My Diary, Sort Of??

Trigger warnings are tagged They/Them I'm a walking personification of suicidal ideation and that shows a bit in what I write about. Also I'm an eclectic witch.

[rantsinstuff]

how long is too long to hide in a public bathroom on the verge of tears, but not quite able to cry? definitely asking for a friend......

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probably sounding like a broken record since i only used this account when i was depressed as fuck, but i yet again am passively suicidal and thats so much fun. this time though im an adult enough to recognize that i need help or a medchange or something, but im still so bad that i dont know where to start....im burning out the empathy of everyone around me, tanking my financial, physical, and educational health. and i can either feel nothing and no motivation for anything, or feel everything at once and overwhelmed which then puts me in anxious paralysis. going to a paych ward would not help, i would just be more lonely, out more money, and unable to work on anything, but its so tempting as an easy way to not be a burden on everyone i love

[becausepplkeepfindingmyaccounts]

[strawberryriceball]

Quick sketch quick sketch dont think

[strawberryriceballoriginals]

Sketch of the day I guess

[mari-annawheelan]

yeah idk what this is

bonus:

[becausepplkeepfindingmyaccounts]

Had to get my last baby tooth pulled :( I have a special genetic trait where I have baby teeth in my mouth (used to now) that had no adult teeth waiting under them. So we tried to make them last as long as possible, but I guess baby teeth just weren’t meant to last! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[becausepplkeepfindingmyaccounts]

References as to what my chest might look like after top surgery, not my photos

[strawberryriceballoriginals]

I wanna be a big bearded country man who can hold 200 pound dogs like babies and cuddle them all day and give people bear hugs and chop down trees and shit

[strawberryriceball]

I also wanna be lithe and androgynous and wear cute flowy dresses and skip everywhere and read books while drinking tea in a window cubby

[sleezed]

*not horny but masturbates just in case i was* 

[rantsinstuff]

I cant do this anymore!

I need to get out of this house! My brother and my mom have been fighting so often lately I dont know what to do anymore! Honestly we could all benefit from seeing a therapist. My mom hasnt been taking her meds, I keep forgetting to take mine consistently, and my brother managed to convince his doctor he didnt need his. They're always at each others throats and then it's up to me to calm them down. They've both got good points but they're also both being ASSHOLES and refuse to LISTEN to each other or ANYONE ELSE!

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Help!

This is the second time I've ever used a public mens bathroom and the first time went fine but this time someone came in! Now I cant leave the stall!

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I just want to die already

My car just died again after I just got it fixed less than a week ago!!! I'm in the negative, I've got a new job lined up that will pay better but I have to be able to get there and it doesnt start for another month! My dietitian keeps yelling at me for not eating right but I can only afford to eat what I can find because I'm too broke to even buy groceries! Fuck life I'm done with this shit, please just let me go already

[nocked-deactivated20181125]

Me: Im gonna have so much fun this weekend!

Me: *masturbates 4 times in a row and passes out*

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I feel called out

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Nostalgia?

This memory was thick and sweet but also sour with how fleeting it was.

I thought of undertale and yogurt and it was happy but I cant help but feel like I lost something because there is now a void feeling in my chest and I cant remember what it was

I feel the need to cry, to mourn over something I cant remember...

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Intrusive thoughts

I often have intrusive thoughts but I didnt know that's what they are until more recently. So for the longest time I just thought I was racist and a horrible person all around because they are about all sorts of other horrible, disgusting things as well that I dont want to list right now...

[rantsinstuff]

I fucked up

Please let me die now I'm tired