Cyclical..
Thereâs just something about the way you say my name that has me out here acting insane because deep down I know nothingâs gonna change, yet I keep engaging hoping the this time will be the last of the pain.
We fuss, we fight, we call each other names, and a while later weâre back at it again- making promises we canât keep and we just add to our long list of complaints.
We try to move on, forget this in the past- but nothing else seems to stick. We try to replace each other but that ends fast-we just sit there comparing our nexts to what used to be- itâs obvious that no one can measure up to the love we had ...
No one understands, Iâm pushed to prayers, faith, and belief in some greater divine plan- the amount of turmoil I feel should not ever be brought on by a man, yet here I sit, with my broken heart in hand.
So back to Crying and missing you- I find myself at it again, hoping to look at my phone and see your name- the only thing that seems to momentarily ease the pain.
And Sure enough, like clockwork- there we go...back to love filled sentences, heart felt budding romances, and promising to be better on our one millionth and one chances, the raw sensual advances, the thrilling fantasies of what could be....and then a simple word will upset me.
Brings me right back to the pain, the shattering feeling deep inside- the reason nothing was the same...and I find myself resenting you yet again after a long draining blame game....
You hang up, I turn my phone off- my usual response: just withdraw. Hours later turning it on to find missed calls round the clock.
Youâre sorry and you didnât mean it.
Then you call back, and I answer as a matter of fact, âwhat?â You take a breath and say, â you know I love youâ
Even though our actions canât attest to that being be true...a sigh of relief escapes me and I whisper, âI love you tooâ
Itâs a constant cycle, a rollercoaster that doesnât end- because really, how do you fall out of love with your best friend?
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