So, we officially made the decision to discontinue the Simblog project around six months ago. Zack had been losing steam on the hyperfixation for a little bit, and while mine was slower to go, eventually it kind of fizzled out. Actually, the Simblogs are the reason it lasted so long for me personally.
As far as external factors, there was that, and also I was starting school soon, and spent a good chunk every day taking care of my grandparents after some health-related issues came up. Not only that, but towards the end of the school year last year, I was accepted into a lore-based Minecraft server called Wholesome Hellscape SMP, an modded, Origins-centric SMP. This quickly took over the hyperfixation slot, and took up a lot of my time as I was constantly editing and drawing thumbnails for the YouTube videos I've been posting since.
As for internal, things get more complicated. For one, I felt like I was fighting against certain anons/characters/people for control over our own plot. There were multiple times where I had to set my own ideas and creative vision aside because I wanted all the anons to have their fun. Really, I don't want to be a dick who polices asks, especially when not when asks are such meaningful engagement with the blogs. But there were times and sequences of asks/events that genuinely frustrated me, but I just carried on and made things work.
There's also the Discord, which I've had muted since the announcement six months ago. I'm glad it's a place that many people have found community. I always enjoyed making posts here and then seeing everyone's live reactions. It was fun, and at first it was heartwarming. But as time went on, again, things grew frustrating. We as creators can't do anything to change people's interpretations of the characters we play. Everyone has headcanons, and all of that. However, there were moments where we were borderline (politely) arguing about how we were writing the characters with various people in the server.
The main point of contention between us and various server members about our characters was the over-woobification of Droidwatt and the over-villainization of Redbo. Yes Droid's situation is tragic, yes Redbo put him in that situation and is generally a terrible person, but these traits rapidly flanderized these two despite our best efforts. We actively tried to show that Droid, while suffering, was hardly doing the bare minimum to navigate his relationship with Red. Meanwhile, I was constantly trying to make Red more humane, not to justify his actions but to explain how he got here in the first place. Red is a deeply flawed man. He's senseless and delusional, sometimes cruel and often uncaring. But the disconnect between these two is such a complicated subject because of the foundations of their psychologies.
There were also some dramas in the server. Unfortunately, with Discord servers, this just tends to happen. Even more unfortunately, I wasn't thoughtful in choosing my moderators, and elected to just pick the people I at one point considered friends. This means that the server was largely unmoderated, and I was usually the one to observe the happenings in the server and take the proper actions to deal with it. I acknowledge this is my fault, but I didn't think it would be a real issue considering the size of the server. When I was active, the main issues I had to address were spoilers after new PvP Civ episodes dropped, inappropriate remarks around minors (looking back, I regret not making the server 18+ only), and people venting in the public server. To my MINIMAL knowledge, it's only the venting that's still a problem nowadays. It's not my place to say as someone who hasn't messaged in the server frequently, but I'd like to gently remind people here that the Discord is public. It is not a friend group server, and there's a reason there's no vent channel. I understand everyone has issues, but time and place is important. This goes for every public server, not just Simunation.
This may be airing out my frustrations more than necessary but it's also a part of why I've gone inactive both on the server and in the Evboverse sphere. I'd made this server to be a small, fun, chill community, and for a time, I really enjoyed being apart of it all. But after a certain point, I started to feel like an outsider. I understand that it's most likely because I'm the main blogrunner and also the main moderator on the Discord server, but it was disheartening to say the least when the people I considered to be my friends didn't really return the sentiment. I'm sorry to anyone who might've witnessed my, for lack of better words, crashout during all that. It was no one's responsibility, genuinely. I just kind of felt like I was on the other side of the window while this group got along and got to know each other.
It was isolating. I have a long history of feeling left out and unfortunately based on multiple instances, I reached a tipping point. I suddenly didn't want to be involved in the Evboverse fandom because it was relatively tight knit and it felt like even if I cut myself off from this part of the fandom, I'd still cross paths with people who admittedly didn't do anything wrong, but who I just feel odd about interacting with nowadays because of how everything went down. Admittedly, I've found myself wanting to reach out to the people I'd tried to become friends with. Other times, I've considered blocking every username I recognize and trying to start fresh in the fandom because it still really does mean a lot to me. I just kind of feel like I'm not allowed to enjoy it anymore, or like I shouldn't come back because of my absence?
I know a lot of that last part was just venting my frustrations, and I apologize for that. It's not that substantial or reasonable, and it sucks that something like the Simblogs came to an end largely because of hyperfixations fizzling out, yes, but also because of personal problems. These blogs really did mean a lot to me, and there have been so many times I've considered trying again, whether this means trying to continue this blog, or just completely starting over with a new one. But again, I'm unsure of my place in this community, so out of nervousness I've kind of put off doing anything about it, or hell, even making this post, even if I really miss being apart of the Evboverse fandom.
Still, I'd just like to say that for whoever wants to know, I am in a better place mentally and socially. WHSMP and the people in it have genuinely changed my life for the better, and they've been with me through the hell that is architecture school. I'm not gonna make a big whoop about it but if you're interested in the idea of an End-borne apocalypse, maybe go check it out on my YouTube. Just. Might as well plug a little because it is something I'm proud of and work hard on, especially on the most recent video, which took me four months to make due to me making an animatic to a five minute song.
Regardless, I just wanted to put what I could out here to try and explain what all happen, and to give my perspective on things because I feel like this blog and this fandom has been haunting me, as dramatic as that sounds. I kind of just miss being apart of it all, even if my individual presence didn't mean too much. I was just happy so many people were enthusiastic about an AU that me and my friend had made. I don't know if I'll ever post the fic of the original AU that had inspired this blog, but if I can remember between school and the absolute Minecraft yaoi brainrot, I'd like to get that thing up.
Anyway, thanks for reading this. Again, I have the Simunation server muted. If you'd like to reach out to me, or have any comments or questions, feel free to reblog, send in an ask, DM me (on here or Discord), or whatever you feel you'd want to do. Feedback would be nice but this blog is dead and I've kind of been gone so, I'm not asking for it. I just hope this clarified some things.
At the end of the day, I'm grateful for everyone who put time or effort into this blog and the community surrounding it. It meant the world to me, genuinely. And I hope everyone's doing great.
