TW: while I don’t have an ED, (so I wouldn’t like to say it contains mentions of it), although this might still very probable trigger ppl with/recovering from an ED.
Maybe a little of a vent?
Isn’t it funny how since I was a kid it appears that the only thing that made me “pretty” was being skinny? Cuz that’s what I remember ppl complimenting me for since always. If I felt uglier than other girls, or if they were mean to me they were “just jealous cuz I was skinny and they were not”.
And now I have like, this Max number of kg I can weight b4 I go “well fuck, 2kg over that? Gotta eat a little less..”
As a kid you could always see a few bones on me, (I remember this time I kneeled down in the girls changer at school and the girls almost screamed cuz they got scared from seeing my back lol) then the pandemic hit and I gained some weight, I was still healthy (ignoring the fact I didn’t know I was anemic at the time), but now if I sat I had this little tummy and my bones weren’t visible like that anymore, and at the time I didn’t rrly notice? I mean I did get my stretch marks then, but I didn’t relate it to anything.
Until I was talking to someone a fee years later like “yeah, I felt skinnier during the pandemic” and they went “no? During the pandemic was the time you were the “fatter”, and the person next to them agreed. And then it hitted me like “so… what if now i’m not rlly skinny and I just think I am?”.
Anyways, I have a fee visible bones back, nothing crazy, I still have a lot of stuff in my legs, but I no longer would feel pretty w/o them. And now I’m going to the doctor scared they’ll tell me to gain weight :p
NOT LIKE NOT SKINNY PPL AND FAT PPL AREN’T PRETTY THO??????, not even related. This is just a ME thing. LOL
