Brain

21 | Lasallian | MT/WY | V's

[readwhatimthinking]

😭😭😭😭❤️💕

[readwhatimthinking]

Forever will love this ❤

[readwhatimthinking]

3 years later

[readwhatimthinking]

5 years later, still madly in love.

[readwhatimthinking]

It's getting closer & closer... but I'm going farther and farther. Why?

[readwhatimthinking]

Sometimes it just hits you and you really don't feel like being with someone.

[readwhatimthinking]

I’ve lost all my hopes and dreams. So when someone asks me what do I dream of, a quick and pain free death… jk.

I have no answer.

I need therapy.

[readwhatimthinking]

Yes

[readwhatimthinking]

Screw this life & screw you

[readwhatimthinking]

I've lost all my hopes and dreams. So when someone asks me what do I dream of, a quick and pain free death... jk.

I have no answer.

I need therapy.

[readwhatimthinking]

I guess the reason why I liked X so much aside from his music, was because I shared the same sentiments.

On another note, I really do envy those who had the strength to do it. Do you know the feeling of itching to do something but eventually not doing it. It's that kind of feeling. I think y'all were courageous. The world is a crappy place. I get you.

[readwhatimthinking]

[readwhatimthinking]

😭😭😭😭❤️💕

[readwhatimthinking]

Forever will love this ❤

[readwhatimthinking]

3 years later

[readwhatimthinking]

Drowning

Para akong nalulunod. Nassuffucate. Nasasakal. It's almost midnight and I feel empty. Yung dating mga nagbibigay sigla sa buhay ko wala na. Hindi ko na maramdaman. Sa kalagitnaan ng araw araw ko bigla lang ako tatahimik, pupunta sa cr iiyak. Every. damn. day.

Di ko na maintindihan buhay ko. Di ko na nga ramdam buhay ko actually. I feel dead inside. Yung tipo na come what may, cge lang. Mabuti man o hindi wala lang. It's so easy to fake a smile, a laugh, and put on this façade as if I have my life together.

Every day I imagine saying my farewells to the people that matter to me the most. I try to keep it lowkey para hindi halata. Ang gago ng utak ko. Whenever I think of saying my good byes, yung feeling nung nalulunod or nassuffucate nawawala. It's like my own head is trying to push me over the edge.

I sit here on this chair thinking onti na lang, onti na lang talaga. Pero hindi pa ngayon, kapit lang hanggang kaya. But I can't help that feeling of emptiness. Bukas gigising ako, panibagong umaga, same feelings pa rin.

I try to reach out to the friends na feeling ko maccomfort ako. But to no avail. Wala nalabas sa bibig ko kundi puro kagaguhan na. When it comes to the real matter nga nga, deny. Ayoko isipin nila na ang drama ko and dapat iinom ko lang yan.

Ayoko uminom. Gusto tulong. Tulong nyo. Nanghihingi ako ng saklolo pero ang tanong do I really want to be saved?

[readwhatimthinking]

The ugly truths of weddings.

[readwhatimthinking]

Today at work. I realized a few things. People will constantly lie. Be it for convenience, benefit, or some are just born with it.

[readwhatimthinking]

Quick rant

I’ve always wanted to become a professor. 

I was on the phone with my mom discussing my plan to take my Masters this year. My mom knows that I’ve always wanted to become a professor, and that she isn’t too keen on me working. I have always been a pampered and sheltered child. Whereas I, there has always been a little rebel in me. 

My mom wanted me to take my masters here in the Philippines so I could teach instantly. I on the other hand wanted to work first. To build my credibility. Then my mom dropped a bomb that triggered me. In the phrase “other professors in universities doesn’t even have a work experience. Why can’t you?” in short, she wants me to take the easy way of achieving my dream.

I don’t want to become a professor if it means that I have no credibility, if it means that I have to cheat my way in. Yes cheat, because it is indeed a fact that there are people in the world of academe that has no proper work experience in the field that they are teaching. I may have been a lazy student back when I was still studying, but I know the difference between a professor who knows the ins and the outs of the hospitality industry, compared to those who only know the ins and the outs of a book.

It is horribly frustrating to sit in a room with a professor who knows nothing about what he or she is discussing. I don’t want to be like that. I want to be able to get the respect that I deserve when I teach. Because there will always be a student who’s more experienced than you if it so happens that you cheat your way in the academe. 

God really has a funny way of working. I’ll see you next year Australia.

[readwhatimthinking]

Thank you for allowing me to love you. I know I've been slacking off this past year and yet you still stood by me. You still believed in me even when I myself couldn't pull it together. I've screwed up so many times, it still amazes me how you're still here, up and ready to put a smile on my face. I love you.

[readwhatimthinking]

2017 has been one hell of a ride. A super shitty ride. This isn't gonna be one of those posts that's gonna be written eloquently. This is more of a "I'm-try-to-type-down-everything-I'm-thinking-in-my-head-before-I-lose-my-train-of-thought"

I could list down all the shit that has happened in the past 2017. Exhibit A: lost my job on January 2, 2017. Hahahaha should've gotten that as a sign. But that wasn't really that big of a deal since I wanted to get rid of the job anyway. Exhibit B: I had my business shut down due to a freaking misunderstanding. The fucking asshole who tried to throw his mig at us cost me my business. Exhibit C: Frustrations with finding a job that I actually want to do. The problem isn't getting hired, my problem is I really can't picture myself working. I'm not being lazy I just dont want to do a job that I will eventually hate. Exhibit D: the shittiest of all our breakups. It happened, probably the scariest breakup I've encountered. Was the worst. I lost the love of my life for a brief moment and I had the chance to see what life is like without my love. It was nights filled with cigarettes, beers, and tears. My heart has never experienced pain like that. I don't want to have to go through that again. Overall, 2017 you fucking suck. I hope 2018 will be a better one.

[readwhatimthinking]

😭😭😭😭❤️💕

[readwhatimthinking]

Forever will love this ❤

[readwhatimthinking]

Ayayaten ka un unay olive.