Queen of Disaster

TRIGGER WARNING. not so average 19 year old. I love drugs. and sex. and Lana Del Rey. I'm crazy. literally. WE4E. lost soul. I don't mean to "glamorize" drug abuse. self harm , mental illness or eating disorders. I suffer with a mental illness, self harm, eating disorder and I am a drug addict. I reblog and post things that I can identify to. I hope not to trigger anyone.

[thatdisabledfeelwhen]

[ Image description: a dark grey image that reads “That disabled feel when your symptoms aren’t as intense and obvious as others so you feel like a fake or like you don’t belong” ]

Submitted by anonymous 

[bitchdont111]

the weirdest thing about the education system is that pretty much every teenager ever is so stressed out about schools that they pray for disasters or fake illness or try to kill themselves and yet nobody has ever thought to themselves “hey maybe our system is flawed” and instead all they ever think is “kids these days are so lazy and selfish” like what the fuck is up with that man

[queenheroinchic-blog]

Fucking heart attack man

Nothing quite like GETTING PULLED OVER WHILE HITTING A CRACK PIPE. omg I about had a fucking heart attack fr. Idk if the cop didn't see me or if he didn't care but he only gave the drive a ticket for uninspected vehicle lmao

[queenheroinchic-blog]

I don't feel capable of giving anyone love anymore. I just don't have that kind of love in me to give to anyone. My last relationship ruined everything for me. I gave him literally every piece of me, and he sucked me dry then left as if it was nothing. I gave up everything important to me, my family, friends, my job, my home, college.. Literally everything for him. He promised me forever and yeah okay, I know promises don't mean shit anymore, but I believed with every ounce of my soul he wouldn't ever leave me. I left everything good in my life, just to be with him. And for him to just wake up one day and decide he didn't love me anymore destroyed me in the worst way possible. After months and months of trying to move on, I just can't. I gave him my heart and I never got it back. And trying to love someone else when you don't have any love to give is... hell. And I can't expect anyone else to love me the way I want to be loved when I have nothing to offer in return. So its not that I'm scared of committing to another person, it would be amazing to love and be loved again. Its just I have absolutely no love to give.

[queenheroinchic-blog]

Hate when ur $$ doesn't come thru until the middle of the fucking night. Crack run @ midnight ig lmao. Thank god mommas dealer is always awake

[queenheroinchic-blog]

Day 49:

Today has deff been the hardest day of my journey of becoming clean from heroin. I haven't touched or even seen a bag of dope in 49 days, but tonight I went out to hang out with some friends, and these people I didn't know started cooking up their dope and pulling it into the needle. I couldn't take my eyes off of the whole process. In that few minutes all I could think about was how good that rush would feel, and how amazing it would be to nod out for a little while. I was so tempted to go up and ask for just a tiny shot. In that moment I couldn't think about anything other than finding a way to get some heroin in my veins. I couldn't remember how many days sober I was, or how horrible the withdrawal would be, or even if I did just a little bit, I would be back to being homeless, jobless, back to selling everything I own, including my body to find my next hit. When my mind finally came back to reality, I realized that I was in the middle of a full blown anxiety attack and that I needed to get the hell out of there, and fast. I bolted out of the house and sat outside in the cold air, and that's when I finally realized what had just happened. I was literally on the verge of throwing away everything I have worked for these last 49 days, all because it was sitting right in front of me. I though I was strong, not even wanting to snort a baby line, but then again I hadn't even seen a dope bag since the last day I used. Having it right in front of me was a whole different story. I almost relapsed today. I almost stuck that needle in my arm. I almost threw everything away, again. But I didn't. I don't know what part of me if was, but somewhere deep inside my mind, something told me I couldn't do it. I couldn't throw my life away again. Maybe that doesn't mean anything at all, but to me, it proved to me that I AM stronger than heroin. And that means the fucking world to me.

[queenheroinchic-blog]

I'm probably the biggest piece of shit in the world. I'm like 37 days clean days sober from heroin, and a friend I work with is so proud of me and made me this awesome thing with her sobriety day counter app and posted it on my Facebook and like normally I wouldn't care because no one really likes or comments on my shit anyways but anyways she posted that and it got so many likes and people commented on it saying that they are so proud of me and all this other encouraging stuff and like I feel like a shitty person bc I'm ONLY clean from HEROIN. I've been doing meth and crack this whole time I've been clean from dope. So I'm not totally sober, just clean from my drug of choice. And all these people are giving me awesome support and whatnot and honestly its all a lie. So I guess starting today I am really going to try to stay sober.

[queenheroinchic-blog]

Me: *makes one little mistake*

Brain: you know what would fix this....

Me: don't

Brain: death

Me: ...can't argue that

[queenheroinchic-blog]

33 days clean from dope.

[queenheroinchic-blog]

Hate when u tryna get tweaked and someone burns up all ur shit on the first hit. Bitch u lucky I got another half g hidden for later

[queenheroinchic-blog]

Tonight's gonna be a good, good night.

[queenheroinchic-blog]

Been on a meth binge with my mom and 2 of my guy friends. I need some fucking sleep. And heroin

[twloha]

I never really intended to stay sober. I intended to prove to those around me - and myself - that I was in control.

Kenzi Rome, “Sobriety Is Not Synonymous With Recovery” (via twloha)

[queenheroinchic-blog]

I get my kpins tadayyy so excited !!!!

[queenheroinchic-blog]

So I have something wrong with me, its probably all in my head but I twitch and my muscles jerk a lot and when I'm in public I get so nervous so it makes it so much worse and I never really thought anything about it until a few days ago and I noticed people staring at me when I do it and I pretended not to listen to their conversation but I did overhear "probably on meth" and it actually really made me self conscious bc I'm not on meth (okay, not all the time. Maybe once in awhile, but mostly just on heroin lmao) and like now I don't even want to go out in public bc what if EVERYONE thinks that. So paranoid now.

[queenheroinchic-blog]

Selfieee. Dope sick af tho

[stolenfeet]

If you know drugs are bad for you, just don’t do them then. Idiot.

- the anon that cured my drug addiction (via stolenfeet)