Free
I hate this.
Night after night of thoughts. Constant thinking.
“Sobriety is good for you” she echoes as if she were in the other room.
Even though I know it to be false. (Another constant thought that is exactly why I kept myself numb to begin with)
Trying to focus and I find myself just wandering, delirious and deprived of necessary life elements.
Trying to focus and I don’t remember what has happened in the last 6 hours of programmed television. It’s like I never watched it.
Trying to focus as I write and I find a moment of clarity. That clarity reminds me I should bathe, and do laundry.
The thought is quickly pushed aside. “No time for such trivial matters.”
I have used so many things to free myself but it only works on the body.
My mind continues to, not race as one might think, but more loop. Like a playlist comprised of one, five minute song.
My soul remains torn, longing for that other half, pretending to not know where that half has gone.
My spirit remains trapped, not in a way that is poetic like a bird in a cage, but an entirely more powerful binding.
My body is free but my mind is on an oval track.
My body is free but my soul is giving up.
My body is free but in an over used simile my spirit is bound and chained, owned by another.
I need a free mind, a free soul.
Free, as in spirit.
