Same anon- you know the one, the one who left the previous long ass ask. This will be my last ask as I don't want to clutter your inbox too much. I saw someone else submit an ask on your blog that was clearly meant to be a tongue-in-cheek criticism of people like myself who have an issue with women identifying as lesbians if they are objectively, by definition, not lesbians. The ask I'm talking about is this one: "do you ever worry that you're having too much fun with your kinks and aren't spending enough time strictly adhering to my specific definitions of sexuality and Identity?" I'd like to respond to this criticism in good-faith, because you're in a bit of a hug-box on this blog, and as a result you don't seem to understand why people genuinely have a serious issue with non-lesbians (e.g. women who are sexually attracted to men & enjoy sex with men) identifying as lesbians in their real life (i.e. outside of kink/roleplay contexts). I have no problem with people enjoying and 'having fun with" problematic hard kinks in the bedroom, however, these problematic kinks become a problem (no pun intended) when you don't engage with kink responsibly and let those problematic kinks move into your regular everyday life outside of a kink context/ outside the bedroom. I shouldn't have to explain this but I will just in case: it is not actually possible for a man to "break" a lesbians sexuality by having sex with her, and therefore any self-proclaimed lesbian who decides to have sex with men IRL because of her dyke-breaking kink was never actually a lesbian in the first place. The reason why you identify as a lesbian is because you find it hot to identify as a lesbian to satisfy your "dyke-breaking" kink, not because you actually are a lesbian. That is fine when it's kept in the bedroom and strictly within kink contexts, but when you actually identify as a lesbian in your regular everyday life while simultaneously actively having sex with men IRL to satisfy your "dyke-breaking" kink, and thus falsely believe that you're actually a lesbian who is also sexually attracted to men, you're inherently internalising and subconsciously (or consciously) accepting the homophobic + misogynistic belief that lesbians actually CAN have their sexualities "broken" by having sex with men. Even worse, by identifying as a lesbian in your regular everyday life while simultaneously actively having sex with men IRL, you're also teaching the homophobic + misogynistic belief that lesbians actually can have their sexualities "broken" by having sex with men to the straight people around you and to the straight men that you have sex with (whether that is your intention or not), which inherently harms real lesbians and the lesbian community.
Additionally, I find the "without strictly adhering to my specific definitions of sexuality and identity" comment a disingenuous attempt at gaslighting others into accepting the inherent assertion/ implication that specific words, labels and identity markers have no real meaning so nobody has any right to care how specific words, labels and identity markers are used. Whether you like it or not, specific words, labels and identity markers DO have real, shared, agreed-upon meanings, especially within the community that a specific label/ identity marker applies to and represents. You can't just pretend that words, labels and identity markers have no real, specific meaning as a convenient excuse to misuse and appropriate them in contexts where they don't apply. Me pointing this out doesn't mean I'm enforcing "my specific definition of sexuality and identity" that I just arbitrarily made up myself, I'm reasserting the shared and agreed upon specific definition of the lesbian sexuality/ identity, as is widely accepted and agreed upon consensus within the lesbian community. If words, labels and identity markers have no real meaning, what's to stop a straight woman who has no sexual attraction to women whatsoever from identifying as a lesbian for the shits and giggles? Or a cisgender straight man from identifying as a lesbian for the shits and giggles? The reason why the lesbian identity and label exists (and why it matters) is because women who are exclusively sexually attracted to women and experience zero sexual attraction to men have had to fight for their sexualities to be recognised as valid in broader society. Throughout history, lesbians have had to deal with straight people (both men and women) falsely claiming that lesbians don't really exist and that lesbians can be sexually attracted to men, they just need to find the right guy, or they just need to try having sex with a man (even if they already have before and didn't like it), which I'm sure you're well aware of. Therefore, you self-identifying as a lesbian while simultaneously being sexually attracted to men and actively, willingly having sex with men IRL is a direct infringement upon the lesbian identity and erases the identity of real lesbians by making the lesbian identity essentially meaningless if people were to accept the framing that lesbians can somehow be sexually attracted to men. I know you think it's hot to pretend to be a lesbian and that's fine in the bedroom/ within strictly kink contexts, so I'm not saying you need to stop indulging in your "dyke-breaking" kink on your kink blog or in the bedroom, however I would politely ask you to reconsider identifying as a lesbian in your regular, everyday life if you're sexually attracted to men and enjoy having sex with men IRL. Sorry this turned into a mini essay, but it had to be said.
