Same daddy from the last ask - staying on anon just because I’m not looking for any new littles and don’t want to start getting messages lol but let me know if this is getting too personal and if a DM would be better!
Thank you so much for your last response regarding poopy diapers and helping embarrassed littles feeling shameful especially for genuine accidents.
Another question I have, and again if this is too personal for public posts (or if it’s just something you don’t want to answer for Riley’s privacy) that’s totally fine! I’m wondering if Riley likes to be changed right away after making a stinky diaper or if he ever wants to stay in it? The same little I mentioned in my last post, sometimes he wants an immediate change (especially if it happens in public or if he’s feeling embarrassed/icky) but other times he wants to stay in his diaper for a while before we get him changed.
I’m always torn by this because in one aspect, I know it’s common for many littles to want to enjoy being in a full diaper because it makes them feel extra small and vulnerable. But at the same time, it’s not good for his skin for him to sit in a full diaper for very long and the resulting diaper rashes make him uncomfortable and itchy which often leads to a fussy couple of days.
I’m torn between wanting to respect his agency and let him make a decision to enjoy feeling small in his dirty diaper for a little while if that’s what he wants, and also wanting to step in as a adult who is thinking more about the long term consequences than he is in that moment. I don’t want to overstep and at the same time it’s my job to keep his whole body safe.
We’ve had talks about this when he’s feeling big but that happens less and less as time goes on tbh and sometimes I worry that he overestimates his ability to make safe decisions for himself when he’s feeling small and vulnerable. And then in combination with his difficult autism days/meltdowns etc which adds an extra layer to everything.
But then again, it’s his body and if he wants to risk a diaper rash then who am I to stop him? 😂😂 sorry for the ramble, do you have any thoughts?
Honestly these questions are very much at the heart of what we want to support the community with. But you're always welcome to send a DM. More Daddy friends!
I totally hear you and understand where you're coming from. For me it firstly comes down to dynamics, whats in your rules about this and then discuss together.
My take for Riley and our dynamic, we function like Daddy and Child, in that I make the decisions, set the boundaries and the expectations. He makes the mess and I clean it up!
Here's the balance, yes we want our kiddos to be happy and safe,but we also want them to explore those needs. But those come in different varieties!
For example my little one loves sweets and crisps, but he can't eat sweets all day because it's not good for him. As is our dynamic and in that way any loving parent would, I limit them.
Yes there are sometimes tantrums, but that's why I practice gentle parenting, I help guide him to being in a more regulated state.
So poopy diapers in public - he's probably always going to want a quick change like mine. But back home that's different.
As long as you use proper rash cream and Powder, 20-30 minutes of wearing a dirty nappy will be fine. As his parent you need to discuss with him first, out of little space the concern and the expectation. Then agree the way forward, remembering to reward him afterwards.
I hear this idea about littles feeling the most little and vulnerable whilst messy, let me permit you a different Idea.
Next time you are together, turn the lights low around 630, pull curtains/blinds, turn lights down low.
Go run him a bath, come back and watch a cartoon for 20 minutes, holding him close, stroke his hair, telling how much you love and care for him.
At 7pm take him upstairs, slowly undress him, explaining everything that's happening. Then give him a bath.
I lift Harley in and out of the bath, which aids the next part. Wrap them in a towel, if you can, carry them your bed, if you can't don't worry as long as the next part happens on your bed- it's an important part of this process. Make sure the lights are low.
Dry him and then place another towel under him, bigger the better, then tube baby lotion all over, giving him a nice massage. If he's anything like mine he will be a visibly happy mess.
Cuddle with back rubs, bum pats, kisses and pet names until you talc him, put his rash cream, nappy and jammies.
Curl up on the sofa with a warm bottle and a movie!
Trust me he won't care so much about his messy bottom - he will want that 10 times a day!
Plus the skin care and airing his bottom will help with rashes.
If he does get a rash, get anti fungal cream, it's the bees knees in bum rash repair!
We honestly want to help and sounds like you're a new Daddy with lots of questions, so keep them coming and don't be afraid to send us a DM.
But my best advice is for you both to sit down and ask what it is that you both want from this, then work to make it happen.
