I'm on fire

extremis-rescue au pepper potts rp blog. please read about and rules (this blog is current with aou). oc friendly, 18+, multiship/verse, selective.

[pyromechanics]

Nightmares - Tony and Pepper

[milehighmechanic]

Tony’s lips curled up in an exhausted resemblance of a smile, leaning in to the touch of Pepper’s hand, even if his body was still stiff with tension. An unconscious reaction, that’s all it was. He trusted Pepper, possibly more than she trusted herself, but his body continued to betray him. 

He still reached out to take Pepper hand, only stopping in the bedroom for a brief moment to pull a hoody on. He wasn’t cold, but the hoody hid the bandages from sight - an obivous, and probably useless to put the incident out of mind. And the hoody was warm and comforting and covered him completely. 

Eventually he slumped at the kitchen table, looking up at Pepper again. “Is anywhere even open to get food at this time of morning?”

[pyromechanics]

Pepper could see Tony’s tension, and she felt like the ache in her heart would never go away. You did this to him. This is your fault, and he has every right to be afraid of you. When he reached for her hand, however, she took it, and settled their hands on the table once they were sitting down in the kitchen.

“Fast food, I guess.” Pepper wrinkled her nose at the idea of 3 AM Taco Bell. She thought to herself for a moment, and then spoke again, her voice hesitant. “Look, can I...can I make breakfast for us?” It would bring some sense of normalcy back, even if it was only Eggo waffles and scrambled eggs. “I don’t think I can stomach greasy fast food at this time of night.”

[pyromechanics]

Nightmares - Tony and Pepper

[milehighmechanic]

A tired smile crossed his face, and Tony squeezed her hand again. It was always a comfort to him to hear that Pepper needed him, wanted him. He knew, of course he did, logically, but hearing the words verbally meant a lot to him. 

“Okay. I think we can do that.” It was only a temporary solution. He knew that; they both knew that. But watching Pepper right now, Tony would do anything to help her feel better. 

He took a breath, slowly getting to his feet. “Don’t think either of us are gonna sleep again tonight,” he mused quietly. It was barely even night anymore. “You wanna order breakfast?”

[pyromechanics]

“Okay.” Pepper nodded, relieved that they at least had a temporary solution. She was going to feel horrible about this indefinitely, but at least they were trying to fix what was wrong. She just wished she was better at it. 

As Tony got to his feet, Pepper instinctively helped him, her touch gentle as her hand rested on his shoulder. She was going to be hyper-vigilant about the orange glow now, and for now, at least, she was keeping it calm. She needed Tony’s touch right now, and she knew she could only have that if she kept Extremis under control.

“Breakfast sounds like a good idea. I’m definitely not sleeping.” Pepper wasn’t sure if she’d sleep the next night, either. Tonight had been too terrifying.

[pyromechanics]

Nightmares - Tony and Pepper

[milehighmechanic]

“Maybe you should talk to Bruce— Not about extremis, but, y’know. He has some experience with the whole control schtick.” He was trying to stay upbeat about this, trying to think of solutions rather than letting himself think of the worst. 

He shifted uncomfortably and then winced as the skin pulled, glancing down at the stark white bandages. “Maybe…” He hesitated, not quite looking at Pepper. “Maybe we shouldn’t sleep in the same room. Until you feel better.”

The last thing Tony wanted was more distance between them. And he knew that this solution would severely hamper his own ability to sleep. But it was more important that Pepper felt comfortable, right? That she wasn’t worrying about hurting him.

[pyromechanics]

Pepper nodded as she listened to Tony’s words. That was a lot more palatable than any kind of experimentation, and she knew Tony was right. Bruce would know more about this than anyone else, and he could probably help her. “I think I’ll do that. That might be better in the long run, and I figure he’s an expert about that sort of thing.”

Pepper felt her heart twist at Tony’s suggestion. She knew the logical solution was to sleep apart, but she definitely didn’t want that, and she knew Tony didn’t either. She knew for a fact Tony didn’t sleep nearly as well when she wasn’t around, and that would be yet another way of hurting him. She also had a feeling that her nightmares would become even worse without Tony beside her, and that might exacerbate the problem.

“Maybe just separate beds, but near each other?” Pepper suggested, wishing Tony would meet her eyes. “It’s selfish of me, but I don’t want to sleep without you. I...I need you near. Even if you aren’t in the same bed.” She looked down a little, embarrassed. 

[pyromechanics]

Nightmares - Tony and Pepper

[milehighmechanic]

Tony looked down. He knew she wasn’t trying to push him away - that she’d never tried to. He knew that this was something more than simple stubbornness. But it just made him feel so helpless. Because maybe he was the one injured, but Pepper was in pain and Tony hated not being able to do anything about it.

“I know. I know, Pep.” He sighed softly, thumb rubbing over the back of her hand gently. “But you don’t have to do this alone.” He wished desperately that she would believe that. “Okay?”

[pyromechanics]

Pepper hated how much she was hurting Tony, but everything about this situation was just a bunch of harsh truths. He really had done everything that he could, and she had to work with what she had. She still felt like it was a personal failing that she couldn’t control Extremis well enough yet, and the lack of control in general made her feel incredibly afraid. She wasn’t used to being in that sort of situation. 

“Okay.” She could believe that, at least. She knew Tony would stay by her side through this, and she wanted him there. She just desperately hoped she wouldn’t hurt him again like this. She was never going to be able to forget this, and Tony’s bandages would be a harsh reminder of what she needed to improve. “I think I’m so afraid of hurting you that it makes me stressed all the time, which exacerbates the symptoms, and then I really do end up hurting you. It’s a vicious cycle.” Pepper couldn’t remember the last time she was really calm, but she had a feeling that relaxing might help, if she was still capable of it.

[christineverhart]

Extremis | superpowered AU

[christineverhart]

“I’m sorry, I reacted badly to that just now,” Christine tucks a strand of hair behind her ear again, and she should really work on having such an obvious tell, such an obvious nervous tick, and the look she sends Pepper is apologetic.

“I suppose… well, all of this seems to happen very quickly, I find myself almost a little… overwhelmed.” The reporter puts her cup down on the table, getting up from where she’s sitting and walking over to Pepper again, grasping the redhead’s hand.

“You’re being very sweet to me. But in a very real way, I am just not used to being in this situation, you’ll need to bear with me here.” The blonde smiles, and leans in for a brief peck on Pepper’s cheek.

[pyromechanics]

“It’s all right, I feel like I put my foot in my mouth a little there.” Pepper barely catches Christine’s apologetic look, because she’s embarrassed and looking down at the table instead. Then Christine’s hand is over hers, which makes her look up, even though her face is a little red. She is certainly not the type of person to move fast in relationships, so what’s happening with Christine is both scary and thrilling. 

“I am, too. It’s all right.” Pepper smiles despite herself when Christine kisses her on the cheek, and she gives the other woman’s hand a squeeze. “I’m not used to this either. But we’ll play it by ear and figure things out, okay? No pressure.”

[pyromechanics]

Nightmares - Tony and Pepper

[milehighmechanic]

The bandaging was a slow and painful process, but he sat in stoic silence throughout it, barely letting a flinch show, determined not to make Pepper feel any more guilt. Because he could read every emotion that crossed her face, see the pain mirrored in her eyes and it tore at him inside. 

Tony shook his head and reached out for her hand, fingertips grazing her skin cautiously, checking for heat. Then he grasped her hand firmly, giving it a gentle squeeze. He refused to be scared of her. But they couldn’t ignore this any more. He lifted his head, dark eyes meeting hers. “What are we going to do about this?”

[pyromechanics]

The fact that Tony was willing to touch her so soon after being injured threw Pepper for a loop, and she watched their hands, waiting for Tony to flinch away. When he didn’t, she felt her heart twist again, and she gave him a gentle squeeze back, not wanting to let go. His words made everything hurt again, though, and she was unable to keep the tears from her eyes. One spilled down her cheek, and she quickly brought her other hand up to brush it away.

“I have to get better control over it. This is on me, Tony. I have to make myself get better, because this is unacceptable.” Tony wasn’t a biologist, and she didn’t know if there was anything else that could be done for her. Stabilizing it had already done so much, and she wouldn’t even be alive if that wasn’t the case. And even though it would be Tony or Bruce helping her, the idea of being experimented on again would send her into a blind panic. “You’ve already done everything that you could for me, Tony.”

[pyromechanics]

Nightmares - Tony and Pepper

[milehighmechanic]

Tony knew Pepper wouldn’t accept that, knew she would hate him blaming himself. That was what he had been gambling on. Neither of them would ever be able to stop blaming themselves. But they had to learn to deal with it, because Tony was not giving up on this now.

He looked up as she stepped closer, eyes dark and tired. The tone of her voice made his heart wrench and he nodded, uncurling his arms from around his middle. “Yeah, Pep.” He managed a bare smile, just for her. “You’re always better at this than me.”

[pyromechanics]

Pepper’s heart was breaking as she saw how exhausted and terribly sad Tony looked, and she hated herself with all her being for being the cause of it. That and he was in physical pain too, which made her feel even worse. She felt a little relief when he gave her permission to help, but she still felt like the scum of the Earth.

She slowly began to bandage where she had burned him, trying to keep her touch as gentle as possible. She knew it had to hurt badly, and she wished Extremis allowed her to heal someone else’s wounds, instead of just her own. When she finished, she found her throat had choked up, and she felt like crying.

“I’m so sorry, Tony.” 

[pyromechanics]

November Hiatus

I probably won’t be around much during November because I’m doing NaNoWriMo, but I’ll be back in December. :)

[pyromechanics]

Nightmares - Tony and Pepper

[milehighmechanic]

Tony looked down, the words burning through him. He wanted to help her but he had no idea how. This wasn’t a fight. It wasn’t an argument they could talk through and forget tomorrow. It was a cold reality. 

“So am I,” he said, voice quiet but strong. Determined. “I’m the Merchant of Death. I can’t even be a superhero because it fucks me up too much. I… This, all of this is my fault, because I fucked up. Because I pissed off a lunatic a decade and a half ago. 

[pyromechanics]

“This?” Pepper gestured at herself, the orange glow still pulsing. “Is not your fault. If you think it is, it’s equally mine. You aren’t the only one who used to know Killian.” Tony blaming himself makes her angry, but it’s different than terror, and it allows her to gain some control back over herself. The orange pulsing fades to a steady glow, a little dimmer than before. 

She focused on the feeling, breathing deeply until the orange faded to a reasonable level. She reached hesitantly for a bandage, and once she was able to pick it up, she approached Tony, almost certain he would flinch. When she spoke, her voice wasn’t scared, but it was very sad, and tired.

“Will you let me help you?”

[pyromechanics]

Nightmares - Tony and Pepper

[milehighmechanic]

Tony swallowed thickly as he stepped closer, carefully leaning against the counter. He wanted to touch her, but the persistent orange glow told him that was a bad idea. He didn’t want to make things worse. 

“It’s okay. It’s not that bad.” He’d had worse than a few burns. It could be worse. He’s been worse. 

This wass still so fucked up.

“Pep, please. It’s okay.” He couldn’t bear to hear her like this. To not be able to do anything about it. He carefully reached over to take the medical kit. “It’s okay.”

[pyromechanics]

“It’s not okay, I hurt you!” Pepper’s hands gripped the counter as tightly as they could, and would have been white had it not been for the flickering orange glow. “And I can’t even fix it, because I’m too much of a wreck to calm down enough to not set things on fire.” The tone of Tony’s voice made her heart hurt, and she felt like the most horrible person in the world. 

“This is why I can’t trust myself, Tony. I let my guard down, and then I hurt people I love. I’m not a person anymore, I’m a monster.”

[pyromechanics]

Nightmares - Tony and Pepper

[milehighmechanic]

Pepper left, running from the room, and a shudder ran the length of his body as he sat there, alone. He knew that she was worse off than him, that right now, in spite of the physical pain, she was suffering more. But Tony was still trying to shake off a nightmare, trying to ignore the pain. Trying to convince his instincts that he was not frightened of his girlfriend.

He pushed himself up, his legs shaky beneath him, and followed Pepper. Tony managed to make it to the doorway, and he stood there, watching. “Not your fault,” he said in a rough voice, trying his hardest to be convincing. Arms wrapped around himself, hiding the stinging red skin. 

[pyromechanics]

Tony looked as rattled as Pepper felt, and that made Pepper feel even worse. The orange glow pulsed erratically, and it was all she could do to breathe evenly. You’ve done it now, you’ve hurt him. You’re a monster. 

“I - I can help you - “ Pepper felt like she was going to jump out of her skin, and she reached toward the first aid kit again. She grabbed it quickly, setting it on the counter before she could melt the plastic again. She was afraid to grab any bandages, however, for fear of setting them on fire. A strangled sob escaped her, and she put her hand over her mouth, bracing her other hand against the counter to try and calm down. “I need to help you, I need to calm the fuck down - I’m so sorry, Tony.”

[pyromechanics]

Nightmares - Tony and Pepper

[milehighmechanic]

For once, Tony fell asleep easily. He’s dreaming, only as he dreams, the sun’s getting closer and the planet is burning and he can’t move. The heat gets more intense, there’s a sharp pain in his skin and he jerks awake, struggling for the barest moment before the arms around him are gone. 

The dream had left him struggling to breath, and he jerks upright, wincing, staring at Pepper in the dim light. He knew what happened without even looking down at himself, just from the panicked expression on her face. 

He was too hot, skin blistering; he couldn’t stop shivering. 

“Pepper…” He didn’t reach out.

[pyromechanics]

“Tony, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to - “ Pepper’s voice was shaking with terror, and it was all she could do to make herself run to the bathroom and get supplies to treat a burn. She was half certain that Tony wouldn’t even let her near him to help treat him, but at least she could give the supplies to him.

When she picked up the first aid kit, however, her hands were so hot that it began to melt for a fraction of a second. She dropped it on the floor with a clatter, trying to get a hold of herself. She kept waiting for herself to wake up, but this wasn’t a nightmare. She had hurt Tony for real, and she would never forgive herself.

[pyromechanics]

Nightmares - Tony and Pepper

[milehighmechanic]

Tony relaxed back against her, happy that Pepper seemed so much calmer now. She was still running hotter than usual, and he knew everything hadn’t just been magically fixed. But he was used to taking the small moments when he could get them.

A smile brightened his face in the dark bedroom. “You totally should,” he murmured, looking forward to the idea. He squeezed her hands gently and let his eyes slide shut. “We can have pancakes.”

[pyromechanics]

“We’ll do that, then.” Tony’s touch was more soothing than she expected, and as their conversation settled down, Pepper slipped into a doze, holding on tightly to Tony. She slipped in and out of sleep, still uneasy, but when she awoke again, she jolted backward, because all she could feel was an incredible heat.

“Tony!” Pepper scrambled out of bed and away from the man in bed beside her, feeling a jolt of terror when she saw angry red marks on Tony’s skin, where she had been resting her hands. She almost began to feel numb. I knew this would happen. It was only a matter of time. “I - Tony - “ 

[pyromechanics]

Nightmares - Tony and Pepper

[milehighmechanic]

“It’s okay,” Tony murmured, not feeling like pointing out that she was the one with a full-time job. He might have mentioned that he’d rather wake up than force her to deal with this on her own, but he didn’t let the words leave his mouth, holding tighter to Pepper for a moment before he pulled away gradually. 

“Yeah. Come on.” He slipped a hand into hers, turning to pad back to the bedroom, suppressing a shiver as he lost the heat from Pepper’s embrace.

[pyromechanics]

Pepper held onto Tony’s hand like it was a lifeline, following him back into bed. She had been working herself ragged lately, and although she had trouble admitting it to herself out loud, it was starting to get to her. Once Tony was in bed with her, she curled around him as the big spoon, holding him close with her hands resting on his stomach.

“...what if I took a day off tomorrow?” If Pepper had been feeling normal, the thought would have horrified her, but she was incredibly run down from weeks of nightmares and insomnia. As far as she knew, she didn’t have any urgent meetings in the morning, and Maria had been bugging her to take a day off soon anyway, since she worked too much overtime.

[pyromechanics]

Nightmares - Tony and Pepper

[milehighmechanic]

“I’ll tell you if you’re burning me,” Tony promised quietly. He wasn’t stupid - and he didn’t actually want to be burned. “Okay?”

Tony let her pull him close, letting out a breath of relief, his arms curling around her more tightly. Trying to give comfort, reassure her. He had no idea how to convince her that this wasn’t her fault.

[pyromechanics]

“Okay. Thank you.” Pepper knew that was all she could ask for, and she knew she had to trust Tony. She let her hand run through his hair, trying to mask how much her hands were still shaking. Tony’s touch was soothing, and she drank his presence in, not wanting to let go.

“Can we...can we lie down? I’m sorry I woke you up.” Pepper didn’t think she could fall asleep after a night like this, but lying in Tony’s embrace would be comforting, and she needed that right now.

[pyromechanics]

Nightmares - Tony and Pepper

[milehighmechanic]

It took a moment, but his heart soared when Pepper’s hand covered his. A smile broke out across Tony’s face, unable to contain it. He could see the fear in Pepper’s eyes but he knew for sure that they could fight it. Beat it. 

He stepped closer still, his other arm snaking around gently to wrap around her. She might have been hot to touch, hotter than usual, but not painful. 

“You’re not gonna hurt me. And I’m not going anywhere if you do.”

[pyromechanics]

Pepper’s heart was still pounding, but she tried her best to calm herself down, knowing it would help her skin cool off. She tensed a little when Tony’s arm came around her, but then relaxed, bringing up a hand after a moment to curl into his hair, bringing his forehead to her chest.

“I want to believe I won’t hurt you. But please, look after your safety with me. I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you.” Pepper was less frantic now, but the idea of Tony being reckless with her when she was overheating was not something she wanted to think about.

[pyromechanics]

Nightmares - Tony and Pepper

[milehighmechanic]

Do you? He wanted to ask, but he swallowed the words down. She trusted him, he knew that. But with this? He wasn’t so sure. She hadn’t moved away, but she wasn’t moving closer either. No meeting him halfway any more.

It made things harder. But it also made his decision easier. He took another step forward, slowly. Reached a hand out to brush against skin, touching her cheek, prepared for any level of heat and determined not to move away.

“You’re fine, see. You’re okay.”

[pyromechanics]

Pepper couldn’t help the jolt of fear she felt when Tony’s hand brushed against her skin, but as she watched, his skin stayed its normal color, not charring or setting on fire. She realized after a moment that she had been holding her breath, so she let it out gently, trying to calm herself down.

After a moment’s hesitation, her hand came up to cover over his, resting both their hands against her cheek. Part of her was still terrified, but Tony’s touch was grounding, even through the terror. “...thank you.”