i just need the world to pause for a month or two in a way where nothing happens at all that causes a second event. to pause so there are no consequences cause i need to fucking catch up WITHOUT MORE THINGS TO DEAL WITH. ive literally been depriVED OF GOODS THAT THINGS TO DEAL WITH HAS A VERY LOW TOLERANCE RATE FROM ME. EVERY typically small or normal unfavorable circumstance or challenge to me feels like fucking devastating chaos rippin my world and hope apart because there ARE JUST NOT EVEN SMALL OR NORMAL FAVORABLE, ENJOYABLE, WARMING, HEALING PLEASANTRIES TO BOOST MY WORK MORALE. even the abilities to deal with unfavorable shit cant give me the type of fulfillment I need because even if i give myself credit and value, im so tired of experiencing shit alone, without any type of credit or acknowledgement or understanding, it’s always more shit. it builds the loneliness and hopelessness. the one person who i fooled myself into believing i wasn’t alone isn’t even a person i can fool myself with anymore. this is what torturous hell must feel like.
