Bwdds💅🏽

Fucking love me.

[queencxo97-blog]

This man actually makes my life complete with his music 🔥🔥

[queencxo97-blog]

Turtle necks & tea

[queencxo97-blog]

Tonight

Tonight's been the worst yet, so many thoughts running through my head, so many I can't keep up. When you didn't answer the phone I just kept thinking 'not again, not again'. It's heart renching to always think about the person you want to be with disappearing from your life. Never having closure or hearing a word from them again.

[queencxo97-blog]

I'm so sick of the attitude and ignorance you give to me over the phone! Honestly I'm at the point where I'm starting to stop caring.

I'm starting to get annoyed with how you are to me. There is a limit on how far you can push someone until they say fuck it and walk away. You know cause you've also walked away from me when i was struggling remember? When i toke those pills and you left me for dead. You fucked off and left me overdosed and met your friend.

I'd never fucking do that to you, remember how many fucking times i toke the knifes from you, toke wire from you so you didn't try to strangle yourself, flammable liquid you poured over the floor and said you'd light it when i was in the room, blunt objects you'd smack yourself with, you even hurt me in the process. The times you was vulnerable i was always the one to stop you, i was the one who hugged you and kissed you even after being treated like shit.

[queencxo97-blog]

15/9/17

You didn't go to work this morning because you felt drowsy and sick, i rang to see if you were okey and you came across so aggy and annoyed by me for no reason.

I don't actually know what you want me to do, I'm so worried to say something to you nowadays because you just take everything the wrong way and it creates a drama and then you leave. Why should i have to feel always on edge? You keep bringing up stuff that was in the past and it annoys me because I don't do that with you. You made me out to be such a bad person before when i used to lash out and smack you if you got in my face but now you've grabbed my my throat against the wall.. you expect me to forget it and not bring it up because you've said sorry. I'm not angry at you for doing it and I wouldn't tell anyone because I know what it's like to be so angry at someone that you hurt them and you lose control. I don't blame you.

I just wish we could be happy and move out together and we have our own space but we are still really close aswell, i could be cooking in the kitchen and you could be playing video games in the front room or bedroom, how nice would it be to actually come home to someone you absolutely adore and cherish? When youve had a hard day and there's someone loving you at home waiting for you to come back? To me that's magical. Its all i ever wanted with you, you know it is because I've spoken to you about it so much in the past. You say it's down to money, but if i can get another part time job along side my job we could do it, I don't mind working the hours for something I want. It's expensive but it's worth it.

It's worth it because we would be together and i would be happy which will create joy in the relationship and good times, we could watch a movie with pizza and cuddle on the sofa, we could start to build a family with kids, we could bake cakes together like we used to, we could go food shopping together... there's endless possibilities and it would be fun to have our own independents. I don't understand why you would hold it off. I don't understand why you are so confused about the relationship and about me.

[queencxo97-blog]

You say I don't care or love you and I don't know why you say it.. i cry so much for you, for you to come back and just say you love me and that you want to make it work and we will be happy. I cry for you to call me randomly and tell me you miss me, i cry for you to come and get me, i cry for you to come and tell me to pack my stuff so you can take me away to yours and we can cuddle under the throw over, i cry for you to help me through my anxiety and stress. I I just want you back with me and to spend your days with me, that's all i want i swear

[queencxo97-blog]

13/9/17

Today we had a hige argument and you got dangerously angry.. you was irrational and aratic.

You made me feel at my lowest point, and i wanted to sort it out with you and be happy with you again but you declined my offer and now i have to love with that. I'm missing you already and i hate it. I honestly do. You always say I don't care about you or love you but i do, I really really do. I miss you so fucking bad.

I honestly hate being away from you because i know when i am i feel like this, i feel down and stressed and depressed. I want to be with you I've always wanted to be with you.. how can you say that I don't? That's all i want. you don't even care! If you cared like you say you do then i would be with you now! Or you would be calling me and texting me now! But you aren't.. I don't even know where you are. What you are doing and it hurts that i am the way i am because of a mental illness that a have no control over. I want to be with you it's making me stress and i feel sick.

[queencxo97-blog]

08/09/17

Are you willing to give up your life for him? Are you willing to block everyone else's attention for his? Are you willing to stay up all night with him when he's sick? Are you willing to give up your body to bear his child? Are you willing to put yourself through endless stressing over him? Are you willing to wake up when he says your name in the middle of the night? Are you willing to work your arse off to make it work? Are you willing to deal with the arguments when he is annoyed or tired? Are you willing to be ignored if you have an argument? Are you willing to build him up when he's low? Are you willing to put your life on hold when he needs you? Are you willing to watch him spend all his money on fishing gear instead of him taking you out for a meal? Are you willing to sit there and watch him play his computer for hours on end? Are you willing to be interested in his interests? Are you willing to clean his room because he's to lazy to? Are you willing to keep an eye on him when he's playing up? Are you willing to deal with him leaving and coming back?

My answer is yes, why? Because today i was shown by a stranger that love is a once in a life time feeling, i mean you can love family & friends but theres that deep love the kinda love you addicted to, you crave and can't go without.

I got that with you, I'm just addicted to you and everything about you. I love when you act like a big kid and you can also be serious, when i used to run my fingers through your hair and your life on my neck was just indescribable. When you would tickle my back before i sleep and you would lay on my chest.. when you wanted me to spoon you, I couldn't really do it but the fact thats what you wanted and i wanted to give it to you just made it more special.

I remember waking up to messages every morning and always going to bed with one, I remember Christmas day you brought me a bracelet and I didn't take it off at all.. not when I slept, not when I showered, not when i was working I honestly loved it so much and i still have it.. it broke but we spooe about getting it fixed but it hasn't happened yet.

When you used to tag me on pictures on facebook and we would take pictures together lol, i used to love it and you just showing me off. Was the best feeling.

[queencxo97-blog]

Sleep away the pain

[queencxo97-blog]

I can't stop thinking

Its late and I can't stop thinking that this could be wrong, that i could ruin us for good.

You could message me and tell me not to come and i know for sure it will rip me apart. I know that i would have fucked myself over for you, i know i will cry and be upset for days.. if you do that to me i could completely lose it. I would fall apart and I've just gave you the power to completely destroy me, I've just realised.

You don't know how i feel because I won't tell you, but trust me i cry most nights into my pillow because I'm dead inside, i have no more strength to keep acting like i don't care, i feel so down and anxious all the time.. in work, at home. I keep trying to distant myself from you but I can't. I'm so fucking weak when it comes to you, it's bad and i know that.

You say you're seeing a shrink now. But when you get better will that mean you will forget about me? Does that mean that i will be the crazy one instead of both of us being crazy? Tell me what does it mean?

What if i give you all the strength and i become depressed again.. like i was before?

What does it mean?

[queencxo97-blog]

Since i met you no one else is worth thinking about

[queencxo97-blog]

07/09/17

You called today because you wanted to sort out the money for my phone, you told me you're drinking and taking tablets. My heart was pounding and i was beginning to shake because i know how it feels being that low and that exhausted of everything, I want to be there for you and look after you.. help you get better because thats i wanted from you before. I wanted you to ask for help instead of asking you to help me, i wanted to feel needed by you, loved by you, wanted by you and now you're at your lowest i want to show you that i can do that.

I asked to come over today but you kept saying no because it was pointless and that yoi couldn't handle it, but i gave you options. I said that you should either text me your bank details and we never have to speak again or i come over and help you. You chose for me to come over this Saturday (it is now thursday) and i agreed. And i know its selfish because i could possibly be making things worse for both of us but I'm so addicted to you, the way you talk, the way you smile, your lips, the sex, the intense arguments, the deep conversations, the drama, the happiness, the chasing, the excitement of seeing you, the waking up and going to sleep with you, the way you stare at me, the way you hold me when I'm asleep, the talking about the future together, the destruction i do to myself for you, the stress, the not knowing what couls happen. I'm selfish cause if this doesn't work and we both get fucked up its my fault for letting this happen.

[plockscreensq]

Post Malone // Lockscreens • Requested • For Samsung Galaxy S4/Samsung Galaxy S5/Samsung Galaxy S6/iPhone 6+

[alhussan-deactivated20210820]

[queencxo97-blog]

8.28 6/9/17

You're smile is my favourite.

No body can melt my heart more than you.

I've wanted you since your lips touched mine.

I wanted to be your wife.

[queencxo97-blog]

For you.

I've wanted to tell you i love you.

[queencxo97-blog]

6/9/18

I haven't wrote about you in a while because yoi haven't been in my life. Today you called me and asked if i still loved you.. it's always yes, I'm never going to stop loving you. How can i stop loving someone when they're all i want? How do i stop loving somone i wanted to be with until the day i die? How could I possibly stop loving someone that showed me how to love?

You brought so much joy to my life and to my heart, i miss you each day that passes. I miss when you spooned me at night and i felt so safe and warm in your arms and that was so special to me in so many ways I cannot begin to explain. I will never find words that sum up how i felt when i was with you, when you would call me whilst at work and I'd be chilling at your house waiting for you to come back.

Theres never going to be any regret with being inlove with you, even tho we've had heaps of hard times together i will never ever forget the times we had heaps of happiness and love for eachother. You are the one i will love until the day i die.

I don't know if you want me to come back to you or if you are waiting for me to call you to tell you how i feel but i cannot bring myself to do it, because if i do and you reject me I will break like i have many other times. I miss how simple it was to climb on you and tell you i love you or you to play fight with me.. now you don't want to speak to me or see me. If you did you would try. I want you to miss me like i miss you, i want you love me like i love you.

That day may never happen and I'm ok with that for now.

I just wish you would tell me to meet you and show me you love me and be so passionate about me.

I feel dead inside. Without you.