Salvis fic “ I just want to hold him” ch 1-2
Travis Phelps thought he knew that this love was wrong but deep down he felt
something different, something soft, something true, something..right?
Sitting in class, Travis tries hard to focus on his work, his back ached and stung from a particularly brutal beating the night before. He had tried to stand up for his sister Madeleine, but he knew it would only result in more anger from his father.
After the bell had rang, Sal fisher had stopped him in the hall. “Hey I noticed you seemed a little on edge, are you good? You look a bit.. you know.. shaken up? And your lip is all busted?” “I’m fine.” Travis mumbled, “why do you care anyway, don’t you have better things to worry about?” Travis said annoyed Sal had even asked. “Woah sorry dude, didn’t mean to strike a nerve there, just wanted to see if you were okay, that’s all.” Sal spoke.“Fuck off I told you I don’t need your sympathy” Travis said, his voice growing more intense. “Jeez don’t go all psycho on me, I was just checking in.” Sal said, getting defensive. Travis, with an mixed expression of anger, sadness, and frustration, clenched his fist in pure rage, prepared to hurt Sal, channeling the same anger he felt when his father berated him, then he closed his eyes and swung. Larry Johnson who had walked into this mess had pulled Sal out of it. “ what the fuck is wrong with you!?” Larry spat. Tears filled Travis’ eyes as he turned and walked away. He had hidden in the bathroom for the rest of the day, not knowing when or if he should leave. He mostly sat and cried until the final bell rang. On his walk home, he took a longer route, not wanting to return home. Once home, he hesitated before entering, but he had to, so he mustered up his last bit of dignity and entered. His father, Kenneth Phelps, had already begun getting dressed for church. “ hurry and get ready, we’re leaving for church soon.” Kenneth scoffed. “Y-yes father” Travis said in reluctant agreement. He scurried off to his room, where he then brushed back his hair making sure it looked neat and washed his face and hands then he quietly walked to his sisters room and asked, “ madeleine, I know it’s wrong for boys to wear makeup but can you help me hide my split lip like mom used to do? Father will be mad if we gain extra attention at church.” He nervously asked. “ of course, Travis I’ll help, I’ll just grab my makeup bag from under my bed.” She responded. “Okay sister, but why is it under your bed?” He asked a bit confused. “father won’t let us wear makeup so I have to hide it.” She paused “please don’t tell father or Mary, I know lying is wrong but I only have it to hide our bruises, and it’s moms old makeup, I couldn’t bring myself to part with it.” She admitted nervously. “I-i won’t tell” he said nervous of the new secret to hide, a new weight on his chest. As she finished his makeup, his injuries hadn’t fully went away but were less noticeable. Once downstairs, his father luckily, Had not noticed how quickly his injuries had ‘healed’ so they and set out to church the three children sitting in the back of his father’s vehicle. Once they had arrived, the all lined up in the front row of pews, so his father could freely walk up to the ambo when needed. As mass ended he had begun greeting the usual crowd as they exited as his father instructed him and his sisters to do. Once done they had to wait on the front steps of the church until his father exited the building, then they could leave. One they returned home Travis had said good night to his father and sisters, saying he would like to get ready for bed earlier than instructed. Once upstairs and in his room he pulled a small leather notebook from inside his pillowcase, the same notebook his mother had given him. He started writing mostly about how his day but when he got to the part about his interaction with Sal he paused why did Sal want to know if he was okay? He didn’t have to care about him, he shouldn’t want to, not after how Travis had treated him, but why did it make him feel.. seen? Like someone cared about him for once, he felt terrible for hurting him, all he wanted to was check on Travis, and he hit him. Tomorrow he should apologize. He may not ‘like’ sal but he doesn’t deserve to be hurt for just simply caring.
Travis hurry’s to the bathroom after class, trying to write an apology letter to Sal, because he can’t say it face to face. He’s on his third attempt because every letter comes out seeming too .. romantic? No, no that’s wrong.. boys can’t be romantic.. right? Tears start to form in his eyes as he hears the bathroom door open and shut, he hurries to wipe his tears a someone knocks on the stall door, “hey is anyone in there?” It was Sal, “y-yea I’ll be out in a minute.” Travis responded sounding teary eyed and nasally like he’d been crying “wait, Travis is that you? Are you..crying? Sal asked, sounding concerned. “I’m fine Sal.” Travis said with a fake normal tone trying to mask his shaky voice. He hurry’s to stand up and a crumbled first-draft paper falls from under the stall. “NO” shouts Travis with a panicked tone. Sal picks it up, slumping down against the wall as he carefully opens the paper ball, as he reads, the bathroom maintains a simple silence. “Travis.. I didn’t know you felt this way..I appreciate the apology man!” Sal says as Travis slowly opens the stall door and slumps down next to Sal, leaning his head against the wall, his eyes closing, “you weren’t supposed to read that” Travis says sounding flustered. “I think it’s kinda..sweet!” Sal says, smiling under the mask, “if you want, we could be.. friends?” Sal proposes, “yea, I’d like that.” Travis responds “would you want to maybe.. come by my place after school?” Sal asks “sure, sally-face” Travis responds, teasing Sal. Travis looks down at his watch and notices he’s late for class “shoot Im late.. look man I’ve gotta go!” Travis says panicked “ sure man, see you later “ Sal responds. Travis hurry out and down the hall to his gym class, once there he remains on the bleachers, he was never very athletic, so most of the time he sat out. He started to think about what had happened he felt his cheeks getting hot, why does he feel this way, it’s just a friend, sals..just a friend, so why does it feel like..more? Later when he comes home he asks his father, “father may I go to a friends house for a few hours? It’s for one-on-one bible study.” he asks “I guess if it’s for bible study, but be back before eight, no exceptions.” His father responds. “Thank you father, I will be home before eight.” Travis says in agreement.
He turns and walks outside a cheerful smile plastered across his face, the first time he’s smiled in a while. The bike to the Addison apartments was short, much like the bike to school. Once in the building he goes to room 402 of the fourth floor, and built up some courage and knocked, as Sal opens the door he can feel his face getting hot, he doesn’t know why he’s flustered by Sal, he’s just a friend, right? As he steps in the building, Sal grabs his hand, taking to his room “come on! It’s just down here sorry if it’s a bit messy.” Sal says half jokingly “I-it’s okay, I don’t mind” Travis says a bit nervous, “do you smoke?” Sal asked “weed? absolutely not, that goes against the Bible.” Travis responds a bit annoyed that Sal even asked “your loss man.” Sal say as he lights a joint, Travis cant help but watch as he begins to speak before he can think “you know what fine, pass it over,” “sure man.” Sal says laughing as he hands the joint over to Travis “I uhh don’t know how to smoke it.. could you help me?” Travis asks “oh yea dude here.” Sal says as he comes up closer in front of him, placing the joint in Travis’ mouth “okay now breath in, and breathe in again, then exhale” Sal says to Travis inches away from his face laughing as Travis coughs, leaning his hands on Travis’ thighs as Travis falls backwards, so does Sal, almost on top of him. As Sal rolls off Travis laughing hysterically, they both lay looking up at the ceiling then, each other, their faces inches away from each other, as Sal reaches his arm out and rests his hand on Travis’ face and Travis feels..safe? But that’s not right, but it feels right.
