The Day You Said "Wala"
I was fine. I was fine waiting for you all these years even if I have no assurance that my love will be reciprocated someday. I wasn't expecting but I was hoping. In fact, I still am. I told you before that I don't give up on love easily. That I can wait no matter how long, that I can stay even if it kinda hurts just as long as the person I love doesn't tell me outright that he doesn't want me in his life. I can wait, you know. I have waited for three years already, what is waiting for a few more years? But then, it came to my knowledge that you denied that you like me. Some friends asked you if you have feelings for me and you told them "wala." They said they think you didn't mean it. They said your gestures and your facial expression when you said it meant otherwise. I believe that. Because when we're together, I can feel that there's more to us than plain friendship. Hindi ako manhid, I just don't want to assume. Or did I assume already? Maybe to you, everything was platonic. Ano ba talaga? Sige nga, tell me. Because this is really getting me frustrated. Even if you didn't mean that "wala", you still said it. And that is downright offensive for me! It's like you're only leading me on to something that will never happen. Kahit joke, kahit pa you just don't want them teasing you about it, it doesn't change the fact that it's hurting me. They're teasing us anyway, ano pa ba ang magbabago diba kung sasabihin mong meron? O baka naman kasi wala talaga? If you don't have feelings for me, then what are we doing? Why do you have to treat me this way? Nakakalokong isipin because I know you've never been this way to a girl before. What the fuck are we? I appreciate everything you do for me. I won't enumerate but they're all clear in my memory. Walang makakatapat sa lahat ng ginagawa mo for me. And they say, actions speak louder than words. But hey, I need words too to confirm those actions. Babae ako, and I can't ask you personally kasi hindi ko kaya. Kahit gustong gusto ko na. This is so frustrating. The day you said "wala", I lost a big part of my love for you. I can feel a hollow space in my heart na wala noon. Yung feeling na kahit you picked me up at home for the Christmas party, brought me back home safely after, and then gave me red roses and a cake on my birthday, kahit pa kinilig naman ako, I just know that hindi nun maibabalik yung nawala nung sinabi mong wala kang gusto sakin. It's like null and void lahat nung gestures because you chose to deny whatever feelings you have for me. Kung meron man. I'm not pressuring you. Kinaya ko nga ang three years diba. I've never loved anyone this long na wala namang kasiguradugan. Hindi kita minadali ever. I just don't want to hear you saying na wala kang gusto sakin because you know from the start na yun lang ang sign na hinihingi ko from a guy before I give my love up. So sana, if in your heart you know that you like or love me back, never deny me. You can just not say anything or laugh it out, but never ever ever say "Wala" again.