you were the only
ray of sun that could touch me
but clouds smothered you

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祝日 / Permanent Vacation
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★
d e v o n
Claire Keane
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@radfxrd
you were the only
ray of sun that could touch me
but clouds smothered you
it me
dreams seldom
touch me more than
when they’re of you
a sleepless
anxious night; dreams are forced.
dreams of being more
than an after thought
found something i wrote in march when i was experiencing some pretty dark thoughts and a lot of it still resonates with me
“you have overcome so fucking much, imagine you gave up now and all your pain had been for nothing? feeling every second of recovery like needles in your skin, coming out the other end hopeful and ready to try again is HARD. you are not worthless, you have so much ahead of you, so many ways to turn. just choose wisely. remember how we wait for the sun to return, but admire the moon in the mean time, remember how you miss the love not the person. remember things will never come easily for you and fighting is worth it. never take walking or breathing for granted because there have been times you’ve been unable to do both, you’ll have your time but it won’t come on its own. make this your fucking time. ignore the shit that hurts. you have the makings of great things. you can’t let mental health stand in your way of sunny days. clouds are only made of water, water goes away. you still aren’t who you are at your worst.”
you look at me like
you’re learning something, your
eyes hold mine like they’re tethered
tangled, i trace your smile
you trace my spine
your lips tell me you’re mine while
the sunlight kisses you
more softly than i ever could.
solstice
you are the breeze on my skin
when the heat weighs down like
the same grey clouds
you parted with your shine. your smile
could take the war away
and stop the leaves falling in my mind.
i want to tell you
when our arms and legs tangle,
entwine;
i want you to be nothing but you
and mine
a look from pointy
brown, experienced eyes devoured purity,
a corruption of chaste.
you told me
with my body captive beneath yours
that all of me was yours to take.
angry because i misread a situation and have now come out of it sad and disheartened but ultimately i’m angry at myself for allowing myself to rely on someone else for happiness (even if it was only briefly) when i told myself i wouldn’t get my hopes up about anything because i should have spent that time and energy focusing on myself
but i slipped on daydreams and now i’m lying facing the ever changing but perpetually grey sky. goodnight x
just answered the door to the pizza delivery guy in my pyjamas with mascara tears down my face and a joint in my hand and if that whole image isn’t a fucking mood i dunno what is
i wrote this up, translated from notes. cigarettes & daisies
i need consistency
feels got me likeee
remember this on bad days.
last week before stress acne made me hate my face