[realpocket66]

As time passes by so do those memories.. those emotions that hold people together. They aren't much, but it's something. Something you both remember. Something you both know and feel. That something has always been enough for me. It hurts to try and make myself realize that something is far gone. I am no good at disconnecting myself from those that I have once told I love.

[realpocket66]

🖤 Oh how I adore you P!!!! 📷: @squidney__art

[michellepsychologist]

To be free from thoughts is itself meditation.

Nisargadatta Maharaj (via psych-facts)

[realpocket66]

I am so sick of loving and hurting good people. My love follows with hurt. Always.

[realpocket66]

Sometimes I think I know what I want from this life of mine, but in reality I've let go of anything I've loved in order to create something for myself and those I love. That something being survival. Survival and onto success. I have no clue what I want besides some numbers. I know I hate going home and pulling up to the same apartment my mom and sister are sitting inside of. I know I hate the thought of my beautiful sister letting go of her dreams and working more than she's going to school because she sees her mother stressing and hurting over paying rent that's already fucking reduced. I know I hate hearing them say there's nothing to eat in the house. I fucking hate hearing my mom say how happy she is it's the first of the month so she can eat better. That is until about the 20th of course. My dreams have faded away and been focused on getting them in a better place. I know I can't force happiness on anyone, a lot will be up to that person. We decide these lives of ours. We make decisions everyday that decides our future. My dreams have moved onto pushing others into their dreams. I fully believe this is my duty as a son, a brother and a human being. I remember a time when I was younger, my mom, sister and I were at Walmart when my mom ran into someone she had worked with I think. They were talking for a bit. I can remember my mom saying "he's going to be one of those that makes millions doing nothing" to this woman while they were talking about me. That has always stuck with me. I've never known what I want to do with my life. I grew up not giving a fuck, just wanting to live and be happy. Things have changed so much as I realized what money was, how to get it, and how easy it came to me. I realized most people can hardly keep their money. I've always been able to hold onto mine and do well for myself. Always. I've been working as far back as I can remember with my dad and uncle. I had a paper route when I was 7 or so. I know I fucking hate the thought of working for others because I KNOW I can make money for myself. I've never needed anyone to help me. I'll get there. I can't wait for the end of the year.

[realpocket66]

Something

I have spent a lot of months alone now with many distractions still on my mind of course, but still, I have been alone. Back in my place away from home.. away from most family, away from the state of Ohio. Excluding my nearly once a month visits since I made my way away again. I have been doing myself justice, though. I have wrote a lot. Read a lot. And of course worked a lot. I've stopped smoking again for the time being since my first visit home after leaving in the first place. I've been focused again. The solitude has felt great, even with the creeping of loneliness. I've got the rest of my year planned out. And a vague planning of next year. I want what I want. And I will get what I want because I am fully capable of accomplishing anything that this mind of mine focuses on enough. I feel like I have been placed into conversations and friendships at all the right times..and I am holding onto them. I believe in myself and that's all I've ever needed. It's been so long since I've posted that I can't remember what I used to tag these posts of mine as

[realpocket66]

⬛️

[realpocket66]

I will I will I will

[black-and-white-tattoo-social]

// LIVE FREE // 

[realpocket66]

First day back at Ocala Applebee's went good. Feels good. Everything always feels so good. I am always so thankful for the opportunities I have put in front of me. I am trying hard to remind myself of that daily. Thankful for the people I have. And thankful for what to choose to make of everything!!!! Because it is all up to me.

[realpocket66]

It's so interesting to me how people come into your life at certain times. Not always the best timing, but that's somewhat of the beauty in it all. The challenge of feelings and emotions. This past month and the end of my time in Ohio (for now) has been appreciated so much. I've been given so much comfort and appreciation. And I am so thankful. I am constantly building. Whether I am trying to do so or not.

[realpocket66]

Trent Vickers at For the Love of Ink in Wilmington, Ohio!!! 💵 (at For The Love Of Ink, Tattoos and Body Piercing)

[realpocket66]

I can try and do all I can, but I can't make you care or do what you need to be doing. It hurts because you're the reason I'm even here. You're the reason for everything. And I want to feel some sort of relief or accomplishment. But it's not going to be easy. And it's so hard trying to do something for someone that doesn't want to help themselves.

[realpocket66]

I don't ever want to make someone feel like I didn't mean every bit of what I said ever again. I've got so much built up inside of me. People I've hurt simply because I couldn't control myself from doing as I pleased constantly. I never stopped a moment to question how they would feel. I didn't think about how my actions affected them. This was a younger me. I've grown from these things, of course. And now it seems this is all I can see... People don't usually care. Usually. What good are we?

[realpocket66]

I can't wait to stop worrying.. To stop checking my every move. And watching everyone how I do. But I don't know if my ways will ever change. It's just what I am. What I've seen. What I've grown up around. I'll have to learn one day, maybe. Maybe not. I used to have a reason to leave this shit alone. But I ignored that reason. So now I'm searching again. But growing more cold and hateful.

[sarah-ravioli]

[realpocket66]

That was the first pro model skateboard I ever had. I can remember everything leading up to ordering it and how long it took to wait for it. I’ve got the destroyed remains tucked away somewhere at my mom’s.

[realpocket66]

Alone is so much easier. There's a lot of things in life that are pleasurable...things that make everyday easier to handle.. But it's not always the best to give into those things and do what makes things easier. I guess I feel like I learn about myself more from depriving myself of comfort. Life isn't always comfortable. Or easy. I want to know what I can get through and how well I can control myself. Emotionally...physically..whatever it may be.