Maybe I dreamt you

[lilyofthetower]

ravenmarauders‌:

James’s brow furrowed for just a moment when he saw Lily take Remus’s hand to stand up; Godric, he hoped whatever was happening there didn’t result in Remus getting hurt, but he was too excited about the car – and the adventure it was going to lead them to – to linger on that too long. Though he supposed he should have counted on Evans not to be nearly as excited as she should have been given he’d just shown up with a means of transportation for the lot of them that wasn’t bikes. Rather than wait for her to explain precisely how he’d managed to offend her in saying the simple fact it had not been hard to get ahold of the car or figure out how to drive it – because it hadn’t! – he instead moved to where Sirius and Remus were now looking into the hood of the car, hovering anxiously over Remus’s shoulder and grinning when his mate more or less said the car would run with a lot of work. Just like him, but James kept the thought to himself. 

Instead he frowned at Evans’s remark. “I have not!” He answered, offended. “It might stop on us, but it’s not going to explode.” James paused, glancing at Remus who had now closed the hood and was wiping dust from his hands. “…Right, Mooney.”

“Right,” the other confirmed. “But I’d say it’s definitely going to stop on us, there’s no might about it. We should stop at the shop and pick up some tools to keep in the trunk.” James beamed, clapping his mate on the back. “Good man, Remus, always thinking of solutions!” He’d known the car couldn’t pose any problem Remus wouldn’t have a solution to. 

As for Sirius, though, James fixed him with a sharp glance. James knew that glint in the other’s eyes, and there was no way he was letting the other behind the wheel of his car. That apparently should not be called a she or named Sharon? James looked at Evans, curious. “What’s wrong with a car being a girl?” Instantly he regretted asking, and so he quickly added, “And I’ll have you know it’s not called Sharon. It’s the Pig,” he told Evans and Remus proudly. “Pig of a car is what the salesman called it.”

It was less than reassuring the way James had to get confirmation from Remus about the state of his potential death trap. At least Remus knew what he was talking about and she was reassured. On the subject of it not exploding that was. She still wasn’t sure that this wasn’t going to be how she died, that lime green polo the last thing she saw. She’d throttle James in the afterlife if it was, that’s all she had to say about that. “Well that’s a relief.” It didn’t look like James was too thrilled about Sirius’ interest in the car. So maybe death by Camero wouldn’t happen. Though Sirius’ interest in the car seemed to wane some at hearing it was going to stop. There was still that glint in his eye giving away that it hadn’t waned completely. 

Lily was all prepared to launch into a feminist manifesto when James asked her what was wrong with cars being girls. He didn’t give her a chance to say any of it. Instead she snorted when she heard why James called the car pig. While she might be wrong she didn’t think the salesman had meant that as a compliment. Lily didn’t say that. It was enough that he hadn’t named it some girly name and would, hopefully, not go on about it like it was his girlfriend. “Suits it,” she told him cheekily. As much as she hated to admit it, a car, even this car, was a nice thing to have. Walking to the woods and back again had been hot. Lily didn’t like sweating away in general, but especially not when there was a cute boy next to her. Of course, looking at it, she might end up sweating away beside a cute boy in a bright orange pig of a car. 

“Are we done yapping? Let’s grab those tools, this one too I guess,” he added with a head jerk in Lily’s direction getting an eye roll in return from the red head. “And get going. See what this beaut can do,” Sirius said looking between James and Remus.

[ravenau]

ravenmarauders‌:

Remus’s gobsmacked expression mirrored Lily’s perfectly as the bright orange car came rumbling down his dusty driveway, just as out of place in front of his shabby home as the two blokes who sat inside it. A car. James was late because he’d bought a car. He’d bought a bloody Camero. He just shook his head dazedly in answer to Lily’s drowned-out question, rising to his feet and offering her a hand up the car came to a noisy stop. Maybe it wasn’t as nice a car as it looked, but Remus couldn’t imagine why James would have been shopping on a budget. 

There were times when Remus could very nearly forget that James was James Potter. Those were the moments in which James had won Remus over. Those were the times that Remus liked James best. 

Right now, as Sirius exited through the window and James stepped out of the car in an equally bright lime green polo shirt and beamed proudly, it was impossible to mistake either of them for someone normal. Especially when James answered Lily with a light shrug and a matter-of-fact, “Oh, yesterday afternoon. It’s not like it’s hard.” Remus wondered how many times James had stalled the engine on the way here, but he left that one for Lily to deal with as Sirius drew his attention away. 

Remus looked from Sirius to the car that was clearly requiring every last ounce of Sirius’s self-control. It was a surprise the other hadn’t sped off on a joyride just yet. Amusement flickered at his lips. “Most Camero’s can get up to 110 easy, depends on the engine,” he mused as he stepped closer to the car, appraising until he reached the hood and pushed it open to take a look. He sucked in a sharp breath at what he saw. “Fucking hell…” He looked up from the engine and caught Prongs’s eyes. “Prongs, mate, tell me you didn’t pay full price for this.”

A sheepish grin pulled at James’s lips, then, a hand finding his hair and ruffling it up as he always did. “‘Course not, mate! But it’s not that bad, right?” Remus looked at James for a long moment. It was that bad. But he’d known James Potter since they were eleven, and he knew that just like Remus and Sirius were project for James, so was this car. Even if Remus told him to take the car right back to whoever sold it to him and get something else, James would refuse. “Good thing you know a mechanic,” he said instead, shaking his head lightly as he carefully lowered the hood.

Any other time she might have thought too hard on her hand in Remus’ as he helped her up. Of course anyone else and she might have fixed them with a glare before helping herself up. But at that time all she could think about was the bright orange Camero that had just pulled up with James Potter behind the wheel. She sputtered at his off-handed comment about it not being that hard. Her hands tightened into fists so she wouldn’t march over there and shake him by his ridiculous lime green shirt. Though she did have the passing thought of punching him in his smug face with one of those fists. Of course James Potter wouldn’t find it hard. Lily still didn’t understand the how of it all. It was hard enough wrapping her mind around the fact that someone their age could just go out and buy a car like it was nothing. But there was all the muggle things that went with it that she wouldn’t have thought James even knew about let alone knew how to go about it all. 

The blokes, as they all tend to do, forgot she existed now that there was a car to peer at. At least in Remus’ case he would actually understand what he was looking at. She doubted the same could be said for the other two. Lily tried to get over her temper flare up as she watched Sirius eye the car like he was about to jump into it and take off when Remus said how fast it could go. His whole body seemed to vibrate at the thought. While Sirius was having some sort of weird experience thinking about all that speed Remus was clearly not impressed by the car. “Has he bought a death trap for us to ride around in?” As garish as the car was, and an actual embarrassment if she was seen in it by any muggles she knew because it went against all her principles, a car was much better than walking. Especially in the heat. The problem was Lily wasn’t sure five minutes of comfort was worth dying in some fiery crash and having James Potter’s lime green polo be the last thing she saw. 

“Now that we got Mooney with us, we should see how fast she can go,” Sirius told them, eyes still gleaming. 

“Why is it a she? How come cars are always girls? Next you’ll be telling me you named it Sharon or something.” This time Lily did roll her eyes. Blokes around cars were the worst sort of blokes. 

[ravenmarauders]

Two days ago, something had shifted. The appearance of the forest. The message in Padfoot’s writing. The trees that spoke to them and the disappearance of time while they were exploring it. But it was more than all of that. Something about having Evans along, with her fresh perspective on their quest, felt like the biggest shift of all. Like she was meant to be part of this the whole time. And then there was the town itself, that Remus had led them to, the one that surely held the answers James had been seeking for so long now. Finally, finally they were making some progress. And while he was undeterred by the fact they had to wait a whole day before they regrouped so Remus could work, he’d woken up the next day feeling that same energy he’d felt when they left Cork. He’d spent the morning with Sirius poring over books until he couldn’t sit still any longer. It had occurred to him that same morning that they were surely going to be spending a lot more time in Cork that summer. That it might be nice to have transportation other than bicycles to get around the place. And that there was something about the town, and the promise of discovery that it held, that made James want to experience it the right way. The way the muggles did. The way Remus and Lily did. 

So struck by a rare impulsiveness, he’d left his parents’ house with Sirius in tow after lunch. They’d stopped at a few different car lots – the experience of looking at cars was a novelty in itself, as was the fact that the muggles had wanted a lot of information James certainly didn’t have prepared. It hadn’t been hard to whip up what was needed with Sirius’s help, though. But it hadn’t been at one of those lots with the shiny new cars he’d ended up using them. No – it had been at a lot full of used cars. More specifically, on an orange monstrosity of a thing he’d been urged not to buy. Looks a dream on the outside, but the insides are falling apart. That’s what the man had said. Maybe that was why James found himself so drawn to it. They weren’t so different, after all, he and that car. The only difference was, he’d learned to stop himself from breaking down. Maybe he – or rather Remus – could achieve the same for the Camero. 

And so it was that it was that very same orange car that had him and Sirius arriving later to Cork than planned the next day after it had stalled out on the way there. But James was beaming, alight and alive and absolutely certain he was in the right place as he pulled down Remus’s dusty drive, drawn by the beacon of red hair that was Lily Evans waiting on the stoop next to Remus. The car sputtered loudly as he parked it, and then he waved eagerly at the other two. “Sorry we’re late!”

[ravenau]

Lily heard it before she saw it. The roaring engine had gotten louder the closer it got to them. Interrupting their conversation even before it careened into view. At first she thought it was just some dumb muggles, overcompensating for lack of personality. But as the orange beast of a car got closer she was shocked to realize that James and Sirius sat in it. With wide eyes and open mouth she looked to see if Remus was seeing what she was. It looked as if he was. “What did they do,” she asked but was certain the engine drowned out her question. Not that it mattered, Remus wouldn’t have any answers. When James Potter said he had a surprise he really went all out. A car. A muggle car. A Camaro at that. Bright orange and loud as hell. The sort of car she’d turn her nose up at when it passed. Garish just like Potter’s shoes. 

In the middle of the settling dust from the car’s approach was a proud, excited looking Potter getting out. Even Sirius had a glint in his eyes she’d seen when they were making trouble at school. She looked to Remus once more before looking back at the pair of them. Sirius was coming out of the window because of course he was, doors were obviously too pedestrian for his taste. Normally Lily might have rolled her eyes at the sight but now she was too shocked at this surprise to do so. “You bought a car,” she asked despite the obvious answer sitting in front of her. 

“Good to know the obvious hasn’t escaped you, Evans,” Sirius quipped sarcastically. Only this time there didn’t seem to be any poison behind his words. Instead he had that same excited tone that James seemed to have. 

Ignoring him, Lily looked back at James. “When did you get a license or learn to drive?” There were a million other questions she wanted to ask. Namely why on earth this orange environmental hazard. But as someone currently struggling to get in some driving practice so she could get her license she was curious about that. 

“How fast do you think this thing could go, Mooney,” Sirius asked clearly not interested in whatever answer James was going to give her. Instead he was eyeing the car as if he was fantasizing about speeding off into the sunset with it.

[ravenau]

Sirius held out his hand; Remus took it. Sirius hauled him up, his mind all palm against palm, thumb crossed over thumb, fingers pressed into wrist bone – and then Remus was facing him and he released his hand.

[ravenau]

The Black brothers ~ a liar, a dreamer, and an angel

[ravenau]

seriouslyfuckoffwiththechocolate‌:

Remus wanted to snatch his words back as soon as he said them, hold onto anything that might give her even more reason to pity him. So it was a pleasant surprise when she answered without sympathy, regardless of whether she felt it or not. He looked up at her with a small smile and nodded. “Yeah…” It made it easier to keep his secret from them, stopped them from asking questions, but this time he kept that thought to himself. Not that he was doing a great job of changing the subject. Lily surprised him again when she offered an honest answer – and if the answer itself didn’t start out surprising, it certainly got there. Remus’s brows lifted when Lily told him she’d met Snape even before Hogwarts. There was the thought that that would explain why her sister didn’t like wizards, but he kept it to himself. And he was surprised all over again when Lily said she’d teased her sister about being normal. But then – kind as she was, she’d been a kid once. A kid who’d been friends with Snape of all people. But not anymore. Remus’s eyes lingered on the faint pink that colored her cheeks. He was struck by the urge to reach out and touch her. Instead he just offered a soft smile. “There are worse things than boring and normal,” he offered, not at all certain whether that would help any, but certain it was true. “Anyways, I know there are plenty of times I helped tease someone I wish I could take back.” Namely Snape, and while he’d latched onto them like a leech practically from the moment they got to Hogwarts first year, Remus had wondered at times if maybe he wouldn’t have become such a problem if he’d spoken up more when James and Sirius teased him. If he hadn’t laughed along with them, made his own snide comments. His smile grew rueful; he didn’t think he had to tell Lily what he meant, but he hoped she knew he felt badly about all of that. At least about the stuff from when they were younger. Before Snape had started figuring out what he was and it had turned into more than just stupid kids being gits to each other.

Lily could see why Remus might think that. Probably wished he was boring and normal considering. Yet… “You haven’t met Petunia,” she told him with a shake of her head. “Or her boyfriend. Somehow she’s managed to find the most boring bloke in all of England. I think he could put Bins to sleep.” She wrinkled her nose thinking about the way Vernon had stuffed his mouth full of food and droned on and on about nothing. Lily tilted her head at him when he spoke up again. She wondered if it was just Severus or others he regretted. It was hard to imagine any of them regretting making fun of Severus. Now that she knew more of the story she couldn’t say she blamed them for that. Even before when she didn’t know it had always felt like a mutual grudge, from the first moment Potter and Sev met on the train really. A mutual disdain that Severus had apparently nurtured into something worse. Given how many others were teased, albeit not as mean spirited as Severus, by the trio she figured it had to be others. Lily gave him a soft smile. “My nan always says there’s no use regretting yesterday if you can’t change it today. All you can do is try and be better.” She thought on that for a moment before she spoke up again. “Of course she didn’t have an older sister refusing her apologies. I think the try and be better is easier directed at other people now. At least in my case.” Lily didn’t want to deter him from making amends if he wanted to, though had she known for certain it was Severus he was thinking of she would have. If anyone could hold a grudge harder than Petunia it was him. “If it helps I’ve never thought you were a terrible person.” They went too far sometimes and Lily detested James, or had, she wasn’t sure how she felt now. But Remus had always seemed the best out of the three. That was still her opinion. In fact she was more certain of that opinion now.

[ravenau]

ravenmarauders‌:

Lily’s laugh pulled a soft chuckle from Remus as well. He’d gotten a lot of reactions to the story of how his parents met, but he was fairly certain this was the first time anyone had called it romantic. He liked it. He liked her laugh, too. Not to mention that light blush that colored her cheeks. It was enough to have his own ears heating up again, and he couldn’t decide if he was relieved or disappointed when she changed the subject so quickly. He nodded. “I don’t get to see much of them. Or my dad’s relatives, really,” he added not wanting her to think that had anything to do with their being muggles. “It’s…people would probably start asking question,” he explained, eyes leaving hers for a moment but looking back at her when he asked about her family instead. His brows pulled together when she said she’d been close to her sister once. Clearly they weren’t anymore, and Remus had gathered that much from what she’d said about her sister not liking magic. “What happened?” He asked before he could stop himself, and instantly he felt his cheeks flushing. “I mean - you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I get it if you don’t.”

She liked Remus’s soft chuckle. It was much nicer than the loud laughter she often heard from him and his mates. Lily frowned slightly at what he said. That seemed sad. “Probably hard to see them much being at school all the time anyway,” she said instead of offering sympathy. While she didn’t like all her relatives, even the ones she did like were hard to see too often. School ate up most of their year. Which in some cases was a good thing, like the fact that it left little time to deal with Petunia. It would have been easy to take the out he gave her. Or even just give him half an answer. But he had been honest with her about things it felt like so she wanted to do the same. “Weird things were always happening around me and we didn’t know about magic so it was just me being odd. I think she was okay with that at first. But as I got older mum worried more and Petunia liked it less. Especially when it happened in front of people.” Explanation enough but not all of it. “And then when I was nine I met Severus and he told me about magic, how we were wizards, all about Hogwarts.” It had been amazing for her, stuck in Cokesworth, feeling odd, to learn about this magical world she could one day be a part of. Funny how he hadn’t mentioned that half the population of it would hate her. “I think Petunia got jealous and we didn’t help that much. It was easy to get caught up in feeling special. Easy to…” Lily sighed, it wasn’t all Petunia’s fault or Severus’. “Easy to exclude her and tease her because she was stuck being normal.” She regretted the way she’d handled things with the letter Petunia wrote. But her sister had refused her apologies, shutting her out completely. It was shame that pinked her cheeks now. “One day I came home from Hogwarts and she’d become as normal and boring as a person could, literally. Takes great pride in it actually.” It was hard to explain who her sister was now. Lily didn’t understand it herself. Hopefully Remus didn’t think too much worse of her now.

[ravenau]

ravenmarauders‌:

For the first time in their conversation Remus was relieved, his smile coming a little easier when Lily so readily agreed to put the misunderstanding behind them. Not that Remus was certain he’d call it a misunderstanding; he couldn’t forget that she pitied him, but he could leave it be for now. Enjoy the way her knee was still pressed against his and she didn’t seem to mind sitting here on his shabby doorstep. He wondered if she’d been surprised to see he lived in a place like this, or if she’d noticed the way all his uniforms and schoolbooks had always been secondhand, noticeably more worn that the new things James and Sirius always showed up with. When she spoke up again, her question surprised him. He shook his head. “No. Just me.” He’d wondered, sometimes, if his parents had wanted more kids. If that had been the plan, before he’d turned into something more than they’d ever planned to handle. He was glad for her next question. This time he nodded. “Yeah, he is. My mum’s brother-in-law. She’s a muggle, too. Ran into a boggart in the woods and my dad saved her,” he explained, because people always asked how his parents had met, with one of them a muggle. That was one way he’d never minded being different, though. He loved his mum too much for that. “Do you only have the one sister?” He asked, wanting to get to know more about her, too.

Lily’s smile grew more relaxed when Remus’ did. This didn’t feel very sensible of her, sitting with a bloke like this. But for once she didn’t want to be sensible when it came to blokes. Remus was interesting in ways she never would have guessed. And he grew more interesting the more she got to know about him. Though this getting to know things about him was much better than having someone else tell her things about him. Lily wondered what it must be like to be an only child for Remus. For Severus it was lonely. While she had the impression his home life was happier than Severus’ she couldn’t help thinking maybe he felt that loneliness too. She let out an surprised laugh when he told her how his parents had met. “That’s weirdly romantic actually.” Lily’s cheeks grew a little warm talking about something being romantic while sitting so close to a bloke she thought was cute. “I can’t believe I never knew you had muggle relatives,” she added to leave the romance notions behind. It seemed a shame to find out she had something in common with Remus all this time later. But then again she had herself at least partially to blame. Lily had been friendly to most of her housemates especially but being friends with Severus dented her social life somewhat. “Yeah, just the one. Petunia’s a year older. We were close, once.” It would have been easy to blame that on Severus but even before she met him there were problems between her and Petunia. Lily was odd, there was no way around that, weird things just seemed to happen around her. As they grew older Petunia liked odd less and less which in turn meant she liked Lily less and less. At least that was how Lily saw it.

[ravenau]

ravenmarauders‌:

If Remus had been surprised by how angry she’d sounded when he suggested she might only have been here because she felt sorry for him, he was even more surprised when she turned to face him again, knee brushing against his once more. He could feel the tips of his ears heating up as he dared to look at her again. A slight smile curled at his lips at her words, though it faded almost as quickly. She felt sorry for him. Of course she did, and it was hard for Remus to hear anything she said after that. Sometimes he wasn’t sure which was worse: when people were frightened of him, or when they just felt sorry for him. For all of Sirius’s faults, he’d always been the one person who didn’t seem like he was either. But Lily’s knee was still touching his own. And she thought he was nice. Did that make it any better that she felt sorry for him? Remus wasn’t sure. He let out a breath and then nodded. “Okay. Sorry I….” Remus trailed off. He wasn’t certain what he was sorry for. For implying she just pitied him? That hadn’t been wrong. For not telling her what he was himself? For the fact that he could have killed her that night in the Forest? Or for being what he was at all? “Sorry,” he just mumbled instead, looking back up at her and managing a slight, embarrassed smile. “Can we just um…forget I said anything?”

Lily had the feeling she’d said something he didn’t like but she’d been honest so there was not anything she could do. Either he’d be okay with it or he wouldn’t. It was a relief when he seemed to be. Though she couldn’t help wonder what he was apologizing for. Calling her fake maybe? But his smile was cute and he seemed to want to move past this as did she. “Yeah, that sounds good,” she agreed easily. The question was move to on to what. They didn’t really know each other well at all. Lily would never have guessed Remus would live in a house like this. She liked him better for it actually. While they waited for Potter and Black to show up now felt like as good a time as any to find out more about the bloke whose knee she still had her own pressed against. “So do you have any siblings?” She knew, or at least was certain, that there were no other Lupins at school. Oddly enough trying to think if she knew of any at school had reminded her of something Remus said when they’d first ran into each other. “You said your uncle owns the garage right? Is he muggle?” She didn’t think Remus was muggleborn but that didn’t mean he didn’t have muggle relatives. Lily had always assumed he was pureblood like Potter and Black. Rich too but that was clearly wrong.

[ravenau]

ravenmarauders‌:

Lily snapped at him, turning away and facing forward so their knees were no longer touching. Remus winced. So maybe that hadn’t been the right thing to say, but could she blame him for wondering? It was why James and Sirius stuck around. James thought he could fix him and Sirius would follow James to the ends of the earth. He brought his thumb to his lips and chewed on the nail. “I don’t think you’re fake,” he murmured after a moment, gaze still fixed on his knees. “I just….I think you’re kind.” And in Remus’s experience, kindness and pity were one and the same. “…I’ve never actually told anyone before,” he added quietly after a moment, finally daring to glance up at her. “James and Sirius figured it out themselves. And…I wasn’t ready for you to find out so quickly, I guess. I liked it when you thought I was just…normal,” he admitted, eyes dropping again. He’d been stupid to think that could last. Stupid to think getting closer to her was even an option. It had been three days and he’d already managed to screw it up.

Lily turned, just her head, to look at him when he said he thought she was kind. That was better, only just considering he was still acting as if she would be here if she were bothered by it. She didn’t know what she would have thought about it before she met Remus. Or even what she might have thought about it before a few days ago when she got to know who Remus was. But she did know how she felt learning about it in Defense. Lily hadn’t liked the chapter on werewolves. Because it had treated them as if they were beasts. And maybe so, but as far as Lily had been able to make out in the book it was only one night a month they were. The rest of the time they were human. It had felt very bias and incomplete in her opinion. Lily almost interjected that he hadn’t told her either but she managed to hold her tongue. She couldn’t help wondering if there was a reason he liked her thinking he was normal. Which was probably the wrong thing to focus on. Lily turned her body towards his again, letting her knee brush against his once more. “I don’t think any of us can really be considered normal,” she told him, a slight tease in her voice. She almost added that at least he didn’t wear ridiculous shoes but making a jab at one of his best mates right now didn’t feel right. “I’m not going to lie and say I don’t feel bad for you, because I do. But that’s not why I’m here. I’m here because, well because who can resist an adventure. But also because you’re a nice bloke. What Potter told me doesn’t change that.”

[ravenau]

ravenmarauders‌:

Remus didn’t have an answer to that lift of Lily’s brows; James’s surprise could be anything, so he simply let his shrug speak for itself. There was nothing to be gained by guessing except letting his jealousy carry him away. He was glad when she went with the change in subject, the question never meant to divert her attention but one of genuine curiosity that only increased at the answer he got. Lily’s sister didn’t like wizards or magic. “Oh.” He said quietly, unsure what else to say to that. There were a hundred questions he could have asked about it, but he wasn’t sure if that was something he should push right now. If it was something she’d want to talk to him about at all. The way she changed the subject again was answer enough. “Oh,” he said again, surprised, eyes flickering from where she’d been picking at the lace on her skirt to meet hers when she turned to look at him, shifting enough that her knee brushed against his and he momentarily forgot what she’d just said. All he could think about was that spot where their skin touched, how bright her green eyes looked in the sunlight. Remus swallowed. “Uh, that’s – you don’t have to be sorry,” he finally managed to answer. “Not your fault.” He thought back to what she’d said the other day. That Snape wasn’t her friend anymore. That she’d thought she could make a difference in his life. Was that what she was doing with him, now? Was he just some new charity project for her? Be nice to the werewolf? He looked down at where their knees touched. Was she actually repulsed right now? “You don’t have to pretend,” he murmured, not meeting her eyes. “If it bothers you.” He didn’t think he had to tell her what it was. What he was.

Perhaps Petunia would have been a better subject to stay on. Except there wasn’t much to say there except to explain why she always chose other places to meet. Not that it was entirely Petunia either. Severus was still lurking around her house and she didn’t think any good could come of him seeing Remus over. Those two combined were enough of a deterrent. But bringing up Severus was probably not a great idea considering he was actively trying to ruin the life of the bloke she was talking to. Still Lily wondered how much Remus thought she knew, and approved of, when it came to Severus. Lily knew it wasn’t her fault but that didn’t stop her feeling bad all the same. Or maybe that was guilt at turning a blind eye to his horribleness for so long. None of that mattered when he continued talking. A surge of irritation came over her. “Is that the sort of person you think I am? Fake?!” Lily turned to where she was facing forward again their knees no longer touching. Blokes were so stupid! She was far better off not fancying any of them. “I might not have the best track record for being a good judge of character but I am not fake, Remus Lupin! If you think I’m just here out of pity or something like that you are not nearly as smart as you seem to be at school.” Honestly! As if she would have been sitting this close to him if it bothered her. What bothered her was that he hadn’t told her himself. That he’d just sulked off and let James do it while he and Sirius broke things. Typical blokes! She wanted Remus to be more than just a typical bloke. Maybe it was good that he wasn’t. The last thing Lily needed was to continue to indulge this potential fancy she seemed to be developing for Remus.

[ravenau]

seriouslyfuckoffwiththechocolate‌:

Lily returned his smile, but Remus didn’t wait for the politeness to wear off and trepidation to take its place. Only….it didn’t. Instead she was teasing, sitting down right next to where Remus had been before she showed up, looking put off by neither what she’d learned about him nor the shabbiness of his home. A slight smile tugged at his lips as his eyes caught first her bright yellow shoes, the rest of her clothes equally vibrant before he finally met her gaze and let out a soft chuckle. “No, uh…well actually, I’m not sure,” he admitted, daring to sit back down beside her. “They didn’t tell me. James just said it was a surprise.” Remus lifted a shoulder, far too aware of just how close his knee was to hers. Of how easy it would be to close that distance. But why would she want that? He cleared his throat. “I uh, didn’t know you had a sister.”

Part of her had sort of hoped that Remus’ secret would make it easier for her to remember that she didn’t do fancying blokes. After all knowing she was destined to kill her true love put a damper on that. Instead the easy thing was to forget entirely his secret and her destiny when they were just a bloke and a bird sitting on a doorstep, knees so close together. Lily raised her eyebrow inquisitively at his answer. A surprise from James Potter seemed less like a bad idea than it had two days ago but it still made her wonder. Since Remus likely didn’t know any more than she did she let him change the subject. “Lucky you,” she answered without thought. A moment later realizing how she sounded. “That sounded mean. It’s just Petunia doesn’t like magic or wizards.” How much of that was thanks to her and Severus and how much was actual jealousy Lily wasn’t sure. She’d tried at the start of the summer to mend things with Petunia but as every summer previous it hadn’t worked. Not even not being friends with Severus seemed to help. The thought of him had Lily picking at the lace she’d clumsily sewed onto her skirt. “I’m sorry about Severus.” Lily turned to look at him, her knee brushing against his slightly as she did so. Anything else she might have added fled her mind at that bit of contact. Once again leaving only the fact that they were just a boy and a girl sitting next to each other.

[ravenmarauders]

Remus sat on his doorstep, eyes scanning the dirt road ahead of him for a sign of bright red hair or his two best mates - though he was less certain whether he should be looking for them out here or in his fireplace. All James had said was that they’d meet him here instead of Godric’s Hollow, and Remus couldn’t help the jealous thought that maybe they’d figured something out yesterday while he was at work. What else would they have done, together all day after their adventure in the forest while Remus was hunched over car engines because their summers were free. For his part, Remus had been turning over the events of the day before non-stop. Why had the forest spoken to him? Why had it been Sirius’s writing there? And what about Lily?  It had felt like the right thing to bring her along. It had been the right thing. But now she knew what he was. And while she hadn’t seemed frightened of him that day, she’d had more time to mull it over now. What if she’d changed her mind? Or come to her senses, more like. Remus kicked at a small stone, watching the dirt the action kicked up. Maybe it was better she knew, now. Before… before what? Why would a girl like her have any interest in him to begin with, especially compared to blokes like James and Sirius. And yet – there she was. She’d come. Remus straightened up, running a self-conscious hand over his hair, far too aware of the fact that he probably looked every bit as shabby as the small house he sat in front of. “Hi,” he got to his feet when she was close enough to hear him, suddenly all too aware this was his first time alone with her since she’d learned what he was. His eyes dropped to the ground as he hovered by the doorstep; he didn’t want to move any closer, too afraid to see any trace of fear in her eyes. Instead he touched the back of his neck. “Er - sorry about yesterday.”

[ravenau]

Remus was a werewolf. That shifted her perception of so many things. All the times he’d seemed sickly or tired and she wondered if it was because he’d been up doing mischief. The scars she figured were from stupid shit done with the other two. But also the way the three of them had always treated Severus. She’d always thought it was some stupid grudge the three of them and Sev had against each other. Blokes posturing or something. Only now it felt very much his fault instead of a joint thing. Sure they probably didn’t help matters but could she blame them when Severus clearly wouldn’t mind destroying Remus’ life in order to destroy James’? She didn’t think she could. That didn’t excuse what Sirius had done but that wasn’t her place to judge him. And she didn’t want to judge Remus based on things Severus had said or on the things the textbooks said. He was nice. The sort of bloke that thought about things like fixing what he and Sirius broke so some poor muggle wouldn’t have to. The kind who fixed his hair when he saw her coming instead of mussing it up to try and look cool. Lily smiled at him somehow resisting the urge to tug at the bottom of the shredded black lacy top she was wearing over two tanks, lime and orange. Since they weren’t jotting off to the forest, she hoped, she was wearing a denim skirt that had a line of multicolored lace along the bottom. Her bright yellow high tops were a little dusty from the walk over and once again her hair was threatening to escape the clips she’d put in to hold her ponytail up. “Hi,” Lily replied, her smiler growing as he touched his neck. “You should be! I had to meet my sister’s dreadful boyfriend.” Hopefully the teasing came through in her voice. “I think I might be permanently scarred after watching him scarf down five of her sickly sweet scones.” Lily sat down beside where Remus had been when she came up. “Why are we meeting your mates here and not at James’? Because if we’re tramping around the forest, it would have been nice to warn a bird.” Again she hoped her teasing showed.

[ravenau]

The seer was odd. Which seemed to be on par for seers. Though this one, Nova, was only a few years older which felt odder. Lily had an image of seers being older women, like her professor, a little dotty, and dressed like a tea cozy. Nova was dotty but it was hard to tell how much of that was because she was a seer and how much was because she was French. Aside from that she didn’t really fit Lily’s ideas. In fact it was a little annoying to Lily to realize she thought Nova rather cool. Her style interesting. She wasn’t sure why it was annoying, it just was. Lily was not ready to admit there was some jealousy there. Both Remus and James, not that it mattered to her what James thought, seemed taken with her. Sirius the only one not. That was an understatement. Sirius and Nova seemed to circle one another, studying each other almost warily. He clearly didn’t trust her while she seemed to not be sure what to make of him. Little comfort to Lily seeing as how Sirius could barely stand her either.

Supposedly Nova had come into town for some special day. A vision had told her where to go and she’d followed it. But she’d taken a keen interest in Remus for some reason. Him and Lily. Though Lily knew why she was of interest. Just like with the divination professor she amplified things for Nova. Which was why she’d been invited to come along tonight. Only her. Too many people would muddle things Nova had said. So the pair of them had taken off to some undisclosed location leaving Lily feeling equal parts anticipation and apprehension. They were half way there when Nova had turned to her with a sad sort of smile. “You’re in love,” she’d declared, “I saw it when I met you.” Lily hadn’t known what to say to that except to soundly deny it. She was not in love. Remus was nice but she was not in love. Nova had shaken her head and said, “Not that one,” when Lily had voiced her thoughts. That was all she’d said leaving Lily to turn it over in her mind just who Nova thought she was in love with.

She was still turning it over when they’d come across the ruins of an old church. Lily was surprised, she hadn’t known this was here. There wasn’t much of it left. Just the exterior walls covered in vines. Around the church was a stone wall complete with a lych-gate. As they passed through it Lily felt a chill, probably just her imagination since Nova had chosen that moment to mention it was only wide enough for a coffin and pallbearers. Curiously despite everything else being overgrown with weeds and vines the path to the church door was clear. The pair of them settled on top of the stone wall around the church and waited. It was so silent Lily felt antsy. But Nova looked as if she were in some sort of trance. Then again Nova seemed to have that look about her often. Still Lily didn’t want to disturb her. They were here to see spirits of those who would soon die, or so Nova had told them all when explaining why she was there. For all Lily knew that took some sort of concentration or ritual.

Rather suddenly Nova seemed to wake back up and slid off the wall. “Do you see them,” she’d asked but Lily couldn’t see anything. All she saw was Nova walking around the old church yard seemingly having conversations with the air. Until she saw him. Nova couldn’t seem to get him to converse but Lily could see him. “I see him,” she whispered drawing closer. He was young with rumpled hair and clothes that looked like a uniform of some sort. But he wasn’t like the ghosts at Hogwarts, he was less defined. She knew he was there but if she saw him passing in the street she wouldn’t recognize him. There was nothing identifying about him other than the fact that she knew he was young. Her age. Which didn’t feel right at all. She watched him pausing, fingers rising to the side of his nose and temple as if he were alive. Lily felt ill watching him stumble forward as if someone pushed him. Nova whispered at her to talk to him as she moved on to someone else, someone Lily couldn’t see.

With her heart beating far too loudly she moved closer. “What’s your name?” He didn’t seem to hear her. Instead he just looked bewildered. Lily couldn’t help wondering if that’s what death looked like for everyone. “Who are you,” she asked moving a touch closer. Instead of answering her he dropped his head into his hands. The gesture made Lily move closer still. Now she saw that there really wasn’t much to him. Yet somehow she still saw a boy near her age, face featureless but a boy nonetheless. He was too young to be facing death within a year. She moved close enough to touch him and felt a cold come over her. He or other spirits were pulling at her energy leaving her chilled as if winter had come suddenly. Somehow she knew that if he passed into the church she’d miss her chance. “Please,” she said softly, hand reaching out to touch what should have been the edge of his sweater. Dread flooded her leaving her feeling even colder. He was using her energy to stay visible.

“Can you tell me your name,” she asked again. This time he turned to face her. It was a shock to see the Gryffindor crest on his sweater. A Hogwarts student. The smell of mint wafted through the air and Lily wasn’t sure if it was coming from him or the church. His clothes were wet as though he’d gotten caught in a shower. He was so real it was hard to remember that this boy wasn’t dead yet. She could see his mussed up hair so clearly. The Gryffindor on his sweater. And yet no face that she could recognize as one of her house mates. This didn’t feel like magic. It made her feel ill. And then he spoke. It was as if his voice was coming from far away. “Prongs.”

“Is that all?” The name felt familiar but she wasn’t placing it.

Despite the lack of detail in his face Lily was certain he closed his eyes. “That’s all there is.”

Before she could work out who he was he fell to his knees. She watched in horror as he had one hand splayed in the dirt, fingers that weren’t there pressing into the ground. It was as if she were watching him die. “He’s dying,” she said distressed. “Not yet,” Nova replied. It was not comforting. In a blink of an eye he was gone. Lily’s breathing was shallow. An icy cold feeing in her heart, grief or regret, maybe both. Prongs. Who could that be?

Suddenly it came to her. A memory of boys laughing after a prank, ‘Nice one, Prongs.’ Everything fit together. He was her age. The Gryffindor crest. The smell of mint. The mussed hair she couldn’t stop staring at. It was James. Only it couldn’t have been. Lily was surprised to find tears on her face. “Why could I see him,” she asked, desperately hoping it was some hallucination. “Non seers only see spirits like this for one of two reasons. You’re his true love or you killed him,” Nova answered far too calmly.

Or both, the thought rose unbidden in her mind. Lily was destined to kill her true love. But it couldn’t be James Potter. It just couldn’t be. No! He was not her true love. If it was one of them it would be Remus not James. And she wouldn’t kill him. ‘Do you hear me, fate,’ she thought, ‘it’s not going to happen!’ As much as she wanted to focus on that thought she couldn’t ignore the fact that she’d just seen James’ spirit die. Even if it wasn’t her, he was still going to die. Lily felt decidedly ill.

[ravenau]

[ravenau]