♛ | TO NOT EXIST.

PRIVATE & SELECTIVE. Misaki Mei of Ayatsuji Yukito's Light Novel series Another. Blog events will be set within the world of Bungo Stray Dogs LOW ACTIVITY scripted by chelly est: june 2018.

[quiritor-blog]

big offt i need to sort out the theme here.

[gifsboom]

[tastefullyoffensive]

So polite. [video]

[quiritor-blog]

‘ i deserve to hurt. i deserve to bleed. ’

Was that so? An eye flicked up at him; maybe he was correct. Many people would agree with him, people wanted him dead did they not? A man known as ‘the most dangerous ability user.’ In Mei’s eyes? He was nothing but a foolish man; an idiot who had a strange love of dolls. But. She was not so bothered by the latter. She enjoyed his love, she enjoyed looking at them- perfect, perfection things that many dreamed of becoming. 

Her head went to the side. What was it he wished for her to say? Did he wish for words of sympathy? That was a rather funny thought to her. She believed that many deserved to bleed; but the man in front of her? No. Would one class him as a dangerous man if he was one without an ability? Most likely not.

Fingers tapped onto the teacup she was holding. “ Most people do. Hurting and bleeding is what makes someone feel human, feel alive. ” To deserve? Was it that he had the death of people on his hands? That was why he felt such things.  “ You hurting and bleeding will not take away from the sins you’ve done, it doesn’t work like that. ” She knew guilt would grip to someone without thinking- it would be there with someone even in death wouldn’t it?

growling suggestions. ¦  accepting  ¦ @hcmicided

[spctlessminds]

based on this suggestions blog.  warning:  these are pretty dark/angry  &  could be triggering to some people.  please be cautious before proceeding!!

‘  all i want in my life is for my friends to be able to touch me suddenly  &  me to not flinch away without meaning to.  when will this stop affecting me?  ’ ‘  all i want is to be soft  &  gentle,  but i’m made out of steel  &  anger.  maybe in another life,  i guess.  ’ ‘  beauty is in the eye of the beholder,  so choose to see beauty in everything.  ’ ‘  burning it all to the ground  &  force them to start again.  they made you lose everything.  now return the favor.  ’ ‘  do i ever even cross your mind or do i do all the thinking of us on my own?  ’ ‘  do you trust me enough?  do you trust me at all?  ’ ‘  don’t you dare abandon me.  ’ ‘  even after all you have done,  i will always want you fighting on my side.  ’ ‘  every time i see you smile i fall in love with your brightness all over again.  ’ ‘  everyone i have ever loved is long gone.  i sing to the sky alone.  ’ ‘  everyone i touch gets hurt,  but i can’t stop.  i touch  &  i touch  &  i touch  &  people get hurt.  why can’t i ever stop?  ’ ‘  everyone says i used to be a hero,  but i can still taste the blood in my mouth  &  still feel bruises blooming because of my fists  &  my eyes are still stretched wide  &  terrified.  ’ ‘  everything i love has been taken from me.  what do i have left to fight for?  ’ ‘  fall in love with someone that makes you feel strong.  ’ ‘  friends are more important than any material object will ever be.  ’ ‘  i am aching to hold you  &  keep you safe,  to be pressed against you so that nothing can harm you.  ’ ‘  i am divine  &  you will bow before me.  ’ ‘  i am fucking divine.  ’ ‘  i am in control  &  i listen to no one.  ’ ‘  i am not a good person.  don’t pretend i am.  ’ ‘  i am not accustomed to love.  this is a learning experience.  ’ ‘  i am not worth saving  &  i am not worth redemption.  let me stay in the dark.  ’ ‘  i am so tired all the time,  all i want to do is rest.  ’ ‘  i am too tired to deal with any of this.  ’ ‘  i bow to no man.  ’ ‘  i broke into sharp pieces when i broke  &  i expect someone else to hurt their hands on my edges just to put me back together.  i’m sorry.  ’ ‘  i can give you your wings back  &  i can show you to fly once more,  if you only believe in me.  ’ ‘  i cannot be saved.  ’ ‘  i can’t ask for help because if i ask for help it hurts people.  i can bear this weight on my own.  i have to.  ’ ‘  i could taste the lies in your mouth every time i kissed you,  but i loved you too much to notice.  ’ ‘  i crave affection in the simplest way.  ’ ‘  i deserve to hurt.  i deserve to bleed.  ’ ‘  i didn’t ask for any of this so don’t you dare blame this on me.  ’ ‘  i don’t care if you say my name like it’s poison or like it’s a prayer,  as long as it leaves your lips.  ’ ‘  i don’t fight for you anymore.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to let go of you.  not now,  not ever.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to talk about it.  i don’t want to remember.  i don’t want to heal.  all i want is for it to go away.  ’ ‘  i don’t want you to touch me.  please don’t touch me,  just go away.  ’ ‘  i feel anger deeper than my bones.  i feel anger in my very soul.  ’ ‘  i feel nothing at all,  except for when i feel everything all at once.  ’ ‘  i have fallen  &  though i may miss the sky,  i belong here now.  ’ ‘  i have fallen from a height your mind cannot even imagine.  ’ ‘  i have no home anymore.  ’ ‘  i remember collapsing in the flames with a sword in my hand  &  then i remember nothing.  ’ ‘  i see beauty in everything,  but especially in you.  ’ ‘  i should never have fallen in love with you.  ’ ‘  i thought for a long time that i was so terrible no one would look at me.  now i know it’s because i shine so bright they are forced to look away.  ’ ‘  i was so caught up in the feeling that i forgot how to breathe.  ’ ‘  i will never amount to anything.  i am a failure in the worst type of way.  ’ ‘  i will tell myself that the burn of my loneliness in my chest completes me  &  maybe someday it will be true.  ’ ‘  if that’s what a hero is i’m glad i’m not one anymore.  ’ ‘  if you ask me to,  i will set the whole world on fire,  my dear.  it’s all for you.  ’ ‘  is it my fault?  it’s my fault.  it’s always my fault.  ’ ‘  it’s not murder if they deserved it,  right?  ’ ‘  i’m drowning in emotions that don’t belong to me,  choking on anger  &  suffocating on sadness.  ’ ‘  i’m in love with everything that hurts me.  ’ ‘  i’m okay.  i’m alright.  this is all in my mind.  ’ ‘  i’m ready to give up everything i’ve ever had if it means someone will love me.  ’ ‘  i’m so cold  &  i can’t stop shaking.  i am not who you think i am.  ’ ‘  i’m so tired all the time  &  i just want to be awake again.  ’ ‘  i’m tired of fighting against the pain of being forgotten.  i just want someone to remember me.  ’ ‘  i’m tired of fighting everything in my life.  just make it stop.  ’ ‘  i’m too tired to care.  blow up,  get angry at me.  i’m sure someday i’ll realize i deserved it.  ’ ‘  jealousy burns within me.  ’ ‘  just let me go in peace for once in my damn life.  ’ ‘  loneliness is a disease  &  it leaves me empty  &  hollow,  like sound goes through my body  &  bounces back.  ’ ‘  made of starlight  &  sunshine,  i shine brighter than they all know.  ’ ‘  my anger is righteous  &  my actions are pure.  ’ ‘  my chest aches  &  my lungs burn.  this sickness comes from the inside.  ’ ‘  my chest hurts  &  all i need is some comfort  &  understanding.  ’ ‘  my chest hurts  &  i ache to go back to the sky.  ’ ‘  my shoulders are aching where wings used to be  &  all i want is for them to stop hurting.  ’ ‘  pull me apart  &  piece me together in your own way.  make me perfect.  ’ ‘  righteous fury throws through my veins  &  if you touch the people i love i will destroy you.  ’ ‘  rise up.  you can’t keep being small when you were made for so much more.  ’ ‘  say my name like it’s the only one that’s ever been on your tongue.  ’ ‘  so much blood has been spilled in my name.  time to make you believe it was in yours.  ’ ‘  so you’ll worry about me when i fall silent,  but not when i scream  &  plead for help?  fuck off.  ’ ‘  sometimes people have to get hurt for me to get what i want.  ’ ‘  stay away from my fucking friends.  stay the fuck away or so help me i will destroy you.  ’ ‘  stop treating me like i’m an idiot.  you aren’t better than me in any way  &  you better remember that.  ’ ‘  the bitter taste of regret is ever present on my tongue.  ’ ‘  the world is spinning far too fast for me to stay on it.  ’ ‘  to love them is my divine right.  ’ ‘  voices whisper from the shadows  &  they fill my mind with thoughts of you.  ’ ‘  what did i to wrong to be so unloved?  ’ ‘  what is the point of power if i’m not supposed to use it?  ’ ‘  who the fuck do you think you are?  ’ ‘  why can’t i ever fucking stop crying?  ’ ‘  with a new year comes new tests  &  triumphs.  let’s try to make the most out of it.  ’ ‘  would it really kill you to be honest for once?  ’ ‘  yes,  i remember my wings breaking  &  being destroyed.  i was powerless to stop it.  ’ ‘  you are not required to love your parents,  or to even like them.  ’ ‘  you can’t hate me more than i hate myself,  but you are more than welcome to try.  ’ ‘  you may say you love me,  but you love only a part of me.  i am too complex for you to ever love my entire being.  ’ ‘  you never fucking cared about me.  don’t fucking lie about it.  not to me.  ’ ‘  you remind me of mint.  fresh,  sharp,  kind of cold,  but in a nice way.  i always knew there was a reason mint was my favorite.  ’ ‘  you shine light in even the darkest parts of me.  you are my sun.  ’ ‘  you should fear me,  but you don’t.  i will be eternally puzzled,  yet grateful.  ’ ‘  you touch me  &  my skin burns  &  it burns for you,  always you.  ’

[ozakius]

Happy Birthday,  Yukito Ayatsuji !!!

[larimii]

~ Hanakumamii Character Challenge !!

Day 05 ✖ A black haired character

Misaki Mei 「 見崎 鳴 」 Another

[quiritor-blog]

‘ beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so choose to see beauty in everything. ’

♛ | growling suggestion / accepting / @deathstrigger

beauty in everything? that sounded almost poetic; true beauty was something she questioned. why was it the world seemed to crush those beautiful things? flowers soon died, snow would melt– what was true beauty? suppose it was to going on the person, beauty shattered into many different things. something breathtakingly beautiful could be something else to another, it was simply strange how the worlds eyes soon things wasn’t it? some saw beauty in death. death to most was darkness, pain, something some people never get over- was that beauty? holding onto something so painful? maybe to some. the world was dull. hallow. it was empty and choking her like smoke. but maybe that just her, seeing true beauty had been robbed from her. the thought seemingly made scene she’d not bother poking at the thought deep in case of going in deeper, going more numb to the core.  fingers played at her red dress, lightly bouncing along– beauty. maybe the truth of beauty was something she’d ask ayatsuji rather than listening to some stranger- she’d only help he’d give her a straight forward answer that wouldn’t lull her into a sea of being more confused. 

she soon sighed; looking up at the other– she should probably answer right? being spoken with was still odd, maybe she was simply just used to the sound of ayatsuji’s voice anyone else speaking shook her more than she’d like.  “ to those who only see in darkness how could they ever experience beauty? ” looking back down she focused on her mary janes- that weight was pulling her down; the hold on her lungs crushing her again. 

she was putting to much on this, she was awaiting the cold scoff from the stranger. the echoing words she’d tried to block from her mind.  “ not everything is what it would seem…..that sounds far from beautiful. ” crimson splatters flashed in her mind; the smell of it filling her nose- tragic things seemed to follow her; life seemed far from something of beauty and it would seem the rest of her life was an endless dark tunnel ready to drag her in deeper.

[crowarts]

ANOTHER アナザー

[spctlessminds]

based on this suggestions blog.  warning:  these are pretty dark/angry  &  could be triggering to some people.  please be cautious before proceeding!!

‘  all i want in my life is for my friends to be able to touch me suddenly  &  me to not flinch away without meaning to.  when will this stop affecting me?  ’ ‘  all i want is to be soft  &  gentle,  but i’m made out of steel  &  anger.  maybe in another life,  i guess.  ’ ‘  beauty is in the eye of the beholder,  so choose to see beauty in everything.  ’ ‘  burning it all to the ground  &  force them to start again.  they made you lose everything.  now return the favor.  ’ ‘  do i ever even cross your mind or do i do all the thinking of us on my own?  ’ ‘  do you trust me enough?  do you trust me at all?  ’ ‘  don’t you dare abandon me.  ’ ‘  even after all you have done,  i will always want you fighting on my side.  ’ ‘  every time i see you smile i fall in love with your brightness all over again.  ’ ‘  everyone i have ever loved is long gone.  i sing to the sky alone.  ’ ‘  everyone i touch gets hurt,  but i can’t stop.  i touch  &  i touch  &  i touch  &  people get hurt.  why can’t i ever stop?  ’ ‘  everyone says i used to be a hero,  but i can still taste the blood in my mouth  &  still feel bruises blooming because of my fists  &  my eyes are still stretched wide  &  terrified.  ’ ‘  everything i love has been taken from me.  what do i have left to fight for?  ’ ‘  fall in love with someone that makes you feel strong.  ’ ‘  friends are more important than any material object will ever be.  ’ ‘  i am aching to hold you  &  keep you safe,  to be pressed against you so that nothing can harm you.  ’ ‘  i am divine  &  you will bow before me.  ’ ‘  i am fucking divine.  ’ ‘  i am in control  &  i listen to no one.  ’ ‘  i am not a good person.  don’t pretend i am.  ’ ‘  i am not accustomed to love.  this is a learning experience.  ’ ‘  i am not worth saving  &  i am not worth redemption.  let me stay in the dark.  ’ ‘  i am so tired all the time,  all i want to do is rest.  ’ ‘  i am too tired to deal with any of this.  ’ ‘  i bow to no man.  ’ ‘  i broke into sharp pieces when i broke  &  i expect someone else to hurt their hands on my edges just to put me back together.  i’m sorry.  ’ ‘  i can give you your wings back  &  i can show you to fly once more,  if you only believe in me.  ’ ‘  i cannot be saved.  ’ ‘  i can’t ask for help because if i ask for help it hurts people.  i can bear this weight on my own.  i have to.  ’ ‘  i could taste the lies in your mouth every time i kissed you,  but i loved you too much to notice.  ’ ‘  i crave affection in the simplest way.  ’ ‘  i deserve to hurt.  i deserve to bleed.  ’ ‘  i didn’t ask for any of this so don’t you dare blame this on me.  ’ ‘  i don’t care if you say my name like it’s poison or like it’s a prayer,  as long as it leaves your lips.  ’ ‘  i don’t fight for you anymore.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to let go of you.  not now,  not ever.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to talk about it.  i don’t want to remember.  i don’t want to heal.  all i want is for it to go away.  ’ ‘  i don’t want you to touch me.  please don’t touch me,  just go away.  ’ ‘  i feel anger deeper than my bones.  i feel anger in my very soul.  ’ ‘  i feel nothing at all,  except for when i feel everything all at once.  ’ ‘  i have fallen  &  though i may miss the sky,  i belong here now.  ’ ‘  i have fallen from a height your mind cannot even imagine.  ’ ‘  i have no home anymore.  ’ ‘  i remember collapsing in the flames with a sword in my hand  &  then i remember nothing.  ’ ‘  i see beauty in everything,  but especially in you.  ’ ‘  i should never have fallen in love with you.  ’ ‘  i thought for a long time that i was so terrible no one would look at me.  now i know it’s because i shine so bright they are forced to look away.  ’ ‘  i was so caught up in the feeling that i forgot how to breathe.  ’ ‘  i will never amount to anything.  i am a failure in the worst type of way.  ’ ‘  i will tell myself that the burn of my loneliness in my chest completes me  &  maybe someday it will be true.  ’ ‘  if that’s what a hero is i’m glad i’m not one anymore.  ’ ‘  if you ask me to,  i will set the whole world on fire,  my dear.  it’s all for you.  ’ ‘  is it my fault?  it’s my fault.  it’s always my fault.  ’ ‘  it’s not murder if they deserved it,  right?  ’ ‘  i’m drowning in emotions that don’t belong to me,  choking on anger  &  suffocating on sadness.  ’ ‘  i’m in love with everything that hurts me.  ’ ‘  i’m okay.  i’m alright.  this is all in my mind.  ’ ‘  i’m ready to give up everything i’ve ever had if it means someone will love me.  ’ ‘  i’m so cold  &  i can’t stop shaking.  i am not who you think i am.  ’ ‘  i’m so tired all the time  &  i just want to be awake again.  ’ ‘  i’m tired of fighting against the pain of being forgotten.  i just want someone to remember me.  ’ ‘  i’m tired of fighting everything in my life.  just make it stop.  ’ ‘  i’m too tired to care.  blow up,  get angry at me.  i’m sure someday i’ll realize i deserved it.  ’ ‘  jealousy burns within me.  ’ ‘  just let me go in peace for once in my damn life.  ’ ‘  loneliness is a disease  &  it leaves me empty  &  hollow,  like sound goes through my body  &  bounces back.  ’ ‘  made of starlight  &  sunshine,  i shine brighter than they all know.  ’ ‘  my anger is righteous  &  my actions are pure.  ’ ‘  my chest aches  &  my lungs burn.  this sickness comes from the inside.  ’ ‘  my chest hurts  &  all i need is some comfort  &  understanding.  ’ ‘  my chest hurts  &  i ache to go back to the sky.  ’ ‘  my shoulders are aching where wings used to be  &  all i want is for them to stop hurting.  ’ ‘  pull me apart  &  piece me together in your own way.  make me perfect.  ’ ‘  righteous fury throws through my veins  &  if you touch the people i love i will destroy you.  ’ ‘  rise up.  you can’t keep being small when you were made for so much more.  ’ ‘  say my name like it’s the only one that’s ever been on your tongue.  ’ ‘  so much blood has been spilled in my name.  time to make you believe it was in yours.  ’ ‘  so you’ll worry about me when i fall silent,  but not when i scream  &  plead for help?  fuck off.  ’ ‘  sometimes people have to get hurt for me to get what i want.  ’ ‘  stay away from my fucking friends.  stay the fuck away or so help me i will destroy you.  ’ ‘  stop treating me like i’m an idiot.  you aren’t better than me in any way  &  you better remember that.  ’ ‘  the bitter taste of regret is ever present on my tongue.  ’ ‘  the world is spinning far too fast for me to stay on it.  ’ ‘  to love them is my divine right.  ’ ‘  voices whisper from the shadows  &  they fill my mind with thoughts of you.  ’ ‘  what did i to wrong to be so unloved?  ’ ‘  what is the point of power if i’m not supposed to use it?  ’ ‘  who the fuck do you think you are?  ’ ‘  why can’t i ever fucking stop crying?  ’ ‘  with a new year comes new tests  &  triumphs.  let’s try to make the most out of it.  ’ ‘  would it really kill you to be honest for once?  ’ ‘  yes,  i remember my wings breaking  &  being destroyed.  i was powerless to stop it.  ’ ‘  you are not required to love your parents,  or to even like them.  ’ ‘  you can’t hate me more than i hate myself,  but you are more than welcome to try.  ’ ‘  you may say you love me,  but you love only a part of me.  i am too complex for you to ever love my entire being.  ’ ‘  you never fucking cared about me.  don’t fucking lie about it.  not to me.  ’ ‘  you remind me of mint.  fresh,  sharp,  kind of cold,  but in a nice way.  i always knew there was a reason mint was my favorite.  ’ ‘  you shine light in even the darkest parts of me.  you are my sun.  ’ ‘  you should fear me,  but you don’t.  i will be eternally puzzled,  yet grateful.  ’ ‘  you touch me  &  my skin burns  &  it burns for you,  always you.  ’

[rabbittongue]

[animepopheart]

★ Aoi Ogata | Misaki Mei ☆ ✔ republished w/permission

[quiritor-blog]

DEATH IS NOT KIND. IT’S DARK, BLACK AS FAR AS YOU CAN SEE, & YOU’RE ALL ALONE. //  Misaki Mei of Ayatsuji Yukito's Light Novel series Another.

[quiritor-blog]

TAG DROP.