Idiot of Antiquity

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This author depicts how the writing process has been unchanged for hundreds of years.

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King Cumberdutch, known as the Scowling Lion, had such a face that even fish threw him shade.

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The beaver moose grows tired of your games. This artifact has lain dormant nigh millennia, and now that it is unearthed, its only purpose is serves is to continue the perpetual cycle of bloodshed and entropy.  

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A visual taken from the 1700′s best-seller “Fists of Love: An Asshole’s Guide to Relationships”.

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A depiction of a Victorian woman bidding farewell to the last of her fucks.

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This chart depicts the progression of minimalist hut design. While popular for a time, the style was quickly abandoned when it was discovered that the huffing and puffing of wolves jeopardized their structural integrity.

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A chart depicting the gradual improvements blacksmiths made in an arms race to produce the silliest headgear.

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An illustration that accompanied scientific studies aimed at quantifying how hard it really is out here for a pimp.

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A depiction of Jesus’ seminar of proper wet willy technique.

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Contrary to popular belief, the worship of avocados dates back further than pretentious Californians realize. Ancient peoples would operate the device, known as the Guacamola Constrictor, by twisting  the harpy-looking knob on top. The band around the avocado would tighten, forcing its contents out of the creepy nozzle for easy application.

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Please notice: baby shoes, very old.

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Referred to as the Peruvian Panda-Bird Bong, this artifact dates all the way back 1000 A.D.. This vessel was cherished by the indigenous people that built it and at least one ceremonial guinea pig throw has been preformed to certify it as a holy object. It is believed a combination of local grasses would be packed into the top and set ablaze. The effect of inhaling the smoked produced by this has been described as “completely fucking awful” by most accounts.

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Found on the beaches of Panama, this piece harkens back to the days when magic was more plentiful. This is solid gold magic wand, dated to have been of used between 500-1550 A.D., was used by highborns to everything from duel over control of territory to punishing their muggle underlings. Though the Illuminati worked tirelessly to rid the magic and magic-users, artifacts like this remind us of a time that once was.

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Notes from, scientist and comedian, Leonardo de Vinci’s lifelong study to discover the location of the funny bone

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An illustration of the telescope built for Andy Gutenberg, the world’s tallest nerd. 

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An artist takes note to later scent his scratch-and-sniff.

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Julius Caesar demonstrating the concept of swag to an uncivilized peoples.