in which, it takes lohen over a year and a stupid theoretical to realise he's in love with you.
contents. lohen x gn!reader, 8.1k words, opposites attract (mma fighter x academic weapon), fluff, crack, hint of angst (academic burnout), modern highschool au, lohen in denial, knights of favonius is basically an mma gym/club, might come off as a bully in hs but he's just trying to ragebait, academic burnout, reader is a cinnamoroll lover and aiming for law school and they're kinda popular (just lots of friends), implied eula x amber, unproofread + i yoloed and got it out the way
a/n. i lowkey hate how this turned out, but it was nice finally writing again !!
tagging. @prettysweet02
Lohen didn't love you.
He does as a friend, of course, but no amount of teasing from Varka could ever make him see you in a romantic light, no matter how much the old man insisted you'd look good togetherâthe old man's only met you once, too.
Even Jean sided with him, ignoring Lohen's protests that he did not have a crush, or anything of the sort, on you. Amber legitimately believed you two were dating, and Eula would simply let her know it was only a matter of time until it happened. Mika was nice enough not to poke fun at him, but his words always came alongside a great deal of uncertainty.
You're just a friend, a rare occurence in his life, outside of training. Nothing more and nothing less.
The first time Lohen met you, was during highschool.
Like any other committed athlete, he didn't take school very seriously. Assignments were submitted with the bare minimum and classes were dedicated to napping and doodling, on the very rare occasions Lohen actually decided to attend.
He had acquaintances but not friends; people he'd play football and basketball with, but no one Lohen would go out of his way for.
Not that it mattered to him. Regardless of association, Lohen poked fun at whoever he wanted, and it was sufficient entertainment and 'companionship' for his school life.
So when he was assigned a partner for an English project, his first thought was how he was going to mess with you a bit. No one liked group projects and quite frankly, he needed some entertainment before forcing himself to do schoolwork.
You were quiet and kept to yourself, sitting towards the front with straight posture rather than retreating to the back of the classroom. He never intended to freeload off of your intellect, but Lohen wanted to indulge in your shock for a bit.
It was nothing personal, Lohen just thought it'd be funny. After a bit of entertainment he'll apologise. University applications were soon, after all, he was still going to do his best, knowing it'd affect you. University wasn't apart of his dreams, but it was clearly one of yours.
"So yeah. 'm not gonna do anything. Got a lot of training to go to. 'm sure you'll be fine because you're a smart cookie, right?"
You stared at him blankly in the school library, as he propped his feet onto the table.
You're processing his words, Lohen thought. You're going to hesitantly nod and avoid his gaze, probably without a word, too. You're way too introverted to snap back or retaliateâ
"That's fine." You said, words clear as day. "You were never that...bright, anyways. I understand if this project is too difficult for you."
Lohen's jaw dropped as your pen resumed, dancing across your notebook and building onto the mind map you had laid out.
For someone who spent most of his time teasing others, Lohen had no words. He wanted to be offended, but that wasn't exactly waranted if he was the one who tried to piss you off in the first place.
Word after word appeared in your notebook, birthing sentences and paragraphs. Lohen had no idea how you wrote that fast, nor how you'd be able to read your cursive later.
"It's not hardâit's literally just a book report."
"No I get it, seriously. Not everyone's into reading and that's fine with me. You probably train too much to understand what Jane Austin's talking about."
His cheeks flared and he suddenly forgot how to speak normally. "She's not that complicated. I was joking."
A smirk creased at your lips. "Sure."
Before Lohen could retort, you pushed your notebook towards him, the entire plan already constructed. "You can prove that to me when we get an A on this."
And with that, marked the beginning of your friendship.
Contrary to his first impression, you weren't nearly as mischievious as him. Your weekly meetings when smoothly, as if he hadn't tried to poke fun at you the first time the two of you met.
Neither did you. You kept to yourself, typing away with a calculated fevour, as if your wits were merely a fragment of his imagination.
Aside from the very first study session you had together.
"Everything alright, Imunlaukr? Do you remember what a simile is?"
Lohen scoffed. "I'm not stupid."
"That's not what a simile is." Your pen twirled in your fingers. before ignoring whatever attempts he made at a witty comeback.
You went back to satisfying his expectations of an introverted bookworm, and the group project flew by quickly without trouble.
Lohen himself had no idea how you exactly became friends. The two of you were nothing alike; you were an unexplainable existence to him.
Within the two weeks you had that project together, he noticed your life was composed of a bland monotony, every afternoon was spent at the library without fail. You studied with the same routine and at the same library everyday and revised the same content. He didn't get why you were willing to do all of this; there was no thrill of a fight in studying, nor the same fulfillment as a workout.
"Why do you do this to yourself?" It was revolting to Lohen. Even your weekly meetings managed to bore him, he mustered every shred of willpower to survive those study sessions, thanking the lord for your intellect despite being a dedicated atheist. "I've only done this a few times and I already want to kill myself."
You had shrugged, fingers still typing. "I like good grades."
"Wow." Lohen droned, slouching over the desk as he struggled to piece together a final sentence. He was so close to finishing, yet every combination of words he could conjure simply fell flat, even for his standards. "Nerd."
Yet Lohen continued to follow, accompanying the end of your study sessions at the library, with the flimsy excuse of match analysis after his trainings.
"I don't like the library." Lohen grumbled, plopping down to the empty seat next to you, with takeout in one hand.
The library and studying still sucked, of course. But he had to make sure you didn't work yourself to death, and the library wasn't that far from his gym, anyways.
"You can go then." You quipped, adjusting your reading glasses. "The group project was done last week."
Lohen scoffed, placing the food next to you. "I have to make sure you don't kill yourself studying."
"Didn't you just have training? I thought your gym was in different suburb."
"It is."
You finally peeled yourself away from your notes. "Then why come here?"
It was only a thirty minute walk, and it served as a good cooldown anyways. "Isn't that what friends do?"
His heart skipped a beat. He hadn't realised you never agreed upon that notion. Lohen's friendships mainly consisted of his fellow training partners at the gym, and his coach Varka (if he could even be called that).
But you giggled, eyeing the takeaway containers. "I suppose you're right. I'll hurry up soon and we should eat together."
A victorious smile bloomed across his lips, as his feet swung underneath the table, the smell of fresh rice and stirfry coaxing him.
You liked reading. You were aiming for a law degree at a nearby uni, the one that dominated the rankings, and you preferred English far more than math. You were the type of person who ate their least favourite things first, and saved your favourites for the very end.
(Something about it "being special" and so you could savour it properly. Lohen found it silly. He always ate his favourite bits of a meal first, just in case he ever got full.)
These, among many things, he discovered about you. At first it was simply his company at the library. He'd prop up his phone on a pile of books from a random shelf and watch his MMA matches, with the pretense of 'analysis', when he was instead watching them for pure enjoyment.
On one cold night, he noticed you from the corner of his eye, leaning slightly to where his phone sat. Lohen pulled out his airpod and cocked a brow. "You interested?"
You nodded. "Isn't this what you want to do in the future? Get locked in a cage and beat up another shirtless guy for the world to see?"
Lohen snickered. "Pretty much. I like these guys, especially this one." He pointed to the left. "He's got a real good kick."
The two men threw careful punches and kicks at one another, gauging their distance and range. "I wanna be in their place someday."
"Why not drop out and just commit to it? You would've been pro by now." You commented, wincing at a particularly hard kick. In Lohen's ears, the audience exploded into excitement, a stark contrast with your reaction.
"Are you saying 'm too dumb for school?"
"Don't twist my words."
He chuckled, turning off his phone. "It's a deal with my parents. They didn't want me fighting but I refused to listen. They said they'd support me as long as I graduated and didn't fight while injured. I'd be on TV by now if I didn't have to stay in school."
Lohen remembered that tense dinner and his parent's refusal to meet his eyes. Despite their expectations he agreed, quite easily too. He knew that professional combat athletes were at risk of ruining their career at any moment. He should at least have a highschool degree just to be safe.
"Hmm. Fair. It's a shame you have to wait though. Especially when most athletes are allowed to go straight into competing."
Lohen shrugged. "I'll catch up to them easily." It's not like he had any other choice, anyways.
"If you say so. Make sure you don't forget me when you're famous, okay?"
Your company grew beyond your time together at the library. You eventually began seeking Lohen out at school, always offering him company. If the teacher announced groupwork your gaze would snap to him, even though other, much smarter people wanted to partner with you. During break times you'd come watch him play basketball, cheering him on and filling up his bottle whenever needed.
Lohen never asked nor wished for your presense, but he found himself attached to it over time.
"I need to buy a gift for someone. Can you help me today?"
You asked him one day, as the school bell dismissed everyone, sending the school into relief. Lohen didn:t have any training on, and you seemed to not have anything to revise.
"For who?"
"My cousin. He's into MMA too. I wanna buy him something from the sports store."
Lohen shrugged. "Sure. Sounds easy enough." The mall wasn't too far, and you were fun to spend time with. Rest days were difficult for Lohen. The urge to fight kept itching throughout each one, and Varka often yelled at him for trying to work out during them. Most of them were dedicated to watching MMA matches with a painful envy.
"So, I was thinking of getting him new gloves? He needs new ones and he trains all the time. But there's so many and I have no idea."
Lohen scanned the shelves. "Is he professional?"
"Trying to be."
Huh. Lohen only knew this guy through your words, but he seemed cool. "Well. The weight depends on what he's doing. If it's for heavy training, the heavier gloves are better to avoid injuring yourself and your sparring partners. But for competitions you're supposed to use the light ones."
You stared, confused and almost annoyed.
How did you understand math and not this? "I use these ones." Lohen grabbed the exact model of his. "If that helps."
Your eyes lit up. "Perfect. I'll get these then."
You flinched at the price tag and Lohen cackled. "Pricey, I know. You can settle for handwraps for him. We're still in highschool and I know a guy that likes to design cool ones."
You shook your head, holding the gloves close. "I saved up for this, don't worry."
Impressive, Lohen thought. The bank accounts of students weren't known to be abundant. He brushed it off, you were meticulous with school, it was only natural for the rest of your life to be just as organised.
Lohen accompanied you as you paid, requesting for a bag and a receipt. Together, you walked out, and before Lohen could propose hanging out for longer, you held out the shopping bag.
"For you."
"I'm not your cousin."
"Yeah no shit. These were always going to be for you." You pushed the bag closer, shoving it into his chest. "I saw that yours were beaten up."
Lohen's chest flared up. "I have moneyâthis shit is expensive and my parents are well off. You didn't have to." He just didn't replace them because he didn't like money. If he was going to get a replacement, then it'd be when his current gear is rendered completely unusable.
You shrugged. "But you never replaced them. If it's too early or whatever you can put them away for now. Receipt's there if you change your mind too."
He still refused to accept the gift, allowing you to keep it pressed into his chest. "You don't have to do this for me."
"But I want to. And I don't really care, either." Your hands pounced on his, and for once in his life, his reflexes permitted someone else to exert such control over him. "It's a thank you for all the food and snacks you bring to the library for me."
You ran off, your big school bag awkwardly bouncing on your back.
"I share that crap with you, idiotâ" He called out. You always insisted you were full whenever you ate together, and always threatened to throw it out if he didn't believe it. "And come backâ"
Lohen sprinted after you, a warmth already settled onto his pale cheeks long before he pursued you.
Lohen hated Valentines Day.
He's not sure why school decided to take it so seriously. The student committee turned it into a charity event, selling anonymous serenades and roses. Lohen found it ridiculous, the songs they selected were generic and boring, and always sung live by people who clearly didn't belong in performing arts.
He shrivelled his nose up at another stupid couple, who were making out in the corridor right as he turned the corner. For the rest of his route to class, he had to push past stupid freshmen holding hands, taking up the entire hallway and having the audacity to act surprised.
When he finally made it to class he dropped into his seat besides you, groaning.
"What happened to you?"
"I hate Valentines Day."
"Really? I think it's nice."
"It's not."
"Aw." You fake pouted at him. "I'll buy you a rose next time."
Lohen sat up. "You actually spent money on this shit?"
"Yeah. I got a rose for my single friends." You unpacked your things, preparing your notebook and stationary. "Next time I'll get something for you. If you're still single by next Valentine's."
He scoffed, going back to slouching on his table. "Ew. No thanks."
Class went by as normal, until the Valentine's Days gifts arrived to your class. Students were dressed in pink and decorated in hearts, with obscene props.
They read out names, handing out roses, chocolates, and candies, before heading where you sat.
You stared up at them with uncertain eyes before they burst out in love song.
From where he sat, Lohen watched you turn red. First, your cheeks began to resemble tomatoes, and then your ears glowed pink, as well. By the end of the song you were clearly flustered, and embarrassed, to the point Lohen didn't even want to tease you for it.
After class, someone else spoke to you before him, yelling across the classroom.
"I wonder who bought that for youâ" One of the boys snapped, cackling away with his equally obnoxious friends. "Look at red they are."
Before everyone's eyes could turn on you, you ran out the door, clearly uncomfortable and upset.
Lohen's gaze drifted to where the boys sat, before he slowly stood up and followed.
By the end of the day, Lohen had them on their knees, in a discrete area in the school, begging for forgiveness with bloody noses and bruised skin.
Every plea was ignored as he headed off in search of you. The class he just skipped should be done by now, meaning you were also done with the school day. He spat at the boys before running off. He had no clue who they were and why they ordered you a love song, nor what your relationship with them was, but he discarded his curiosity and searched for you, in hopes of being able to cheer you up.
Your familiar back came into view, near the school gates. His hands pounced on your shoulders and he cloaked himself over you.
"Wanna go to a bakery with me?"
You furrowed your brows. "Aren't you dieting now?"
"It's for you. You're also single and lonely like me."
Wrestling him off, you retorted. "I thought you hate Valentine's Day."
Lohen shrugged. "It's compensation for having to deal with all these stupid couples." A pair of first years snapped their neck towards him, cowering away before shuffling down the hallway. Lohen snickered at the sight, quickly returning to normal before you'd notice and tell him off for being mean. "I've seen all your likes on social media. You keep liking posts about the new bakery nearby."
He carefully watched your expression as it melted into a yield. It soldified into his victory. "Sure then. As long as you're fine with it."
Of course Lohen was. The desserts didn't matter as long as you were there.
"What is love?" Lohen asked out of the blue, after a full day of being driven crazy by obnoxious couples.
You took a few more photos before putting your phone away. "Why're you asking that all of a sudden?"
Lohen scoffed, watching you dig into a cheesecake. "And why aren't you answering me? Don't answer my question with another question."
With your mouth full, you hummed. "Well...I don't exactly know."
"Very useful."
"Shut up." You took a sip of water before continuing. "I've never been in love, and I doubt you have, either."
"Isn't that why 'm asking you?"
Lohen watched you fumble with a strawberry, before slumping into the booth and sighing. The bakery was no exception to the festivity of Valentines Day, swarming with couples both young and old, shamelessly cooing at one another. The sight grossed him out; some even went as far as borderline making out and groping each other.
Half the cheesecake was gone, and crumbs perched on the corner of your mouth. "Why are you asking, though?"
He shrugged. "You're the smartest person I know. And so many fucking idiots are making out everywhere we go."
You hummed, sucking on your fork. "I mean, I don't think relationships and love are the same thing."
Lohen already anticipated a headache, at the complexity of things you explained. But by no means were you the one irritating him.
"Like, plenty of people are just together because they're lonely or whatever. Especially at our age. I think it's just someone you want to be with forever?" You scraped up a bit of cream from the plate with a finger, before licking it up. "But if I had to give it a definition...it depends."
Well no shit were you getting into law, you already allergic to short, straight answers that made sense.
"Everyone likes different things. Everyone has their own goals for the future, and everyone is fundamentally really different. I think love would be when all these things align within two people, and they're attracted to each other I guess?" You listed off the criteria on your fingers. "And of course, adding in the fact that neither parties are toxic or abusive to the other."
"I guess it's about finding someone who aligns in their idea of love with you." You concluded, satisfied with the answer you conjured.
Lohen nodded along. That actually made plenty of sense, compared to the simple 'explanations' of 'you know when you know' or 'you'll feel butterflies in your stomach'.
"But then again, at our age I think it's a matter of hooking up." You deadpanned, grabbing a huge chunk of cake.
Lohen agreed. He had no idea why he was asking in the first place anyways. You were committed to your studies and all he cared was for martial arts. You both had far more important things to dedicate yourself to. "And getting in everyone's day."
You jolted straight. "I know right? Isn't making out embarrassing? Oh and alsoâ" You stabbed a strawberry with your fork. "Open."
He's not being fed by someone else. Lohen covered his mouth. "No. 'm not a baby."
"Oh come onâyou haven't eaten anything. And fruits are healthy. You should try the cheesecake too."
"I'll die." Literally. Lohen agreed to his club's harsh diet plans and schedules. "One of my coaches will kill me. Or my friends will."
"Just say I forced it against your will. Which is exactly what I'm doing right now, no?"
Your fork kept insisting. Lohen sighed and opened his mouth, while leaning in closer. The strawberry was sweet, so sweet to the point his nose scrunched and squeezed his eyelids shut. "It's good."
"Try the cheesecake too. Just a bit." You already had some on your fork, holding it up again. "We can walk around and burn it off together."
This time, Lohen relented immediately, deciding that Varka and Jean would never find out, anyways.
Your birthday was coming.
Lohen himself had no idea. He overheard a girl in braided pigtails asking if you were going to throw a party, and if your underclassmen were allowed; to which you smiled and ruffled her hair, saying you'd love to celebrate with her. She celebrated with two blue haired boys, immediately planning on a cake flavour for you. Nilou from biology class already teased your gift, to which you giggled and tried to guess, and apparently Childe, the rumoured rich kid already brought you a gift, courtesy of an overseas trip he was going on for god knows what.
Lohen however, had no idea what to get you.
He knows you read a lot, but he was too unfamiliar with any form of literature to pick out something anything good, nor did he want to blindly trust a random influencers. Anyone knows you care a lot for your studies, but buying a gift related to school is just pathetic, and besides, no top student enjoyed studying, you yourself only did it for the grades and opportunities.
Your birthday month was approaching, with far more ease than Lohen preferred.
He could've asked, but that would've ruined the surprise. It'd ruin the thrill of opening up his gift, and he didn't want to seem like he didn't understand you well enough.
Especially not after you noticed his worn out gear.
Lunchtime was coming to a halt. You were in the library helping people cram for an upcoming test. Lohen played basketball as always. He filled up his bottle at the bubblers, already dreading having to go back to class.
"I dunno what to get for Y/n's birthday."
Lohen leaned ever so slightly, summoning all his will to not whip his head instantly.
The first voice, who he'd assume was Kaveh, moaned to Nilou, who sighed and reassured him. "Anything from Sanrio works. They love Cinnamoroll."
Cinnamoroll. Lohen engraved it in his mind before hurrying away, immediately, typing it into his phone.
A white bunny with pale blue eyes appeared. He recognised her from your bag, you had a little keychain of your head. Lohen always wondered who exactly that was.
This was perfect. Today was a night session at the club, he had time to pop by the mall before training.
So he hid in the back of the classroom as always, carefully researching on his phone for where he could buy you a Cinnamoroll. He was the first to hurry out the door at the teacher's dismissal. Glued to his phone, he made his way to the Sanrio store.
The store was far out of his comfort zone, a myriad of pastel colours and cute animals. Lohen stepped in, clearly out of place.
But luckily, he didn't need help. He instantly recognised Cinnamoroll, a figure with a beach party theme. Lohen was never interested in this kind of merch, but even he found it cute.
The shelf had nothing but Cinnamoroll, too. Thank god she wasn't a fan favourite; his shopping trip concluded smoothly, and he didn't even need to ask the staff to check the back or to provide recommendations.
Lohen smiled. Today was going well, he thought, as he hurried to training.
"Since when did you like Sanrio?" Eula peered over Lohen's shoulder and stared into his bag during stretching. "You seem extra weird to me now."
Lohen pulled out his phone. "It's not for me. For my friend's birthday."
"That makes more sense." She mumbled. "Why buy one of these though?"
"Cinnamoroll. The bunny. She's on this." Lohen pointed to where the bunny stood, holding up a volleyball with her usual pink cheeks. ""My friend loves her."
Eula had never looked at anyone with such disgust. It was a low bar, considering she loved to glare at most.
"First off, Cinnamoroll is a guyâ"
"âthat's a male??"
Lohen stared at the box with dismay. What the fuck?
"And second, he's a dog."
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
"Shut up and listen." Eula snapped. Lohen zipped his mouth as he savoured every word from the expert in front of him. "Just because he's on the front, doesn't mean it's actually Cinnamoroll."
Lohen's brow furrowed, and Eula sighed before snatching the box. She turned it to the side.
"See here? These are all the things you can get."
The side of the box was adorned with rows of other characters. All Lohen recognised was Hello Kitty, and the rest meant nothing to him.
"Why is Cinnamoroll on the front then?"
She sighed. "It's a blind box, Lohen. It's basically gambling. Cinnamoroll just happened to be the front cover."
Lohen stared at the box, as if betrayed by it. "That's fucking stupid. How these still in business then?" Why not just...buy the character you like? All Lohen gave a shit about was getting Cinnamoroll. If he wanted a gambling addiction he'd go to the casino, or start betting on horse races.
Eula shrugged, finishing up her cooldown stretch. "I dunno either." She shuffled over to where Amber was, talking to her friend as Lohen processed her explanation.
Right. So now he had to go back and buy you an actual Cinnamoroll.
Well done Lohen, well done.
"Alright. Your friend likes Cinnamoroll, right?"
Eula made the very kind offer to accompany him, insisting that Lohen needed the help, and she wanted to browse through the store anyways.
"Plushies are nice. I think the stationary's cute but they're probably not the most practicalâ" Eula strolled through the aisles, scanning through every product. "Lohen. I didn't mean buying everything I look at."
Lohen stared at the mountain of merchandise he was holding. "But why not?"
Eula scrunched her nose. "That costs like 300 dollars minimum."
He hasn't bought any new training gear, thanks to your stunt from the other day, and he hadn't touched his allowance for this month. Worst comes to worst, he'll use his savings that he's kept aside for when he can finally move out. "So?"
The woman sighed, before helping him carry a plushie. "Love really makes you do funny things, huh?"
"Stop that."
Lohen deadpanned and Eula flinched, surprised at the sudden change in tone. She muttered an apology before inspecting another display to avoid looking at him.
He scratched his nape 'til the flesh was red and throbbing. "Sorryâdunno why I got so defensive." Lohen cleared his throat. "We're not dating. I just want to do something nice..."
It felt pathetic enough that he had to eavesdrop on others' conversations to even gain an idea of what to get you, and how he was relying on another friend. Lohen thought he had to compensate for his shortcomings somehow.
Eula watched the younger boy softly. "I think you're doing great so far."
"I literally had to get your help."
"Eh. You cared enough to go out of your way. I'm surprised you even know Cinnamoroll."
Lohen scratched at his nape again. "Someone else mentioned herâI mean him. So I kinda just stole the idea."
Eula shrugged. "That's fine. You could've asked your friend too."
"That's lame, no?"
"I don't think so. It still means you care and you're willing to listen. It'd rather someone take the things I say seriously." Eula paused browsing the shelves, turning to Lohen with a soft look on her face. "It'll be okay. We'll figure it out together."
Denial danced at the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed it down before nodding. He was grateful for her help before he was doubtful of his birthday gift to you.
"Now c'mon." Eula pried another plushie out of Lohen's arms. "You can't go that crazy. I promise I'll help you find something good."
Lohen gave up on protesting and followed her.
Your birthday came, fast.
Lohen avoided spending 300 dollars that night, and with the help of Eula, he managed to piece together what he thought, was a good gift.
Pick a plushie you think suits them. They like collecting them, don't they?
Don't worry about picking out a book if you don't know any, just get a giftcard. That way they can pick whatever they like.
I just spoke to one of the staff members. She said heated face masks are good for strained eyes, so you can throw those in too since they're studying to get into uni.
Write a card tooâ
Lohen had argued, insisting that he was terrible with words. I'm basically illiterate in front of them. I'll look stupid
Eula scoffed. I don't care.
He had opened his mouth to argue but Eula had cut him off. You said you wanted to pay me back, right? Write the damn card.
So, he did his best. He thanked you for being so understanding, and how cool it was to watch your dedicated to your goals. He thanked your kindness and consideration, and how warm your company was.
Lohen thanked you, for being you. With his messy, but honest handwriting, he put whatever came to mind on the card, throwing the pen across the room out of frustration and returned to his phone.
At 11:59pm, he glared at every passing second. The happy birthday message was typed out beforehand and his thumb hovered over the send button.
Should he send it a bit earlier? What if his wifi is slow? But it'd be embarrassing if he sent it too early by accident, and his desparation would be obviousâ
The clock struck twelve, and he hit send, before tossing his phone on the bed. It vibrated in his sheets, Lohen pounced on it immediately.
Thanks Lohen !! how were you so fast? you're usually asleep at this time
Well, today wasn't exactly a 'usual' day, was it? You always went to sleep early, too.
i wanted to be the first to say it. ill see you at school tmr
Lohen stared at the roof before throwing his blanket over his impossibly hot face, as sleep brought him daylight.
At school, you were loved. As always.
Before he could say hi, Nilou had pounced on you, giggling about you were finally 18. Candace joined her, her gift joined the one you received from Nilou, hanging off your forearm.
Soon, your arms were filled with presents and you garnered birthday wishes from both students and teachers alike.
Lohen swore he'd give you his when breaktime came around, but you were swarmed by then too. A group of students surrounded you at one of the benches, singing happy birthday over a cake with candles that Lohen was sure weren't allowed on school campus.
He hesitated, deciding after school was a better time. He didn't know any of these people, and they didn't know him. It'd be awkward if he butted in now, while they were cheering in chorus.
But even when the school day ended, Lohen was embarrassed, and you were unapproachable for some particular reason. You were still surrounded by people, your other friends asked you for your plans tonight and insisted on you to throw a party whenever you could. With burning ears, Lohen really began to ponder if he was going to chicken out.
It didn't matter, since you were already walking towards him with a smile.
"I haven't seen you all day. I missed you."
Lohen tensed at the diction, before concealing it with his gift. "Mâme too. I had to give you this." Lohen helped carry your other gifts as you headed somewhere quiet to open his present.
Hopefully, you'll pull out the plushie, and swoon about how adorable it was, before celebrating how it's new addition to your collection. Then, you'll notice the gift card and eye masks, and read the card at home, where he wouldn't have to watch you read it in front of him.
But your fingers brought it out first, gently tearing the envelope open before reading its contents.
Of every fight and training session he'd attended, Lohen's face had never felt so hot. With every moment he spent staring at your face his anxiety was only nourished, yet he couldn't stop watching your every movement, either.
You smiled, thankfully.
"This is so sweet! Thank you, Lohen." You peered into the bag, admiring the contents before putting the card back in. "You got me so much, too."
That statement sounded silly, when someone baked an entire cake for you and another friend brought you a plushie that your arm could barely wrap around.
"And I'm really happy to be your friend too." You said, picking your things up again. "I'm glad I had that group project with you."
Relief washed over Lohen. His muscles finally relaxed, and he no longer felt sick with anticipation. "Me too."
Lohen wiped his palms on his uniform before clearing his throat and hoisting your gifts. "I'll carry these to your place."
"Aren't you training today?"
"Training's cancelled." Lohen held your gifts out of your reach before heading for the school gate. "I need to kill time."
You hurried after him, having given up on declining his help. "You should stop by at my place for some food then."
"Sounds good to me."
Lohen did in fact have training that day. But you didn't need to know that.
It was tests like these that made Lohen grateful he wasn't trying to get accepted into university.
The scarlet 40 donning his test paper was a nauseating sight, even for him. Passing came easily for him normally, but the essay questions on this exam were verbose enough to throw him off, and he managed to stuff up multiple choice. He skimmed through it after training, before stuffing it into his pocket and skipping into the night. He should check on how you were feeling, too.
Speak of the devil, you were sipping on a cup of milk tea near the convenience store, seated on a bench. Lohen hurried over to you, akin to a puppy finding its owner.
"Hey. How'd you do on the test?" Knowing you, you definitely got an A at minimum, and probably top in the class, as well. But you didn't smile, your eyes were tired and you slouched. "Not good? You seem a bit upset."
You took a final sip before removing your drink and nodding a bit. "I got a 90."
"Why would you be upset about that, dumbass?" The general consensus was a fail, or barely passing. Lohen watched a group of honour roll students bicker about mark allocations and rankings, knowing damn well you were smarter than any of them. "You did great, what are you even on?"
Lohen scoffed, and he regretted it immediately when he heard you cry. He burst into apology, before panicking. "ShitâI was just being a dumbass, I'm sorry."
You hiccuped and continued crying, without sign of stopping anytime soon.
"Hereâ" He held your hand, savouring its warmth before closing it into a proper fist, making sure your thumb was positioned correctly. "âyou hold a fist like this, then you can punch me as hard as you want. Beat me as much as you need. You can slap me if that's easier tooâthe back hand hits harder. I'm sorryâplease don't be mad at me."
Lohen hurried into the convenience store for tissues, he clearly wasn't helping. He made sure to grab that one brand of melon ice cream you loved, and added those chewy candies you loved after seeing them displayed at the front.
You calmed down, eventually.
"Sorry..." You blew your nose, the tip turning dry and red. "I know you're right. It's really not bad..."
"Stop apologising, I was the one being a bitch." Lohen remembered to breathe, picking up your used tissues to throw out later.
"You weren't exactly wrong, though." You stared at your hands, one of your fingers donned a large callus, and ink stained were scattered across your palm. "It's just that nothing ever feels enough for me. All I thought about was how I could've gotten much better if I didn't make such a stupid mistake."
It was odd hearing you, out of all people saying something like that, when you've always been more than enough.
"Heck, even if I got an 100â" You sniffled. "âI'd see it as a fluke and think it means nothing since it was a one time thing."
"I guess..." You mumbled, bringing up your knees to rest your forearms and head on them. "I guess I'm just stressed about getting into uni. It's hard to feel good about anything when it's so important to me."
Lohen had no idea what to say nor do. Academics meant nothing to him, and he wasn't even allowed to pursue his career until he graduated. He clearly had no right to comment on your insecurity and worries, you were far more capable.
So he tore the ice cream open and handed it to you.
"To be honest, I'm really useless with this stuff." You took the ice cream, though reluctant, Lohen celebrated internally. "But I'll try my best. Food makes things better. I'll get you more if you want."
(What was he even saying?)
"For what it's worth, you're plenty capable. I can't change how you feel, but I still want to remind you." Lohen stared at an ant on the pavement. It followed its friends in an orderly line that his teachers from primary would've envied.
Lohen was sure he'd look even more stupid if he looks you in the eye while saying all of this. "I think it's good you're always determined to improve. I just hope you won't forget how amazing you are while you do."
His gaze ventured upwards slowly, finally looking at your face. Your eyes were puffy, but you nodded along to his words, ice cream coating your lips.
"I'm sorry again for making you cry." Lohen added. He'll shut up for real now.
You shook your head, licking at the ice cream. "It wasn't you. School just makes me moody sometimes."
"You can still beat me up if needed. I can take it, and it'll be good stress relief."
"No thank you."
He shrugged. "My offer's always open. But seriously." Lohen leaned back on his palms, thankful you stopped crying. "If I can do anything, just tell me. Please."
With wet, wide eyes you looked at him, wiping your mouth before nodding. "Then...can we just talk about something else? Just not school or exams."
"I saw a cat today." Lohen blurted. "It was really fucking chunky."
Lohen cringed at himself, but you laughed, almost choking on the ice cream. "Did you take a photo? I wanna see."
"Probably, hang on, lemme check..."
Together, you sat there, watching all of people of the night pass by while talking about whatever came to mind. Lohen prayed that you'd soon find something to comfort you, since he knew very well he couldn't.
Your first entrance examination was today.
Despite his urges to ask, Lohen never brought up school with you. He itched to check up on your study sessions and desperately wanted to cheer you on, but he pledged to himself to avoid stressing you out even more, and Lohen kept his promises.
The past month or two was torturous, not knowing anything about your preparations. As extreme as it may have seemed, Lohen had occasionally wished he was smart as well, so he could've been of some use to you.
At the crack of dawn, with the excuse of a morning jog, Lohen went to your house, carrying a makeup pouch his mum never used. While shifting his weight on both his feet, Lohen texted you to come out.
Soon, the front door creaked open, with you already in uniform. You gave him a small wave before he bounced up the steps.
"I know you're super busy and shit so I'll make this quick." Lohen held out the pouch to you. "I'm sorry I couldn't do anything to make you feel better for this moment, but I still wanted to do my best to help."
You blinked, fishing through the makeup pouch.
Inside, were random essentials Lohen thought would help. He found the eyedrops you used for your dry eyes at the local pharmacy, and packed those alongside a pack of gum (the ones he liked to share with you; he found them to be good stress relief, so hopefully you would too) and a few heatpacks, after your complaints about not being able to write as fast in the cold. Lohen put a tray of throat lozenges and painkillers, just in case an emergency happened. Although he didn't know what kind of pens you liked, he bought a few new ones as spares for you as well.
It's been a while to see one this bright, but you smiled. Uncontrollably, too. "This is amazing Lohen, thank you so muchâ"
"âgood luck with your exams." Lohen cut you off, accidentally. "You've worked so hard, it's gonna pay off. And if uni doesn't take you then it's probably not worthy going at all."
(Lohen swore at himself for mentioning the possibility of that. He wanted it to sound funny, but now all he did was potentially make you think about not getting in.)
"I won't bother you anymoreâ"
"âat least let me finish." You zipped the pouch. "Stop saying you're of no help. You're everything." You looked down at the pouch with a tender smile. "You, and everything you've done for me are so precious, alright?"
His heart skipped a beat, and he almost forgot to nod.
"I'll be okay, I promise. I'll stop by your gym to say hi."
Unsure of what else to say, he wished you good luck again and bid you farewell, before ushering you back inside.
Towards the end of the day, Lohen saw you through the glass window.
He cut his current set of squats short, sprinting to the front to greet you. Lohen held a thumbs up and an intrigued expression reserved only for you, before you smiled back and returned the gesture.
"Knew it." Lohen grinned. "Told you."
You beamed. "Did I come at a bad time?"
Lohen shook his head. "Today's just a gym session. And you're always welcome here anyways." He grabbed his shirt and wiped his sweat off, awkwardly waiting for you to respond. "Everything alright?"
You blinked aggressively, gaze flitting. "Yeah, everything's fine."
The door behind him opened, and Mika came out with a sigh. "Why are you running off this time, Loâoh. Hello."
You politely greeted Mika back, who turned to Lohen and whispered. "Your...?"
"âfriend." Lohen snapped. "What were you saying, again?"
Mika glanced back into the gym, where Varka was coming. "Varka told me to come get you."
Great. The old man probably had a lecture in store for him.
But the scolding never came, for Varka immediately went for you instead.
"Ah. Lohen's friend?"
You nodded. "Sorry if I'm interrupting anything, sir."
"You're fine." Varka waved it off. "How can we help ya?"
Lohen interjected. "They're telling me about their exam. Shoo." He wants to spend time with you, not listening to his coach drone on and on.
Varka ignored him and continued talking to you. "For university?" When you nodded, Varka beamed, large chest swelling up with pride despite not knowing you. "Well, good job today, kid. If you ever get stressed come over and beat up Lohen. Buuuut, I can tell you're smart enough to get by fine."
You laughed at the joke, adjusting your bag. "I'll leave the fighting to you guys."
Before Lohen could slip back inside to grab his things and leave with you, Varka boomed, and his proposal to you made Lohen's blood run cold.
"You should come in. I've got photos of this one." A beefy forearm wrapped around Lohen, tugging him closer. "âwhen he was little and started out."
Embarrassment shot to his face, Lohen writhed and spat. "Too far."
But you accepted, eyes lighting up. "Yes pleaseâ"
Before Lohen could protest further, Varka opened the door for you, where the rest of the gym welcomed you with open arms and curiosity.
Training was much easier, knowing that you were done with exams. With every exam, each update you gave him gradually became more confident, and naturally, Lohen was happier.
I'm so happy I'll never have to do chemistry ever again
Thank god sir kept giving us math homework throughout the year...they threw so many curveballs at us lol. dunno why they made the papers harder for us but it's fine
I bent Shakespeare over áŠ(ĂČ_ĂłË)á€
No subject left you clueless, aside from a couple of strange questions, you reported back only good results to Lohen, beaming about it was far less intimidating than expected.
Now, you were on a road trip with your family to celebrate.
The day you're back, Lohen already cleared his schedule to have your own celebration together. He'll let you pick a place to eat, wherever you want and covered by him, obviously.
Only three more days, Lohen reminded himself, as he continued his stretches to wrap up today's session.
"How do you tell if you like someone?" Amber asked out of the blue, while stretching.
Varka cocked a brow and leaned closer. "Are you interested in someone? Who's the lucky guy?"
"You didn't answer the question, Varka." Amber deadpanned as she continued stretching. "And it's not a guy."
Varka stuttered before loudly clearing his throat. "Who's the lucky girl?"
"That's still not an answer." Amber huffed.
Kaeya intervened, as he passed with a box of gear. "Imagine them dating someone else."
Lohen scoffed, looking up from his stretch. "Does that actually work?"
The older man scoffed. "Obviously. If you feel indifferent then it means you're just friends. Plus if you're questioning it, then you probably like them already anyways."
Amber pulled a face as she took a moment to ponder. "Ew. Thanks Kaeya. That worked great."
Lohen and Kaeya watched Varka guess Amber's newfound crush. Lohen quickly went back to stretching, muttering about it being stupid.
"It's true." Kaeya insisted, refusing to let go of it.
Lohen rolled his eyes. "Shut up already."
He kept teasing. 'Imagine it with me and you'll see what I mean by indifferent."
"I can't even imagine you dating someone, Kaeya."
But he could imagine you.
You're intelligent. And pretty. And nice, and comfortable; the kind of person that listened without judgement and tread carefully around the emotions of others. Not to mention you were cute, and attractive. You had a nice smile and something about your face he couldn't name made him want to treasure you. Once you're accepted into university, you'll probably start dating, most likely someone from the same facultyâ
Fuck. There's a pang of nausea and envy striking his gut.
For the sake of his sanity and your friendship, Lohen was going to pretend Kaeya's methodology had no validity.
rabbits rub their chin on stuff to mark territory so lohen x reader who is shorter than him, and he always likes to lean over you and rest his chin on your head
A usually calm and composed reader with Lohen. Lohen is used to the reader being calm , so it's usually him being the tease and freak.
So the rare occurrence reader says / does something freaky or out of the ordinary ,it sets Lohen back but also makes him motivated to poke something like that again from you.
And ofc lohen wants it to happen again , unable to think and always going back to that moment
summary. lohen was not your boyfriend. he was the weirdo that kept trying to ambush you.
â content. 15k words · lohen x f!reader · reader has abyssal powers + hands like skirk's legs · lohen is down bad and touchy, but also wants to fight · canon!lohen but he's soft around reader, mentions of blood, injuries, and death · reader is socially unaware and awkward · mentions of the other mondstadt chars.
â foreword. this idea struck me when listening to 'starry eyes' by the weeknd, hence the title. this was actually gonna be longer bc i had sm more written and planned, but it'd become too long, so i'll definitely do a part two for this one at some point. if aspects of reader's past seem odd, that's why, so part two will deffo explain more even tho this already gives some context. reader's hands were very inspired by skirk's legs, bc her design is peak. please enjoy :) part two is out and be read here !
â read on ao3.
â header credit: songpyeon990 on twt.
âhow many times do i have to tell you?â your tone was sharp, but you never once turned to face the culprit. instead, you wandered into your bathroom and flipped on the lights, meeting lohenâs elated eyes through the mirror. âto stop breaking into my home whenever you feel like it?â
âawh. bunny, i thought we both knew you were kidding about that.â lohenâs mocking statement echoed through your bathroom, leaving you to roll your eyes as you washed your face and threw your hair up, watching as he casually got comfortable on your bed.
You switched off the rather rudimentary lights in your bathroom with your sharp nail, ignoring lohenâs eyes following you around your bedroom as you slipped off the clothes youâd been wearing. meanwhile, you slipped on a loose tank top and turned off the lights to your bedroom, slightly amused by how lohen threw back the covers with an eagerness in his movement, pulling you into his cold body the very second you were within reach. his arm curled around your waist, and his head came to rest in the crook of your neck, the grown man purring slightly like a pleased cat as you felt a small peck placed on your ear, leaving you flustered but quiet as your tired body melted into his arms.
lohen was not your boyfriend.
in fact, he was merely a man whom youâd come across one morning as you were walking through the forest, attempting to find more herbs for your healing potions. not many people dared to enter the dense and dark forest located outside dornman port, where the sunâs rays could never really reach. but that was the very place you called home, where you lived in your comfortable cabin with your pets; well, they weren't really your pets but small animals whoâd found their way to your home. your black cat, salem was trailing after you, nipping at any stems of mint sheâd spot, earning a head pat from you as youâd break off all the mint, placing them into your wooden basket. your cloak was thrown over your head, its long back concealing you from behind as your starry hands reached out for the stem of mint.
âwell, thatâs not what i was expecting this morning,â you whispered to yourself, shielding the cat behind your leg as an arrow came flying at you, damn near piercing right into your left eye, if youâd not caught it merely centimetres away. quirking an eyebrow at the intrusion in your part of the forest, you crouched down, running a comforting hand over the shaking cat while trying to spot whoever had tried to shoot you. in spite of his well-hidden figure in a bush with a camouflaged cloak thrown over his back, youâd already spotted the man with mint-green hair crouching with a crossbow in his hands, his aim directed right at you. âi donât know who you are or what you want. however, please refrain from using such crude weapons near my animals.â
you wound your arm back, squinting one eye to determine where the best aim would be before you launched the arrow back to its owner, watching as it penetrated the tree within a blink of an eye⊠and then fell apart due to the sheer force of impact. a little too much power in that throw, you sighed to yourself, turning back around on your feet and heading back to your home with baby salem running on ahead, clearly very spooked by the situation. some would say it wasnât exactly wise to turn your back on an enemy like that, but something told you that he would not be trying that move again. you were proven right when no more arrows came flying at you.
on the other side of the forest, vice captain lohen felt a fluttering in his chest that he had never once felt before. when was the last time heâd seen someone catch an arrow or someone anticipate one of his ambushes? heâd seen your hands, the starry and entrancing purple-toned arms, resembling an ever-expanding galaxy, but actually being a byproduct of abyssal power; you were definitely the woman he had heard rumors about, and he was determined to get closer to you, wanting to see just how strong you were.Â
during that very night, beneath the full moon and starry sky, you left your home once more with another basket clutched in your hands, your loyal cat following your trail happily. this time around, your goal wasnât to find more mint but to gather some apples hanging high in the trees. each time you were in need of the produce hanging in the trees, you always resorted to venturing out at night. you were well aware that no one would be out that late and thus, not risking anyone seeing you use your abilities to gather the fruit. the basket was placed on the ground, your cat plopping down next to it with a sleepy meow. you stepped back, finally able to remove your cloak and bask in the moonlight. waving your hands around and mentally manifesting your abilities, the apples began flying to your basket, plucking themselves and making your work easier; the sort of simple but powerful spell you didnât need anyone to witness.
people were afraid of you already. you didnât need to intensify that feeling.
âi am aware you think youâre being discreet, but your hair stands out in the bushes,â you called into the forest, now seated on the ground with a half-eaten apple in your hands as your hair swayed around in the wind. your eyes may have been closed, but nothing ever seemed to catch you by surprise anymore. âare you here to ambush me again?â
out of the woods came a man holding a crossbow and a pistol, his crimson eyes standing out in the dark night, especially against the mint-green hair. he was dressed in a knights of favonius uniform with armor on, but not the standard uniform, leading you to believe that he might hold a higher title. your eyebrows shot up slowly as he directed the crossbow right at your head, a sick grin playing on his reddened lips as the surrounding winds swept his hair.
âand who might you be, little lamb? hiding out in these woods all on your ownâŠâ lohen trailed off teasingly, tapping his pistol against his chin as he pretended to think, glancing around at your surroundings. then his eyes suddenly snapped back to stare at you, a predatory grimace overtaking his sharp features. âa little suspicious, hm?â
for the first time in your life, you found yourself taken aback by his sick grin, finding yourself genuinely appalled at his words. âlittle lamb? i donât know you, sir. i would prefer if you didnât refer to me with such⊠odd words.â
âand youâre polite, hm. truly makes me wonder why someone like you is hiding in these woods.â lohen tilted his head in curiosity, eyes scanning over your seated form. he couldn't help but notice how you didnât seem to fear him, nor fear the weapons held in his hands.
you let out a sigh, honestly finding this more troublesome than not. you hadnât been anywhere near mondstadt city for months, if not years, and you were quite convinced that you and alice had made a rather lucrative deal for both, but now you were being bothered by a knight. even so, you were simultaneously fairly convinced that a knight should not be acting on his own, nor should he have been pointing weapons at a civilian. but even the strong winds couldnât deter him from pointing the crossbow at you, and as your eyes took in the slight fangs poking into his reddened lips, you could tell he was genuinely enjoying this standoff. mindfully pushing yourself to your feet, you brushed off any dirt off your dress and directed your eyes back to him.
lohenâs eyes had fallen to your hands, stunned by what he was seeing. it was as if your hands were alive, the stars and shimmer within moving as you moved them, resembling a look into the galaxy. darker at the fingertips and steadily becoming lighter as the delicate shade of purple met your natural skin tone, your hands werenât real limbs, he could tell. as you raised your head with a sigh and brushed back your hair, his eyes finally met yours, and once more, he was left stunned at your left eye. much like your arms, it was a deep purple, a lush black color at the center, slowly fading into a gentle shade of lavender around the outer corner. in the very center of your eyes was a diamond shape, almost resembling a shard of glass in that same delicate lavender toneâa stark contrast to your other, which still held its natural color and a regular-shaped pupil.
âyou tried to ambush me earlier and failed miserably. you will fail again, knight of favonius. for your safety and the sake of my sanity, iâd like to end this conversation now and return to my home.â you picked up the basket from the ground, which was now filled to the brim with red apples. the knight across from you had gotten rid of his pistol and crossbow, but within the blink of an eye, he came charging at you with a spear. âyou people never do give up, do you?â
he was faster than anyone else whoâd come at you on the surface; you had to admit to yourself just as you dodged his lunge at you with that sharp weapon. rapidly placing your basket back on the ground and throwing out a hand, your manifested scythe hovered just above your hand as you grabbed it. you narrowly stepped to the side before holding it up to dodge the flying attack the knight was attempting to land. lohen jumped back with a loud thud, grinning happily at the adrenaline coursing throughout his veins, especially once he spotted the weapon in your hand. the same shades of dark purple, almost black, running around the sharp blade with various chains wrapping themselves from the edge of the blade to the staff itself, the color steadily losing its darkness until reaching the very bottom, where a lavender dragger protruded from the bottom. just like your hands, the scytheâs appearance seemed to be alive, its exterior seemingly pulsating and stirring like a true galaxy. but what really caught lohenâs eyes was how the entire scythe seemed like it was made of shards of glass, reflecting stars and moving matter.Â
âit blends in with your hands,â lohen exclaimed and even he couldnât remember the last time heâd been so impressed, seeing how the blade of your scythe was one-to-one with your hands. that made it difficult for him to spot your grip and thus hindered him from calculating what your next move might be. âwhat matter is that?â
ânone of your business. i donât wish to fight you, knight. i would rather you put down your weapon and leave me alone.â
âno can do,â he sang as the two of you began moving in circles around each other, an unmoving standoff that could explode at any time. âyouâve piqued my curiosity now, bunny.â
âconsider me uninterested, knight.â your words sharpened, and lohen could see the tightening of your fingers around your weapon, anticipating an attack. âleave.â
âawh, but that would be boring. and varka told me iâm not allowed to pick fights with the other knights anymore, so iâve seriously been itching for a good fight.â lohen sighed in frustration, rolling his eyes as he thought back to varkaâs lecture after heâd jumped a pair of knights in the wild.
your eyebrows came together in confusion at his words, and whilst you had admittedly not socialized much in the past many years, you were quite convinced that this man was not normal. âuhm, did you ever consider that if this varka is telling you not to pick fights, he might have a point? itâs not nice to ambush people.â
lohen merely laughed at that statement, throwing his entire head back and letting his loud laughter echo throughout the silent forest. your eyes immediately caught sight of all the frightened birds flying away and the small squirrels rushing into trees. âyou think i ambush people because itâs fun?! âŠwell, actually, it is fun. but i do it âcause everyone else is weak. theyâre weak and powerless.â
âyouâre still so weak!â the man had laughed at your wounded form on the dirty ground, poking your broken leg with the tip of his shoe, as you let out a cry of despair. âpowerless, useless, hopeless. what did sven even think when he picked up someone like you?â
youâd like to think you were a healed woman, someone not haunted so blindly by her past that she would commit ferocious attacks at such memories, or even attempt to hurt anyone else. youâd like to believe that such words did not trigger you, nor did they prompt you to make rash and unpleasant decisions. but you needed him gone this second. the moon was still high in the sky, your pets were most likely all asleep, and you truly had nothing to spend the rest of your night besides sleeping. however, this man clearly wanted something from you, which you could not provide.
you were used to people needing you for tasks, using you for their benefit only to toss you aside, but something about his request seemed so oddly different from all the others, yet it remained a request you did not wish to honor.
lohen had already noticed the difference in your stance, the glint in your eyes far away despite them being fixed onto his figure. the smirk on his face widened significantly when he noticed the small tick in your posture, noticing how your stance suddenly didnât seem as rigid, as guarded. you were the woman klee had seen the other day, a conversation he had overheard between klee and kaeya outside the headquarters. klee was insistent that she had seen a woman with starry arms and a large cloak, claiming the woman was chasing after a boar, which held a small rabbit in its mouth. without harming the boar, she had managed to retrieve the rabbit and vanished within seconds, leaving behind no trace. kaeya seemed to not entirely believe klee, assuming this was another one of her overly enthusiastic stories. however, lohen had a different opinion on this situation, which would ultimately lead him to track down where someone had last spotted a person wearing a cloak.
a gust of wind brushed both of you just as lohen took off running, twisting his leg as he jumped into the air with his weapon raised high into the air, hoping to strike you with his foot to entirely immobilize you, then strike with his weapon. but the world turned before lohenâs head could even process it, and just as he thought he was still in the air, heâd find his body slamming into the ground. a rough groan escaped his throat as the pain began spreading throughout his body. his eyes, which had fallen shut on impact, struggled to open once more, especially as lohen felt a weight settle over his middle, something pushing into his sides and rendering him unable to move whatsoever. opening his eyes back up again and⊠wow.
âare you done now?â you asked the man beneath you, whose arms were pinned down against his sides by your legs, your body sat across his middle and your thighs pressing into his arms, effectively rendering lohen entirely useless in this situation. your arms were crossed over your chest with his polearm pressed against your skin, held behind your arms.
lohen had never seen himself as someone lustful, as someone who had ever laid eyes upon another person with the intent of courting them. he had never walked through the streets of mondstadt and felt as if someone was his type or that someone had piqued his interest. but now beaten to the ground in a manner that his brain still couldnât fathom, feeling the warm skin of your thighs pressing against his cold hands; feeling you sitting on him with your arms crossed, staring down at him with a bored expression, he really understood it. he understood that feeling people often discussed, feeling butterflies in their stomachs, feeling flushed around certain people, or wanting to spend more around someone. but perhaps differently from those, for lohen did not feel butterflies, nor did he feel as if you were the only and one for him.
however, there was a buzz running across his cold skin, a sense of wonder growing deep inside his chest. he knew there were people stronger than himself, the grandmaster being an example, but not even varka had ever moved this rapidly. and lohen was sure that there was no better view than being beaten by someone stronger, the feeling of blood coursing in his ears and adrenaline flowing.
âuhm, are you alright?â you leaned down, uncrossing your arm to pat lohenâs cheek in confusion as those crimson eyes stared spellbound at you. he wasnât even trying to break free, you realized, nor was he attempting to get you off; rather, he seemed rather content. âknight whose name i do not know, please answer me.â
âlohen, my nameâs lohen.â his hazy eyes were trailing across your face, and if you noticed the way they skated across your body, lingering a little too long on your exposed throat before returning to your eyes, you pretended to not notice anything. âfight me.â
âwhat?!â
âtomorrow. iâll be back tomorrow. fight me again.â
ââŠlohen, i think youâre misunderstanding something here. i donât wish to fight you.â
lohenâs lips spread into a sort of smile that made a shiver run down your spine, a smile that just embodied the same glint of insanity you were seeing in his eyes. even with his arms pinned down and his chest desperately inhaling oxygen, he seemed so content trapped below you. âbut i want to fight you, bunny.â
âyouâre insane.â
___
lohen became a regular part of your life.
after that first night, when youâd eventually climbed off him and watched as he stumbled through the forest again with a dopey smile, you had hoped he was kidding, possibly a little confused from the harsh hit to his head. but you were mistaken, as the very next night, youâd narrowly dodge a dagger zipping your direction while you tried to collect some flowers from the nearby lake. once more, lohen would attempt to attack you but be overwhelmed and slammed to the ground, staring up at you with another demented grin.
âyouâre too slow on that attack,â you stated in correction, catching lohenâs wrist in yours and twisting it, causing him to drop the dagger, yet not make another sound as if he refused to admit he was hurt. âmost people wouldnât be able to dodge that, but those with speed can. it could lead to your demise.â
usually, you refrained from offering him any advice, compliments, or even small talk as he tried to attack you. instead, youâd effortlessly dodge all his attacks and end the night with him beneath you, looking mysteriously pleased by his position as if the idea of ending up on the ground was appealing to him. but you had never claimed to understand other people, especially not someone as convoluted as lohen. gradually, you began thinking that perhaps his company wasnât all too bad, even if he did only come by in an attempt to finally catch you off guard.
âhm, i donât think anyone has ever dodged that before. good work, bunny.â lohen wrenched his hand out of your grip, poking at the front of his dagger as he gathered it from the ground. âiâm impressed.â
âdonât call me that, and i do not care. if you insist on showing up every day, iâm expecting to see some improvement from you.â
certain aspects about your disposition often irked lohen, leaving him to stare at you in silence for longer periods of time. your tone would often slip, as if you were imitating how someone had once spoken with you; this especially became very apparent to lohen whenever youâd pass a comment or advice about his fighting style or what he should improve on. your tone lost any and all emotion, not that it held much before, and you seemed mentally distant. fighting did not seem to be enjoyable to you, which lohen found puzzling given how strong you were. but he was no idiot; your abyssal-created limbs and abyssal powers made it quite obvious that your background was clearly not one filled with joy or to be deemed normal by any means. varka and jean would probably lock him in solitary confinement if they learned that he was spending his evenings getting his ass kicked by someone with abyssal powers, but lohen could tell you had absolutely no intention of harming anyone. hell, at that point, you hadnât even fought back yet whenever he came at you, resorting to merely taking him out when you were done dodging his blows.
yet one evening, a mere few weeks after lohen had begun his routine of bothering you every night, youâd decide to actually fight back rather than back away. so as soon as lohen charged at you with a dagger raised high and a confident grin on his face, you sidestepped him like usual. but instead of merely stepping away and leaving him to ready another attack, you rapidly curled your fingers around the dagger in his hand, feeling his reluctance to let go just as you ripped it out of his hand, whipping around to strike right at his throat. however, you obviously had no objection to killing the man, so a mere millimeter away from his jugular, you halted your movement. panting heavily and eyes wider than youâd ever seen before, lohen stared down at you with an unreadable expression on his face.
âthat was so hot,â he muttered lowly, eyes falling to where your starry hand was still pressing the very tip of the blade against his throat. âso you do fight back sometimes.â
âi was getting tired of merely acting like a punching bagâone who keeps winning.â you shrugged and dropped the dagger onto the ground, taking a few steps back from him. âand besides, you have shown improvement. it would only be right of me to acknowledge that.â
still, what you did not notice until stepping back and seeing the crazed glint swirling around his crimson eyes, was the trickle of blood leaking from his throat. you were sure youâd not physically pierced his skin, but something about him made you feel as if he was crazy enough to have pushed his own body forward into the blade, just to feel his own skin breaking. with a roll of your eyes, you motioned to his neck, wanting him to take care of it. in true lohen fashion, however, his hand shot up and dipped into the blood, but upon seeing the crimson fluid on his fingers, his grin only intensified.
âyou are a lost cause,â you mumbled in annoyance, walking back to him and ignoring the way he was scrutinizing you, instead raising a hand to his throat. a small murmur later with your finger swiping over his cut, his cut stitched itself together, as if it had never even been there to begin with. Â
lohen could not take his eyes off you, no matter how he wanted to. the feeling coursing through his veins when you finally struck back, pressing the dagger to his throat with such a bored expression, yet making sure not to hurt him. even now, your cold but illuminated fingers skimmed across his throat, sending shivers down his spine as your two-toned eyes flicked up to meet his, then falling back down to his cut. he was truly more fascinated than he had ever been before. he wanted to know everything about you: where did you come from, why did you live all the way out here, how did you obtain abyssal powers, but most importantly, were you stronger than everyone else heâd ever fought before?
whenever he was fighting you, landing hit after hit, thrown to the ground, or shoved to the side, he didnât get that same feeling of hopelessness. that same feeling of weakness. because he could see that you didnât perceive him as being weak or beneath youâyou didnât judge him from his human body or mortal strength. moreover, you continuously kept your guard up, never once underestimating him, even if you did have more strength and faster reflexes. you may never directly express an appreciation for his dedication to becoming stronger, but you certainly did not seem to mind either, no matter how many times youâd roll your eyes at him.
that became a new part of your routine, too, even if lohen was no longer able to visit every night due to restrictions on entries and exits for the city. whenever he did come by, you would allow yourself to summon your weapon and parry his attacks, no longer shutting him down immediately, but rather sparring with him. when he would inevitably get injured due to his erratic nature or underestimating your strength, youâd push him to the ground and gently apply one of your ointments to his healing scars, running a finger over any fresh wounds, and offering him potions for comfort. he would always refuse the potions, insisting he didnât mind the painâand he would always be adorning a slightly deranged grin whenever pain coursed through his veinsâbut still let you heal his wounds.Â
âiâm starting to think youâre getting injured on purpose, lohen.â you shook your head at the man, who was sprawled across the lush green grass just outside your home, hands covering his lean torso in an attempt to heal the nasty cut.
lohen shrugged from his position, staring at you with admiration in his eyes, content to spend the rest of his night here. the beating of his heart had increased rapidly, so had the rush of blood heâd heard, when you went to parry his attack like always, having not realized that lohenâs movements were slightly different. perhaps reckless, perhaps a stupid move, but lohen decided to reach for your scythe, hoping to capture your weapon and use it against you, only to be struck with the blade. that was how he now found himself staring up at you and the starry sky behind you, loopy and slightly hazy from the loss of blood, but nevertheless enjoying the sensation of blood escaping his body and your hands resting over his cut.
âyour hands feel so cold, so glass-like.â lohenâs incoherent mumbling became a bit louder, and you noticed the faraway gleam in his crimson eyes, clearly not completely in control of what was leaving his mouth due to the sheer shock to his body. luckily, he wasn't in serious danger, for youâd already started healing him. his mind was perpetually in that fragile headspace, so you merely let him continue his tangent. âlike shards of glass. but there is this buzzing, bzzh, bzzh, i can hear it.â
âitâs the abyss calling,â you softly whispered back to him, applying an ointment to his now-healed skin to ensure no scarring. âthey cannot reach anyone through my hands, nor can they hope to corrupt anyone. but the abyss is alive, forever moving and eternally tempting.â
âwhy are your hands like that, bun? your eye, too?â lohen quirked his head to the side in bewilderment, furrowing his eyebrows up at you, just as you lowered his shirt over his torso again.
you pursed your lips in an attempt to ponder whether you wanted to tell him. lohen had been coming by for the better part of a month now, mostly to fight you, yes, but simultaneously providing you with some company. the reality of your life was that you did not spend any time around other people, confined to your forest with your pets and the surrounding nature. whilst you didnât hate that, enjoying the fresh wind and serene nights, you did yearn for some sort of human contact. the thought of telling lohen everything was terrifying, particularly what couldâve led to such vast changes in your appearance, but unlike the other citizens of mondstadt, he hadn't ridiculed you or seemed to be scared of you. rather, his fascination with your altered appearance didnât seem nefarious or out of fear, but more so out of simple curiosity. he was obsessed with strength, wanting to become stronger and faster, and it seemed to you that he merely sought to gain experience from you, not to gain knowledge about your body or past.
âi wonât tell you too much,â you muttered to him just as you sat back down again, lifting his head to rest on your legs and his body to rest comfortably on the bed of grass. you reached for the thin blanket thrown to the side, covering his body with it. âbut what i can tell you is it happened many years ago, when i was much younger. back when missing children in mondstadt were not given as much attention as they are now, when people could go missing without anyone batting an eye.â
lohenâs mind tried its best to pay attention, to hang onto every word spoken by your reddened lips in the wind, or to cling onto how your warmth was seeping into his bones, but sleep was poking at him. the blood lossâ effects were catching up, and so were the efforts made by his body to heal. in harmony with the soft blanket and your bodyâs heat, he was sinking into an early slumber beneath the stars, leaving himself wholly at your mercy.
unbeknownst to yourself, your hand would soon instinctively find his hair, running through the green strands and gently detangling knots there may be, working out the dried blood. lohen reminded you of your pets, sleeping in your lap peacefully, so in your head, it made sense to merely do for him what youâd do for them. you knew your lack of social interactions had warped your ability to relate to and communicate with others, making it difficult for you to understand what was considered normal and what was considered inappropriate. lohen sort of felt like a hyperactive bunny to you, oddly clingy in this pursuit of his goal, yet not someone whoâd trust easily.
when lohen awoke the next morning, perplexed and confused, he would find himself still lying in the front of your garden, but with your cat named salem sitting next to him alongside a few birds and a fox. none of them would seem particularly scared, even if lohenâs weapon was by his side, just within reach to murder all the animals. his head felt foggy, and he had a bad taste in his mouth, but archons, he could not remember the last time heâd slept so well, so blissfully, and without waking a single time. the morning dew was still lingering in the air, with the grass slightly wet and the trees swaying in the delicate breeze, shielding him from the sharp sun. beside his side was a small basket of fruits and a few buttered slices of bread, alongside a large glass bottle of water, and a note.
iâve gone to pluck my herbs as per usual, but i did not want to wake you. your wounds should be entirely healed, so iâve left some foods for you to have for breakfast. the animals will keep you safe.
lohen crumpled the note up with an odd grin, feeling his own eyebrows coming together at the weird tightness he felt in his chest as he picked up an apple, biting into it, pleased with its fresh and crispy skin. âinteresting,â he muttered to himself as he waltzed out of the forest with the basket wrapped around his arm, steadily munching his way through all the food as he took sips of the water.
and if someone asked him later about the basket, questioning his nightly escapades and the handmade woven basket in his hand, well then lohen would merely offer a wink in their direction and head back to his home.
he didnât want anyone else to know about you.Â
lohenâs visits to your home every day proved very useful to him, enhancing his combat abilities; even the grandmaster had offhandedly made a comment about lohen being faster in his attacks, pleasing the young man. becoming stronger, faster, and more powerfulâthese were the things he longed for so desperately. he never wanted to find himself in another situation of being too weak, too powerless, like he had been when heâd been kidnapped as a child, and likewise when he faced off against the sinner rerir, only to be reminded of his own shortcoming. being rushed away from the sinner, watching grandmaster varka through narrowed eyes as he held his own against rerir, only furthered lohenâs desire to become a substantially more powerful version of himself. someone who didnât need to be rushed away from the battle due to injuries, but someone who could hold his own, someone who could win against an enemy like that.
âyou swing your arm too much when striking.â you caught lohenâs arm in yours, rapidly kicking the other hand away as he attempted to bury his dagger into your torso. the grin on his face was maddening, showing his sheer determination in growing stronger, and you had to admit that youâd come to enjoy these spars with lohen. âit makes it easy for someone to counter your first attack. the second attack was good, though; it just needs to be a little faster.â
fighting was never something you had enjoyed as a child, finding it bothersome and needless. you simply failed to understand why people would pick up weapons and spill blood, when they could merely hold a conversation and aim for coexistence. that was why you absolutely adored your home in mondstadt, living just outside dornman port with your parents and your little kitten. your neighbors were wonderful, always so friendly and kind, sharing their produce with your parents and so on. everyone in the village got on great; all the children were friends, passing all hours of the day together, and all the adults regularly held dinner parties and traveled together, when headed out for work.
âtaking the time to understand someone is harder than fighting someone,â your mother would whisper to you as her hand ran over your hair, the two of you sitting on your porch, watching two of the neighborhood children in an ugly discussion.
âso fighting is bad?â
âonly if itâs not necessary. if you can solve a situation through mutual understanding, then why not take that route? but the anemo archon has blessed us all with freedom, and if that freedom is threatened, then we must fight.â
but at the sore age of ten years old, an ulcer of darkness and evil would open in the depths of the forest, discovered by one of the children during a game of hide and seek. most adults would never make it away before black smoke would engulf them, leaving behind nothing but screams and cries for the children to run. you didnât remember much besides one of the older children grabbing your arm, dragging you out and away from the village, where youâd grown up. at your short height and surrounded by older children, youâd seen nothing more than monsters abruptly appearing from the forest, trying to chase you down with savage snarls and bloodthirsty grunts.
and that is when a large crack would appear in the ground, swallowing every single child present. in that dark place, nothing but emptiness and sorrow swirling in the air, the air heavy with death and desire, you and every single child of your village would be divided into categories: vision holders, potential, and useless. every child deemed useless, those unable to use abilities of any sort, with no fighting experience, or without a vision, would be slaughtered, fed to the creatures lurking everywhere around you. the vision holders would be dragged off, locked into cells unlike your own.
but the potentials category was the one with the most attention focused on it. you never saw any of the children divided into either of the categories again, only to learn years later that none of them had survived, forgotten in this harrowing world of crumbling walls and surroundings manifested at will by your kidnappers. your role as in the potentials secured you a fighting chance, to not be slaughtered immediately like your own peers.
but that wouldnât save you from your own personal nightmare.
âyouâre injured again,â you sighed and forced him to sit down, smacking his wandering hands away to wash away the dried blood across his firm chest, working meticulously beneath the moon.
the abyss order, as youâd later learn, was the name of the organization, yearning for more abilities to add to their ranks, more numbers and feats. whilst the vision holders could be transformed into useful monsters of the highest caliber, your status as potentials gave you a different purpose: to foster unique and powerful skills for the benefit of their organization. the two who joined you in this category were expected to fight to harness the power of the abyss and become able to wield its immense power at a greater level than regular monsters, which would make them capable of targeting larger foes of the order, such as archons.
however, you were a healer, a potion maker. your mother had been known as the woman with magical hands, who would be able to create all sorts of potions: healing potions, strengthening potions, speed-boosting potions, and many more. you descended from a long line of natural witches, people with the ability to truly harness and embody the spirit and power from the surrounding natureâpeople who would never gain vision, for the heavens never sought to reward people with abilities beyond their control. the abyss longed for that power, you would later learn; they needed someone like you with the ability to harness the abyssal powers to constantly and consistently empower their forces, improve the longevity of their pawns, and elevate their prowess.
âwhatâs the fun in fighting if iâm not getting injured, bunny?â lohen laughed off the pain coursing through his body, lying leisurely on the damp grass. your hands delicately wiped all the blood away, and you began applying your own ointment, fingers cold but soothing on this inflamed skin. âespecially if it means youâll treat me this well.â
the words spoken by lohen merely made you roll your eyes, causing him to laugh boisterously at your reaction. he had heard people speak to others this way when interested in them, and whilst he was definitely interested in you, just hearing those words in his own tone made him cringe. lohen was quite self-aware, though, just as much as he was observant, so he was able to understand that as he struggled with normal social interactions, so did you. none of you seemed to communicate the same way he saw others do, but he simply continued staring up at your gorgeous eyes, enthralled by how they moved across his skin with such delicate focus. others would have been flustered to have him lie across the grass with his chest out, toned arms folded behind his head, knowing his intense red eyes were watching their every move with daggers available for his disposal.
but that did not seem to faze you, at all. in fact, it was as if you preferred if he kept his eyes on you, all so you could make sure he was fine. you hadnât opened up entirely, not that he expected you to, since he hadnât exactly been forthcoming about his own past and his desire to become as strong as possible, but certain things had been deductible about you, lohen would claim. it was obvious from your fighting style that youâd learned to fight for the sake of survival, not for leisure or power, like him. you were skilled at fighting, probably one of the best he knew alongside the grandmaster and acting grandmaster, but unlike everyone he knew, you didnât seem to fight for glory or victory.
âyou are lucky iâm an adept healer.â
âand fighter.â
âthat too, although i donât usually consider myself one.â
lohen scoffed at that statement, choosing to let his gaze venture away from your puzzled face, your fingers halting in their mission to wipe off the residual ointment from his chest. âbun, youâre the only person besides varka whoâs ever dodged my dagger attack; i would argue youâre an adept fighter, too.â
âhmmâŠâ you trailed off as if you were truly taking his words to heart, wiping your fingers off on the flimsy rag beside you and throwing your loose hair over your shoulders. you flopped back on the grass across from him, leaning slightly back with your palms pressed against the ground beneath you. âperhaps youâre correct. i donât typically think of myself as someone who relishes in the feeling of fighting, but i presume i do have a certain appreciation for it now, unlike before. your nightly attacks are proving to be beneficial for us both, then.â
âawh, i knew you liked having me around, bun-bun, even when you uphold that infuriatingly polite tone with me.â
âwhat? would you rather that i speak informally with you?â
âduh, obviously,â lohen hoisted himself off the ground to sit upright, meeting your eyes once more, a teasing smile on his lips as he poked your forehead and noticed your eyes adjust inward to focus on his finger. âyou donât talk much with others, do ya?â
you wrestled with his words in your mind, letting them ruminate as you tried to see things from his perspective instead of your own. meanwhile, lohen kept gingerly poking at your head, fascinated by how your eyes were firmly locked on his, yet you were far away in your own head, leaving you more defenseless than ever. typically, this wouldâve been lohenâs chance to strike youâto finally gain the upper hand and show you what heâs made of. but for once, lohen didnât have that urge to one-up you, to harm you merely for the sake of his own satisfaction; not when youâd become comfortable enough around to allow yourself to let your guard down ever so slightly. so on second thought, he decided to pursue his venture of getting his hands on you, poking away at your soft skin and letting his fingertips run over your features in fascination, trailing over your face and down your throat as if you were nothing short of a masterpiece.
and, wow. now all the touching he saw between couples made sense; the gentle caresses to a partnerâs face or a light hand always hovering above their stature made sense to him. you felt ethereal beneath his touch, soft and warm, just like something out of a dream. the glint in your eyes was magical, faraway yet drawing him in, and he knew that if he voiced this out, you would probably call it the abyssâ calling. however, lohen knew better. he knew that whatever about you that kept making him broaden his own views of society, people, and perhaps human connection wasnât the abyss or its presence within you, but rather the light that shone from every crevice of your being, from every gaze you bestowed upon him.
âiâve never really been welcome anywhere, where other people may be present,â you finally spoke up again after a few minutes of silence, halting lohenâs movements with your own hand, staring down at him with an open glint in your eyes. âalice is the only one iâll talk to, and those conversations are usually quite short and to the point. itâs been a very long time, since iâve had a regular conversation with anyone.â
lohen didnât seem too shocked or surprised at this information, eyes briefly dropping down to your hands, then back to meet your eyes. âwell, youâre doing oh-so-wonderfully, sweets. iâm loving this conversation.â
âyou love when i kick your aâ, i mean, when i gain the upper hand.â
ânuh, uh,â lohen tutted teasingly, his fingers drifting up to press against your mouth, his thumb running across your soft lower lip as your eyes met his in confusion. god, he was so happy you were so socially unaware; otherwise, youâd realize the weirdness of him deftly touching you so intimately. âdonât sugarcoat your words now, bun. say what you were gonna say, no filtering.â
ââŠâ
âiâm waiting.â
you shook your head in faux annoyance, wrapping your fingers around lohenâs and pulling them away from your face, letting your hands fall to your lap. âwhen i kick your ass. you just like it when i kick your ass. are you happy now?â
âelated, bunny, so elated, goddamn elated.â
âlohen, you are such a bizarre person.â
âso iâve been told.â
the evenings spent with lohen began unfolding differently, still retaining the original purpose but with something more profound blossoming between the two of you. it began as small touches, mostly lohen taking every chance he could to caress your hands or let his eyes linger over your form, sometimes gliding his dagger along your smooth skin, all while you simply stared at him, wondering what the glint in his eyes meant. admittedly, seeing the attention he paid you, never letting his eyes falter from you no matter what and always listening when you spoke, made you feel special in a way youâd never felt before. you could feel the air had changed between you, when you performed your usual takedown, keeping him pinned into the grass by straddling his waist, keeping all your weight in your legs as you hovered above him.
still that sick smile on lohenâs face, his crimson eyes freely devouring every inch of your skin with a shameless hunger in his eyes, made you feel warm like never before, a shiver running along your spine. his hands wiggled beneath your legs and managed to glide his fingers over your thighs, humming to himself, finding solace in watching goosebumps rise behind the trail of his cold fingers.
âyour skin is so warm,â lohen muttered in fascination, amused by the slight flush on your cheeks as your eyebrows furrowed, clearly perplexed by your own reaction. âyou like that, bunny?â
âi⊠iâm not sure,â you admitted awkwardly, feeling conflicting emotions rising in you. something about the way he was staring at you felt like pure hunger, something different from how anyone had ever stared at you, but in a manner that made you feel good; that made you feel wanted. âyouâre messing with me, lohen.â
âi havenât even started, and youâre already as jumpy as a little rabbit. bunny suits you well as a nickname, heh.â
the fluster creeping up your neck and spine, spreading into your cheeks, felt like too much at once, awakening a sense of urgency within you. swinging your leg over his abdomen, you flew to your feet before lohen could even attempt to grab you, leaving the man still on the grass with a cheeky smile dancing on his lips, folding his arms behind his head. your legs were already leading you backward, hands uselessly hanging by your side, as you tried to make up some excuse to escape from his hold over you. âi, uhm, salem needs me, i think. get home safe, lohen. itâs due to rain tonight; be careful on your way back,â you rapidly murmured to him and ignored the scoff at your lie, turning back to run back to your home. âwhat the hell?â you slammed the door behind you, leaning against it with exasperated breaths escaping you, legs giving out as you slid down the door and rested on the floor.
âgoodbye, bun. donât miss me too much now! i hope youâll dream of meâi know iâll be enjoying my dreams tonight.âÂ
__
lohen soon began being assigned to considerably more important missions, taking more charge of his unit, of which he was the vice captain. you were not sure exactly what had happened with lohen, but whenever he did come by, no longer able to swing by every night, he seemed hurt. your usual training sessions steadily became a rest and recuperation outlet for lohen, being healed by your glass-like hands imbued with the abyss, all while he rested his head in your lap. often, he would stare up at you, fascinated by how devoted you seemed as you performed your soothing healing remedies on him, never leaving behind any scarring or pain. youâd even stay with him, allowing him to rest in your company, often sliding your fingers through his strands.
âyou know, if any of my company members saw me like this, theyâd think iâd gone crazy.â lohen was lying across your sofa in your home, the candles flickering in the warm living room, as your fingers gently removed the dried blood from his hair.
your eyebrows furled at his words, trying to make sense of exactly what he meant. but then, you began to speculate that perhaps anyone who knew you wouldâve felt the same way about you. just a few months prior to this very moment, you lived all on your own in the forest with no real human interactions, connections, or relationships. you had a deal with a mage, you had your lovely pets, and you had your own company; nothing more, nothing less. but one incident had entirely altered the course of your life, and now here you sat, in your own living room with one of the knights on your lap as you meticulously cared for him in a way that you didnât think you would ever be able to once again. your hands, previously gazed upon as cursed and evil, were the same ones softly nursing him back to health. whereas others had feared you due to your abyssal hands and the abyssal shard in your eye, lohen didnât just seem fascinated by both, but more so curious about them.
he didnât seem to just treat you or your abyssal features as a weakness, a power, or something foreign to your person, but instead, he considered them part of you and who you were. labeling your hands as a curse or ogling your eye intensely, both with poor or uninformed intentions, always somewhat discredited your past and how much youâd fought to be where you were now. nonetheless with lohen, well, he may have initially approached you with an intention of growing stronger, but even from that first interaction, he never made you feel overly aware of your own features, nor did he seek to fear them or you.
âi donât think anyone has ever perceived you as being anything even remotely close to sane, lohen,â you murmured with a soft grin, amused by how his eyes shot open to glare playful daggers at you. âbut iâm sure theyâre all curious as to where you disappear at night, even after long missions with sustained injuries. you really should start heading back to the medics with your squad, instead of trying to make it all the way back here.â
half of lohenâs armor had been dropped on the floor, and so had his shirt, leaving him in just his bottom half of clothing, lying shirtless on your sofa. youâd wrapped large bandages around his torso to further protect the healing ointment youâd applied on his wounds, as well as healed the smaller cuts and bruises on his chest area. admittedly, as you began spending more time musing over your odd relationship with lohen, you found yourself identifying things that were closely pointing to perhaps something more complicated than just companionship. your limited knowledge and lack of social awareness did make you wonder exactly what was transpiring between you two, but something about his company kept awakening emotions you didnât think were still present within you.
âwhy would i ever go back to those upright medics, whoâll give me an endless amount of lectures about staying safe, not being reckless, blah blah blah, when i could just come here?â lohen gestured towards you, a warmth in his smile. âwhere youâll take the absolute best care of me.â
you rolled your eyes at his flattery, ignoring the way he chuckled at your reaction, and instead focused on securing the last bandage. his signature spear was standing against your wall, stained red from the dried blood, alongside his daggers thrown to the floor haphazardly. luckily, your cat was soundly asleep in your bedroom and nowhere near the weapons, but you still knew youâd have to get up and clean the blood off. well, you didnât have to, but you didnât want all that blood staining your floors.
âiâll take care of it soon,â lohen suddenly spoke, catching your attention at the way heâd somehow read your mind, following your eyes over to stare at the weapons. âiâll have to leave soon.â
âlohen, i do not think you should be moving right now. your wounds will be entirely healed soon, but you seem exhausted. maybe you should just get some sleep here.â
âare you finally letting me sleep at your place? take a man out for dinner first, bun.â
the snicker that escaped lohen as you swatted his chest was unlike any other, not laced with any sort of excitement for fighting or adrenaline, but rather sounded so innocent, so boyish. it was unlike any other youâd ever heard from him, but also the first time in many years youâd witnessed someone laugh so freely, so happily; the last time would be mere hours before your entire life fell apart. your hand fell limp to lohenâs chest, a soft smile sliding into your face as he carried on laughing, small crinkles forming beneath his eyes as he squeezed them shut. his chest was buzzing under your hands, attesting to his presence in your home and existence in your life.
eventually lohenâs laugh quieted down, and as his crimson eyes slowly peeked open, they instantly caught sight of the softness with which you were gazing down onto him. youâd never looked more serene, more peaceful than you did in this moment, and even lohen couldnât help himself from reaching up and letting his fingers slide around your cheeks, his thumb brushing over your cheekbone. the warm lights in the living room delivered a glow to your soft skin, making you seem like nothing less than an angel. even with your hair messily thrown up and small specks of his dried blood staining your hands and arms, youâd never looked more beautiful than you did right now, gazing down upon him with an abundance of fondness and tenderness.
âyouâre so beautiful,â lohen whispered in awe, feeling a surge of emotions passing through his body as your lips spread into a shy smile, rolling your eyes fondly. âespecially with my blood on you.â
âyouâre so odd.â you smacked his hand away, giggling at his stupid little comment, finding that his oddness was precisely why you felt so connected with him. no sane person would make a comment like that, but conversely, no sane person would actually feel flattered by such a disturbing compliment. âyou are very lucky salem likes you.â
âsalem is the only one who likes me? oh, bun, donât be like that. i know you love my company.â
you patted his chest gently, leaning over to grab a blanket to throw it over his figure as you flicked your fingers, extinguishing all the candles and throwing the room into a state of pure darkness. the tiredness on lohenâs face had been as obvious as ever, and even if he kept insisting he wasnât tired and didnât need sleep, you were not oblivious to the way his eyes would try to fall shut, clearly readying him to sleep. even as the lights went off, lohen would try to protest and insist he was ready to get up and train again, but your hands kept him pressed into the sofa, keeping his head firmly resting on your lap. with soft pressure applied to his scalp and the whispered humming from you, lohen soon fell asleep in your lap, and not long after, your own eyes would shut as your head fell backward, leaving the two of you soundly asleep in each otherâs presence.
sometime later that same night, lohen would awaken and find you asleep, still sitting up on the couch. perhaps he would be crossing anyone elseâs boundaries, but lohen had never been one to care much for boundaries, and he also knew you didnât process things like others. some would argue he was taking advantage of that as he pushed himself up from the sofa, stretching and feeling the lightness in his body as his wounds were fully healed from your magical remedies, cracking his neck and fingers loudly. sliding his lean arms under your knees and wrapping one about your waist, he gently picked your limp body up from the sofa and made his way through your home, kicking open the door to your bedroom and settling your sleeping body on the bed. you appeared as beautiful as ever, peacefully asleep and free from all the burdens he knew you carried on a daily basis.
âoh, donât mind if i do,â lohen murmured to himself as he climbed onto your bed, aware that he may well be crossing every single boundary you had and invading your privacy, but also assuming that if you were comfortable enough to let him fall asleep on you, then youâd be comfortable enough to let him sleep in the same bed as you. he knew varka wouldâve had his head for climbing into your bed and pulling your sleeping figure into his arms without your explicit consent; adorno wouldâve never allowed lohen to merely make such bold assumptions, and even jean wouldnât have hesitated to chew him out about his insolence.
but they werenât here.
so he allowed his arms to wrap tenderly around your waist and pull you into his own body, your head falling to rest against his warm and firm chest, his one hand gently massaging the back of your neck, the other gripping your hip tightly enough to leave behind a bruise. your breathing was steady against his chest, your hands eventually settling against his cold skin as you fell deeper into sleep. lohenâs own eyes began fluttering once more, but as he held you close to his body, he knew he never wanted to let you go ever again. no matter what it took or who tried to stand in his way.
lohen would not come by over the next few days, leaving you alone to your own devices. you awoke a few days ago and found yourself tangled up with lohen, his head tucked beneath your chin as he rested on your chest, his arms secured around your waist, with your legs wrapped around each otherâs. he was soundly asleep, and admittedly, even if you had no idea how you ended up here, you slid your hands into his mint-hued hair and let your sharp nails graze across his scalp, causing him to softly hum like a pleased cat, snuggling deeply into your chest as if he was trying to get even closer to you. when he'd woken up, a quick peck pressed to your forehead was all lohen gave you besides a lopsided smirk before he bounced out of your bed and rushed through your home, leaving you dazedly staring up at the ceiling, a hand drifting up to press against where his lips had just been.
you let out a sigh in your own kitchen, sealing the last few of your newly made potions, and putting them into the usual basket. alice had been by a few days prior, requesting more potions and assuring you that someone would be by as always to pick them up, flashing you a toothy smile and offering you some sweets in return. the sun was beginning to set outside, casting beautiful orange and pink rays of the setting sun into your living room as salem lounged on the sofa, mirthfully stretching in the soft light. lohen had made sure to clean any blood, which had dripped from his weapons, surprising you when you saw a small, rushed drawing of a bunny on your floor using water.
âwho are you waiting for?â you found yourself asking salem as she dashed off the sofa and walked to the door, making noises and scratching at the door. sheâd been doing it for a few days, and whilst it had initially confused you immensely, you now knew that she was waiting for lohen to come by to scoop her into his awaiting arms and offer her cuddles and small words of affection. âhe'll be back soon enough, baby.â
or, so youâd hoped. lohen had carved a space into your life, your home, and even your heart. how your relationship evolved from him ambushing you numerous times, to him now being comfortable enough to seek you anytime he was injured, and sleeping so peacefully in your bed, you did not know. however, it was something you didnât even realize that you needed so desperately. before lohen, you were so accustomed to spending every waking moment on your own, to never being able to tackle any of the battles brewing within your own heart due to a lack of social interactions. having said that, lohenâs persistence in fighting you endlessly had inadvertently caused the mental block youâd formed around your combat abilities to steadily crumble to pieces. his persistent and endless desire for strength, which would periodically force you to actually tap into your own power, had guided you to accept that this power was indeed yours; that your skills may have been developed due to bad intentions and horrible circumstances, but that couldnât define the power you held. you were more than someone who just had abyssal powers, more than someone to fear.
a knock on your front door resounded throughout your home, and salemâs noises grew louder, as you tried to make her quiet down, rushing for the door. somewhere deep in your heart, you knew that it wouldnât be lohen. it was most likely going to be the person whom alice had sent to pick up the potions, but you still allowed yourself to hope. lohen would never knock, but maybe this time around, he was too injured to even try to open your door, or he wanted to ambush you the very second you pulled the door open. frankly, you didnât care which one of these options would prove to be true, for you simply wanted to see lohen. you wanted to push your fingers through his soft hair and feel his crimson eyes staring down at you with unbridled obsession and affection, to feel his cold hands wrap around your neck in greeting.
âuhm, greetings,â the person standing on your front step spoke nervously, rubbing the back of their neck as they attempted to avoid eye contact with you, someone who clearly was not the man youâd been expecting. âi donât mean to intrude⊠or something.â
âno, youâre fine. my apologies if iâve made you seem ill at ease. i was just⊠caught off guard. i was expecting someone else.â
âvice captain lohen, perhaps?â
your eyebrows curled inwards, hand tightening its grip around the door handle, as you began eyeing the person from top to bottom. "excuse me?â and perhaps this really wasnât how youâd like for your newest social interaction to unfold, but something about the tone of this person made it obvious that they knew more than they let on. you didnât like that.
âsorry, sorry, i didnât mean to say it like that,â the blonde girl standing on your porch in a beautiful white dress stated, her companion a floating fairy-like girl with a sweet smile on her face, but both seemingly very nervous about the stoic expression on your face. âlohen asked me to come get you.â
you quirked an eyebrow at the young girl, letting your eyes glide over her entire body before moving on to her companion, mentally assessing both. the girl was clearly much stronger than she seemed, an immense amount of power present within her being, despite the awkwardly nervous smile on her face. the companion with her didnât seem to hold all that much power, but you did find yourself examining her outfit a little closer, noticing some familiar elements. nevertheless, you could tell that they were not ones to fear or be wary of. that also became your conclusion once you saw how their eyes flickered down to your hands and then back up to your eyes, never letting them linger on your darker hands.
âwhere is lohen? and why would he send someone else?â you questioned the girl and her companion in confusion, leaning down to scoop a saddened salem into your arms, letting a finger run along her head.
the girl cleared her throat nervously, finally prompting your eyes to notice the specks of dried blood sitting on her dress, and a few dirt marks streaked across her skin. whilst her floating companion seemed fine, she seemed as if she had come straight from some sort of fight. your eyes drifted past her to view the now darker sky, tasting the small drops of rain beginning to trickle from the sky, and perhaps that ugly feeling thatâd been brewing in your stomach would prove to be true.
âlohen got injured whilst fighting a horde of abyssal monsters,â the girl finally spoke with saddened eyes, noticing straight away how your eyes widened and your hands halted their movement. âheâs really injured, but he wonât let the medics touch him or heal him. he is insistent that only you are allowed to even come near him.â
ââŠwhat?â
âhe was found in the forest by grandmaster varka, hurt but still fighting. varka killed the monsters and brought lohen back, but he wonât let anyone in. he keeps pointing his sword at anyone who comes near him,â the traveler explained with newfound vigor once she realized how affected you were about this news, setting the cat back on the floor as you stepped away from the door. âsays youâre the only one whoâs allowed to come near him, let alone touch him. he asked me to come find you and bring you to him. he told me to tell you that he knows you havenât been to the city in years and have bad memories associated with it, but heâs hoping his little bunny will entertain his request.â
you had already thrown open a small bag and began to throw in some of your ointments and potions, panting heavily at the thought of lohen being fatally hurt and bleeding out, but refusing treatment. if heâd been fighting abyssal monsters, then he was definitely tainted by the darker forces that aimed to devour and usurp the ones they came into contact with; you couldnât have that. once you had all the things you needed, you didnât hesitate to slide on your shoes and throw your cloak around your shoulders.
âiâm ready.âÂ
the travel through the woods and into areas that you had not been near in years upon years, was long but felt like the quickest journey of your life, as the three of you ran as fast as you could⊠or at least, two of you ran as fast as you could, whilst the third did her best to fly at the same speed. it was no surprise to you that the traveler was fast as well, able to keep up with your heightened speed as you ran throughout the rain, wetting your cloak. under any other circumstance, seeing the large city gate of mondstadt city wouldâve made you feel sick to your stomach, prompting you to turn back around and never come back, but this wasnât about you. this was about lohen, potentially on the brink of death, all because he opted to be a selfish asshole. so even as the people in town began staring after you, whispering about your hands and in disbelief about your eyes, your ears caught something about an honorary knight; you didnât stop, and nor did the blonde girl by your side. your feet hit the ground with immense speed, sending the forming water puddles flying as you darted up the stone stairs of the town, following the traveler.
âheâs just in here,â she yelled over the loud rain, head whipping back to see you nodding, as she led you to the headquarters of the knights of favonius. the guards standing outside nodded at her, but as soon as their eyes centered on you, their brandished weapons came up to form a blockade in front of the large doors, glaring daggers at you. it was no surprise to you that they would be so hostile, but somehow, it still seemed to send a pang of hurt through your chest; had you really become so accustomed to lohenâs indifference to your appearance that youâd forgotten why you isolated yourself?
âhonorary knight, we cannot follow this individual inside the headquarters!â one of the guards spat in disgust in your direction, speaking respectfully to the blonde girl by your side, but refusing to award you the same courtesy as their eyes scanned every inch of your physique.
the travelerâs posture immediately straightened up, and you could see the confused exchange she had with her companion, clearly not having expected such a harsh tone from the same knights, who were evidently more polite in their interactions with her. but frankly, you could not seem to care much about his unwavering dislike for you, or the way he was glaring at you like you were the dirt on the ground, for your mind kept reminding you of the crimson-eyed man waiting for you. so as you took a step forward, willing to make yourself enemy number one, an arm shot up to prevent you from even getting close. your eyes snapped over to meet the travelerâs warm eyes, and you found that she was already watching you with a warm glint in her eyes.
âi appreciate your concern, but the grandmaster and acting grandmaster agreed to let her in. vice captain lohen is in critical condition, and he needs her to heal him,â the traveler reiterated herself once more, still as polite as before but with less warmth in her tone, as the rain poured down onto you. âdonât you trust me?â
somehow, that seemed to do the trick. you could tell with ease that the guards were not pleased whatsoever, still glaring daggers into your being as they moved away from the door, instead grabbing the handles and pulling it open. you could hear their murmured dissatisfaction with you being allowed inside, and of course you knew it was due to sheer vigilance, with your hands that were clearly related to the abyss and your eyes, resembling a shard of a mirror, reflecting the darkness of the abyss. you werenât oblivious as to why you were feared, but as you rushed after the blonde girl, ignoring the way all the knights in the hallway seemed to keep their hands on their weapons when they spotted you, there was a sincere desire to be believed rather than perceived, to be acknowledged and not condemned.
âheâs in here,â the traveler panted as she leaned forward, hands bracing against her own knees. âgrandmaster varka and acting grandmaster jean are also there. i⊠i got you in here because lohen asked for you, because i believe heâd never be so adamant about someone untrustworthy.â
âi appreciate that,â you replied, speaking for the first time since the three of you departed from your home. nodding in agreement, you tightened your grip around the bag held in your hand. âi can understand your reluctance, but i truly appreciate your willingness to vouch for me, miss traveler.â
âi know someone else with similar attributes as yourself, abyssal hands and abyssal powers. sheâs not a bad person, so iâm willing to believe your past doesnât make you one, either. but thatâs as far as my goodwill goes. this city, its people, theyâre all very precious to me.â
you let out a heave, understanding the unspoken meaning of her words, even if the companion at her side seemed perplexed by the riddles in which she was speaking. âi understand. thank you.â you gave her one last nod before letting your hand press against the handle of the door, inhaling a deep breath, then pushing open the door to the room.
the first thing that hit you was the scent of blood, its potent and iron-heavy scent lingering in the enclosed room, alongside an underlying scent of dirt and sadness. your eyes were struggling to comprehend the scene before you, but it was as if your feet knew to move on their own. your eyes werenât able to catch any glimpse of the bed, nor the culprit of all this blood, as there were a few figures standing in your way. an extraordinarily tall man, dressed in armor and with an aura of power surrounding him, leading you to believe he was probably the grandmaster. the woman next wore similar colors of clothing and armor, her arms crossed over her chest and hair up in a ponytail, but exuding an energy laced with power as well, most likely the acting grandmaster. hearing the door open had caused both to turn around, their eyes zeroing in on you, as you felt them assessing you silently, creating a physical blockade between you and lohen.
âah, so youâre the woman heâs been yammering on and on about?â the man gazed down at you with a large smile, one that was meant to be seen as friendly and easy, but laced with an underlying sense of curiosity and hesitation; he was wary of you, and rightfully so. ânever thought lohen would be one to create such a deep connection with someone like you.â
âuhm, iâm not sure who you are, my apologies,â you quietly stated back, trying your best to look past him and find lohen, but alas, unable to even look anywhere past the man standing in front of you. âbut i was informed that lohen is very injured, and i would like to be able to attend to him.â
the woman seemed to indicate she wanted to protest, as if she wanted to object to your request and kick you out, and you couldnât really fault her for that. you were an unknown to them, both a stranger in their domain and also an unknown factor; you knew your appearance being so intricately linked to the abyss would not benefit your credibility. but the older man, whose eyes had never once faltered away from your stature, let a large grin overtake his features as he moved aside, granting you access to lohen for the first time.
âjean, let her through,â he spoke calmly as he nodded for her to move aside, which she did, but not without shooting him several confused glances. âi have a good feeling about this.â
your eyes immediately set on lohen and a gasp escaped you before you could even begin to process what the hell you were staring at, your feet moving you forward towards his bed, where his incredibly injured form was laid. blood was leaking onto the floor, despite the several layers of bandages crossed over his torso and wrapping around several of his limbs, a testament to just how much blood heâd lost, both in his fight with whoever caused these wounds and also in his wait for you. the bag youâd brought was dropped onto the floor, and you ripped off the cloak, throwing it onto a nearby chair as you leaned over lohenâs crippled form, your eyes scanning his entire body in an attempt to assess what state he was truly in.
âh-hey baby,â lohenâs meek voice spoke in a whisper, leading to a coughing fit as you shook your head, trying to dissuade him from speaking anymore as blood trickled from his mouth. âknew youâd come.â
âlohen, for the love of barbatos, stop talking!â your hand clasped over his mouth in frustration, not wanting to see him hurt himself anymore. beneath your hand, you could feel a smirk crawling onto his face, his tongue darting out to lick your hand, but you didnât budge whatsoever. instead you reached into your bag and pulled out a small vial of something, rapidly moving your hand away to drip some of its content into his mouth, letting lohen just about process what youâd done before his widened eyes fell shut and his head collapsed to the side.
a hand came to grip your shoulder, hard. the woman from before pulled you back with a firm hand and a hardened line on her face, glaring at you, as you calmly sealed the vial once more and met her eyes. âwhat did you just feed him?â
âitâs a healing potion. its purpose is to kickstart his bodyâs natural healing process from the inside to decrease the blood loss and inflammation, while also helping his muscles relax and not cramp as frequently. itâll also allow his mind to turn off and no longer feel the pain, which will allow me to aid his healing quicker.â you felt no need to be offended by her harsh tone or the glare directed at you, for you were understanding of her hesitance towards you; after all, you had just fed her knight an unknown substance and caused him to pass out.
âjean, lohen trusts her, so we must do the same. lohen might be kind of crazy, but he would never resist treatment if he didnât trust her. also, iâm kinda sure sheâs the one heâs been sneaking out to see, ya know? the one who kicks his ass and heals all his wounds, somehow making him stronger.â the tall man injected and slowly detached her hand from your body, having somehow picked up on your discomfort in feeling her unwarranted touch on you, even if it was an obvious reaction.
you didnât wish to say anymore to them right now, wanting to keep all your attention on lohen. nodding gratefully at the older man, whose eyes seemingly widened at your ability to understand whatever silent hint he was giving you, you stepped around the two and crouched next to lohenâs bedside, placing your bag on the mattress. most of the basic materials you would need were already in the room, and so, you tied your hair back and rushed over to the basin in the corner, thoroughly scrubbing your hands and nails, before rushing back to lohenâs side.
your attention narrowed in on the unconscious man before you, a pang of sadness shooting through your heart at the sight of him. several large gashes were present all over his body, blood oozing profusely from every single one of them, with copious streaks of dried blood painted across his fair skin. there were a few smaller puncture wounds on his legs, as if he had been attacked from below by something piercing. his face was scratched up, blood dotted all over his skin, and you knew most of it probably wasnât his, but that didnât stop the uncomfortable sensation coursing through you. surprisingly, none of his bones seemed broken or even remotely close to fractured, meaning you wouldnât have to take into account that he may have injuries that were not visible.
you spent hours concentrating on lohen and his unconscious form, sometimes letting your hand halt their movement and your eyes merely take in the sight of him, contesting the troubled emotions settling into your own bones. you hated seeing him like this, knowing heâd most likely been ambushed and was unable to receive any backup. you also knew he was never one to back out of a fight, and while you really admired that, you wholeheartedly wished that this one time, heâd just abandoned the fight and sought shelter. firmly washing all the blood off his body with a wet washcloth, you never once noticing the steady rotation of company captains taking turns to guard lohen. none of them wished to admit it out loud, but even with the grandmasterâs approval, they were wary of you and wanted to keep an eye on you themselves; the rumors of your starry hands and shard-like eye had spread like wildfire already, people hearing about your hands, which looked like a moving abyss of darkness with stars bound within, and your eye with the glass shard-shaped pupil.
grandmaster and acting grandmaster varka and jean had the first shift and watched quietly as you diligently washed every splatter and drop of blood off lohenâs skin, once more revealing the fair skin of his with a slightly paler tint than usual due to the vast blood loss. they were quite surprised to see the sheer delicacy of your movements, never once pressing too vigorously into lohenâs skin or scrubbing any of the stubbornly dried blood, as if you didnât want to hurt him even if he wasnât awake to feel it. eula and kaeya got to lean back against the door with several candles lit, witnessing your steady hands sew some of lohenâs wounds back together before letting one of your fingers gently apply ointment onto the stitched skin.
varka had been very specific during the shift swap: do not interfere in your work and do not question anything you were doing.
however, you hadnât heard this as it had been stated outside the door, all because none of the knights wanted you to overhear their conversation. they were all steadily beginning to notice the silent care in your presence and the tenderness in your eyes and hands, always displaying such devotion and attachment to lohenâsomething they never thought they would see for a man like lohen. your heart kept beating in your heart, and your hand kept working as devotedly as it could, but occasionally, your eyes would flicker up and stare leisurely at his face. the mole beneath his eye moving ever so slightly as he breathed peacefully, his lips slowly regaining their usual red nuance, and his long lashes framing his eyes. the shade of his mint-green hair seemed different due to the warmth of the room, but it was still so unmistakably lohen.
âiâve never seen someone like her before,â albedo offhandedly remarked out loud to himself, standing against the door as he noticed you brush a hand over lohenâs forehead, closing your eyes in relief as you checked his temperature.
âthose hands are a mark of the abyss,â diluc replied just as quietly, his arms crossed firmly over his chest as he kept his vivid red eyes locked onto your figure. once he had heard about lohenâs request, he felt an instant urge to make his way to the headquarters, and witness this for himself. perhaps it was because he was curious about lohenâs stubborn request, or perhaps it was due to his gut feeling, telling him that someone living so far removed from civilization must be someone unique. and boy, was he correct. regardless of whatever varka had said or the observations kaeya had thought out loud upon shift swap, he simply did not trust you, nor did he believe that you were someone with no ill intention.
after all, the abyss and its monsters were known to be bloodthirsty, vengeful, and cruel. why would he believe that someone carrying traits of that same force would be of righteous intention or with upstanding morals?
but days would pass, and even someone as initially wary as diluc would gradually begin to truly discern the genuine feelings between you and lohen, even if the latter wasnât awake to testify. your ointments were clearly working as lohenâs instinctual accelerated healing abilities, courtesy of his cryo vision, began working their magic quicker than usual, stitching together his skin and healing his wounds beautifully. he was still in a deep sleep, and when varka asked you about that, your voice would break as you explained how the potion wouldnât allow him to wake up until sufficient healing had taken place. in the many following days of various people shuffling in and out of the room, no longer keeping an eye on you but more so coming by to check on lohen, theyâd taken to noticing your silence. how you never spoke beyond the one answer youâd offered to varka, instead gazing down at lohen with nothing short of fiery devotion, your hands either running lovingly through his hair or gently caressing his face.
it was a late night in mondstadt when you suddenly stirred awake from your sleep, confused by that weird feeling you were getting, glancing around the room to see everything looking perfectly normal: lohen was asleep, but slowly healing, and there were no knights or company captains keeping watch tonight. but that is when that sound reached your ear, jolting you up from the wooden chair and rushing to the window, throwing open its lock as your eyes locked in on the horde of monsters rushing towards the city.
abyssal energy was reeking off them, but you were also susceptible to that energy, sensing it quicker than most others. the two guards at the city gates had yet to spot the horde, both half asleep by their posts, and you swore beneath your breath as you debated what to do. you really did not want to leave lohen here on his own, having spent the past few days caring for him. however, that horde of monsters was undoubtedly too much to handle for a mere two knights, and you knew the chances of backup at this hour were barely nonexistent.
âjust go, bunny,â a voice coughed from behind you, eliciting your head to snap back to see lohenâs crimson eyes crack open every so slightly, eyeing you with a teasing smile on his dry lips. your knees almost gave out under you, rushing to his bedside as you collapsed onto the bed, a hand immediately finding his cheek as the other checked his wounds, eyes frantically scanning his body. that was until a pair of fingers gripped your chin, forcing your eyes up to meet his, lohen staring at you with so much tenderness in his eyes, you were truly wondering if this was a dream. âi-iâm sure youâre tired of fighting me only.â
âi donât want to leave you,â came out a whisper from your lips, your eyes observing how lohenâs teasing smirk melted into something more sincere, his fingers sliding around your cheek to cup your face in his hand, pulling you down.
his nose was almost touching yours, a breath escaping his lips and hitting your cheeks, assuring you inwardly that it was indeed reality and not a dream. âbaby, iâm telling you to go. if not for yourself, then go fuck them up on my behalf,â he grinned, taking longer than usual to utter his words properly.
your hands slid up his warm chest, curling around his cheeks and letting your fingertips gently slide along his scalp. your thumbs were brushing over his cheekbones, a soft smile sliding onto your face as that stone in your stomach vanished, no longer leaving you in a state of limbo, not about this situation and not about your emotions for lohen. you could tell from the fluttering of his eyes that he did not have much energy left, dangerously close to falling back into a healing sleep. so before he did fall asleep, you allowed yourself to lean down and return the favor heâd once bestowed upon you, pressing your lips against his forehead in a soft kiss.
âget some rest, lohen. leave it all to me.â
rumors were beginning to spread around a dark figure spotted outside mondstadt multiple nights in a row, slaughtering abyssal monsters left and right. people had spotted the figure holding a pair of daggers and a sharp spear, both looking eerily similar to the weapons usually brandished by vice captain lohen. however, it was very clear that the person wasnât the vice captain. not only was it abundantly clear that the person was a woman, but nobody had heard the usual cackle let out by lohen whenever he got to viciously slaughter monsters, instead being someone who maneuvered quietly but effortlessly.
âam i correct to assume you did this?â varka would question you a few days later, showing you pictures taken by a kamera, which showed you on the ground with a dagger jabbed into the side of an abyss mage. heâd been out of town alongside his forces, trying to track down the source that had made it possible for the abyssal monsters to appear, whoâd then bumped into lohen and inevitably met their gruesome end.
you were sitting on the corner of lohenâs bed, your hand clasped tightly in his as you were leaning back against his chest, his chin resting on top of your head. lohen had fully regained consciousness yesterday, refusing to let go of you for more than a few seconds, insisting he needed you as close as possible. everyone coming by to visit had been promptly shocked to see lohenâs possessive behavior around you, glaring at anyone whoâd dare stare at you for a beat too long, even leveling varka with a glare. all the wounds on his body had healed nicely, leaving behind minimum or no scarring whatsoever, which pleased lohen immensely, causing him to shower you with teasing praises, all while you tried to escape his suffocating embrace.
âperhaps.â you kept your tone as neutral as possible, merely staring at the grandmaster with a bored expression, triggering a laugh from lohen whose lips pressed against your hair in amusement.
varka dropped the pictures on the floor and rubbed his temple. âlohen was enough to deal with. why did he have to go find someone as proficient in fighting as you?â
âi have good taste, varka.â
âyeah, yeah, whatever you say. heal up, lohen. and donât be so foolish ever again.â
many days later, you would be outside in your garden, watering the plants beneath the bright moonlight as you yawned, ready to head to bed. ever since youâd been to the city to deal with this situation, varka had become insistent that you should swing by on your own, doing his very best to make you feel included. but tonight was one of those calm nights, which felt like your life before you met lohen. youâd spent the day picking herbs, and plants, and collecting small bugs, all used to make new potions. wrapping them in your basket and placing them on the table in the living room, you were ready to head back into the city tomorrow and hand off the potions.
you had peeked around your garden one last time, then headed back inside. after making sure your door was locked and the windows were closed, you let out a sigh and headed into your bedroom, stretching as you threw up your hair, heading into the bathroom. after taking a quick shower and changing into a loose shirt, which didnât belong to you, you walked back into your bedroom only to find a familiar, crimson-eyed man sitting leisurely in your bed, cleaning his dagger with a handkerchief.
âlohen, how many times do i have to tell you to stop breaking in?â you let out an exasperated sigh, not surprised to see lohen simply dressed in a pair of loose pants in your bed, his chest displaying some of the scars heâd obtained over the many years of being a thrillseeker. âjust use the front door.â
âand whereâs the fun in that, bunny?â
lohen was not your boyfriend.
but he was the same man whoâd brought happiness back into your life, whoâd seen you when everyone else was oblivious of your existence.
â Siri, how to tell my stupid stalker that I know he follows me and want him to just date me already.
âStalker!Lohen x fem!reader !
You doubted your dear vice-captain had that much free time to spend outside bringing you the reports you expected him to return to you.
Surely he wouldn't think that you wouldn't know, right?
How could you not when the many letters he'd slide under your door late at nightâloving but creepy at the same timeâhow could you not know who it was when his handwritting is the same as the reports he gave back to you?
How could you not know when the oh-so-familiar clapping on boots you recognized so well would suddenly start stepping steps behind you? Now, what is he trying to do, you'd say, expecting him to pull tricks on you just like Grandmaster Varka, but instead being surprised by nothing. Even the next day or after, just pure quiet.
And mainly, how could you not when the enemies mentionned in your reports were fast killed when you were in the zoneâcry residue and an attack pattern you recognized so wellâespecially when only Lohen had access to your office?
If he wants to play this game, then sure. It was very fun watching him think that you wouldn't understand the little hints he'd throw.
And you'd make it easy for him too, staying late at night just to open the door for him everytime he would decide to come. Dangerous, but with your killer bunny you were as safe as ever.
"Vice-captain, may I know what you're doing in my room?" You'd say out of nowhere, previously faking to sleep before deciding that you couldn't be ignorant ever.
"Hm? Well because you opened the door for me cap." He would smirk, eyes open as he took in your looks. "I doubt that my ever careful captain would forget to open her door in the middle of the night, no?"
"Right."
"You seem awfully calm, are you not worried I'd hurt you in your sleep?"
"I know that you wouldn't Lohen, you love me too much for that." You'd smile, eyes watching his eyes widen before narrowing.
"And clearly, you love me too much to kick me out at this hour, yes?"
"Well I'd tell you to shut up and come cuddle me because we have work tomorrow but theâ"
Suddenly, well not so suddenly, you felt a weight dip beside you on the bed. A toned chest soon coming in contact with yours as his arms circled you. "That eager?"
"Just following your orders cap," the only time he did because you still don't have the reports you asked of him yet.
"Did you atleast close the door?"
"Shhh."
"Lohen, close the damn door."
Atleast, thanks to you for the opened door, the knights didn't have to sigh everytime you and Lohen were talking anymoreâtwo obvious lovebirds with the brain of a peanut.
# sfw headcanon fic. gn!reader. just soft moments. the exact moment these guys realise that you mean more to them than they realised. No confessions, just that oh moment <3
⧠WANDERER (POST-NOD KRAI)Â
Wandererâs initial reaction to catching feelings won't be soft affection. It will feel like a trap he accidentally walked into.
The wind howling through the crags of Nod-Krai was sharp enough to scrape paint off iron, carrying the bitter tang of old frost and gunpowder. âYou were huddled near the dying embers of the braziers, trying to nurse a lukewarm cup of tea, when the air pressure shifted. A quiet thud sounded above you as boots landed on the wooden rafters. â
Wanderer sat perched on the ledge, one leg dangling over the edge, his broad hat tilted low enough to shadow his face. He didn't look at you. He was staring out into the dark, barren expanse where the Abyss-corrupted night air rolled over the hills. â"You're making too much noise," he said, his voice flat, cutting through the gale with zero effort. "And your fire is smoking. A blind Hilichurl could track you from three miles away." â
"I didn't ask you to stay," you murmured back. â
A harsh, scoffing noise escaped him. "Stay? Don't flatter yourself. The draft is better up here." âBut he didn't leave. He didn't move an inch. âInstead, as a brutal gust of wind whipped around the corner of the ruined outpost, threatening to blow out your tiny fire entirely, the air around you suddenly went still. A faint, glowing swirl of Anemo rippled in a protective sphere around your small corner of the ruins, deflecting the freezing gale over your head like an invisible glass dome.
Below the brim of his hat, his hands were tense where they gripped the stone of his Vision. His knuckles were white. He was looking down at you nowâhis indigo eyes narrowed, dark, and terribly intense, filled with a complex, burning frustration that had nothing to do with the cold.
Pathetic, he thought, watching the way you leaned closer to the warmth he was maintaining for you. Look at you. Vulnerable. Soft. A single misstep in these borderlands and you'd be ash. â
And the worst partâthe part that made his chest ache with an old, bitter agony he thought heâd left behind in the Irminsulâwas that if you became ash, he knew he would tear this entire region apart looking for the fire that did it. "Drink your tea," he muttered, turning his face away sharply into the biting wind, though the Anemo barrier didn't waver for a single second. "Before I decide to throw it into the snow.â
⧠VARKA.
The moment Varka realises he's in love with you, he goes quiet. Because heâs never quiet. Heâs the guy who fills every silence with a boom of laughter, a clink of a glass, or a booming order. When a man who commands that much noise suddenly drops into total, uncharacteristic silence? That means something.
The table between you was strewn with the remnants of late-night workâspilled ink, burnt-out candle stubs, and an empty bottle of dandelion wine that Varka had finished an hour ago.
He was in the middle of a story, broad arms resting on the dark oak, spinning some utterly ridiculous tale about a northern bear that had allegedly tried to steal his boots during the expedition. He was leaning in, loud and animated, his laughter rumbling low in his chest like distant thunder, waiting for you to call him out on his obvious exaggeration. Instead, you just reached across the table.
You didn't say anything grand. You were just exhaustedâeyelids heavy, voice softâas you casually reached out, plucked the stray goose feather clinging to his lapel, and set it aside. Your fingers brushed the worn leather over his collarbone, trailing down for a split second to pull his askew cloak back over his broad shoulder so the draft from the window wouldn't catch him.
It was an entirely unconscious gesture. Instinctive, domestic. The action of someone who had simply gotten used to looking after him when he forgot to look after himself. And right in the middle of a syllableâVarka went dead silent. The sudden lack of his voice hit the room harder than a slammed door.
You blinked, looking up from his cloak, expecting to see him grinning or rolling his eyes. He wasn't. The lazy, theatrical warmth had entirely evaporated from his face. He sat completely motionless, his massive frame utterly still, blue eyes fixed on your hand where it still lingered near his collar.
"Varka?" you murmured, frowning a little. "Did I...?"
He didn't answer immediately. For three long seconds, the only sound in the office was the ticking of the grandfather clock and the howl of the wind outside the glass. In that quiet, you could practically see the gears turning behind those sharp eyes. The boisterous old lion was gone, replaced instantly by the seasoned commanderâa man who had just recognized a massive, terrifying shift in the terrain and realized he was completely exposed. He wasn't scared; Varka didn't do fear. He was just... stunned by the absolute weight of it.
Ah, the thought struck him with the force of a broadsword. Iâm done for.
Slowly, his chest rose as he let out a long, quiet exhaleâno laugh, no joke attached to it. "No," Varka said softly, his voice dropping an octave, losing every drop of its usual performative flair. It was surprisingly rough, grounded, and entirely intimate. He reached up, his massive, calloused hand covering yours where it rested on his chest, gently trapping your fingers against the steady, thumping heat of his heart. He leaned back just an inch, his gaze locked onto yours with a terrifyingly clear, undivided focus.
"You didn't do anything wrong," he murmured, his thumb rubbing a slow, heavy circle over the back of your knuckles. A tiny, somewhat helpless curve touched the corner of his mouthânot his Grand Master grin, but something painfully real. "Just... stay right there for a second. Let me catch my breath."
⧠LOHEN
For a fighter used to sharp boundariesâsomeone enters your space, someone leaves your spaceâthe concept of someone's presence remaining behind after their physical body has left is entirely foreign. It disrupts his internal logic.
The muffled rhythm of rain was tapping against the stained glass, casting long, fractured shadows across the stone floor of the archive. Lohen was leaning against the heavy oak table, arms crossed, trying his absolute best to look like the picture of composed authority. You were leaning over a spread of old maps, your shoulder brushing his sleeve every time you reached to trace a faded trade route.
"So," you said, not looking up, though the faint curve at the corner of your mouth gave you away. "If the shipment is delayed at the pass, your brilliant grand strategy collapses before the week is out."
"It won't be delayed," Lohen countered smoothly, though his eyes flicked down to where your hand rested on the parchment. "I sent the patrol out hours ago. Unlike some people, I don't leave my logistics to luck."
"Right. You leave them to terrifyingly precise planning and zero sleep." You finally looked up, turning toward him. You were standing entirely too closeâclose enough that he could see the tiny flecks of gold in your eyes, close enough that the soft, warm scent of bergamot and rain swept right past his carefully maintained defenses. Lohenâs throat went dry. He opened his mouth to deliver a sharp, witty comeback, but the words completely dissolved on his tongue.
"What?" you asked, tilting your head, amused by his sudden silence.
"Nothing," he said, stepping back just half an inchâa defensive maneuver heâd never admit to. He cleared his throat, forcing his usual smugness back into his voice. "Just waiting for you to finish cluttering my desk so I can actually get some work done."
"Charming as always, Lohen." You laughed, a quiet, rich sound that seemed to hum right through the quiet archive. You rolled up the map, tucking it under your arm, and patted his shoulder as you passed. "I'm leaving. Try not to miss me too much."
"Don't hold your breath," he called after you, watching as you headed for the heavy arched doors.
"Goodnight, Lohen."
"Night."
The heavy oak door clicked shut with a soft, final thud, the latch catching in the frame. The sound echo-canceled the energy in the room, leaving behind a sudden, heavy stillness. Lohen didn't move. He stood by the oak table, intent on grabbing his coat and heading out. But as he stepped forward into the space where you had just been standing, the air felt different. Thicker. Warmer. He caught himself inhalingâa slow, deep breath he hadn't planned on takingâand the faint, unmistakable trace of bergamot washed over him.
Lohen froze mid-step. He stared at the empty space in front of him, his chest tightening unexpectedly. His body leaned in just a fractionâan instinctual, unbidden impulse to catch the tail end of the scent before the cool draft from the window swept it away entirely.
What are you doing?
The thought hit him like a splash of ice water. He straightened up abruptly, a sudden flush of heat crawling up the back of his neck. He was a knight, a tacticianâhe tracked movements, anticipated strikes, read battlelines in seconds. Yet here he was, standing completely alone in a silent room, leaning into the lingering perfume air like a fool, trying to hold onto someone who had already left. He covered his face with one hand, letting out a breath that was half-sigh, half-disbelieving laugh.
Gods above, he thought, his heart hammering a stupidly fast rhythm against his ribs. I am in so much trouble.
⧠ILLUGA
For Illuga, love isn't just a sweet feelingâitâs an existential crisis. His immediate instinct won't be to jump in; it'll be to keep a protective distance to keep you safe from his "curse.â Wanting to survive for you becomes his greatest hurdle and his greatest growth.
Illugaâs voice carried over the wind with the crisp, ringing clarity of a drawn blade. "Third squad, fall back to the treeline! Hold the perimeter, don't break formation!" âEfficient. Absolute.
In the heat of an ambush, he moved like water and struck like iron, stepping smoothly between a bleeding scout and an incoming blow, his shield taking the brunt of the impact with a heavy thud. He didn't flinch, he never flinched. Taking the hit was second natureâa bill he paid willingly every time he brought his people home breathing. âIt was only after the dust settled, when the silence of the forest crept back in, that the exhaustion set in. â
He was crouched by the supply crates, methodically wrapping a strip of linen around his bruised forearm, when you sat down beside him. You didn't ask permission. You just reached out, took the bandage from his hands, and began fixing the messy, hasty job heâd done on himself. â
Illuga opened his mouth to tell you he was fine, that there were others who needed the medicâs kit more, but the words died in his throat. You weren't yelling. You weren't even scolding him. But the quiet, sharp tension in your jaw, the gentle precision of your hands as you worked... you were angry because heâd thrown himself into the line of fire again. You were hurt because he treated his own life like an acceptable loss. â
"Illuga," you murmured, your voice low, almost a whisper over the rustle of the leaves. "Stop treating your life like a spare part."
His chest tightenedâa sharp, sudden ache that had nothing to do with the combat. He looked at you, really looked at you, tracing the exhaustion line under your eyes, the dust on your cheek, the fierce, stubborn concern glowing in your gaze. For years, heâd believed his life belonged to the ghosts he left behind. He was a shield, and shields were meant to break eventually. âBut as your thumb brushed softly over the back of his hand, anchoring him to the present, the realization hit him like a physical weight: If I break, I shatter them. â
"I'm sorry," Illuga said quietly, his voice losing its commanderâs edge, softening into something raw, human, and deeply tender. He covered your hand with his own, his large, calloused palm warm against your skin. "I'll... I'll be more careful. I promise."
And for the first time in his life, he actually meant it. Not just to win the fightâbut to make sure he came home to you.
⧠FLINSÂ
Flins uses death and his graveyard as punchlines. Heâs the guy who teases you about having a plot picked out for you. The moment of realization hits when he tries to make one of those dark jokes about youâand suddenly finds the concept utterly revolting.
The air around the Final Night Cemetery was always biting, carrying the sharp scent of frost and turned earth. Flins walked with his usual measured, soundless grace, the azure light of his lantern casting long, eerie shadows against the gravestones.
You were walking beside him, bundled heavily against the Nod-Krai chill, complaining good-naturedly about the morbid route heâd chosen for your evening stroll. â
"Come now," Flins purred, his voice a smooth, cultured hum as he tilted his head to look at you. His pupil-less yellow eyes caught the blue light of the flame. "It is perfectly peaceful. In fact, I was just admiring a spot under the weeping willows over there. It gets wonderful moonlight. I could reserve it for you, if you'd like?"
It was a standard line. A tease meant to draw out that exasperated little sigh he found so endlessly fascinating. You rolled your eyes, laughing breathlessly as a puff of white fog escaped your lips. "Keep it up, Flins, and I'll make sure you're the one who has to dig it." â
He opened his mouth to deliver a perfectly timed, elegant retortâbut the words died in his throat. âThe moonlight hit your face, illuminating the pink flush of the cold on your cheeks and the vibrant, undeniable warmth of your life against the frozen backdrop of his cemetery. âSuddenly, the thought of you under the earth, cold and still beneath the willows, flashed through his mind. For a creature who had lived for centuries, who treated death like an old colleague, the imagery felt like a physical blow. The joke turned to ash. â
The azure flame in his lantern violently hissed, flaring so bright it painted the snow in stark, electric blue. You blinked, startled by the sudden light, and looked up at him. "Flins? Are you alright?"
For a long, agonizing second, the Lightkeeper simply stared at you, his perfectly composed mask fracturing as an unfamiliar, suffocating possessiveness curled tight in his chest. He didn't want you as a memory. He didn't want you as one of the beautiful, tragic tales he told to travelers. â"Yes," Flins finally murmured, his voice dropping an octave, entirely stripped of its usual teasing lilt.
He stepped closer, the graceful movement swift and almost predatory, until he was shielding you entirely from the biting wind. He reached out, his cold, gloved fingers gently but firmly adjusting the thick collar of your coat to cover your neck. â"I just realized," he said softly, his golden eyes unblinking, "that I would very much prefer you stay above ground for a long, long time. Please... do not speak of digging graves tonight.â
â Clingy! Lohen, who couldn't sleep at night until he decided he was close enough to you. He usually ended up with his upper body fully in your sleepshirt, head sticking out right next to yours, nuzzling your collarbone, arms wrapped around you tightly, and legs tangled with yours under the sheets. He had lost count of how many times you'd yell at him for stretching out and ruining your clothes, but he didn't care, he'd still do it that same night.
â Clingy! Lohen, who couldn't help but mentally drool when you got mad at him, because it meant he got to make up for whatever he did wrong. Sometimes he just couldn't wait for you to stop yelling at him, and would just pick you up, lay you down on the nearest bed or sofa, crawl right on you, and lie there until you weren't mad anymore.
â Clingy! Lohen, who just absolutely loves sparring with you, though it brings complications. He can't bear to defeat his darling, but he's too proud to let you win. He prefers to tie every time, which makes you sulk because you "really thought you could win this time". Do not fear, for Lohen is here! And he just loves cheering you up..... đ
â Clingy! Lohen, who feels a dirty sense of joy when you get injured. Of course he's worried, but he knows you'll be alright, he'll make sure of it. He'll put you on strict bedrest, feed you, dress you, bathe you, and take good care of all your needs. "Baby it's just a scratch?!" Nonsense, his darling is injured and will be treated accordingly.
â Clingy! Lohen, who is obviously entitled to all your love and attention every single day. Barbatos forbid he sees you talking to anyone. Varka? No that's okay, Lohen will fill you in on the mission details. A medic? Not needed, Lohen will take care of you. A dog you saw on the street? Why? You can just pet your good boy Lohen. If you ask nicely, he'll even lick all over your face give you a big kiss.
â Clingy! Lohen, who loves taking you on quiet little dates. Stargazing on top of Starsnatch Cliff, a picnic in Wolvendom, a walk through the Whispering Woods, relaxing by the water near Windrise, just anywhere he can enjoy being with you, his precious beloved darling.
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