“Give me a burger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I need some heroes.”
“Oh my God, He kissed me.”
“Hey, do you remember the first time we met?”
“I think we should get married.”
“I don’t even like kids. They always have jam on their hands. Even when there isn’t any jam in the house, they get jam on their hands. I can’t deal with jam hands.”
“My God, those are good genes.”
“Don’t look at me, I had nothing to do with it.”
“Lately I’ve been having these dark premonitions.”
“My shoe broke! I need you to fix it!”
“Those jeans are really working for you.”
“Did you do something slutty?”
“Oh, I hate to see you waste your time.”
“I’m gonna have pancakes with a side of pancakes.”
“The very concept of childbirth is vaguely disturbing.”
“I’m different, I’m a loner.”
“Are you going to kiss me now? You are so incredibly predictable.”
“Hey, I have kind of a crazy idea.”
“Shut up for a minute, will ya?”
“I don’t think you had a childhood. I think you came out a bitter, surly killjoy.”
“Hey, you didn’t wake me up.”
“How ya doing there, champ?”
“I’d rather have bird crap fall on my head.”
“No one needs a comment from you.”
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