SCARS / FLESH.

independent original muse    /    loved by red

[ragebent-blog]

likethcrns

DISCONNECTED  ,  SHE  FEELS  LIKE  A  DRIFTER  AT  SEA .    lonely  is  the  word  that  enters  mind.  he  is  with  her  yet  she  feels  a  wedge  between  them.  heart  betrayed  ,  she  feels  weak.  there  is  anchors  weighing  her  down.  the  sudden  urge  to  cry  begins.  

maybe  she’s  overthinking.  maybe  his  thoughts  are  a  mess  like  hers  and  maybe  his  insides  are  gnarled  ,  too.  but  if  not  ,  she  is  alone  with  this  feeling.  she  can  already  see  the  expected  ending  to  this  conversation.    the  kiss  was  nothing  and  meant  nothing  .    it  was  a  spur  of  the  moment.  he  got  caught  in  fire  and  felt  it  didn’t  burn  like  he  wanted  it  to.  a  tragedy  for  her  because  he  was  all  that  heart  dreamed  of.    

“    noah  ,  i’m  serious.    ”    woe  fills  the  gaps  between  spoken  syllables.  she  lifts  her  head  and  palm  ,  fingertips  skimming  across  his  hand  in  gentle  confrontation.  he’d  rather  change  the  subject  than  face  it  ,  but  she  could  not  let  the  topic  slip  through  her  grasp.    “    look  ,  if  you  don’t  want  to  talk  about  it  right  now  then  we  don’t  necessarily  have  to  ,  but  i’m  not  going  to  discuss  about  whether  or  not  you  can  throw  something  into  the  trashcan  successfully.    ”    she  wanted  to  approach  this  sweetly  ,  but  this  newfound  frustration  has  already  begun  to  spin  her.  she’s  never  been  quiet  or  unspoken  ;  her  emotions  are  too  abrupt  and  deafening.  here  come  the  hot  tears  though.  she  reaches  for  her  bag  ,  already  turning  away  before  anything  else  could  follow.    “    if  you  don’t  want  to  talk  ,  then  i’ll  just  leave  you  be.    ”

would you forgive yourself if she walked away from you  ?  you know the answer.  it’s been the same since you were a kid.  it doesn’t stop you from asking yourself.  her finger tips, usually cold to the touch, burn the top of your hand.  such a delicate touch burns hotter than the sun.  hotter than the tears blazing behind your eyelids.  blinking them away did no good, it only caused them to fall faster.  when was the last time she saw you cry  ?  can you recall  ?  probably not.  

eyes stay trained on her fingertips against the top of your hand.  you can see her reaching for her bag.  telling you she’ll leave.    (    would you ever let her  ?    )    hand moves under hers, gripping softly, desperately to hers.  a silent beg.    please, don’t leave me alone.       ❛   sandra, do you think i can make it, or not  ?   ❜

her nod sends a sense of pride in your chest.  eyes drift away from hers, looking back towards the trashcan.  with a toss, you pray it makes it, but you don’t know for sure.  the moment you release it from your fingers, you’re letting go of her hand and moving it to the side of her face.    oh, god, she’s gonna kick your ass.    you don’t care at this point.  lips connect for a second time.  just like the first time, you’re thankful you’re sitting down.  you’re convinced if you ever kiss her standing up, your knees will give out.  but at this point  ;  you don’t care.  slowly you pull back.  you don’t want to  :  it’s clear from the way you linger near her face, before finally pulling back, pulling a napkin from your bag.  wiping the left over apple from your hand.       ❛   i’m serious, sandra.   ❜

[make-a-meme]

Send me ❣ and I reveal something I love about my muse.

[ragebent-blog]

likethcrns

BLINK  ,  BLINK  ,  BLINK  .    for  a  moment  ,  she  is  frozen  with  only  the  fluttering  of  lashes  signaling  her  existence.  it  was  now  that  a  thought  occurred  to  her  :  what’s  your  plan?  she  was  led  by  instinct  ,  by  the  natural  connection  they  shared.  all  of  her  wanted  to  be  near  all  of  him  and  that  was  the  process  that  concluded  with  her  standing  a  few  feet  away.  but  after  that  ,  she  had  assumed  he’d  wish  her  to  be  gone.  that  was  doubt  ;  an  oozing  feeling  that  persuaded  her  into  believing  he  didn’t  want  her  around.

nevertheless  , she’s  here.  smile  faintly  plastered  onto  glossed  lips.  she  sets  her  bag  down  ,  lets  it  drop  onto  soil  ,  then  finds  her  spot  next  to  him.  knees  pulling  to  her  chest  ,  she  discovers  the  silence  between  them  is  unwelcoming.  while  a  hushed  atmosphere  wasn’t  an  abnormality  between  them  ,  it  was  the  persistent  feeling  of  knowing  the  kiss  they  shared  had  happened  and  what  followed  after  it.  his  disappearance.  not  one  singular  word  from  him.    “    hey  noah  ,    ”    she  starts  so  he  doesn’t  have  to.  her  voice  is  surprisingly  feeble  ,  lacking  its  usual  spark  of  courage.    she  doesn’t  meet  his  eyes  .    instead  ,  her  focus  is  drawn  towards  the  daisies  sprouting  beneath  her.    “    do  you  —  do  you  hate  me  or  something?  after  we    .  .  .    kissed  and  everything  ,  you  just  sort  of  took  off  and  then  didn’t  talk  to  me  afterwards.  if  it’s  because  of  the  kiss  ,  we  don’t  ever  have  to  talk  about  it  again  if  you  don’t  want  to.  it  doesn’t  have  to  mean  anything.    ”    oh  ,  but  this  tender  heart  wishes  it  could.

eyes stay trained on hers.  a small part of your heart aches for this to all be over.  would you take it back  ?  not in a million years.  would you have timed it better  ?  if you could, you would.  eyes slowly shift from her gaze down to the apple in your hand.  suddenly your appetite has dissipated.    (    do birds eat apples  ?  or just bread    )    legs move from their outstretched position to a criss crossed motion    ;    people always made fun of you when you did this.  you’re too tall, morielli, you look bizarre.  cassandra, though, she had never made fun of you.  ever.  except for in jokes    :    and you both knew it was in jokes.

your empty hand picks at grass.  usually she would scold you for this action.  but this time, this time she wasn’t looking.  you could get away with making funny faces behind her back    :    you don’t want to though.  you only make them to hear her laugh.  her laugh, to you, was like finding a flowing river in the middle of the desert.  she was everything you ever needed.  but did you deserve her  ?  not after what you had done.  how are you supposed to explain leaving after kissing your best friend  ?  the truth, the truth was    :    you left for an interview.  a payed internship.  she’d be proud, no doubt, but she’d be disappointed you didn’t tell her.  disappointed your time together would become less.  this was the one lie you spent all night thinking about, trying to find an answer to    :    and came up blank.  you almost miss her words, too busy with your own thoughts to hear her speak, but you do.  and you feel your throat swell up    ;    or rather, a lump form in the back of it.  it doesn’t have to mean anything.      don’t do it, noah, don’t let her see you cry over WORDS.

you clear your throat.  forcing the lump away.  your grass picking hand rubs against your pant leg, before it moves to scratch your cheek.  a nervous tick. you wonder if she knew that. you knew all hers.  then again, you were head over heels in love with her.      ❛   i don’t hate you, cassandra.   ❜      saying her full name seems foreign to you.    (    would she notice it too  ?    )      ❛   i could never hate you, you know that.   ❜      eyes train on the trashcan, situated a few feet away from you.  shoulder bumps hers, free hand pointing towards the can.      ❛   think i could make it  ?   ❜

[ragebent-blog]

likethcrns

SIRENS  BLARE  IN  HER  HEAD  .    they  are  only  a  few  words  into  the  potential  of  a  conversation  ,  yet  she  feels  fear  stitch  itself  into  worn  heart.  it  sews  together  nothing  though  ;  it  only  keeps  her  terrified  of  the  words  sitting  upon  tongue.    “    yeah  ,  everything’s  okay.    ”    heart  skips  beats  ,  then  it  thuds  chaotically  in  her  chest.  if  he  came  too  close  ,  he’d  probably  hear  it.    “    i  actually  just  wanted  to  talk  to  you  about  something.    ”    fright  weaves  in  words.  vocals  crack  ;  who  is  she  in  this  moment?  no  ,  she’s  not  a  hunter  or  a  fighter.  there  is  not  much  courage  in  her  bones  ,  but  there  is  a  heart  with  a  pure  desire.  and  that  itself  becomes  a  motivation  to  speak.    “    awhile  back  when  you  asked  me  for  another  date  and  i  said  no.    —    i’ve  changed  my  mind.    ”

hands toss down the gloves.  eyebrows pulling together.  everything’s fine, her words echo in your mind.  fingers flex.  what a thing for you to do    :    focus all your attention on anything but the pressing matter in front of you.  then she says she wants to talk.  you can hear your heartbeat in your ears.      ❛   well, that’s never good.   ❜      a laugh follows suit of your words.  that’s it, make it a joke, make everything a joke.  that’s what you’re good at, noah.  eyes slowly shift towards her.  she’s just as nervous as you are, if not more.  except hers is a different form of nervous.      ❛   you ... changed your mind ?   ❜      hands move into his pockets.  another clear of your throat.  stay calm, noah.      ❛   are you sure  ?   ❜

[ransomflanagan]

— Chris Evans in Gifted (2017)

[ragebent-blog]

this is for the lions living in the wiry broke down frames of my friends bodies  /  when the flood water comes, it ain’t gonna be clear  /  it’s gonna look like mud

BUT I WILL HELP YOU SWIM.

independent original muse    /    loved by red    /     ©

[ragebent-blog]

likethcrns

*   sc   /   @ragebent  .

BOUNCY  CURLS  FALL  OVER  SHOULDERS  .    lip  bitten  ,  tongue  tied.  she  wears  the  facade  of  someone  unfazed  ,  but  truth  be  told  ,  last  night  scorches  her  mind.  it  is  all  that  graces  her  thoughts.    his  mouth  against  hers  ,  his  fingers  skimming  across  the  soft  blush  on  her  cheek  .    oh  ,  heaven  lend  her  a  hand  ,  she  is  lost  at  sea  ,  drowning  in  the  mere  leftover  taste  of  him.  like  gravity  ,  unintentional  and  unknowingly  ,  she  finds  herself  pulled  in  his  direction.  he  sits  under  a  tree  :  their  favorite  spot  to  clean  crowded  heads.    “    noah!    ”    voice  calls  ,  she  steps  closer.  suddenly  ,  she  stops  under  the  shade  that  flourished  branches  provide.  she  is  no  fool.  she  sees  his  nerves  twisting  at  the  sound  of  her.  all  at  once  ,  anxiety  hits  her.  it  is  a  tangled  knot  in  her  gut.    “    you  don’t  mind  if  i  sit  with  you  ,  right?    ”

you shouldn’t be surprised.  you’re always together.  hell, even this morning you were questioned why you weren’t  ‘  being led around.  ‘    course, you didn’t think anything about it.  why should you.  you had passed by her house    (    as if you had a choice    )    she wasn’t there    ;    you didn’t wait.  if she asked, you had a perfectly good lie cooked up in your head  :  a morning retest.  couldn’t miss it.  course, she would know it was a lie.  when have you ever needed to retake a test, moreilli  ?  teeth sink into the red apple placed in between your fingers the moment your name is called.  you’d recognize her voice twenty miles away in the middle of a thunderstorm.  and why wouldn’t you  ?  you’ve only been memorizing every detail of the storm in porcelain skin since you were thirteen years old.

a cough forms as you swallow down your bite.  hand moving to wipe at the forming juice  :  how attractive.  a nod shows before you clear your throat.  forcing the rising nerves back down.       ❛   yes.   ❜      eye widen    :    here comes the panic.      ❛   i mean, no  !  no, i don’t mind.  why would i mind  ?   ❜      it’s not like i kissed you and immediately bolted without talking to you yesterday.

[ragebent-blog]

likethcrns

*   @ragebent   .

silent  love  weeper  ,  you  have  never  been  courageous  when  it  comes  to  the  heart  .    she  is  the  assumed  heartless  :  the  one  that  has  a  beat  in  her  chest  but  does  not  know  how  to  use  it.    (    you  were  carved  of  something  honeyed  once  but  it  turned  sour.    )    oh  ,  but  for  once  ,  something  inside  has  stirred.  so  here  she  is  ,  passion  driven  ,  determination  tracing  the  outline  of  cobalt  hues.  she  recalls  nights  ago  when  moonlight  draped  across  them  like  a  dream  and  he  had  opened  the  door  for  something  more  ,  but  she  had  closed  him  off  so  swift.  a  mistake  ,  it  had  been.  she  knows  that  ,  so  here  is  a  spark  of  blistering  valor.    “    hey  ,  noah.    ”    voice  calls  ,  cracked  yet  breaching  the  edge  of  boldness.  tongue  bitten  ,  she  twiddles  fingers  behind  her  back.    “    could  i  talk  to  you  for  a  second?    ”

fists connect with the bag. damaged boy, you spend too much time blaming yourself.  so many people tell you so    ;    everyone you know tells you so.  it’s painstakingly true. the question is    :    will you ever believe them  ?  with the force that comes from your fist nearly every night, you doubt it.  ears perk up to the sound of a woman’s voice.  a very small part of your heart screams for her.  for jenny.  you know better    (    you wish you didn’t    )    eyebrows pull together at the sound of your name.  no one ever comes looking for you here, not in awhile.  blue hues shift over to the red head woman standing so still, for a moment, you think you’ve made her up in your mind.  then she asks to talk.  you can’t stop the rising heartbeat pumping in your aching chest.      ❛   uh, yeah, of course.   ❜      how polite you always are.  bare fingers pull at velcro.  lips pull back to show teeth, of course it doesn’t last long.      ❛   is everything okay  ?   ❜

[ragebent-blog]

likethcrns  !

there  ,  in  her  heart  ,  a  daring  shred  of  sorrow  tugs  at  her  .    never  too  tender  of  a  soul  ,  but  there  is  regret  on  her  tongue  that  desires  to  be  spoken.    (    oh  ,  girl  ,  you  know  you  are  a  hurricane  and  you  wreak  havoc  to  everything  in  your  path.  you  are  the  tempest  and  he  is  too  awed  to  see.    )    “    i  don’t  think  the  town  or  you  would  get  boring  fast.    ”    lip  bitten  ,  tongue  tied  ;  where  are  her  words?  bold  ,  but  not  right  now.  she  is  weak  when  it  comes  to  the  heart.    “    i’m  a  bit  more  than  most  can  handle.    ”    and  she  did  not  share  secret  smiles  with  him  just  so  he  could  end  up  rotting  one  day.  she  cannot  be  selfish  anymore.    “    but  hey  ,  i’m  sure  i’ll  see  you  around  before  i  leave.  it  is  a  small  town.    ”

a little slimmer of hope finds its way into the back of your mind.  you’re ever so quick to push it away  ;  you’re good at pushing it away, aren’t you  ?  don’t push you luck, noah.  no girl wants a pushy man.  you know better, but for some reason you can’t stop the words.       ❛   you’d be surprised at what i can and can’t handle.   ❜      a light heart laugh escapes your lips, eyes refusing to meet hers.  how childlike must you be,  EMOTIONAL BABY - BOY.       ❛   if you change your mind    :    decide you want another coffee sometime, let me know.  gotta make sure you don’t go to the bad place couple blocks over.   ❜

[ragebent-blog]

hi dad

  @bbysittr

❛   did you eat your veggies and do your homework  ?  are you staying away from boys  ?  boys are gross.   ❜

[evanzski]

[ragebent-blog]

@likethcrns.

    to  be  heartless  and  unloved  was  a  desire  of  hers  .   truthfully  ,  it  wasn’t  a  favorable  fate  ,  but  there  was  a  reason  that  she craved  it.  this   .  .  .   this  nervous  flutter  that  kicked  her  heart.  suddenly  ,  fear  has  grown  in  her  chest  where  serenity  should  be  ,  spreading  like  the  PLAGUE until  the  ease  has  left  her.  a  blind  fool  she  was.  ignorance  and  disbelief had  clouded  her  mind  ,  not  fully  comprehending  the  idea  of  this  as  a  date.  reality  settles  at  the  mention  of  it.  she  shuffles  on  her  feet  ,  fingers  tucking  curls  away.    “    you  know  ,  i’m  not  really  the  type  of  girl  that  dates.   ”   she’s  a  wanderer  ,  stealing KISSES and  passion  for  a  night  ,  only  to  disappear  with  the  rising  light.  where  had  her  calm  demeanor  run  off  to ? she  was  so  content  moments  ago  until  he  had  brought  up  that  word.    “    not  that  tonight  wasn’t  fun  ,  i  just    —    ”   how  to  phrase  this  without  hurting  :  a  guide  she  lacked.   “   dating  isn’t  something  i’m  good  at  and  i’m  sure  i’d  disappoint you  somehow.    ”

your head nods.  what a dumb question to ask.  you should know better.  you’re sure she knows.  anyone who’s been in this small town for longer than twenty minutes knows.  they know about poor boy    :    noah morielli, living with his daughter in a house he bought with his dead wife.      ❛   no, no, i get it.   ❜      despite the rawness blooming in your soul    ;    a smile forms along your lips.       ❛   big city girl, you shouldn’t be stuck in this town anyway.  it gets boring really fast.   ❜

[ragebent-blog]

@likethcrns :

    SHE  HAD  KNOWN  IT  WAS  COMING the  moment  before  he  spoke.  nonstop  and  all  day  ,  he  had  whined and  complained  ,  wiping  his  palms  across  his  face  in  desperation  for  something  that  was  no  longer  there.  as  amusing  as  it  was  ,  the  sigh  was  already  escaping.   “   then  why  did  you  shave?  you  were  hotter  with  the  beard  anyways.   ”   she  reaches  ,  slender  fingers  gripping  around  his  wrist  to  pull  his  hand  away  from  his  cheek  and  to  her  waist  instead.   “    just  grow  it  back  and  never  shave  again.   ”

your eyebrows scrunch together as she speaks. freely letting her move your hand to your waist instead of his face. letting out a disgruntled sigh, you find yourself digging your fingertips gently into her side.      ❛   you’re not even attracted to me anymore, wow. another reason to never leave this room until it grows back.   ❜      you let your eyes close as you turn your face towards the ceiling.      ❛   we’re getting rid of all the razors in the house. i can’t be tempted.   ❜

[ragebent-blog]

      &   ;  @likethcrns.

    “   get  closer  to  me.   ”   spoken  softly  ,  her  words  are  BREATHLESS murmurs  for  only  him  to  hear.  arms  hooked  around  his  neck  ,  cassandra  yanks  him  to  her.  plump  lips  ,  glossed  with red ,  graze  against  his  cheek  then  his  ear.    “   we’re  supposed  to  be married  ,  not  reluctant  dance  partners.  take  one  for  the  team  and  put  your  hand  on  my  ass  if  you  have  to.  at  least  try  to  be  into  me.   ”  

      AT HER WORDS HE LETS his arms instinctively wrap a bit tighter around her waist, bring them chest to chest as he scans around the room.  he lets his palms lay flat against the lower portion of her back as he sways them rhythmically to the music    (   he wished he could think his mother for making him take dancing lessons as a child   ).    he lets a smile pull at his lips as he leans his mouth towards her ear in return.    “   most husbands don’t grope their wives at charity dinner, honey.   ”    he almost adds an    ’   i don’t have to pretend to be into you,   ’    but decides against it.  it was a bad idea to be attracted to your partner.

[heartfulloffandoms-deactivated2]