Lore/ headcanon; Timeline: Summer 1891
After Fig passed away Reagan had nowhere to go and Sebastian’ s guardian was gone. Professor Weasley suggested them spending the holidays together. So Reagan accompanied her used to be best friend. But things changed after the events of the fifth year. Sebastian grew distant, was moody and clearly fought his inner demons and struggled with guilt, shame, remorse. Sometimes he vanished for hours to brood, pushed Reagan away with harsh answers or ignoring her completely.
Sebastian was used of being judged, critizied, being yelled at, misunderstood and being blamed for mistakes and decisions he made. So he started to build a wall around him since he was a child to protect himself of getting hurt. But deep down he craved closeness, real closeness. He wanted to feel understood, to be worthy and to feel being enough the way he is. But the saddest part is, that he was used of being abandoned by the people he cared about.
But Reagan was still here. After everything he did, after everything he said. She was patient with him, didn’t judge him and understood him more than he did himself sometimes. She gave space and didn’t push him but was not too shy to stand up against him if he snapped. And she saw him. Every part of his soul, the pure and the broken ones. And yet she hadn’t left him.
This was exactly what scared and overwhelmed him. She was able to handle him even tho sometimes he could barely handle himself. He wanted her closeness and yet he pushed her away. Because he learned that closeness meant to get hurt, to get abandoned, to lose someone he cared about. So he told himself that it would hurt less if he cut her off first before she would realize what kind of monster he is, or at least it was like he saw himself, and leave him like everyone else did. Of course he knew deep down that it was a lie. But he couldn’t burden her with his darkness. She deserved better than this, than him.
And while he was struggling with his own intense personality Reagan suffered too. Because she worried and cared about him. And that made him feel even more guilty.
On one evening, after he was away again, Reagan decided that she had enough and wouldn’t watch anymore how he further destroyed himself. When she went outside she spotted him on the stone wall behind the house. It was raining. She wanted him to come inside. He didn’t react. When she touched his shoulder he snapped out of his thoughts and pulled away, avoiding her gaze. Without a word he started to walk away. Reagan confronted him with his behaviour and told him that she had enough. He snapped, retorted that no one had her to be here, no one forced her to stay and he didn’t need a babysitter. This was the moment Reagan ran out of patience. They starred at each other and the next second she slapped him. After the first shock faded Sebastian raised his hand and placed it on his burning cheek. Reagan’s hand stinged from the contact.
Usually he would have given her a defiant glare, full of fire, pride and stubbornness. But not this time. He couldn’t look at her. He wanted to apologize, to tell her how grateful he is that she still had faith in him, that she still stood by his side and how much he cared about her. But the words got stuck in his throat. For once he wasn’t selfish. He told himself it would be easier this way, hurt less. So if she would walk away now he had to let her go. For her sake…
