, and have yet to announce any suspects in the case, although all those at the party are being questioned. Over the next week, I'm sure it'll be the talk of the town; everybody wanting to know whodunnit. Well, the old man had always said he wanted to go out in style. Farewell, my avid readers, until next week. This has been Sally Vitriol, reporting on the most fashionable murder to date.

#1920sevent #staffroomery #hurst

The painting of anyone's faces or walls will result in another week of detention. - Loring Grayson... please don't get the Goblins out. - Katie W.

#wood #loring #owls

Adriana, licking glue is highly frowned upon. I would advise against sniffing it but the two of you have most likely tried already. (At this point I think I should mention that I'm facepalming heavily and wondering how I birthed and raised you two.) I'm curious as to how you know so much about blood. Knowledge is good but please don't perform any unauthorized science experiments in the dorms. We all know how the last ones turned out. - (A rather exasperated) Katie W.

Why oh why did I ever think having children was a good idea? Firstly, you both have detention for misuse of the staffroom owls. Given out by Professor Loring who happebed to catch sight of these owls, but I fully support his decision. We agreed that you could contact me IF Clive had something stupid lodged up his nose again and it was going to explode in a matter of hours, Adriana had been strangled by the giant squid's long lost brother and Grayson had figured out a way to turn the whole school into a rainbow palace. Frankly, anything else I think I've already seen. Now, let's set some things straight. Riana, you are not a hobo. Grayson, you are not a sock. Riana, your brother is not genetically improbable. Grayson, the good genes did not go to you. Or you, Riana. In fact, I think Clive is the only sane child and we all know the stupid things he gets up to. Besides, we all know I have the best genes out of all the Wood family, and I wasn't even born into it. - Katie W.

PROFESSOR HIGGIE! I FOUND OUT A SUPER EASY METHOD TO TEACH YOU TO USE A TOASTER. I BARELY EVEN GOT ELECTROCUTED THIS TIME!

Oh sweet lord, it's Christmas! Now, the toaster IS the one that boils the eggs, isn't it....?- P. G. Higgles

#higsworth #owls

If you need to contact any member of staff, owl the staffroom. However, be warned that if it is not of serious matter, we will do all we can to find out who, what, why, when and where, and you will be in serious trouble, have no doubt. - Professor Hurst

#hurst #staffroomery

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