The Bits, but not ‘those’ bits...
PART 1: THE BASICS
What is your full name? Reginald Alan Donovan
Where and when were you born? In Belfast, Ireland. Somewhere in the late nineties or whatever.
What is your occupation? I see dead people. Communer of the dead or what have ya, a Medium; for all you ‘particular’ folks out there.
Are you right- or left-handed? Lefty Lucy.
What does your voice sound like? It sounds a bit like, like heavenly angels sent from above. You know? Kind of like, if the Lord’s wee lit’le angels were foul mouthed lit’le bastards who were devilishly good lookin’ but not proper speakers and all that nonsense.
What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? Twat. ‘Cause it’s very short and get’s the point across.Tit, comes in handy every now and again, as well. Also, fuck, fuckin’, fucker, fuckery. It’s one of them words that can be used for everything. Kinda like them Swiss army knives, with all the lit’le gadgets.
PART 2: GROWING UP
How would you describe your childhood in general? It was swell for a bout ten years, well... I suppose that really depends on how ya categorize swell. Oh, who am I kiddin’ it was alright, I guess. Until me mum and dad split and he skipped out on us. It was all kind of bollocks from then onwards, if I’m bein’ entirely honest.
What is your earliest memory? Walkin’ in on me dad fuckin’ his mate’s wife at their child’s fifth birthday party.
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? An astronaut. I fancied it for the whole skippin’ and a hoppin’ on the moon thing, and the whole Vader voice thing just sort of tied the whole thing full circle.
As a child, what were your favorite activities? Those moments in between the activities me mum had me doin’ to fill in the time, when I could just lay about doin’ absolutely nothin’.
When and with whom was your first kiss? Sandra McDough, she was a year older than I was and she was always goin’ on about how she was goin’ to be the last girl in her class to kiss a boy. Dronin’ on and on. I mean, I was about to cut off me ears if I had to listen to her whine about it a second longer. So, I kissed her. Flat out. Right there in the pews, as her class was filin’ out. I was six, she was seven. It stopped her whinin’ and was the first time a girl ever slapped my beautiful face. An introductory lesson into the female world.
Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? God no. Well, tossin’ aside that whole... thing with the priest or whatever, I lost it to one of my mum’s friends. Not exactly one of her close friends, but whatever. She was in the middle of a muddy divorce, I'd just turned about 14, or so, and a couple of drinks in and well... you get the idea. In hindsight, I probably should’ve trimmed my hair a bit. She was a bit grabby.
PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES
What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? I suppose the moment, Elizabeth died. She’s the only person, I’ve never been able to talk with who died.
Do you have a criminal record of any kind? Well, that depends on your definition of, criminal.
What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? I could write a book on the many embarrassin’ things that have happened to me. Trust me, you don’t wanna read that book.
If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? Elizabeth dyin’. ‘Cause I never got the chance to ask her to marry me. Sometimes I think... perhaps, in a parallel universe, we’re doin’ the whole family thing. Married and arguin’ and doin’ the whole normal life thing. But in our own fucked up interpretations of what those lives would look like.
What is your best memory? The first time I took so many drugs that I nearly saw Elizabeth.
What is your worst memory? My dad leavin’ us. Things were never alright with me mum after that.
PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS
What are your religious views? I don’t know if I believe in the whole, one god up in the sky, and all that nonsense. But, seein’ as how I’ve been able to see the dead since I was but a wee lit’le lad, I guess that means, somethin’s out there.
What are your political views? Just let the people do what they want, so long as it’s not fuckin’ with other people’s rights or forcin’ someone into doin’ somethin’ they don’t want to do.
What are your views on sex? All’s a go, as long as all parties consent. Just, broaden your horizons. Toys. Whips. Whatever. Don’t knock it till ya try it, I always say.
In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? Besides murderin’ someone for no reason, probably takin’ advantage of someone sexually.
Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? Sure, but at the end of the day, it’s practically a roll of the dice.
Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? My half sisters on me mum’s side, if I knew where my aunt moved to.
PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS
Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. Yes. They died.
What do you look for in a potential lover? Someone to be a twat with, who won’t take the entire world seriously.
Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? Not so much anymore. ‘Cause ya can’t depend on people.
If you died or went missing, who would miss you? That there is the million dollar question. I’d like to think someone, somewhere out there would miss me. But, who the fuck really knows?
Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? Sure, man. Loads of people, means; happy fuckin’ times. I was never really good at the whole maths thing, but that equals a fuckin’ party to me.
Do you care what others think of you? Eh, not really, no. Who has time to worry ‘bout what other people are thinkin’? I mean, honestly. It seems like a whole lot of time wasted on fucks you probably wouldn’t hang round if the world were endin’. Besides, I get exhausted havin’ me own thoughts.
PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES
What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? Toss all that together with some hallucinogenic drugs and I say that’s time spent well.
Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? Oh, yeah. ‘Cause it’s fuckin’ amazin’. Not really, no.
What, if anything, shocks or offends you? I don’t know, I think I’ve just gotten numb to the whole thing. Ya know? Once you’ve gone through life and gone through some shit, you basically feel like: “Okay, you can survive this.” Then somethin’ worse happens and ya just deal with it when it comes. But nothin’ generally comes to mind.
What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? Probably pop a random pill, just to see what would happen. Kind of like an experiment.
How do you deal with stress? The ol’ Mary Jane. Or some other tie to the illegal family of substances.
Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? Spontaneous till the day I die.
PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER
Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. I’m putting’ a pin in this.
Do you like yourself? Sometimes.
If you could choose, how would you want to die? Whatever way is the least painful.
If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. First off, I’d want to do every flavor from Ben and Jerry’s. Since I’ve never had all the flavors before. Second, I’d want to go back to Ireland and punch that old priest. Lastly, I’d probably shag a stewardess on the way back. I’ve always wanted to join that mile-high club.
What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? Reg, he partied like a proper rock star. God rest his soul. There shall never be another shag quite like him. His curls shall live on.
What three words would others probably use to describe you? Erratic, Eccentric, Lively.