Another blog where one shots and fics will be written about Raúl Esparza and the charectars he portrays + Hamilton. https://rafivadafreddy.tumblr.com/Masterlist (SideBlog to Katierpblogg )
“Wait, don’t pull away… Not yet.”
And
“This movie is really scary, but you’re into it so I’m trying not to cover my face the whole time, but- WHAT IS THAT?”
Word Count- 834 (sorry it's shorter than what I usually write)
The Movie Night
You loved your boyfriend, usually, there wasn’t anything in the world that you deny him. So, after a long day, and you end up missing your date night cause you had to work. You agreed to let him choose which take-out to order from and the movie. Only, what you usually enjoyed watching and what Rafael enjoyed. It was very different and you weren’t sure if you were ready for that.
“Mi amor, it’ll be fine. Honestly.” he would chuckle throughout dinner.
“Rafael... the exorcist or whatever it’s called isn’t something I'd go out of my way to watch. So sorry if I'm not jumping for joy to watch it with you.” You rolled your eyes but offered him a small smile. Thankfully the two of you had dinner before getting into the movie.
This way you wouldn’t worry about losing your appetite afterward and not want to eat anything.
After the table was cleaned and the kitchen was tidied up. Rafael made popcorn while you grabbed blankets from the closet. Returning to the living room, having changed into some comfortable sleeping shorts and one of the shirts Rafael had laying around. You sat on the couch. A blanket around your body.
Once your boyfriend of a year sat down, the movie started and you found yourself cuddling into his side with the popcorn bowl in his lap. Sure, it wasn’t exactly a scary movie, just the fact it was a child being possessed got to you. That was not something you enjoyed watching. Not that you complained. At least, you tried not to.
Yet, every now and again when you would jump and groan at something that happened in the movie, you could feel Rafael chuckle. Though you ignored it, just like he ignored every jab you gave with each jump you would do.
It wasn’t even the fact that the movie was scary, it was disturbing.
“We can turn off the movie if it’s bothering you, just say the word.” Rafael said softly, his lips pressing against your forehead.
“This movie is really scary, but you’re into it so I’m trying not to cover my face the whole time, but- WHAT IS THAT?”
You covered your eyes as the child in the movie threw up green gunk on the priest. “Fuck... that’s disgusting!” you groaned and moved to hide you face against Rafael’s chest.
“It’s just a movie, mi corazón.” he would whisper and you bit down on your lip.
“Just a movie, I work with little kids all day, Rafa.” you would remind him and lay your head on his shoulder.
By the time the movie ended, both you and Rafael cleaned up the living room and went to bed. He would laugh every time you would turn on the light before entering the room. All while he would go and turn them off so nothing would stay on during the night to make the electricity bill go through the roof.
Finally in the bedroom, you looked around and shuddered. How could a movie that was so old and with horrible graphics get to you so badly? ‘I am a grown woman, it was just a stupid, dumb movie!’ you kept telling yourself. Yet when you felt a hand touch your shoulder. You couldn’t help but jump and turn around quickly.
Rafael stood there, with his hands held up and watching you before he softly brought you into a hug. “It was just a movie; you know that none of what happened was real. Right?” he asked, grinning at your nonverbal response. Only a nod of the head. Continuing to hold you right there in the middle of your bedroom. Right near the bed. Neither of you said anything. Just held onto one another.
Yet, when Rafael went to pull away, you couldn’t help but tighten your arms around him. “Y/N?” he questioned.
“Wait, don’t pull away… Not yet.” you would whisper into his chest and just kept your eyes closed. Enjoying his scent. A comforting aroma filling your senses and calming you beyond belief. The faint smell of the expensive cologne Rafael loved wearing, along with a hint of his favorite coffee order. Lord knows the man needs to lay off the caffeine a bit, not that you were going to be the one to tell him. That with the smell of his Old Spice deodorant. Rafael smelled like home.
Giving him a quick kiss to his shoulder blade. The two of you started to get ready for bed. Brushing your teeth side by side, Rafael telling you in minimal detail about the case he was currently working on with the SVU team. You of course listened.
By the time you had pulled back the covers for the bed. Rafael wrapped his arms around your body and you laid your head against his chest. Falling asleep peacefully and happily in his arms while he sang quietly under his breath. Causing you to smile and fall into a sleepless slumber.
A Nevada Ramirez and Nettie Perez Story. Part Four.
Part One - Part Two - Part Three
Masterlist
Summery: Nettie worries while being stuck in the hospital, and for good reason.
Word Count: 1,390
Warnings: violence, cursing, panic attack. POV jumps.
Nevada:
As he watched the girl lay there on the bed in front of him, Nevada couldn’t help but felt a pang in his chest. Nettie had come close to losing her life, why? Because she was seen with him, because his enemies were trying to hurt him? Wouldn’t be the first time this happened.
“mierda(shit)…” he mumbled and stood up. Running a hand through his hair, Nevada looked at Miguel. “I need you to stay around and keep an eye on her. OK?” he told the guy who nodded.
“OK but… jefe(boss), what if someone tries to stop by?” Miguel asked, obviously curious and oblivious at the same time.
“mira aquí(look here) the only people who should show up here are Camila and Dalvin from the café shop. Her family is dead from the information that was pulled up. So. No one comes in here unless it’s the fucking nurse and doctor! ¿Lo entiendes?(you understand?)” he spat at the man in front of him who nodded and kept his mouth shut.
Leaving the hospital room, Nevada left the building and pulled out a cigar. Lighting it up, he took in a long drag before looking around. Nothing unusual. Heading to his car, where his men were waiting. Nevada got in and didn’t look back at the hospital. It would be the last time he would see the girl. He couldn’t help but feel as if this happened was because of him.
The information he had pulled up about Nettie wasn’t too much. Just the usual records and how every single person in her family was dead aside from her.
Sending a message to one of his men, telling them to go to the girls' house to fix up anything broken. Nevada couldn’t help but feel a weird sensation in his stomach and chest as they drove away from the hospital. Shaking his head and continuing to smoke his cigar, Nevada asked them to drive him home so he could rest and forget about the last few days.
Nettie:
By the time she was finally coming to from her sleep like state, it had been two weeks since the attack. Not that Nettie knew that of course, she only remembered a strange dream and knows of how dry her mouth felt. With a groan, she tried to move but found herself slowly fall back asleep. Nurses were rushed in and Nettie could feel them messing with her, but she just didn’t have the strength to stay awake.
Never seeing the man in her room who watched the whole thing happen and was quick to deliver the message to Nevada that she had woken up.
By the next time Nettie woke up, it was a day later, and she found that waking up was a lot easier this time around. With a nurse walking into the room as she was trying to sit up, the older women rushed over to help Nettie. “Careful sweetie… you took quick a kick to the head and plenty of stitches.” She spoke and Nettie just felt like her head was throbbing.
“Hum… I- I don… “but her throat felt as if was filled with cotton and each time she tried to speak, it felt worse and worse. Like it was being scratched and trying to be ripped open from the inside.
Once a cup of water was almost drowned, bit Nettie was sure to drink slowly. Small sips until the cup she held was empty.
“Good! Now, just stay there and relax. A doctor should be by soon to check on you.” Nurse Elizabeth smiled kindly to Nettie, who just nodded and with the help from the nurse before leaving. Nettie was sitting up against the pillows behind her. She tried to remember what had happened to her.
Remembering the run in with Nevada, the cleaning of her home and going out to eat. It was going back home that things became blurry.
Looking around her hospital room, Nettie took in the flowers sitting beside the bed They were gorgeous and she found herself shocked to see them. There were quite a few flowers around her room now that she was actually paying attention to her surroundings.
When the nurse returned, Nettie asked the question that had been bothering her. “Why am I in my own room? I... I can’t afford this.” she told the nurse and felt the worry bubble up in her. She was scared. Nervous. Surely the money Nevada stoked away in her bag wouldn’t cover the hefty hospital bill she would be getting.
“Don’t worry about that. The man who brought you in already took care of everything.”
Only that just made Nettie worry even more. Who the hell brought her to the hospital?
Panicking, she didn’t even notice the heart monitor that she was hooked up to starting to pick up. A tear made its way down her cheek. The only thing Nettie noticed was the way her throat felt like it was closing up as she gasped for air and like the room was closing in on her. Her body was shaking with fear, wondering if they were back. Memories of her attack came back like flashes in her mind.
The nurse quickly jumped into action when noticing what was happening and tried to help the girl calm down. Though nothing worked.
Miguel’s POV:
Looking into the room, the man who was told to be kept on watch. He frowned. Seeing Nettie panic, the look of sheer horror in her eyes, as if she was in some kind of danger. Not that he blamed the girl, no. Miguel had a feeling that she was worried about what had happened and being in the hospital alone, well. He didn’t blame her. After watching the nurse give the girl a sedative, Miguel felt sick.
Grabbing his phone, he sent a message to Nevada.
‘jefe(boss), she’s not doing too good. Had to be medicated. Maybe you should come down and tell her she has nothing to worry about?’
Once the text was sent to Nevada, Miguel paced around the hallway. None of the nurses, doctors or securities bothered him. They knew who put him there to guard the girl's door. Though he went down the hall and turned the corner, finding the vending machine and got himself some snacks. Now that Nettie was drugged up to sleep, he would have nothing to do... again.
Hearing a nurse ask a man who he was and why he was on their floor. Miguel dropped his snacks and rushed over to Nettie’s hospital room.
There before him was a white man with greying hair, clean shaven and an expensive suit. “I’m her father. I got word that she’s been hospitalized.”
“I suggest you leave.” Miguel spoke up, stepping into the room. Eyes narrowed as he eyed the man. “Her whole family are dead.” he added, the nurse gasped and went to call security as the unknown man pulled a gun and started to shoot at Miguel and the nurse.
As a bullet hit his arm, Miguel was able to pull out his own gun with his other unarmed arm and killed the guy. “cabrón!(fucker)” he yelled and dropped his gun and gripped at his bleeding arm.
Breathing heavily, nurses, doctors and secutiry came rushing in and Miguel was on the phone with Nevada. Telling him what had happened.
“¿Qué diablos quieres decir con que tuviste que matar a alguien?!(what the hell do you mean you had to kill someone?)” Trujillo yelled on the other end, grumbling on about how he would be there soon.
As they hung up, Miguel was both stitched and bandaged. The man sat beside Nettie in her room, making sure he was facing the door. Already worried for what Nevada was going to do when arriving. He almost let some guy kill Nettie.
“Dios mío(my god)....” he groaned, already hearing his boss nearing.
“Well, Miguel! Want to explain to me just how Nettie here almost died... if you’ve been watching her the whole time!” Nevada demanded to know and Miguel refused to meet his eyes. “I mean... there’s a bathroom here in the room for you to use! Food is sent to you three times a fucking day! What more do you want?”
Though when Miguel went to answer, Nevada told him to just get out and go home. Which was what Miguel did.
IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT KIND OF WRITER YOU ARE YOU CAN BE WRITING: POEMS, FANFICS, IDK NORMAL FICS, NOVELS, SHORT STORIES, IDK ANYTHING!! JUST REBLOG!!!
A fivr part story about our favorite ADA Rafael Barba and his FBI gf.
Summary: What happens when the SVU squad meets Rafaels’ girlfriend, but under not so great circumstances?
Word Count: 2,373
Warnings: Cursing, angry couple, Spanish, angst, talk of rape and drug case.
Dating never came easy to Rafael Barba. But when he found someone with a job as hectic as him. It was perfect. Neither expected much from the other, when one had to cancel the other would understand.
Of course, Y/N would be more than understanding. She had two bachelor degrees under her belt and after long days and nights with the 20 weeks of New Agent Training with the FBI at Quantico. She, just like Rafael, worked hard to get where she was. Trying to make a name for herself. Starting at twenty-five and becoming a special agent before her twentieth eight birthday, Y/N knew she would make it.
Y/N and Rafael met when she was looking for a job, needing to complete two years of work experience to become a special agent. Working as a rookie cop in a district in Brooklyn. Well, one night an angry cuban man walks into the precinct. His fancy three piece suit was a mess and he claims he was assaulted. Knife wound to his arm, Y/N was the cop to take care of him.
One thing led to another, Rafael left the precinct with a smile. Having left his number behind for the cop. To ‘call’ if she had any questions about his assault. Of course, Y/N was able to find the guy who assaulted the ADA and was able to get his phone back from the man.
Almost three years passed and they were still happy with the other. Dinners, nights in and a couple who were in love with the other. Y/N met his mother and his abuelita, things were perfect. So, when Y/N graduated, celebrating the fact that she made it through the FBI academy. Thankfully, Y/N was able to stay at the federal bureau of investigation in New York City.
»---------------------►
A few months into her new job, Y/N felt as if she was on a high. It was her biggest case yet and it was hers… well, her’s along with her partner, Agent Shawn Carter. Having been staying overtime the past month, getting together evidence and witnesses to take down an organized sex trafficing crime involving a drug lord that’s on their most wanted list, Y/N wasn’t about to let anything get in the way of her bringing every last one of them down. Especially when the last victim she was notified of was a thirteen year old.
“Hola mi amor…” Y/N smiled at the call of her boyfriend. Rafael had been her rock the past few years as Y/N worked on getting into the FBI.
“Hola mi corazón…” she heard him chuckle into the phone. “Dinner tonight? Think you can make it?”
Glancing at her watch, Y/N thought about it. “I think so yeah. We’re going to pick up a perp right now and if it all works out. I’ll be able to spend all night with you.” She told him and sighed. “I’m sorry for being super busy lately.”
“Hey, none of that. I understand. It 's your job. My girlfriend, the badass FBI agent.” the two laughed and Y/N smiled.
“My boyfriend, the hot shot ADA. I’ll get out early to have dinner with you. No matter what, you’ll come first tonight.” She told him, noticing they were nearing Manhattan.
“Now, now… You know you always come first when we’re together.” Y/N could hear the smirk as he spoke and she just laughed.
Saying goodbye with many ‘i love you’s’ Y/N put her phone away and sighed, the smile feeling permanent on her lips.
Ten minutes later, the black car pulled up outside the Special Victims Unit of the 16th precinct. Both Y/N and Shawn looked at one another before nodding. It wasn’t going to be fair and it wasn’t like they knew. But the SVU team had picked up a perp they had been watching and started an investigation on him. Something Y/N couldn’t let happen. No this was her case.
Walking into the building and getting directions to the SVU floor, Y/N walked with her head held high. The skinny jeans she wore, along with the blue button down shirt. She made sure to have her badge clipped to her pants. Gun in its holder and ID already out in her hand.
“Can I help you, agent?” a woman asked, making Y/N turn to look at a blonde who walked over. That caught the other detectives attention.
They were already wondering why the FBI was there.
“As a matter of fact you can. I’m special agent Y/N L/N and this is my partner, Agent Shawn Carter. I’m afraid I’m here to collect the perp you have in custody along with everything you have against him.” she told the women, except her eyes were on a brunette woman. Whom Y/N knew was in charge. She did her research before storming into the precinct this way.
“Why should we do that? This is our case, don’t see why the Feds want a low life like him.” another detective spoke up and Y/N looked over at him. From his voice and stance, it was obvious he was angry.
“Calm down, Amaro.” the brunette finally spoke up. “Olivia Benson.” she introduced herself and Y/N shook her hand. “Now, you say you need this guy. Why? From what we’ve gathered, he’s just a scum who likes underage girls.”
With a sigh, Y/N nodded. But she didn’t say anything when a familiar voice spoke up. “What’s going on here?”
“Ah! Barba, you’re going to love this.” The Amaro fellow looked amused. “The FBI is here to take our case.”
“Oh yeah? On what grounds?” Barba asked.
“On the grounds that he’s a suspect in an ongoing Federal case.” Y/N said, turning to look at the man she just told she loved, not even half an hour ago. “Miguel Hernández raped and murdered a thirteen year old girl three days ago. And I know you guys picked him up cause he was caught in the act of raping another victim. Now imagine my surprise when I found out that SVU caught him. Even though notice went out to contact the FBI if Mr. Hernández is picked up by officers or detectives of New York.” she spoke, informing all of them, even though her eyes stayed on Rafael.
“He also has information about Lorenzo Torsney.” Shawn spoke up for the first time.
“Wait, Torsney, the guy linked to the sex trafficking ring with the underage girls? The same Lorenzo who’s rumored to be the new Drug lord of New York?” some guy spoke up, his thick accent catching Y/Ns attention.
“That’s the one.” Both agents spoke at the same time. “So, Lieutenant. The case files and Miguel if you please.” Shawn said and followed Bensen into her office to grab the paperwork to make the transfer.
Y/N on the other hand went to look at the window that showed into the interrogation room. Hearing footsteps, Y/N smiled at the male and nodded to the detective seeing the coffee he got her. “Thanks…”
“Ah, Dominick Carisi, Jr. but everyone calls me Sonny.” the thick accent said and Y/N raised an eyebrow.
“I get the feeling, no one calls you, Sonny… Sonny.” she smirked and looked at Miguel again.
Thankfully he got quiet after that. Though what Y/N failed to notice was Rafael standing in the doorway. “Excuse us, Carisi.” he said, in his ‘this is my mad, but trying to stay professional” voice.
Sonny couldn't get out of the room faster, not that Y/N blamed him. She would have ran as well.
"You couldn't have told me on the phone that you were coming to pick up the guy from my case?" Rafael whispered, looking real mad.
Yet, Y/N just rolled her eyes. "Tu caso? Last I heard, you were still working in fucking Brooklyn! Que diablos, Rafael!" She hissed at her boyfriend. "You changed fucking districts and never told me?"
"Oh, that's rich. Coming from the one always canceling our dates!"
"¡Vete a la mierda!" Y/N narrowed her eyes. "Who canceled the last THREE dinners? Wasn't me, that's for fucking sure." She scoffed and pushed past him.
"Real professional Detectives.." Y/N rolled her eyes at the SVU team all scrambling back to their desks. Pretending like they wern’t eavesdropping on Y/N and Rafael.
"Y/N, vuelve aquí, ahora."
Only, Y/N ignored him. Pulling out her phone, she had to put in a call for another agent to come out to the district and collect Miguel. All while ignoring Rafael. Who was trying to glare her into submission.
'Good luck, papi. Not gonna work now.' Y/N thought and looked away from the detectives. Answering emails and texts on her phone. Already getting a location of where Shawn and her needed to go after leaving SVU.
»»---------------------►
As Miguel was getting put into cuffs, both around his wrists and ankles. Y/N watched, making sure nothing would go wrong. Turning to the detectives, she gave them a sad smile.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t let you guys have this case.” she told them, sounding sincere. “If he wasn’t important to catching Torsney, I would have let you keep the case.” she added, thanking Shawn as he handed Y/N her FBI jacket.
Hearing two different scoffs, but from two cuben men. Y/N rolled her eyes and shook Olivia’s hand. “It’s fine, at least you’re getting him off the streets… and something tells me, you interrogating him will make what we did look like preschoolers.” she smirked and Y/N shrugged.
“Let’s just say, the cameras are not on all the time.” Shawn spoke up and Y/N shook her head.
“Yes they are, thank you for giving me a heads up to watch all the interrogations you do from now on.” she narrowed her eyes and told him to go wait in the car. Saying goodbye, Y/N turned and made her way out.
Getting into the car, Y/N rubbed a hand over her face and told Shawn they were needed over in the Bronx.
“So… that was your boyfriend. Huh?” the male next to her spoke up after a few minutes of silence in the car.
Of course, with her telling him to shut up the car ride continued on quietly.
Hearing her phone let out a ping Y/N grabbed it and read the text from Rafael.
Papi: So, I guess we need to talk later.
Y/N: Yeah, I’ll tell you when I get off. Don’t know when that’ll be. There was a bomb over in the South Bronx. Was put on the case to deal with it.
Keeping the reply simple. Wanting Rafael to know she was mad at him. Not even replying to his ‘stay safe’ and not cause she didn’t want to. But because they had arrived and the scene they saw. It was a complete mess.
News crews were filming everything happening, people being put into ambulances and being taken care of.
“OK! What do we know?” Y/N asked, tying her H/C hair up into a ponytail.
As they were getting information, Y/N looked around. Not knowing cameras were pointed towards both her and her partner.
Turning to the officer telling them what had happened, Y/N frowned. “What time was the explosion? Exactly.” she asked and Y/N felt like she paled when being told it had been Nine minutes.
“We need every emergency vehicle headed here stopped outside the perimeter, and evacuate the building.” she commanded and stopped when the Battalion Chief spoke up.
“I got half a dozen guys inside checking structural damage, twice that many going door-to-door --”
Y/N just cut him off. “Have them grab anyone they see, and get out. Now.” her confidence leaves no doubt and the man nods. Talking to everyone he can and getting as many people out as possible.
With Shawn helping out on the other side, also helping people move away from the building the explosion went off in. It left Y/N to run after a woman who was running towards the apartment building. Crying about how she wanted her son's body
Y/N was able to get her away, but when the second explosion hit, both her and the woman were flown forward. Y/N being knocked out.
Rafaels’ POV:
He was getting shit for not saying anything to the team about his FBI girlfriend. Not like he knew if they were even going to be that later on when they talk. But still, he sat there and let them poke and joke around. The team had gotten takeout and were relaxing since there were no other cases. Rafael deciding to join them (not like they gave him much of a choice in the matter)
“Hey, Barba… didn’t you say Y/N was out in the South Bronx?” Rollins asked, causing Rafael to turn away from Liv and look at the blonde detective.
Moving his head to see what she was looking at, Rafael felt a chill in his stomach as he watched the News on the TV. They were covering the story of what was happening.
The team were all quiet listening to the man speak, the camera moving to where Y/N stood with her partner. Rafael watched as she took charge of the situation, he felt proud of her. But he had a nagging feeling, seeing everyone move quickly at whatever command she gave.
“By the looks, Agent Y/N L/N of the FBI gave orders to evacuate the building. Will there be another explosion, how does she know to get everyone out of the building? Whatever it is, everyone seems to be listening….” but Rafael turned the man's voice out.
In the background he could see Y/N running towards the woman and he shot up out of his seat when the second explosion happened. Cutting short the camera. No one was moving or saying anything as they just watched Rafael, who looked on the verge of a panic attack.
We’re picking up right where we left off with Theo barging into the gallery to surprise the reader. We also find out who that special someone is that Sonny has his eye 👀
Thanks to everyone for their comments and feedback on this series! It means the world to me ❤️Also a huge thanks to @sass-and-suspenders for being my writing buddy and giving me the idea for the title.
Trigger Warning: This chapter contains an assault scene and mention of rape.
“Theo, how did you get in?” you sputtered. “You shouldn’t be here! We’re closed.”
Theo scoffed, “Please, that ditzy coworker of yours always forgets to lock the door when she leaves.” He milled around the tiny studio, picking up a handcrafted ceramic vase. “And besides you never cared before.” He set the vase down and winked.
You could tell that he was drunk. Apart from his disheveled appearance, the aroma of cheap whiskey radiated off his body and hit you like a brick wall. But there was something more, his presence filled you with a sense of foreboding. Nevertheless, you swallowed down your fear and held your ground. “That was then, this is now,” you sneered.
Stay Tuned for the first chapter Forgine Touch. Coming out July 18th, 2020.
Summery: What happens when you get the mark of your soulmate on your body at the age of 16? Just a mark where they would touch you for the first time. What happens when your name is Y/N Hamilton and your soulmates with Thomas Jefferson? Come and find out.
MSo between all the bleedin' 'n fightin'
I've been readin' 'n writin'....
Joking. But on a more serious note. My computer did a fuck up and all my documents from Word that was saved with several one shots and the next few chapters to my stories have disappeared.I checked everywhere and they are gone.
thousands of words. gone. and i cried 3 times today. So updates will take some time. I’m sorry. BUt hey... loook at what i already have <3 Masterlist
A sad little One-Shot between Alexander Hamilton and Eliza Hamilton after the death of Philip.
I watched Hamilton yesterday and thought this needed to be written.
Hope you enjoy. <3
warnings: It’s sad.. I cried writing.
Alexander couldn’t hear anything. His glasses on the bridge of his nose as he cried with his head down and eyes closed. Remembering the last moments, he had with his son. How he had given his boy advice on how to duel. How he should aim upwards to not have blood on his hands, yet it was Alexander who ended up with blood on both his hands and clothes as he held his dying son. His wife by his side, laying her head as she sobbed, crying out and begging for their Philip to return to them.
“My son… please.” Eliza begged, her voice breaking before she fell to the ground on her knees.
Alexander moved to hug her, but she pushed him away. His adultery still fresh in their mind. The Reynolds Pamphlet. Oh, how he was stupid enough to write such a thing. Because of it, his son thought he had to stand up to his fathers name. It causing the boy his life. All because his opponent decided to cheat and shot before, they reached 10.
As the next few days pass, Alexander did everything to get the funeral ready. The Hamilton family waiting for the other two Schuyler sisters to arrive to be a part of the service. Alexander was trying to hold himself together for his wife, for his children. He tried to put on a strong face for everyone, yet as the casket of his poor boy was descending down into the hole in the ground. Alexander couldn’t hold it back anymore.
His bottom lip started to tremble, as his wife cried into the arms of her sister and the children. Leaving Alexander to stand off to the side alone. The tears welled up in his eyes, making his vision go blurry. Before he knew it, Alexander couldn’t hold himself up anymore.
He dropped onto the grass covered ground and his head dropped forward. “I’m so sorry…” he would whisper out as he cried. Wishing he could take back everything and advise his son to not go on with the duel. That there was no need.
But he couldn’t, Alexander he has to work through the unimaginable. The feeling of losing a child.
How his younger kids would ask about Philip and where their older brother was. How they didn’t understand.
The family couldn’t stay in their own home, the memories were too strong, and so they packed up their things and left. Locked up the house moved uptown.
It didn’t go unnoticed by everyone. With the news of the death of Philip, the move and how Alexander was seen always walking alone in the city. The man only seen with his children when they would make the walk to Church every Sunday.
The people would watch Alexander kneel and pray. Some would say he was praying for his son to return, other say he prays for Eliza to forgive him. Some people even say that the man prayed to change places with his son. Though no one knew, Alexander found himself always praying for forgiveness.
»» ««
“Philip, you would like it uptown, it’s quiet uptown.” Those he passed would hear the father who had to bury his son would say as he walked to the store alone. Something Alexander did every day. He would walk all over the city. Some would even say he walked the length of the city.
The man who was once so confident, the man who fought in the war and was George Washington’s right-hand man… he was a shell of that man. The confidence now gone as he walked alone talking to his son.
As he reached the house, he stopped at the gate and tried to push the tears away. Ready to leave Eliza another tray of food beside the bed. Hoping she would eat. Only to take his spot in the garden once again.
Yet when he entered the house, his daughtered informed Alexander that mother was sitting in the garden. After kissing the young girls head, he went to the garden. Seeing his wife out there sitting on a stone bench. Alexander walked over to her.
“Look at where we are, look at what we started.” He said softly, not sitting nor looking at his wife. “I- I know I don’t deserve you, Eliza. But please, hear me out? That would be enough.” He begged, finally tuning to look at the women.
She just looked forward before giving a small nod and looked down at her lap.
Walking over to her and bending down so he was crouching down in front of Eliza, he grabbed her hands in his. “If I could spare his life… if somehow I could trade his life for mine.” Alexander started to speak, but stopped, having to take a deep breath. “He’d be standing here right now for you. Just so you would smile and that’s all I want from you. Is to see your smile. That would be enough.” And as if he hadn’t cried enough. A sole tear slid down his cheek, not that Alexander moved to wipe it away.
“Alexander…” Eliza started to speak but he hushed her, shaking his head. Needing to get this out.
“I know… I know there’s no replacing what we’ve lost, my love. You need time, but I’m not afraid! I know who I married. The strong women who accepted me without a penny to my name.” He offered her a small smile through his tears. “Just… let me stay here by your side? That would be enough.”
»» ««
And from that day, everyday Alexander and Eliza would sit out in that garden, neither one speaking. Just watching the sunrise and sunsets. Eliza and the kids started to accompany Alex on his walks around the city.
Reminiscing on his life. Meeting his friends, meeting Eliza and her sisters, winning the war and being George Washington’s right-hand man. Meeting his son when he was first born, promising to be there for him in life, unlike his own father who left Alexander when he turned 10.
When they got back to their home that night, Alexander went to his study and found a portrait of Philip. Leaving the house and heading to the backyard where the garden was. He fell down in the middle of the flowers. The night sky was filled with stars, the moon shining brightly in the sky.
“Oh Philip... you outshined the morning sun… my son.” He whispered as he looked up at the sky. “When you smiled, I fell apart. Pride is not the word I’m looking for when I think of you.” His voice broke as he spoke to Philip while looking up at the stars. “I used to think I was so smart… my father wasn’t around…. I should have been around you more. I’m sorry. I made a million mistakes. I should have made the world safe and sound for you.” Alexander’s voice became softer before he couldn’t speak anymore.
Never realizing Eliza who was standing behind him crying at the same time. Only when she sat down next to him and grabbed his hand, the hand that wasn’t holding the photo of their son.
“It’s quite uptown…” she said softly, laying her head on his shoulder and the two sat there. Both mourning over their son while holding one another. “I forgive you…”
Holding each other, the kids and Angelica soon joined them outside and just sat out in the garden. Telling each other memories of Philip, promising to never let his memory die.
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