This House of Hope is where the TIRED come to rest, and the famished come to feed – LAVISHLY.
GO ON. Partake. ENJOY your supper.
After all…
IT MIGHT JUST BE YOUR LAST. Independent. Private. Selective. Written by Walden. Established December 2023.
Raphael, as I write him… // @thishouseofhope // Part One of ???
He is a highly charismatic and very clever—but not always very smart—individual. He is a being of contradictions and juxtaposition of seemingly impossible things.
He presents himself as a hero and a savior and as Better Than… He is self-centered and thinks he deserves the world… while simultaneously being rather harsh with himself within his own mind, constantly pushing to compete with an image of who he thinks he should be… all while doing his level best to live up to everything a devil should be.
He is honest but can be deceitful through misleading, not unlike the Fae.
He is vain and parades about as though he's the most Beautiful thing in existence and yet how many mirrors are in his House? As opposed to statues and paintings where he can look exactly as he wishes to look. Why is Haarlep not only a YOUNGER him, but an altered him, without the things he perceives as flaws—not that he would ever admit that.
He cares for no one… and yet collects misfits, and—depending on the verse and writer involved—holds varying degrees of tolerance/affection for Haarlep despite the fact that he must know his purpose. He accepts a child into his House despite having exactly zero use for him, and—in my own slightly AU canon created with a friend of mine I write with on discord who doesn't Tumblr™️/with anyone else who wants to play with the idea here—Raphael sees enough of himself in the boy's demeanor, circumstances, and overall character to take a keen interest, to even take him on as a protege.
Raphael rides an almost constant rollercoaster of euphoric highs and catastrophic lows. In the former he is an unstoppable force, making deals, composing poetry and music, barely sleeping, everything is on 20 [ very much what we would consider Manic ]. With the latter, he is erratic, moody, unstable, quick to anger, occasionally self-destructive and destructive of things like rooms in the House, and not easily soothed. Everything is wrong wrong wrong and it will never be right and he'll never be good enough and there's nothing he can do to fix this— Which will range from rage to utter despondency. He does not often throw prolonged tantrums—the ten year one with Mephistopheles was rare—but sometimes he simply loses his carefully crafted performances and his very intentionally maintained control.
He is clever and charismatic, witty, but in a way that is very practiced. Several instances he's seen as rehearsing or practicing an exchange before it happens, reciting poetry to himself to be certain he's memorized it because he certainly can't suffer failure. He is Perfection.
Raphael is, to my thinking, first and foremost a Bard… who took on a more combat-based role because being a Bard was unacceptable. He threw himself into studies of arcana, of making deals, of all sorts of things. He treats his poetry and music like just little things he does to amuse now, rather than what he pretty much lives for—pushing all else aside in favor of proving that he can be better than his father and do what he never could, after so long being mocked and mistreated as lesser.
He is entirely capable and even delights and excels in cruelty… yet seemingly only if provoked or crossed. He would much rather be reasonable and make a deal after all. Cruelty brings momentary joy and relief. But a soul or a contract or a debt? That is power.
He is an utter bastard… and yet one that most people can't quite entirely bring themselves to hate.
ANYONE WHO KNOWS RAPHAEL. HAVING TO WARN ANYONE WHO WANTS TO TRY.
"NO. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND — HE HAS A FEAT TO CAST VICIOUS MOCKERY WITHOUT WASTING A SPELL SLOT OR AN ACTION. DO NOT DO IT. HE IS NOT THE ONE™️. YOU WILL CRY."
As Haarlep just stands by with barely contained glee, "Oh, I'm certain that it can't be that bad, right? Don't tell me — Are you afraid of Raphael? My, my. How sad." knowing full well that the person trying to warn them is absolutely right.
FRIENDS. I AM LOSING MY MIND. I CANNOT VERIFY YET BUT. I AM PRETTY SURE MR. WINCOTT DID, IN FACT, GET TO SIGNING MY STREAMILY ORDER ON CAMERA AND I AM LOSING MY MIND. 😭😭😭
This is a poor day to do a follow-up on this, but it's the first day in a minute that I've felt like doing anything, thus, here we go.
I had ordered a streamily autograph from Mr. Wincott, the first one I've ever ordered and only the third autograph I've ever actually endeavored to get [ the other two being Timothy Zahn and Steve Blum ].
Having never done this before, I didn't quite know what to do or what the comments were for, so I left them blank.
Now, Mr. Wincott had been randomly filling in blanks with a quote. It had most often been "Charmed, I'm sure. In more ways than one."
BUT THEN…
He filled out this one. WHERE HE ADDS "FROM THE DEVIL YOU KNOW".
WHEN I SAY THAT I LOST MY MIND.
THE SCREECH THAT I SCREECHED.
BECAUSE THE LINE IS, "What's better than a devil you don't know? The devil you do."
Now, obviously you don't want to abbreviate it to "the devil you do" on something you're signing 😂 BUT.
The fact that THAT specific line was the one he chose of his own free will to write without request and zero prompting, that he chose to write an abbreviation of the line rather than the full line, that it ends up as "From the Devil you know"…
I know he doesn't know that I write Raphael and this was just the biggest fluke in the world but STILL. I was cautiously optimistic that one was indeed mine and it absolutely made my week because what are the ODDS??? Because I think mine was the first one he signed like that during that stream??? And all of the above-listed reasons? I was beyond words.
Now the reason I said I couldn't verify at the point of the first post is because I have a rather common [ legal ] first name. At one point, there were three other kids just in my class—classroom, not grade—with the exact same name, as a matter of fact. So despite my freak out, I was trying not to get my hopes up too high.
However, on Saturday, this arrived in the mail:
And now I CAN CONFIRM THAT IT IS MINE THAT GOT "From the Devil you know".
FRIENDS. I AM LOSING MY MIND. I CANNOT VERIFY YET BUT. I AM PRETTY SURE MR. WINCOTT DID, IN FACT, GET TO SIGNING MY STREAMILY ORDER ON CAMERA AND I AM LOSING MY MIND. 😭😭😭
The tingle of cooling aura on his back started almost as soon as the devil spoke, his very presence stirring something deep down that was immediately repressed, bringing an uneasy feeling of clarity Gortash knew all too well. And he shook away the unease that came with the sensations, working in overtime to allow him to face Raphael, uninhibited by what surfaced when they stood in the same room. "You speak as if someone has had the nerve to stab you in the back and come crawling back to apologize," The tyrant's brow raised, considering the very idea-- Raphael, forgiving? Not from what he knew. Of course, the devil would beg to differ, and he might be right-- Raphael, for what he was, had been said to be a particularly honest and fair creature. Gortash, however, did not believe he was as forgiving as he acted like he was.
He just couldn't see it.
"Of course, I would not stand where I am now if I did not know when to stay my hand and accept someone else's failings. I was taught by one of the best there was. Of course, my appreciation falls as short as his kindness did-- I think it could be understandable, given what I lack thanks to the… staffing."
It would be difficult to say exactly what the reaction to his presence brings forth for Raphael. From the moment he had first observed the boy all those years ago, he had found him to be intriguing. There was a cleverness to him, a potential to him, that Raphael had little doubt would serve him well in future — were he to be properly instructed.
Alas, Raphael ever was a busy sort of [ cambion ] devil and even he cannot be omnipresent or omnipotent. There is only one of him and his schedule is often a veritable minute-to-minute progression of various pursuits [ of assets, of deals, of even the smallest minutiae that were all meant to bring him closer and closer towards his goal ], he was away from the House of Hope more often than not and, well, it is ever so difficult to find good and competent help. It is especially true when what help you do have seems to have gained the mistaken impression that they may do as they like and become lax in their work.
[ Nubaldin is all too fortunate that his original job is all that he lost when such a promising individual had departed from the House due to his carelessness. ]
"While that oh-so-flattering tongue of yours seems to have become no less so with the passage of time, I confess that it was no matter of mine on which I offered such well-intended advice."
"What... unsettling company it is with which you associate in this most recent reinvention of yours! A devil is one with whom you might appeal to reason, to the rule of Law — so long as you deal with the correct one and are of sound mind. The god of tyranny, however, who would crush any beneath his heel, whether they please or disappoint, whenever the mood might take him? And the Chosens of two other such similarly-inclined beings?"
There follows that blast of a laugh, sudden and sharp, before he shakes his head, beginning to slowly make a turn about the room as though examining it, as though he had not taken in every detail the moment he appeared.
"The Dead Three are greedy for power beyond their means or ability, but they are quite capable, even so, of horrors beyond reckoning. They are, at best, utterly deranged and, at worst, ecstatically apocalyptic. I had thought you of far greater intelligence than to choose for yourself such unpredictable and volatile bedfellows. Alas! I suppose ambition can cloud the minds of any who cannot see its perils — no matter how remarkable they may be in every other regard."
"A word of caution on this most foreboding and inauspicious day — perhaps it would be best were all tyrants to remain within their homes, with doors doubly locked, until the morrow. After all, it is far better to be safe than to be sorry, is it not?"
Things don't have to happen on the tumblr dash to be considered "canon" for your OCs/Muses--DMs/alternative social media interactions can also be valid
Introductory threads aren't MANDATORY
Timelines who??? More like who CARES, jump around if you want to
You can reclaim depictions of "Canon" characters that you don't like/agree with and make them your own
Headcanon whatever the hell you want
Embellish whatever you want
You are allowed to soft block/block people on your dash that just don't vibe with your style--it's YOUR dash, curate it how YOU want it to be
On the other side of that, don't take offense/take it personally if someone blocks you. That's their right just as much as it is yours.
Feel free to reblog/add any other points you'd like
Today, focus was a precious commodity and I ended up behind at work so did not get the chance to post the conversation as promised.
But now, here we are, the "conversation"--and I do use that term loosely--that I had with an Astarion girlie.
Allow me to set the scene.
This happened on a video where a streamer was, I assume, HORRIFIED to find that if she just self-insert played the game with answers she would give--SHOCK!--Gale was the companion who liked her the most. I can't imagine why.
Anyway, the comments section was the predictable Gale-bashing. Some in good fun. Most of it not. And I'm me, so I just couldn't help myself, because I see too much of my younger self [ who still tried to engage with people and connect but didn't know how ] in Gale, so I responded to a couple of comments. This was the one that prompted this little meeting of the... well, one mind and then whatever the other person was operating with. Must have been a different Operating System, because it sure didn't make sense to me.
It is below the cut, as are my thoughts because it turned into a long post as, apparently, I had many thoughts.
Astarion Girlie [ henceforth AG ]: THEN HE CAN GO SUCK OFF LETTO II ON ARRAKIS CUZ I AM NOT HERE FOR GALE'S SEXIST A$$ 😤
Me: First: how is Gale sexist? Second: and yet you're okay with Astarion [ NOTE: the username had something to do with what Astarion could do for them, so I made an educated guess ] who is canonically racist, knowingly lured people to their deaths, and was fine with condemning the world for himself???
AG: are you serious??? 🤣 Gale mansplains EVERYTHING to the women around him including magic to other magic-user, uses coercion as a flirting tactic, & slvt-shames Tav if you're romancing someone else.
Me: Wow. There is so much wrong with that. 1) Tell me you don't have an autistic friend without telling me. 2) He explains to EVERYONE not just women. 3) Genuinely? What coercion? 4) He just tells you -- He isn't for an open relationship [ says he wishes you had asked him first which is y'know healthy? ] and asks you to choose, then says he wishes you well if you don't choose him.
AG: have you considered touching grass?
Me: This is such an intelligent rebuttal. Brava! So insightful and useful to a debate. Have you considered maybe listening to others without belitting them because you can't have a friendly discussion?
AG: 1) all of my friends are auDHD and so am i. you're an ableist joke. 😘 2) now you're gale-splaining his sexism 😂 3) i'm not interested in continuing with someone as clearly unwell as you are, bye!
Me: I AM autistic, friend. 2) It's not sexism if he's literally explaining his special interest to EVERYONE regardless of sex. 3) Again, quite mature. Thank you. 👏👏👏
I am just. How??? can anyone be so ??? I do not even have a word for it. It baffles me.
Astarion has canonically done terrible things, would canonically do many even more terrible if not swayed from it, and yet Gale??? is the one with whom they have a problem??? And they can't even logic their own argument???
As someone who is autistic and has been a victim of continued mental and emotional abuse from someone who always wanted to play the victim card and as someone who was always given the excuse "well they're not well and you know it, so you just have to deal with it and don't argue" when they're going out of their way to make your life hell and trying to frame you as their own personal villain, up to and including gaslighting you to the point of nearly two decades of depression, making you feel like you were broken and the worst human being in the world, and having you contemplating things you shouldn't, and them lying to others about things that happened or things that were said to get you in trouble, I get very, very tired of the mentality I see so much around the crazed Astarion Girlies of excusing everything he has ever done and being unable to even acknowledge a single flaw and attacking anyone who does say anything.
I have and continue to live that, have been and continue to be on the other side of it having to suffer because someone else wasn't held accountable, and I am Tired. [ At least now, thanks to my best friend in the entire world, I can see it for what it is and I'm in at least a better place now mentally, 98% of the time. ]
[ NOTE: This is NOT against the Astarion writers I have seen on here. Please do not misunderstand. The Astarion writers I follow on here are the only reason I can still even marginally like the character at this point. He is fascinating. He is multi-faceted. It's one of the things I love to see explored by those who I follow. It is always interesting to see people write complex and even morally difficult characters because that, too, is a form of understanding humanity. It's one of the things I love exploring with my anti-heroes and villains. In Baldur's Gate, that would include characters like Raphael, Gortash, Dirge, etc. So please know I am not hating on any Astarion writers! Everyone I follow is amazing! ]
But when you bring up those character flaws and morally difficult things that does make the character so complex and multi-faceted, these are the responses you get:
Astarion is a victim!
Yes, that is true. But Gortash who, let's be honest, at least doesn't fully know what he's doing is wrong [ you pass the insight checks and what not/narration tells you/the VA tells you that he thinks he's doing the right thing for himself and for the city, etc. and with the way he was raised, what example did he have to the contrary but I've already gone on that rant HERE ] is to the smallest degree even less culpable in my mind than Astarion, and he doesn't get a pass the way Astarion does? And he certainly shouldn't. He isn't absolved. He is doing terrible things whether he can fully rationalize it or not with his understanding of life.
Astarion though, acknowledges on multiple occasions, gives excuses, justifies his actions at every turn while still knowing that what he's doing and planning to do is wrong. And it's heavily implied that he really wasn't all that great of a person BEFORE Cazador either [ that is not to say that he deserved what happened either, just to clarify ]. But the point is Astarion did, at one point, having come from what seems an affluent family, have a knowledge of right and wrong and still made decisions that he made, even before Cazador and after once he was free.
Cazador made him do those things! Yes, he did, but that excuse stopped the moment Cazador's control was no longer an issue. He had free will and a knowledge of right and wrong, and he made the decisions he made.
But it was a habit by then! It was what he learned to survive!
And that coupled with the knowledge of right and wrong goes only so far as the moment you choose to knowingly make your trauma someone else's. Cazador wasn't going to force him to do the Ascension ritual and pay 7,000 souls for his own betterment. "Because after 200 years of SHIT, PURE SHIT, I think I deserve better." A paraphrase, but I think I caught the most important parts. He knew it was wrong, he acknowledges it and immediately tries to justify himself, and is still quite willing to do it. Literally, if he kills you by draining your blood, he acts like nothing ever happened and then tries to sweep it under the rug with Tav if they continue to be upset about it by telling them there's no reason to be.
And yet, we have a problem with Gale, who can be or come across as condescending at times, but I think you can hardly call a man sexist who made his girlfriend his entire personality--since she was the goddess of his SPECIAL INTEREST--and continues to put her word above even his own life, prioritize her forgiveness over his continued existence and who takes such great interest in literally everything Lae'zel has to say about the Astral Plane and her people. We have a problem with a man who is honest about his comfort zone? Who loves your PC even if you become a mindflayer? Who only takes issue with you when you do something morally bad? Who literally gives you approval points for anything even remotely resembling a good choice? Who feels like he doesn't even deserve a place in the world and would gladly give himself up for any one of his companions?
He's always harassing me for items!!!! AND HE GOT MAD WHEN I WOULDN'T GIVE THEM TO HIM!!!
The count is THREE and you can give the man the most trash items you have and he still thanks you and tells you that he will repay your kindness because he knows what such sacrifice means. He is thanking you--just as he gets mad at you if you don't--because he literally has a ticking bomb in his chest that would kill not only HIM if it de-stabilized and exploded, but also anyone within the vicinity.
Well he betrayed Mystra!!!
He tried to get on equal footing with someone he loved, to share in something he loved with the person who embodied it. Was he overly ambitious? Absolutely. [ And honestly, tell me it's not Gifted Kid Syndrome -coded to assume that he could do this impossible thing. ] Did it cost him? Yes. And then Mystra, who could have fixed it and didn't cast him off. And he still prayed to her. And took all of the blame on himself, despite the fact that Mystra shares more than a little responsibility for what transpired. [ I.E. all of the Origin PCs have been victims in this game, in some way or another, and some if not all of them to power imbalances in relationships. Why does anyone think Gale is the one exception? ]
HE'S MANSPLAINING TO ME!!!
He is literally telling you all about his special interest and probably assuming that you don't know much about it, or at least not as much as him, because he was literally a Chosen of Mystra and an Archmage. Again, can he be condescending and huffy at times? Yes. He absolutely can. Call it a character flaw. Everyone has them, but you know what? His doesn't condemn anyone to death, so why are we up at arms?
HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE!!!
And that is his prerogative and he's straightforward and honest with you about it. He tells you--if you already started flirting with or seeing someone--that he wishes you had the courtesy to tell him first [ which, IS IN FACT the healthy way to go about a relationship of that nature, just as shown with Halsin insisting you ask your partner first ]--but if you choose the other person, he wishes you both well, usually gives some compliment to the other person, and then continues to treat you well as long as you weren't rude and demeaning to him during or after the fact.
So why???? Is so much of the fanbase SO AGGRESSIVELY against Gale? But Astarion is uwu Babygirl and can do no wrong? What about defending Gale makes me "so unwell", but how DARE anyone rightfully criticize even the smallest thing about Astarion because [ insert extensive list of reasons why none of that should matter ].
That he is a victim, that he's pretty, that his VA has a great voice and personality, et cetera, does not excuse that Astarion has knowingly done terrible things both against and within his will and will do so again without hesitation if he helps him, particularly if your Durge or Tav doesn't try or manage to sway him.
Make this make sense to me, because I certainly cannot seem to make it do so.
I've said it before with that Gortash post I linked above and I said it on a similar post for Zevlor and somewhere that I was talking about Minthara and Nere, but the double standards within a loud portion of this fanbase--even within the game itself and among the people who worked on it--is not one of its better qualities.
Okay. I have a post to make on my next break from a "conversation" I just had on tiktok. I'm going to transcribe it and not include a username, but the fanbase around Astarion drives me crazy sometimes and I have to share to see if it's just me.
If it were not for the Astarion writers here, the fanbase for him would literally make me hate the character, and I've actually never had that happen to me prior to Astarion.
