better off without me.

riley carlisle. 27. chaotic neutral. president of the cheetos fan club. It doesn’t matter how many times you leave, it will always hurt to come back and remember what you once had and who you once were. Then it will hurt just as much to leave again, and so it goes over and over again. ...Once you’ve started to leave, you will run your whole life.

[rileycarlisle]

elizcbethkennedy​:

☽

“Um - I -” Lizzie is at a complete loss for words, feeling more and more self-conscious as the seconds ticked by. The coincidence of bumping into Nick’s wife on the small island is too much for her to bear, too soon after she’d amended her initial opinion of him. 

Because if he’s married… then why the hell would their parents try to get them together? Why hadn’t he said a word of it, after she’d decided to trust him? Lizzie wonders why it increasingly felt like she’d been at the butt of all too many jokes. “No,” she finally clarifies, shaking her head for emphasis. Blue eyes fall, rolling a pebble underneath her foot as she continues to digest her thoughts. “I - I’m sorry, what is going on?” Six years is a long time, and she wracks her brain for the conversations she’s had with him, whether he’s given her an inkling of his past. 

.

“It’s a long story,” Riley says, waving her hand like she didn’t just drop a bomb on Lizzie’s day. She’s toeing a line of feeling badly and letting petty jealousy claim her. But the look on Lizzie’s face is nudging her uncomfortably close to the latter. “I guess to be fair, there are a lot of technicalities. But legally, he is married. You should ask him about it sometime.” Riley studies her face carefully. It’s not fair to take this out on her, she’s not the guilty party here. If she’s being honest, neither is Nick. No, she’s definitely sitting at the table alone with this one. But she can’t help how much she hates it, how it gets under her skin, how she wants to leave Lizzie with ashes in her mouth and a worse opinion of Nick than before she’d been unfortunate enough to cross Riley’s path. “It was really nice to meet you, though.”

[rileycarlisle]

nsvanderbilt​:

Nick had just enough home security to get an alert on his phone when Riley pulled into the driveway.  He also had just enough self-awareness to recognize the way her arrival tore him in half, emotionally speaking.  Anxiety and anticipation were one and the same when she said she was coming over, but they split into distinct parts.  The gap between them only widened the longer she sat in her car.   Part of him wanted to throw the door open and welcome her inside because he wanted to see her.  Part of him wanted to text her something so aggressive and unkind she’d go away. 

Welcome to the last six years of your life, dumbass, he thought relentlessly while he waited.  In reality, the divide only lasted a few minutes.  The last several years had been made up of something else altogether more longing, heartbroken, lonely, and ultimately depressing.

She knocked and the sound of it wasn’t entirely unlike whatever the fuck was going on in his chest.  He tightly controlled his steps as he walked to the front door and tried to tightly control the look on his face.  

.

Her resolve was a fickle thing, the urge to flee mounting with every passing second before the door opened. Each heartbeat was a resounding leave, leave, leave pulsing through her ears like a mantra. There was even some hysterical part of her that believed running away from this was the solution. 

But before she could act on that hysteria, the door opened. She wasn’t sure what she was doing with her face, but she hoped it didn’t look as stiff as his own face. “Hey,” she said, too breezy to be truly casual. She didn’t wait for an invitation as she squeezed past him and moved inside. She leaned against the wall, waiting for him to close the door. “I went to see Charlotte,” she said by way of greeting. “For a few weeks. I don’t know if you knew that.” It was a not-so-subtle way of asking if he’d known she’d left town, if he’d assumed-- wrongly, this time-- that she’d taken off again. And if it meant anything that she was back now. 

She really wished she hadn’t implemented the sober order. She briefly considered how it might look if she walked it back now.

“Nice place, by the way. Gordy is sorely missing, though, if I’m being honest.”

[rileycarlisle]

elizcbethkennedy​:

☽

Lizzie doesn’t even like him — meaning, not in that way, but still, she feels her heart drop into her stomach. “…What?” Her entire face goes slack, like a fish out of water, mind running a thousand miles an hour. “He - he’s married?”

It’s funny, just as she was beginning to trust him, too. Lizzie was learning that Nick wasn’t so bad (dare she even say nice?), and worth getting to know, but now this? Stupid to trust him, Lizzie thinks that she should’ve gone with her gut, which had told her that he was a douchebag. No decent person would keep such a big thing, knowing their situation. Closing her eyes, she faces down at her shoes, steadying her breath. “Since when?”

.

She doesn’t feel better.

In fact, she feels like maybe she’s somehow gotten shorter, watching the other woman’s face dawn with realization as she processes Riley’s words. When she confirms that, yes, he is married, the word sounds small. She doesn’t feel bad enough to mention that at this point, it’s basically just technicality. She’s not that good of a person.

“Six years.” It’s a simple, unemotional answer. She compartmentalizes like a pro, figuring she’ll try to unknot the mess of feelings roiling like a storm in her stomach later. She’s overcome with a morbid curiosity, though, like some weird desire to hold your hand over a flame just to feel it burn. “He didn’t tell you?” It’s not a question that deduction can’t answer for her, but she wants to hear it. Some masochistic part of her wants to pay penance for leaving, to see the results of her storm firsthand. 

[rileycarlisle]

the only hoax i believe in | richolas

WHO: @nsvanderbilt​ WHERE: nick’s house.

It was decidedly less exciting showing up announced. The thrill of the pop-in was sorely missing from her drive to Nick’s house and it allowed too much time for her mind to wander freely. Her hands, that had been in a loose, casual grip, were now white-knuckled. Insisting on being sober felt like a cruel joke now. All of the reasons why had evaporated beneath the holy shit what am I doing. Only Charlotte’s words in her mind and the quiet sadness in her eyes had her putting the car in park, fingers tapping anxiously against the steering wheel. Okay, now get out of the car, she silently commanded herself. 

And after only a few minutes of that, she found herself in front of his door. Every word she’d painstakingly replayed over and over in her mind left her as she lifted her fist, took a deep breath, and knocked.

[rileycarlisle]

dinah-palmer​:

Every time Dinah thought she was someone completely different, she was reminded that deep, deep down, she was still that fun-loving party girl. Maybe drugs were no longer her candy, not after getting pregnant, but she could still have fun in other ways. A drink or two wouldn’t kill anything and neither would junk food. 

Seeing an old friend was proof that she could still hang, maybe. Maybe was a strong word. The door flew open and soon, Dinah was greeted with a pair of arms thrown around her like an octopus. “Riles!” she said with a laugh, a grocery bag hanging from one finger. “I age like wine, darling.” Dinah drew back to follow her inside and kicked the door shut behind her. “What are we drinking?”

.

Time ceased to exist in that moment. The years that stretched between them, all of the things that had happened in the interim, disappeared into meaningless nothing as she looked upon the face of one of the few people in her life she could consider a confidant. One of maybe three people total that could claim to actually know her. She didn’t realize just how badly she needed an anchor like that until she’d wrapped Dinah up in her arms. 

But she was decidedly not the sentimental type and stepped out of the embrace casually, shooing the door closed with her foot as she led Dinah inside. “Well,” she said, glancing over her shoulder only a moment as she made her way towards the tiny kitchen she was currently calling her own. “I wasn’t sure what you were into anymore, so I kind of bought a little of everything. There’s wine, whiskey, beer, cider, um..” She trailed off, feeling as though she was missing something. “Nope, I guess that’s it.” Grabbing several glasses of varying sizes from the cabinets (god bless fully stocked air bnbs!), she set them on the counter and then turned to Dinah with a cocked brow. “Pick your poison, baby. You’re gonna need it.”

[rileycarlisle]

text → nick

Nick: I will stay this way for an hour. Any longer than that, and the deal's off, Vanderbilt. Or is it Carlisle? I guess I never knew what you did after I moved.

Nick: I sincerely hope the effort doesn't kill you. Being an adult actually sucks more than advertised.

Riley: Just Riley is fine, thanks.

Riley: Be there in fifteen.

[rileycarlisle]

elizcbethkennedy​:

☽

Lizzie isn’t slow — but she has to admit, the fish-faced gape her face has fallen into is far from intelligent. It’s only an added bonus that she takes much too long to respond, as if she’s been caught red-handed in something she has no part in. Her and Nick are friends. Friends, of course, their parents are either to smash together in holy matrimony… but between the two of them, they hardly wanted that for their future. 

“Um… right… yeah,” she replies, closing her eyes, shaking her head. “I - I do. I know him.” Swallowing, her hands fiddle with the end of her shirt. The woman’s terrifyingly beautiful,  and it only served to intimidate Lizzie even more. “What - what did you say your name was again?” 

.

She studies Lizzie’s face carefully, ready to read into every subtle nuance. Riley figures even if she says nothing-- or worse, denies it-- then the way her mouth is hanging open and the weighted silence that follows is telling enough. Either way, she feels that unmistakable sinking feeling deep in the pit of her stomach. It’s not fair, of course. It’s been years since she left and she hasn’t exactly been the picture of faithfulness. It should make sense that he’s moving on and that she may be the type he’s moving on with; softer around the edges, less damaged maybe. 

And then she speaks and Riley seems to return to herself. She straightens, rolls her shoulders and squares them. She smiles-- sickly sweet-- and palms her forehead as if she’s only just remembered her manners. “Oh! Right! God, what a dick, I’m sorry. I haven’t even introduced myself.” She holds out a hand, each word dripping from her lips like spun sugar. “I’m Riley Carlisle. Nick’s wife.”

[rileycarlisle]

text → nick

Nick: Well so far I am. That can change real quick.

Nick: No, you don't. That's well-proven.

Nick: Licker.

Nick: Liar*. Auto correct.

Riley: Just stay that way for at least the next hour, okay? I'm on my way.

Riley: This may come as a surprise to you, but I'm actually trying to be an adult here. It's probably not going to last long and I'm pretty sure I'm allergic, but I'm trying.

Riley: I'm not gonna deny either one of those.

[rileycarlisle]

text → nick

Nick: For whom?

Nick: Is a 1 the least sober or the most sober? This is the kind of shit I mean by parameters, Riley. You can't make someone as anal as I am commit to a scale without those details.

Nick: I don't have a girlfriend. Or someone I cutely refuse to call my girlfriend who's leaving her shit in my house, either. Try again and make it harder.

Riley: For me. I thought that part was obvious.

Riley: Sober, Nick. I need you to be sober.

Riley: And for the record, I'm too sober for anal.

Riley: Okay, play coy, that's fine. But you and I both know I don't really have to try to make it hard.

Riley: Harder*. Auto correct.

[rileycarlisle]

text → nick

Nick: Not the worst streak to lose, if I'm being honest.

Nick: [Nick's address that I'm too lazy to make up here.]

Nick: In order to answer that, I need better parameters.

Nick: If you're showing up here, we both probably need to be more drunk than we currently are.

Nick: And, if I'm being honest, you probably need a change of clothes and shower supplies unless you wanna gamble on what I have stocked.

Riley: But it's so much more fun than calling first.

Riley: Actually, for this, I'm gonna need you to be at a 1.

Riley: I figure if I need either of those things, I'll just borrow your girlfriend's.

[rileycarlisle]

text → nick

Riley: So either Gordy has become immune to my charms or he really doesn't know where you live now. Either way, I've lost my showing up unannounced streak.

Riley: On a scale from 1-10, how sober are you?

Riley: These things may not feel like they're related, but I promise they are.

[rileycarlisle]

aaronhirsch​:

.

There were days, Aaron knew, that an offer like the one he’d put forward would have been rejected as quick as a flash. There were a lot of creeps out there and he wouldn’t have blamed anyone for being wary. Not everybody’s intentions were always true.

“Good to meet you Riley,” he responded with an easy smile, lifting his glass towards hers as soon as it was placed down on the bar top. At her question, he mulled it over for a moment and put the glass down once more. “The latter I suppose. It’s been a hard couple of weeks for a lot of us, so I was hoping to at least raise a smile from someone.”

.

Riley’s mouth turned down in a frown, head tilting to the side as her brows pulled together. She’d been away from Catalina for a number of weeks, so she couldn’t say for sure, but the way he’d said a hard couple of weeks for a lot of us, had suggested that she might know exactly what he was talking about. She didn’t, of course, but now she was curious. “Sorry, I just got back in. You’re not talking about the blackout, right?” That had been more than just a few weeks ago. “Did crazy happen here or something?”

[rileycarlisle]

elizcbethkennedy​:

☽

A single stilted smile offered as she shakes her head. “Nope. I’m a die-hard West Coastie, unfortunately. I mean — I’ve been to New York, of course, but I don’t think I met anyone new when I was there.” Out from her mouth is a nervous chuckle, and she shrugs lightly, tightening her grip on her arm. Her bottom lip curves inward into her mouth, teeth sinking into the flesh, sure to leave an imprint. “Maybe my parents?” She inhales, narrowing her eyes with a careful curiosity. Lizzie never liked talking about her parents, and she’s almost concerned that that is where this woman knows her from. Anyone her parents knew was bad news, in her narrow-minded opinion — but then again, they’d probably been fed the negative tidbits told to her by her parents. “I’m Elizabeth. Elizabeth Kennedy, but everyone calls me Lizzie.” Please don’t be someone my parents know. 

.

Riley almost feels bad. But she’s too deep into this to back out now. And honestly? Sometimes petty feels good. When she suggests her parents, Riley feels like that’s all she really needs to know. Though Catalina is a world away from the politics of the Upper East Side, she can still spot wealth in a conversation. Of course she’s the type Nick would go for. She would even bet their families had something to do with it. 

Mama V had looked her right in the face and said nothing. That thought sinks like a lead weight into the pit of her stomach and suddenly, she isn’t having very much fun with this game. “No, it’s not your parents,” she clarifies. She eyes the girl before her for another long moment before she decides to just go all in. “Nicholas Vanderbilt. That’s what it is. You know him, right?”

[rileycarlisle]

WHERE: riley’s lil airbnb. WHO: @dinah-palmer​ & riley.

The place was small, mostly white, with stiff hotel-like decor. Riley hated it. Already, clothes were strewn about the place as if she’d lived in it longer than a day. She made no move to clean them up, simply shuffled things around in a slightly less chaotic manner. Maybe Catalina hadn’t welcomed her back like an old friend, but who needed a city when she had the real thing?

The knock on her door made her jump, running to throw it open until it hit the wall and launching herself at her friend. “Holy shit, D! How the fuck has it been five years and you only look hotter?” She held on tightly for another moment before stepping back and moving into the apartment, leaving the door ajar for Dinah to follow. She plucked an unopened bottle off the counter and twirled it in the air. “Better get started. We have a lot to catch up on.”

[rileycarlisle]

Text → Riley

Dinah: No one does it better xo

Dinah: Let the student teach the master.

Riley: You're like the longest living relationship I have. There's a reason I keep you around.

Riley: *enter address here bc if i start looking at trulia, i will be there all night*

Riley: The entry fee is a bag of Cheetos. See you soon. xx

[rileycarlisle]

aaronhirsch​:

Aaron knew that his offer would come across as unprecedented to most. Some didn’t take kindly to a complete stranger offering them a drink in a half empty bar. But he was in a friendly mood and had felt the need to try and share that around a little, especially considering there was no one there that he knew right now to have a conversation with, after a couple of drinks that could prove to be lonely and he’d never been the biggest fan of that feeling. When the person he’d spoken to accepted his offer, he flashed her a smile, and then nodded towards the bartender who had clearly been listening to the exchange.

Nodding in response to her words, he passed some money over to the bartender. “Definitely fair,” he responded, even though he knew that he shouldn’t really have another one, not if he wanted to show up to school with a clear head in the morning. Sometimes, though, he found that the night and the situation called for it. “Aaron… and you are?”

.

It had never been said that Riley was a good reader of people. She had intuition, sure, but as an inherent Ruiner of Things, she was really good at ignoring those feelings. She did, however, make snap judgments. (And no, she didn’t think that was a character flaw.) Right now, her snap judgments were telling her that he was not a threat. 

A smile spread slow across her face. “Aaron,” she repeated, trying the name out in her mouth. The bartender set her whiskey down and Riley grabbed it, tilting it towards her new friend in cheers. “I’m Riley.” She took a sip and allowed herself a moment to enjoy the burn as it went down. Setting her glass down, she shifted a little in her seat, turning her attention towards him. “So, is it a special occasion or are you just feeling charitable?”

[rileycarlisle]

WHERE: le rouge. WHO: @alycia-acosta & riley.

Despite-- or maybe in spite of-- growing up with more money than she could have ever possibly known what to do with, Riley had an affinity for the rougher dives and obscure bars. Le Rouge hadn’t exactly pinged her radar, but stepping inside, the energy greeted her like an old friend. The music thrummed through her like a second heartbeat. Even if she wanted to drown her sorrows-- and she did not, thank you very much-- Le Rouge was not conducive to a poor mood. And that suited her just fine. 

Spotting a familiar head of enviably thick brown hair, Riley sauntered towards the bar, sliding up beside her new friend. “You come here often?” she asked huskily out of the side of her mouth before slipping into the stool beside her. She tossed a meaningful look at the woman beside her, smirking as she noted how similar their outfits were. “You look fantastic, by the way. If I don’t have to fight for your attention all night, I’ll eat my own toes.” Her smile slipped into something a little more genuine. “Thanks for coming out.”