Razoul Sarraf

We're Still a Team, You and I || Raja

In my head, I kept wondering who will kill him, who will take the life of the one I love. Which face will haunt me for the rest of my days ? I shook my head closing my eyes and letting them rest. “You know we deserve both the same.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

“I’ll go through it for you. At least I’ll try.” I said trying to comfort him. There was nothing I could say to make him feel better about his decision besides promising him I would live the life he was offering me. “What are the things you want me to do ? or experience?” I asked him. “I wanted to do things that I know you’ll appreciate me doing.” I giggled. I was going to get everything I could from my man when he was there.

"Thank you," I said sweetly. I leaned in to kiss her again and as our tongues grazed one another's, I heard a faint beeping. I knew the sound too well since my parachute earlier. "A parachute."

Jaya reached out for it, grabbing it from not far away. I held the flashlight for her as she eagerly opened it. She beamed as she eyed the pair of sais. My eyes widened. Someone had gifted her a weapon, and not just any weapon, but her weapon of choice.

"Babe, that's great..." I said, wondering who had sent it. Ali? Her father? My parents? "See, someone out there wants you to win this thing."

We're Still a Team, You and I || Raja

I closed my eyes feeling his hand on my cheek. Two tears dropped onto my cheeks listening to his choice of name. I put my hand over his on my neck and smiled. “Yasmine Sarraf it is then.” I giggled because it sounded perfect and I wanted it to happen. The simple thought lingering in my brain sent waves of joy through my limbs. I kissed him softly enjoying this afternoon a lot more than I thought I would at the beginning. I fell back down onto my back feeling warm under the sleeping bag.

“There will be another person I will miss…” I whispered a few minutes after. “If I win that is. It might be more hurtful than missing my mother but I guess I’m familiar with it.” I spoke to myself more than to him. I tried to reassure my heart that it would be alright but nothing would delete the pain of loving someone who passed away.

I sighed. There was nothing that I could say that would ease her pain when I die. There is no cure for having to watch that happen, especially in the gruesome way that it would no doubt be happening in. I tried not to think of it, not because I was scared for me. No, I was scared for her. I was so worried that instead of fighting, she would just break down. She was tough, true, but there's nothing quite like living through that.

I've seen too many Hunger Games to know that it won't end pretty.

"You will win, J. And yes, you'll miss me. But I know that you'll be able to handle it. You're strong. You're resilient. You're my better half and you deserve this far more than I."

We're Still a Team, You and I || Raja

I rested my head on him biting my lip listening to his vision of our perfect child. A tear dropped from my eye as he spoke about a baby girl exploring the garden. The spitting image of me …. I giggled softly letting the idea spread into my body as I felt my heart swell from the single notion of having a child with him.

“If she would be the spitting image of her mother,” I turned around on my side to be closer to him, ” and from her father, she’ll want the games and she’ll be stubborn about it.” I chuckled biting my lip. “But I’m more stubborn so she wouldn’t be allowed.” I shrugged finally realizing the thoughts behind my father’s actions.

I felt the tear ran down his cheek and I kissed it away. “You’d want to name her Yasmine?” I said with a trembling voice full of emotions. This meant the world to me. “Why? We could use other names. There are plenty of names… maybe there’s something you’ll like more?” I said selflessly.

We laughed together about her demeanor, how she would have a piece of each of us inside her. I loved her already and she didn't even exist.

My thumb grazed her cheek and I nuzzled her nose.

"Why wouldn't I want to name her that? She's the person you miss most in this world right now. If this hypothetical baby existed and we lived in a world where you and I were together, you'd still miss her. This way, there's a part of her that'll be with you always. To me, there are no other options. That's the only one."

We're Still a Team, You and I || Raja

I kissed him back and grinned. “You can’t miss anything silly because I can’t get married without you.” I giggled admitting to myself that I would never get married. I didn’t linger on the thought as I already had thought that my heart would belong to only one person and it was Razoul.

“You’re lucky you know. You got the girl everyone wants…” I teased him remembering the line of boys my father had brought at home. I looked up to the trees. It was so dark and I wondered if the sun would come up tomorrow liberating us from the darkness. I’d make a happy dance just because I’d be able to see his face again. Every minute was important.

I shifted a bit feeling the pain in my stomach. “So… if you and I had a kid, how would we name it?” I giggled at the thought. I didn’t even bother to think that he probably hadn’t ever thought about that. Maybe he didn’t want any kids.

#raja #stop killing me #arena #WofMArenaDay3

I chuckled a little at her joke. The girl everyone wanted... except me... until now. As much as talking about the things we could never have made me ache inside, it did fill me with a certain amount of joy. Something I could keep in my imagination for all of eternity.

"If we had a baby... Jaya, you're killing me," I said pulling her into me. "If we had a baby it would be perfect. And it would be the spitting image of you. She would be an angel and she would never have to go into the Games. Never. And she would run around in the yard, exploring everything. I can see her now... the sunlight on her raven hair, her eyes sparkling..."

A tear ran down my cheek and moistened hers. I sniffled, trying to hold back my feelings of overwhelming joy and frustration at the same time.

"We would name her after your mother, of course..."

We're Still a Team, You and I || Raja

I moved into a more comfortable position, my head laying onto his shoulder I giggled. “I don’t want to move either… and I can’t really.” I bit my lip softly.

As I looked up into the sky, I imagined what it would be like to be in district 2. It didn’t make me sad to invent what we could be like at home with the people we love. “I had a dream the first night we were in the arena, when we were in a tree.” I said softly swallowing the nerves that had built inside of me hastily.

“I just want to share with you because it’s probably the best dream I’ll ever have.” I gripped his shirt. “I walked down the aisle to meet you. You looked absolutely perfect. Our families were so happy. I wish I could show you because that deserved a picture. The most perfect couple of District 2.” I giggled happily just thinking about it.

A smile spread across my face, larger than any that I had ever felt. My cheeks hurt but I didn't care because I was the happiest I'd ever been just listening to Jaya describe the dream.

The idea of actually marrying her had been one that I denied myself ever since I spoke those magical three words to her because I knew it'd never happen. How heart breaking it should've been for her to have such a dream, to wake up and realize it wasn't real. But here she was, happy with at least the thought of it, and I too.

I turned to look into the darkness, wishing I could see her face.

"It sounds wonderful... I wish I could've seen how beautiful you looked. I'm sure that you would make the most breath taking bride in all of Panem, Jaya. Maybe I'll have to try and dream about it too, so I can be there with you," I said with a kiss. "I would hate to miss such a thing."

We're Still a Team, You and I || Raja

I snuggled closer to him and breathed in his smell as he promised he would always watch over me. It had been so short… the time we had together. So short and yet so meaningful. I had never felt anything like that before. No one had reached for my heart the way he had. “I don’t want plenty to live for, I just want you and I can’t have you.” I whispered kissing his neck as my hand trailed down his chest.

My body pressed against his missing his closeness since three days now. Killing Sephie had at least giving me the possibility to have him for me for the last days we had together. I shrugged away the grain of guilt I had been ignoring since earlier. There wasn’t anything more important than him to my eyes. There will never be anything more significant. I trailed kisses on his jaw, my face arriving in front of his. I smiled as I kissed him again not being able to refrain myself from giving a show to the audience. “I bet the capitol is loving this…” I giggled in between soft kisses on his lips.

I felt myself yearn for her body as she kissed my skin gently. I couldn't speak any more on the subject of us not being together forever. In this life, nothing ever works out how we want it to. But at least we had this time together. It wasn't all for nothing.

"I could care less what the Capitol likes and doesn't like," I said, pulling the sleeping bag over our heads to cover us completely. I kissed her again, running my fingers through her hair. Although it was a bit tangled, it was still the greatest thing I ever let slip through them.

As I pulled away from her a bit, I knew that we couldn't indulge ourselves here. Even with only 8 left, another tribute could be anywhere. I didn't want to lose Jaya because I was stupid and gave into temptation. I kissed her softly and tucked the sleeping bag back.

"I know you're not hungry because we just ate, and I'm guessing your not very tired. But I don't want to move from this spot, I want to stay here with you," I said.

We're Still a Team, You and I || Raja

I bit my lip as he stopped talking. Everything I saw would just make him angrier at me and I couldn’t take it. I sighed as I felt his hand reach for mine letting my fingers entwine with his.

I squeezed his hand. “I will. It will get me out but then I’ll be left with nothing.” I sighed not willing to even think about what could happen out of this arena. This was my life and I’ll probably be stuck in the arena for the rest of it. I slipped in the sleeping bag closer to him and brough my hand on his cheek.

“If there is one thing I know, it’s that even if we are separated, I will always love you. You and I fit perfectly. Perfect things don’t last forever because life is cruel but it doesn’t matter. Because you will be in my mind every second of every day wherever I am.” I scooted closer and delicately pushed my lips on his. I parted mine letting him deepen the kiss. A kiss that meant more to me than my own life.

It occurred to me during this kiss that everyone watching at home would be utterly confused... maybe they'd be used to it now, but at first... I wondered what they thought. I smiled into the kiss thinking of how Ali was taking this. How happy my mother was just watching me be in love. This was my last gift to her, and to Jaya. To share love with someone.

I pulled her in and kissed her passionately, knowing that the darkness wouldn't cloak our activities. We might not be able to see, but it wouldn't be much of a show if the audience couldn't see. I licked my lips as I pulled away from her, leaving a quick peck on the tip of her nose.

"Jaya I bet you anything that when you go home you'll find that you have plenty to live for," I said, stroking her cheek. "And I'll never really leave you. I'll watch over you always, this much I promise you."

I snuggled her close. I didn't know what time of day it was but with the darkness and our wounds, it mattered not. Maybe we'd try to get some sleep, maybe we wouldn't.

We're Still a Team, You and I || Raja

He backed away from me as he yelled. I knew what I had said would make him angry. I winced feeling the pain of my heart aching for him mixed with the burning sensation in my stomach. I sat silent and surprised by his words as he walked away.

It was dark and I couldn’t see anything around me. I didn’t know where he was or how far… Maybe he had left me all alone in the forest. “Raz..?” I said a bit scared. My hands felt the ground looking for the flashlight. I grew even more afraid when I couldn’t find it. I refrained a sob at the moment my hand gripped the light. I turned it on sweeping the trees around to find him. He was laying on the floor his head onto his pack.

I stood up fighting through the evil physical pain going on in my middle part. I grabbed the pack on my way to him and pulled out the sleeping bag. Opening it, I laid it over him before sitting back down next to him my teeth gritted avoiding a yelp at every movement I was doing. My hand found its way into his hair. “I’m sorry. You’re right. Please don’t be mad. If I was jealous in district 2, you’d take it in a funny way.” I tried to tease him to ease the situation. “I just love you so much.” I breathed out.

I breathed out at she approached me, placing the sleeping bag over me.

"If you were jealous is District 2, I wouldn't be afraid that you'd kill an innocent girl over it, Jaya. There's a difference. Here, you know I understand why you did it, but..." I paused. I hated repeating myself and I don't know why I was doing it now. I reached out of the sleeping bag and placed my hand in hers, fingers lacing together perfectly.

"Jaya, I love you too. You save this anger, you save this energy that you're feeling and when someone kills me, you take their life away. And you take everyone's until you win. That's just what you need to do. Take the love you feel for me and let it guide you home."

I squeezed her hand and tugged on it a bit, wanting her to be near me. As angry as I was, I loved her with all my heart.

"Get in here with me, baby girl. Come give me a kiss," I whispered in the dark.

We're Still a Team, You and I || Raja

I closed my eyes as he said nothing happened between Sephie and him. I shrugged. I knew there was nothing more than friendship but it had bothered me somehow. My strong will, my capacity to be independant and deal with the pain or my feelings on my own had somehow turned him against me. I thought he liked that I wasn’t a stupid girl crying every minute but somehow he dealt with Sephie’s tears a lot better than I thought he would.

“Nothing happened but you still have no problems comforting her when you couldn’t even manage to be nice when I was crying in your living room.” The words left my mouth before I could refrain myself from speaking my mind. I wanted him… I was strong yes and if I was going home I’d need to be even stronger. No one ever comforted me, no one ever will.

I shook my head and looked around at the darkness of the forest. “I think we should make a fire… There can’t be much people around us and we need to rest here for the night.”

#raja #WofMArenaDay3 #arena

"Don't you go throwing that in my face, Jaya, don't you dare!" I shouted, pushing myself away from her. I sneered, now fully upset. "You know why I was able to be that way with her? Do you?" I insisted. "It's because of you, because you changed me. And don't you dare even think that I've not been there for you since. You broke down my walls, Jaya, and I love you for it. So don't you dare throw that in my fucking face!"

I walked away from her, the night vision goggles leading me to a bush by a tree. I settled myself down slowly, resting my head on the pack. I breathed heavily, trying to absorb the anger I felt back inside me. I loved her, I did, and the last thing we needed was to be fighting.

"You want a fire, you build it," I said, curling my knees to my chest. I winced as my stitches stretched and I released my legs back down.

We're Still a Team, You and I || Raja

I laid my head on his shoulder as he hugged me softly being careful with our wounds. “I know you would have stopped me. Sephie would still be there sobbing into your shoulder.” I sighed a bit nuzzling myself closer to his neck. Instead I was there and I was happy about it. I had hurt him to get to what I wanted the most. My man. I felt guilty for imposing him my choice. Wishing he would get rid of the guilt that I knew he was shouldering right now, I leaned back against the tree, our faces inches away.

“Sephie wasn’t Nasira, Raz. They have nothing in common. And if you do send me home like you want it so bad, I promise you I’ll take care of Nasira and I’ll give her everything she wants even she hates me. But please… realize that Nasira is still alive, and she’ll live for many years to come. Sephie wasn’t her.” I said rubbing my nose on his.

“I’m not scared when I’m with you, I’m horrified of what is going to go down and how it’s going to happen.” I explained feeling my heart thumping inside my chest.

I bit my lip before I lashed out at Jaya for her comment about Sephie crying. It'd been a slight annoyance while we had her but now that she was gone, I missed her light sobs. I could never tell Jaya that, though.

"I know she wasn't, J. I know that," I said, trying to not let my anger rise up. I wasn't completely crazy. I knew they were different people. I am grieving for Sephie because I liked her, not because she was Nasira to me. "And I hope you understand that nothing ever happened between us. All she did was cry... and I tried to comfort her. And you were there nearly every time. So don't go thinking anything like that."

He words resonate with me. I know she'll take care of Nasira. And I hope that Nasira won't hate her.

"Thank you for that," I said thoughtfully. "But can we not... can we not think of any of it. We need to rest, we need to focus. This arena is dark and we don't know who else is near us. We're injured and we need to rest. What should we do?"

We're Still a Team, You and I || Raja

I shook my head and suddenly felt his lips on mine. I kissed him back hoping it would make him feel better. “You know I would have done it too even if it was a boy or someone who you didn’t like as much.” I whispered in the dark hoping he knew this wasn’t all about jealousy. Clearly she had been the last straw that broke the camel’s back. “I don’t want you to hate me.” I sighed happy to have the black to shelter my emotions. “You don’t have to send me home. You could go home. I just want you to have the best chances possible.” I explained.

“8 people left… Things are going to start to move.” I grabbed his hand on my leg. “I’m scared Raz.” I admitted to him only.

I choked down the guilt I still felt, not wanting Jaya to have to carry it as well. I would bear the guilt of the loss of Sephie on my own. I traced her jawline with my thumb and sighed.

"I know you would've. We've been killing our way through the arena since the first night. Our hands are stained red with the blood of those we've killed. I'm not angry, this is how the game is played. I just wish you would've told me what you were doing... although you know I would've tried to stop you, right?"

I leaned into her and wrapped her arm around me, careful of our wounds.

"You know you're going home, that's been the plan all along. Don't change your mind on me, now, Jaya. YOU will have the best chances possible," I whispered.

She pulled me in closer as she confessed her fears to me. I hugged her, the tree behind us helping us stand.

"Don't be scared. As long as I'm here, nothing more will happen to you. I won't allow it."

We're Still a Team, You and I || Raja

It was silent, too silent as Razoul fixed the wound on my stomach. I was pushing through the pain. I could still feel the burning sensation in my insides as Sephie had pushed the knife in.

I couldn’t take the tears that fell on his cheeks. Yes I had killed her but it was for the both of us, because I knew he wouldn’t do it and it would end up hurting us on the long run. “I didn’t… I just saw you getting more attacked. Someone needed to help you. I needed to help you.” I sighed bringing my hand to the open gash on my face and winced.

“I want one of us to go home and he would have ruined that. We’re getting closer Raz. The end will arrive faster than you think it will. I’m sorry I hurt you.” I looked down at my stomach and the stitches. Sephie was maybe dead but she had got me good before she left. I didn’t want to look at the pain in his eyes so I concentrated on the blood. I tried to sit up against the tree biting my lip ignoring the pain.

I sighed. I knew she was right, she was always right. And that cliche saying... the truth hurts... well it was accurate as hell. Here we were, both stitched in our mid-section, pretty hurt but alive. Sephie's cannon meant that there were 8 of us left. Just 8. I wiped a tear from my eye and looked to her in the darkness.

"I know you're sorry. I'm sorry I stood idly by. This is totally fucked, but I'm getting you home. The way I feel... I'll get over it. You and I are still a team, you know. Until the day I die, we fight together. I'm sending you home, Jaya," I said with a light kiss to her lips.