Living Fast, Eating Ass

I’m Nathan. He/him, 19.

[unnaturalbabe-deactivated-deact]

tumblr i am BEGGING you to let me reblog ads, this is the funniest thing i’ve ever seen

[beatlesweatles]

All my friends and family: Thanos gripping your dash isnt real

Thanos gripping my dashboard:

[beatlesweatles]

[05fordexplorer-deactivated20211]

[elephantwildlife]

[flashinqlights]

ok so there’s a game me and my friends play called “don’t get me started” and basically someone gives another person a random topic and they have to go on an angry rant about it and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to us at parties and car rides so I highly recommend playing sometimes with your friends

[blueandbluer]

I love this idea. We used to do things like this in Improv.

[whatyouwanted-whatyougot]

Related game: “THINK ABOUT IT.” You’re given a random topic, and your job is to build it into an epic conspiracy theory, the crazier the better. You end your rant with a serious face and the command that your listeners “Think about it.” 

[astrojukebox]

Another related game: Illuninati. Similar to Think About It except you are given 2 completely different topics and you have to connect them to each other in a wild conspiracy rant

[a-simpler-life]

Rb to safe an awkward hang out

[straightmansummer]

my spotify algorithm: finally!! I know what music you like!

me: (listens to “Take Me Home, Country Roads” for an hour)

my spotify algorithm:

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i gave my sister $100 for her bday, but i gave it to her in $1 bills that i folded into origami. so that’s how she pays for delivery food & now the pizza girl thinks she’s a stripper

[cornposting]

You’re really good at origami holy sh

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i learned it specifically to make these for this exact situation 

[realpersonscifi]

Aren’t you the same bitch that gave your sister $100 dollars in nickels?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

same bitch

[wetmetal]

Yeah, neither of these things happened 👍🏼

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

listen here my good hoe, i can’t find photos of the 2000 nickels or the 20 stars, but i did not spend weeks planning meticulously inconvenient birthday gifts over a period of years just to get whaled on by internet gremlins. here is some equally compelling evidence for an anecdote i was saving for later:

it weighed 68.6 lbs

[judedeluca]

This is the 100 Star. Reblog to receive cash in unexpected ways.

[gothicprep]

can someone from the science side of tumblr explain this

[yiffest]

covalent bonds

[reggierockmybody]

Can you elaborate?

[wzzd7]

[nullifiedneet]

my boy ratatouille livin the good life im happy for him

[ubercream]

[porterr-robinson]

[diarrheaworldstarhiphop]

my fucking sides

[lilmamabeyellin]

[liquidlimits-deactivated2019032]

I just opened up a check in the mail, went to the ATM & found 20$ 😭 I’m not passing these shits up NO more on my mama!

[pacificrim-archive]

[loafed-beans-deactivated2020082]

[fedkaczynski]

What’s funny is that this actually happened. 

[allamericankindofguy-actual]

I’m unfamiliar with this story please elaborate

[fedkaczynski]

Finnish soldier gets separated from the rest of his unit but he’s the only one carrying the emergency amphetamines for the unit, takes too many and goes on a one man rampage for like 2 weeks straight giving the opposing Soviet soldiers nightmares for decades. Oh and he did it all on skis. 

[ethereal-insight-deactivated201]

Did he survive?

[loafed-beans-deactivated2020082]

Yes, during his methed up 2-3 week rampage he got injured by a land mine, travelled 400km on skis, and only ate pine buds and a Siberian Jay that he caught which he ate raw. When he made it back to Finnish lines he was taken to a hospital where it was found his heart rate was nearly 200 beats per minute and his weight had dropped to 43kg (94.7lbs).

[doctor-roman]

His name was Aimo Koivunen if you want to look him up

[misteryada]

Those are the eyes of a man who has seen god and laughed

[shingojira]

chaos reigns 

[shingojira]

[shingojira]

i made the mod too

[dankest-of-lies]

Reblog this or die.

[hxtml]

[blog-493629846]

met a dumb ass today, awful

[soldierpaladin]

You looked in a mirror?

[blog-493629846]

someday you will have to answer for your actions and god may not be so merciful

[kirkspocks]

odin is like “when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco bell”

[chromalogue]

Oðinn spake:

Bright the sun shone | at the time of Þor’s birth, And bathed his count'nance fair. Loki, wolf-father, | the trickster, the liar, I found on the cold pavement While returning in glory | from a grand hunt For a 3 AM quesadilla.

[baegishjalmur]

@damn-fuck-i-burnt-myself-again

[systlin]

I need this framed on my wall it’s so beautiful. 

[retro-minty]

@theshitpostcalligrapher

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

ay @systlin hmu

[bold-sartorial-statement]

@systlin

My husband complained that this was more Shakespeare than Eddas, and I challenged him to do better.

Solen sken, skönt gyllene

Dagen Tor föddes

På trottoaren, vid Taco Bell

Där låg Loke

—KJN

My translation:

The sun shone, sweet golden

The day of Tor’s birth

On the tarmac, by Taco Bell

There lay Loki

(For poetry reasons, Thor needs the Swedish spelling.)

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

@bold-sartorial-statement

ay yo show ur husband 

[andersonsallpurpose]

@bold-sartorial-statement no but hang on this should be in runes: 

(oops spot the typos)

[svampurinn]

i wanna translate this into icelandic so imma do it 

Sólin skein, björt og gullin við fæðingu Þórs á stígnum við Taco Bell Þar lá Loki

[books-and-candy-ples]

The amount of quality going into these shitposts is amazing

[rembrandtswife]

This is not shitposting, this is transformative work!

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

so fun fact yall. A certain someone splurged out the cash to get this remastered with illumination, what do yall think?

[sapphic-matriarchy]

someday archeologists are gonna find this. 

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

which is why i made things like the soft taco just as detailed as the emblems of thor (goat, hammer, rune) and loki (Baldersbrow holding back the fenriswolf, Jörmungandr, rune)