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Hi Rhea. I recently married my girlfriend of 6 years & have no regrets. We're both committed to making our relationship last the rest of our lives, but I'm having the ol' freakout about not having sex with anyone other than my wife. I guess what I'm asking you is what are your opinions on open relationships? Do you think they can work? I'm a monogamous lady, but am feeling crushed by my inexperience with more women. I found my spouse, I know that, but what do I do with these wild oats?

I’ve not ever been in an open relationship so I don’t have much experience there; I only know that being open and honest with your partner in that situation is the ONLY way for it to work.

I used to feel like I didn’t have enough experience with women but then I realized it doesn’t really matter. I’m not going to be on my deathbed wishing I had gotten more chicks. You might not feel this way so I encourage you to go to Dan Savage’s podcast to get all the ins and outs (pun intended) of having an open relationship.

hello there america, france texting here (absolutely, we froggies like you a lot). could you list a couple of electro-pop albums u enjoy? nothing beats poliça at the moment though i'm sure u're not dry for inspiration! and since our countries boast a win-win relationship, i invite u and ur followers to listen to chloe's "one in other" : pure minimal techno gem (that is of course if u like minimal). keep it up butcher, u rock.

I really love Policia and also Robyn. I listen to KCRW a lot, and they play a lot of electronic stuff that I like, but never remember to write down.

Have you ever struggled with questioning your gender? I don't know what to do anymore. Part of me keeps telling myself I can limbs happy just being butch, the other, really feels male sometimes. I'm so lost. It is even more frustrating that having coming out as lesbian recently, I was happy that I wouldn't ever have to come out again. Coming to the reality that may be trans scares the shit outta me.

I absolutely have. I spent most of my childhood being really confused about being a girl. In college and grad school I did a lot of work (I was an art major) about gender performance. It’s something I still think about. Honestly, I “came to terms” about being a woman in my mid 20′s. I think if it’s something you are wrestling with in your own mind, look for some books or movies (”Venusboyz” comes to mind) and maybe also seek out a trans men’s support group? You might be able to gain a more positive perspective and discover more about yourself and how you feel about your identity.

Also, if you are trans or not, BOTH are awesome. It’s a gift, not a negative thing. Yes, it will be hard to deal with the people outside of yourself BUT if you can accept the fact that being L,G, B, or T is a fun and amazing thing, more people will be on board with you.

Good luck my friend!

I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian but I've never been with a girl (or a boy for that matter). Do you think I should wait to tell my friends and family until I know for sure? I'm worried that I'll go through "coming out" then decide I like guys. HELP!

I say, talk it out with your most trusted and kind friends or family members. I wasn’t sure if I was gay or bisexual for a little while, and once I began to open up about how I felt, I started to understand myself more. I also had some great experiences with therapists who helped me to see myself clearer.

Hi, Rhea! I'm a high-schooler, and a pretty butch lesbian. I'm only out to my immediate family and a couple of my (LGBT) friends. I'm completely unsure whether to be openly gay to everyone else. In quite a few of my classes people call each other gay for no reason. If someone posts a picture of themself on Instagram, so many people call them a faggot. If I come out, I'm afraid I'll lose friends and support from people I trust. My question is that should I come out now, or wait until I'm older?

Given the immaturity and absentminded bigotry that seems to be rampant at your school and on social media, I woul say wait until you are more independent and have a more curated group of friends. College and post high school jobs are great places to really spread your wings and soar. You will find that there will be many more people like you.

I have been considering a haircut similar to yours for some time now. I want to get some sort idea of what is done to maintain it. How do you do your hair?

Very specific washing cycle, plus hairspray, plus pomade.

Hey Rhea! (I hope it's okay to call you that) I was wondering if you ever had the problem of other women being too couple-ly with you, while being in a relationship. I've been having this issue, and it's progressed from just wanting a lil kiss to wanting to sleep with me, even thought I've said no multiple times and she's in a relationship. (bc I'm a lesbian, I don't count I guess..?) I really don't understand why they both (there's two girls) want this or how to get them to stop. it's not cool.

Please do call me Rhea, as that is my name ;)

If these women won’t respect your personal space or boundaries, I think it’s time to hang out with some new ladies that like you for who you are, not what you are.

I have developed strong feelings toward my best friend.. I don't know exactly how to go about telling her since I'm recently divored from my husband. I don't want to ruin our friendship, also I'm just now facing my inner me and my attractiveness toward other women. What direction should I go from here??

I feel like you should try to have an open and honest talk with your friend. Or another avenue that could be really helpful is going to see a therapist. I have been seeing therapists off and on for about ten years now, and I have found that even when their advice might not be spot on, getting a chance to talk something out always helps.

How strong is too strong of a come on?

Drunk.

is it possible to get back with someone after a long period of time apart? and by apart I mean totally MIA, no contact type apart? - still hopeful.

I did get back in a relationship about 3 years after it had ended. It was ok for awhile, but we ended up breaking up (obviously). I would say that the old cliche really holds true: If you love something, set it free. I really believe that in letting go of the things you really want, you will give yourself the space to move to the next thing, whether it’s what you actually set free or something new.

So I'm genderflux. sometimes I wear a binder. But tennis season just started and I have practice everyday which means I go to the locker room everyday. What's an alternate for changing out of my binder in a girls locker room without being questioned

I guess I would say wear a sportsbra or two on practice days?

Do you answer every question you get?

I try.

nice, short, witty-wise answers, oracle (check j.w waterhouse's painting). enlighten us all: what's the meaning of life? (don't overthink or wikipedia) ;-)

The meaning of life is to enjoy it.

Hi rhea, I just came out last year to myself. I'm still in high school I'm 17. I was wondering if you had any advice for young lesbians trying to find other young lesbians.

First off, CONGRATS! We are so glad you’re here. Second, I would say the internet is a good spot! Even this old lady over here used the internet to meet people when the internet was all angelfires and geocities. I found pen pals in LiveJournals and music blogs. I got to find gals that had shared interests with me and felt like I had a community. Heck, I even found some gals that lived close to me and met them at shows!

What do you love about doing standup?

I love being in control, being in the moment, and being honest. I also love to make people laugh.

So, dolphin awesomeness picture raised a question for me : what kind of bathing suit do you wear? I have worn trunks and tanks, trunks and bikini top, and many other combinations... Just kind of wondering opinions and other options. I have yet to find one I like, and that really seems like me.

Well, sadly I just lost my bathing suit so I am in the market for a new one. I mostly wear a bikini top and bottoms, and then a pair of purple men’s swim trunks that I really like. I personally am uncomfortable showing off my thighs, much less so than my torso. It is, however, something I had to work up to. I got my suit from Old Navy and my trunks from Urban Outfitters (on sale of course).

If a straight girl is interested in dating/being in a relstionship with you then is she still straight?

This is kind of like the “If a tree falls in the forest” type question. My current mantra a la sexual orientation is this: I prefer identity to labels.

Labels are something you put on someone else. Identities are self ascribed. i think if a girl is interested in being with you you should identify as this: LUCKY!

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