Nia

Suicidal drug addict’s vent blog. 20 / She

[reiviee]

the come up is always so uncomfortable

how long has it been since we last did this?

it feels like it’s been centuries

i am finally home

[reiviee]

god i love the feeling of my gums bleeding UGHHH

i can’t stop picking them until i bleed it feels so good

[reiviee]

im so tired

im getting delusional

i want to stay up longer, maybe if i lose my mind ill be capable of killing myself

i only need enough caffeine and nicotine to keep me awake longer enough to be ready to die

[seraphemia]

[deaddolldonot3at-deactivated202]

I like how he calls me puppygirl

(This sounds so corny but wtv this is my blog you can fuck off if you don't like it.)

And then he calls me a slut and I'm like oh wow....

🤤

[reiviee]

people say you become what you hate

if that’s true, i might be happy someday

i’ve always hated them for it

[reiviee]

im living the life of an ex-yandere

there was a time i would have killed for love if i had the chance

i dont think ill ever feel like that again

i miss the wanting more than anything

the need

i dont miss him

i miss how much i loved him

[reiviee]

its a weird feeling knowing the youll never feel that way again

i miss waking up and smiling while reading messages

instead of dreaming about talking i just did

the love i felt is gone now

replaced with something smaller

maybe something less painful

but compared to that its nothing

[reiviee]

i see cuts on my arms and remember why

the anger and pain, me waiting to die

the rain washing away who i thought i was

anger and shame that i felt just because

[reiviee]

the pain never truly leaves, but things are peaceful sometimes. i smile more often than i used to.

ive been thinking of sisyphus, and i realize that the further i push the easier it gets

we heal slowly, but maybe i will find my way to happiness again. someday.

[reiviee]

hypersexuality ruins my life and suppressing it ruins it more

why cant i just be normal and chill out

[reiviee]

my mind is killing me it keeps retroactively simplifying and overwriting my memories so i can’t remember what i did wrong

why can i not realize that i have not been all good

that things were my fault a lot of the time

i know this and yet my mind will not let me accept that

[reiviee]

im so depressed and i want to kill myself and if i tell anyone they’re gonna call the cops on me

i hate my job and i hate my life nothing makes me happy and if this is just how it is for 4 years i might as well just end it

[reiviee]

> me stimming

bf: “ can you stop?”

i stopped and i wanna cry now why is everyone around me always like this they don’t care at all

[reiviee]

im gonna start isolating myself being around people just reminds me of how disposable and worthless i am and makes everything so much worse

my plushies don’t do that to me

they’re safe, people aren’t

[reiviee]

i really need a therapist and the fact that i can’t get one who will do weekly sessions unless i pay out my ass is gonna kill me

i know what’s wrong and i sorta know why but knowing why doesn’t do shit for fixing anything

i hate this country im supposed to be in a mental hospital and i cant be because ill become homeless in a place where it snows in fucking june

[reiviee]

randomly found ur blog while drunk. but u make me feel so seen. i understand you so much we are so similar <\3333333

there are many like us, but it’s rare to see people talk about it

it’s always comforting to see i’m less alone than i think, so thank you for sending this

i wish you peace <3