summary: you’ve been feeling lonely and suffocating underneath all the horrible things going on in your life lately. pope makes sure you know your still loved. 18+ NSFW!!!
warnings: smut, cunnilingus, fingering, age gap relationship (age differences not specified just mentioned).
a/n: this is probably so shit, i wrote this at like 12AM sorry guys 🥀
Recently, life had been extremely hard for you. Your responsibilities felt like shackles around your ankles, dragging you deeper and deeper beneath the saltwater that filled your lungs and slowly choked the life out of you.
You hadn’t ever expected to find yourself in this position, the kind where you were completely lost in the cold depths of darkness your whole being was submerged in.
The pressure had gotten to be so much that you couldn’t find your way back out.
I mean, you were involved with a man whose family were all criminals. Including him. On top of that, you were also being drowned beneath heaps of missed work from college. Don’t forget the fact that your family and friends had completely abandoned you once you’d started seeing Pope. It was as if you didn’t even exist to them anymore, simply because of an age gap.
You’d never been so alone in your whole life.
And the thing was, you had absolutely nobody to turn to. Of course, your boyfriend was there, but as sweet as he was, he wouldn’t understand this.
Right now, you were surrounded by heaps of books and scattered sheets of paper as you sat at the kitchen island. You were running off multiple black coffees mixed with Monster, the building anxiety in your chest, and about three hours of sleep before you slipped away from Pope’s warm embrace to carry on with your work.
You weren’t even an hour in, and you already felt the violent waves of saltwater rolling over you, choking every last bit of air from your lungs.
It was so hard to stay focused when you were so exhausted, when everything around you threatened to completely break your already fragile spirit.
As you zoned out, staring at the words on a page in a textbook but not really processing them, Pope padded into the kitchen, still in the boxers he’d slept in.
His arms wound around you from behind, startling you slightly.
“Whoa, jumpy,” he murmured, his voice low and rough with sleep. “You okay?”
You remained silent for a moment, hesitating. You could lie to him and wallow in your own guilt afterward, or you could tell him the truth and wallow in your guilt of being a burden afterward.
“Mhm, yeah… fine,” you responded softly, your voice quieter than normal and less steady. “Just didn’t hear you coming, that’s all.”
The lie tasted bitter on your tongue, like you’d taken a bite from a rotten piece of fruit. Though it felt necessary, you couldn’t burden Pope with all your silly problems when he had much bigger ones.
He stood there, watching your face for a moment. He noted the dark bags beneath your eyes, the pallor of your skin, and the way your lips seemed to be constantly turned down into a frown lately.
“You should come back to bed,” Pope muttered. It was a gentle nudge, for now. “You look absolutely exhausted, doll.”
He wasn’t wrong in the slightest. You were absolutely exhausted. In all kinds of ways. Mentally, physically, even emotionally.
“No, no… I have a ton of work to get done.” You shook your head, lightly shrugging your shoulders. Shrugging Pope’s hands off them.
It wasn’t something you’d ever done to him before. You usually welcomed his touch. It hurt Pope; a small crease formed between his brows, and it was his turn to frown.
“Doll, it’s 5 a.m… you’ve had, what, three hours of sleep?” he began, crossing his arms over his chest and staring down at you. “Come back to bed. I’m not asking you this time.”
It frustrated you, the fact that he thought he could just boss you around as if you were some sort of petulant child refusing their bedtime.
Though, you were more upset about this damned work, the stacks of it you had to go through despite being unable to focus for more than thirty seconds at a time before the words started blurring together into one jumbled mess.
“I just told you I have a lot of work to do. Can you not respect that for once in your life, Pope? I have heaps of this to do, and if I don’t get it done, I’m going to fall behind. So no, I won’t come to fucking bed!”
That was the first time you’d ever snapped at Pope. You’d never once raised your voice at him, never directed an unkind word at him… but you were at your limit, and it just slipped out.
You paused, chest heaving, and anxiously licked your lips before drawing your gaze up to Pope’s.
You expected to see anger, hatred, anything. Anything other than love and concern.
“Doll…” he started gently, his expression softening, though the furrow between his brows remained. You weren’t sure he even knew what to say to you right now.
Your lip quivered, eyes filling with tears as you stared at the man before you. The man who hadn’t ever hurt you, hadn’t ever upset you. Yet you’d just snarled at him in a fit of rage, all because you had no other outlet for the tsunami of emotions inside you.
“Oh, doll…” You could hear the sympathy in his voice, the love and concern, as he stepped closer but hesitated before drawing you into his chest. “It’s okay. You’re okay…”
He spoke against your hair, one hand cradling the back of your head as the other wrapped around your waist to hold you securely.
“Talk to me,” Pope whispered, shifting to press a loving kiss to the crown of your head. “What’s going on?”
He was so gentle. So patient. You believed you didn’t deserve him at all.
“Everything…” you let out a weak whimper into his chest, your hands moving to hold his waist, your nails digging into his sides slightly as you fought to ground yourself.
“Everything?” he repeated, his voice low and careful as he tried to work it out.
“I’ve lost everything, Andrew.” The use of his full name showed him just how serious you were right now. “My friends, my family, my normal life, my chances at actually passing college…”
As you listed off your problems, Pope’s grip on you shifted whenever your voice cracked. He needed you to realise you hadn’t lost completely everything, he was right there.
“I’m drowning in schoolwork. There’s no way I’m going to catch up. I’m so burnt out, and I’ve barely made a dent in it all. Even with my extremely late nights and early mornings. When I do actually attend school, I’m always fucking alone because everyone has decided I’m not worth speaking to all of a sudden just because I’m with you. Also, my own family has cut me off. I have nobody. Nothing. I am so fucking alone.”
Pope let you ramble, not bothering to interrupt. He knew this had probably been bottled up for a while now, and it all needed to come out.
He waited until you’d fallen silent, your chest heaving from your rapid speech, your cheeks flushed as you got ramped up and emotional.
After a moment, he finally spoke up.
“You’re not completely alone, doll.” Pope gave you a weak smile, cupping your cheeks in his calloused hands and tilting your head up so you’d meet his gaze. “I’m here… that counts.”
You let out a wet chuckle, sniffling as you pulled your sleeves over your hands and rubbed at your eyes.
“Even then, we’ve been distant lately… and I know it’s my fault. I’ve been drowning myself in work. It still hurts, though,” you sighed, letting him pull you in closer so your head rested on his broad shoulder.
“Doll, we are anything but distant,” Pope responded, trying to soothe you. “But I’m sorry if you’ve felt that way.”
Pope’s hand slipped under your shirt, drawing abstract patterns across the expanse of your bare back. This was something he always did to comfort you when you were in a foul mood.
“If you’re feeling up to it, and you can one hundred percent say no, why don’t I show you how not distant we are?” Pope suggested, a slight grin on his face as he pulled back to look down at you.
You knew exactly what he was suggesting. He meant getting closer in a more intimate way, and honestly, it didn’t seem like a bad idea right now.
It would definitely help you. It would calm your frayed nerves, bring you back down to earth, and allow you to feel connected to Pope again.
After a moment of mulling it over in your head, you nodded. A slow, almost imperceptible motion.
“Yeah,” you said, nodding once again. “Okay.”
The second you finished speaking, Pope lifted you into his arms as if you weighed nothing and carried you to your shared bedroom.
The two of you shared heated kisses along the way, his lips lingering against yours as you clung to him like he was your lifeline.
Once you reached the room, Pope made a beeline for the bed. He carefully laid you back against the soft mattress, his lips never leaving yours even as his hands began to wander gently along your sides.
Your soft whimpers were swallowed by him as his lips pressed desperately against yours, his hands working at undoing the drawstrings of your pyjama bottoms.
“Shh, shh… I’ve got you, doll,” he murmured, his voice low and warm. “I’m right here.”
Once your pyjama bottoms were completely off, he moved quickly, helping you out of your shirt with deft hands and soon your bra and panties followed.
Pope’s lips were firm yet extremely gentle as they moved from your mouth and trailed down your neck instead. It was a pressure that said, ‘I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.’
It wasn’t long until Pope was right where you wanted him, your legs hooked over his broad shoulders while he nipped, kissed, and sucked at the skin of your inner thighs.
“God, you’re so pretty doll.” He growled quietly against your skin, moving to ghost a kiss over your clit.
Your head tipped back, a quiet hiss leaving your lips at the sudden contact.
“Ah, ah..” Pope chided, sinking his teeth into your thigh. Hard enough to let you know he was reprimanding you. “Eyes on me, doll.”
You swallowed thickly, moving to prop yourself up on your elbows as you gazed down at Pope settled between your thighs.
Your eyes locked with his, and he moved forwards slightly, using his shoulders to spread your legs a little wider so he had room.
Pope flattened his tongue, licking a slow stripe up your pussy from your entrance to your clit.
“That’s it doll, keep your eyes on me.” he grumbled against your folds, a look of pure devotion in his eyes as he went down on you. “I’m right here, not going anywhere.”
Your breath hitched, chest already flushed a rosy pink and a quiet moan escaped your lips as Pope’s tongue worked over you thoroughly.
“Pope..” you whined, hips grinding up against his face as you sought out more of that feeling.
“I know doll, I’ve got you..” Pope whispered softly against your pussy, his breath cold against your core and causing your hips to twitch. “I’ll get you there, promise. Just be patient for me, okay?”
Even just his voice had you trembling, desperate to just rut against his face until you got what you needed.
Though of course, he banded his arm around your waist just like he did in the kitchen so he could hold you still. Preventing you from doing exactly what you’d been thinking about doing.
Pope wasn’t teasing tonight though. He didn’t draw stupid light patterns over your clit. No, he dove straight in. He slanted his mouth over your pussy and slid his tongue in repetitive motions over your clit.
After a while of working you over, he brought his hand up and slowly worked his middle finger into you. He gave you a moment to adjust before sliding another in, curling his fingers and finding that spongy spot within you.
In response, you let out a small cry and your back bowed.
“Shh, you’re okay.” Pope cooed, briefly pulling away to speak before immediately going back to work.
As his mouth and tongue work in tandem to push you over the edge, you cry and whimper out his name repeatedly as your fingers claw at his scalp.
“Pope!” you yell, hips snapping up against his face as his grip over your waist loosened.
It wasn’t long before white exploded behind your eyes, your vision spotting as the coil in your belly snapped and you came on his face with a loud cry.
Pope helped you ride it out, his fingers working you through it and he slowly pulled away before crawling up your body.
He gathered you up in his arms, kissing your temple over and over as you panted in his arms.
“Still feel like we’re distant?” Pope questioned, a smug grin on his face as he gently ground his hard-on against your ass.