andrea anderson

writer | succulent

[provocative-envy]

i often still think about draco and scabior from over/under. hope they're disgustingly happy <33

they have retired blissfully to some kind of small quaint picturesque dairy farm where scabior has a cheese cave and draco has the world's meanest fucking pet rooster who he is convinced loves and respects him and nobody has the heart to be like "no dude that thing wants to tear your throat out, stop making eye contact with it"

scabior is gonna get him a labradoodle soon

[provocative-envy]

So happy you’re back and writing dramione!!! Gag reflex is already giving me heart palpitations in the best way

Question though didn’t you have another dramione where they were coworkers and doing trivia together or something? Whatever happened to that?

"back" and "writing dramione" are relative terms imo

like is anyone ever really "back"

or even simply "writing" for that matter

haha,,

(yeah that was plans for the weekend!!! just answered someone else about what happened to that one!!)

[provocative-envy]

heyyy did you remove plans for the weekend from ao3?

yeah, i purged a few things a while back that i knew i was never going to touch again

plans for the weekend specifically was 90% written but had randomly become like. some kind of super intense murder mystery? around the 60% mark? lmfao. the tonal shift was jarring and incomprehensible and i couldn't figure out how to fix it without rewriting like.....all of it? essentially my silly little framing device for my silly little rom-com took on a life of its own and absolutely nobody was going to care that much about aberforth dumbledore and his goat farm in upstate ny!!!!!

brains remain very funny to me, as a concept

[provocative-envy]

It is not, to Hermione’s everlasting chagrin, the first time she’s thought about Draco Malfoy’s dick.

Not on purpose.

Obviously.

Not by choice.

Obviously.

But she did share a homeroom with Pansy Parkinson for most of their junior year of high school, which, regardless of her feelings about Pansy Parkinson as a person, had still been something of a learning experience. Similar to how a scientist watching bioengineered mold spores spontaneously cannibalize one another in a petri dish could be a learning experience.

Like, Hermione had definitely learned things. Heard things. About Malfoy’s dick. About Malfoy’s—preferences. Things she could never unhear, things she could never quite manage to entirely forget. Parkinson had been obsessed with him. She’d made it everyone’s problem.

part 3 now available

[provocative-envy]

I screamed when I saw Gag reflex and it is already so good! Draco as the White privilege Ken was so on point it led to a rewatch of the Barbie movie. Generally speaking, the snark was everything. I adore Hermione, and Tracy and all the ways you describe Cormac.

the thing about tracey is like

can you imagine how exhausting it would be to be hermione granger's roommate for 10 weeks while she was having a very obvious and very hysterical personal crisis about wanting to fuck draco malfoy, who was EQUALLY visibly intensely obsessed with her

and who you also had to see every day at work

like tracey davis is going to sue bagman crouch & crouch for hazard pay when this fic ends and the only evidence she'll need to win is a 30 second long video of hermione and draco standing in an elevator together

[provocative-envy]

I finished part 1 & 2 of ice ice baby. Loved it ❤️

DELIGHTED BY THIS NEWS

this is such a throwback though lmao

like i long conned so many people into reading fics about hockey

[provocative-envy]

HELLO so happy to see that you’re back I just stalked your blog the other day (maybe a month ago who knows) because I’ve just been thinking about my life and what I like to read and what I’d like to write and idk you are such a formative part of my taste (like hello TWO out of the four total Amazon reviews credited to my account are on Nightshade and Ether respectively) and I can’t wait to read more of your original stuff (although Gag Reflex 😩 looks like a VERY original piece of work um actually you’ve already made my new year w that) anyway lots of love and welcome from me ♥️

THE ORIGINAL ORIGINAL CONTENT

ORIGINAL SQUARED

2 FAST 2 FURIOUS 2 ORIGINAL

this is so sweet, and so flattering, and i am on the last day of my period and feeling very emotional and cannot be held accountable for whatever face i may or may not be making right now!!!!

i have been working on a lot of original projects over the last year or so after taking a long covid writing break and will hopefully have news about that soon - its wild to look back on some of the older stuff i put out tbh. kind of like a fossil record, lol. like i want to grab one of those little brushes paleontologists use and Examine The Bedrock.

gag reflex is uhhhh certainly a Piece Of Writing, though!!!! lots of. literary merit. lurking in its .... [checks notes] ... depths?

ANYWAY i hope you have been doing great and living your best life and just generally THRIVING because it's what you deserve!!! ❤️❤️❤️

[provocative-envy]

I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE BACK! WELCOME TO DRAMIONE WE'VE MISSED YOU 😭❤️

RINGING IN THE NEW YEAR WITH A BRAND NEW COLLECTION OF CRYING EMOJIS

[provocative-envy]

There are not enough ways to keyboard smash for how excited I am for your new fic! This is so exciting. So, so exciting. And I hope you’re well!

i feel like im limping through one of those combination high five + tiny water cup tunnels at the end of a grueling and very logistically confusing marathon right now

electricity in the air

a sense of homecoming

the #69 pinned to the back of my shirt

hell yeah

[provocative-envy]

“No,” is the first word to leave Hermione’s mouth when she steps out of the ostentatious brass-plated elevator on the 44th floor of the even more ostentatious marble-lobbied midtown skyscraper and sees who’s already there, standing at the clearly marked check-in table and collecting his orientation packet.

She says it calmly, if not quietly, like there’s a part of her that’s convinced if she doesn’t cause a scene she’ll be rewarded with some other, better 44th floor in some other, better midtown skyscraper. Like she’s speed-running the five stages of grief and her valiantly muted reaction to that giant platinum-blond stick insect in $1200 boat shoes is some kind of emotional bargaining chip. Denial? Check. Anger? Double check. What’s even left after that? Grim pragmatism? Abject despair?

“Well, well, well,” approximately six-feet-three-and-a-half-inches of smarmy lax bro dickhead drawls after finally deigning to notice her. Her appearance. Her identity. Her dread induced dissociative fugue state. “Hermione Granger. How about that.”

continue reading on ao3

[provocative-envy]

going home for the holidays

[provocative-envy]

PLEASE write something for Bodies I Would Scream

immediately after i first finished watching the show i did actually write like the funniest 500 word opening for a fic but i never went back to it lol. here's the first two lines:

[provocative-envy]

WONDERFUL to have you back and alive!! Can you tell us what you're currently obsessed with fandom-wise, or what you have going on project-wise?

(the way everyone is specifying "alive" in these messages lmfao entering my zombie era WHEN)

i just finished Final Revisions TM with my agent on the manuscript for my (gay!) paranormal sports rom-com about an actually cursed hockey team that is both very funny and very sweet and very thematically curious about the ethical pitfalls of the professional sports industrial complex and what it means to hinge your whole identity on things you're good at rather than things you love :)

so that's ready for Submission next month, which are words that make me feel equally large amounts of dread and excitement, which is coincidentally a feeling you too can experience should you ever go on one of those spinning death trap carnival rides called like. idk. THE BRAIN SCRAMBLER or whatever.

anyway!!!! i have a list of potential projects to work on for after the holidays - might knock out another hockey book!!! turn a half done YA thriller murder mystery into an ADULT thriller murder mystery!!! see where the wind takes me!! - but for the next little bit i'm just gonna be editing the 50k of [redacted] i wrote when i had the flu in november and trying to figure out a) why it's so horny, and b) how to break it into chapters because "organization" and "pacing" were simply not things i was worried about while i was high on prescription cough medicine.

(this is insanely long, i still cannot shut the fuck up, the rest is under the cut lmao)

as far as fandom goes: i got really into BODIES (netflix) for a bit recently because a couple of the characters are so intensely tragic it made me want to physically tear one of my non-vital organs out of my body with my bare hands just to Feel Something Worse, you know. but there doesn't seem to be much of a fandom there, lol. like the show was pretty good for what it was, it just had that kind of bittersweet murky on purpose sci-fi ending that i'd want to write fix-it fic for and i'm not sure i'm INVESTED enough for that, so. rip.

i also briefly hyper fixated on fucking TOP GUN of all things (lol. lmao. this is EMBARRASSING, you're all sworn to secrecy) because i finally watched the 2022 movie and was utterly fascinated by the fact that a real live human screenwriter - a team of real live human screenwriters, even - wrote THEE most unnecessarily suggestive intro scene for miles teller's character and his """""""""""rival""""""""""" and nobody??? said??? anything????? during the making or filming of it??????? nobody had any fucking notes about "you look . . . good" with the full head to toe smirking once-over???????? while the other guy was BENT OVER A POOL TABLE?????? nobody????????????????? NOT ONE PERSON??????

like there was no reason for it. it was such a blatant unhinged example of what happens when the toxic alpha male posturing bullshit gets so toxic and so alpha that it swings right back around to Homoerotic Parody. who allowed it. how did it happen. how many takes did they film. i have so many questions.

even my husband, who has the media literacy of the average live laugh love wine mom on facebook, was like "oh are they ex boyfriends? that seems pretty progressive for a movie like this" and then i had to explain to him that institutional homophobia is actually integral to the military propaganda theme and they were definitely going to end the movie with a manly handshake (which is exactly what they did. lol.)

and i realize i am well over a year and a half late to this particular party!!!

but to be fair.

i was only about a year late when the actual hyper fixation occurred. so. jot that down. check and mate. et cetera.

[provocative-envy]

omg hi welcome back i was just wondering about you the other day (not to be weird lmao)

FUCK

THIS ONE IS ALSO IN HAIKU FORM

OH MY GODDDDDDD

(hi yeah my brain will occasionally fling a random name at me while i'm making dinner or whatever and i'll unironically think to myself "wow wonder how that guy's doing" and the guy in question will be the basketball player i sat next to in 9th grade health class who i partnered with for a research report about chlamydia and then never spoke to again. OBJECTIVELY MUCH WEIRDER. YOU'RE DOING GREAT)

[provocative-envy]

HELL YEAH HI WE MISSED YOU ON THE HELLSITE

tumblr dot com has made this ask look like an early draft of a haiku written by someone who does not understand how a haiku works and i am having a little bit of a Crisis about it because like

is it my phone

do i need to update the app

have i accidentally downloaded some kind of absurd malware that does nothing but turn normal asks into fake haiku asks

AM I GOING TO POST THIS ONLY TO FIND THAT IT APPEARS TOTALLY NORMAL TO EVERYONE ELSE AND THEN HAVE A SECONDARY AND MUCH MORE CONCERNING CRISIS ABOUT THAT

god

yeah

we are so back

[provocative-envy]

Hi! Did you delete the post on the zabini's mother? It was like a character study of like her childhood years to meeting Blaise's father and then becoming the "black widow". I read it a couple years ago and I suddenly remembered it and starting scrolling but I couldn't find it. Hope you're doing well!!!

hi!! i remember exactly what you're talking about, yeah, and i think it might've been accidentally deleted when i did a blog purge a few years ago - i can't find it, but i can't really find anything in general right now since i genuinely do Not know how to use this website anymore. like what is a badge. blazing. tipping. subscriptions. i feel like alice returning to wonderland after there's been an oil spill.

anyway i THINK i have a copy of the post you're talking about saved somewhere because it was definitely sort of a fic iirc? if i find it i'll re-post it!!

(also: i'm doing well, thank you!)

ETA: i found this!!! i'm going to clean it up and probably post it to ao3 instead of here since uhhhhh i've been meaning to start archiving some of my old (good) short fic over there anyway

specifically to avoid this exact scenario happening actually lol

[provocative-envy]

guess who's back

(back again)