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@ringbearerfrodo-blog
[ooc; I am in search of accounts belonging to those in the fellowship.]
Longing || Merry & Frodo
He longed to be back home in the Shire. Being abroad for little more than a year, facing evils and foes that had risen to a daunting number had made the hobbit grow weary. Looking out of the white city, Minas Tirith and seeing the Fields of Pelennor wasnât as awe-inspiring as a great city needed to be. It was only a month that the blood had begun to fade away, leaving the devastation of the last battle for Middle-Earth to be nothing more than a memory.
          The last pyre burned, tainting the skies a fortnight ago.
It would seem as if the world was healing, from such a shadow, from such a darkness. The four hobbits that had left the Shire on their way to Bree, were not the same four hobbits that would be leaving this great city. Though leave they must, and the time had come.Â
Looking over the room he had spent the last days in, the hobbit was pleased to see that all his affairs were in order; that all his things lay in the transit, for horses they would set off tomorrow, heading back home. âI think itâs a fair shame to be leaving,â Merry muttered to himself, hands on his hips. A frown grew upon the hobbitâs lips, âThough nowâs a good time as any.â
Things were definitely not the same, nor would they ever be. At least, not for Frodo. He already knew that the Shire was no longer home for him. Saying it aloud only made it more real than he wanted it to be, so he kept the thoughts to himself and spent most of his time within his room. Well, that was unless one of his friends decided to come drag him out of it, or it was time to eat. He wished he had more of a desire to admire the place they'd been staying in. Deciding to take a walk quietly, he got up and started out of his room. He followed along the hall until he heard a familiar voice. "Talking t' yourself, are y'?" He smiled, reaching over to place a hand over Merry's shoulder. "Y' might want t' be careful. They might think y' lost yer mind." He chuckled, hoping that it wouldn't be taken seriously. He felt like he hadn't laughed much since his stay, so he was glad he found a way to. He didn't want to think about returning home, mostly because he felt as if he didn't belong there any longer. "Y' know, it's getting late. Why're y' up still? Y' usually sleep through th' night well. Did it take this long t' pack?"
The Fellowship of the Ring
I Don't Deserve You || Frodo & Sam
ââm âere,Mister Frodo.â Samwise commented,pressing his hand lightly against his friendâs temple in order to indicate that he was, in fact, quite real - and that Frodo was not imagining his gardener besides him. It was a repeated phrase that the male often found himself saying regularly, reassuring his master that he was there, and had never left his side; sometimes, he wondered briefly whether Frodo would need the phrase any more one day, and that the gardener wouldnât have to repeat it as his friend would realise that he was - and always had been - there for him. âDonât yâ worry.â He added, keeping his hand where it was, even as the other Hobbit reached up to feel the reality of his existence - sensing how Frodo tensed up once he realised that Samwise was real - that this wasnât some sort of night terror that had struck him once more. Though, the uncertainty was still there as the youngest Gamgee listened to the rest of Frodoâs hazy-ramblings.
The dejection was clear in Frodoâs tone â and oh, how it caused a great ache in Samwisesâ heart! It was as though his dear friend was giving up for real this time; wishing away the time it took to finally release him of reality, and it caused a lump to appear at the back of the gardenerâs throat as he heard how his master felt. How he felt as though he did not deserve the attention of his gardener, or how he expressed his concern of holding Samwise back from the happiness he deserved; to marry Rosie, for they both knew the favour he held towards her, and to make a life back in The Shire where he would later carry on the Gamgee name. âDonât yâ say thaâ. Donât go makinâ assumptions,Mister Frodo, âcos itâs jusâ the lack of sleep makinâ yâ say these things.â He protested,swallowing the lump in his throat,finally.
Perhaps he should have let his friend be, allowed him to carry on toward Rivendell by himself, but Samwise refused to let that thought wonder into his conscience. Determination brought him where he was now, and he sure as thunder was not about to turn around and head back towards Hobbiton, knowing that his master was in a delusional state that would surely end him seeing his last sunset. He was a devoted friend, that was all â and he was prepared for any prevention set forth by his master, which he was most likely to ignore out of the goodness in his heart, and a level-headed plan to see his friend to Rivendell for a much needed rest.Â
When Frodo eventually opened his eyes to glance over at Samwise, the gardener felt the effect of his sorrowful stare as goosebumps lined his arms, causing the tiny hairs to stand up in an unknown shock to his system. Except it wasnât so unknown, as Samwise knew the cause for his fright; admittance. Â The admittance of Frodo knowing that he could no longer be saved, that he was a changed Hobbit, and that The Shire was all but a distant memory of the what-used-to-beâs, and what-has-beenâs. He was giving up, and Samwise couldnât bare the thought no longer. âI can never know the full effect of the ring, but Iâve seen enough tâ know thaâ yerââ no longer the Frodo thaâ I loved dearly ââsufferinâ, anâ yâ need tâ carry on,Mister Frodo. Itâll be difficult,I know, but with me by yer side,Iâll make sure thaâ thingsâll be alrighâ in the end. Jusâ yâ hear thaâ now, this promise of mine.â
With the laziness of dawn, the streets outside were yet to be bustling with residents creating noise, but the room that the two Hobbits were in felt as though there were a thousand eyes set upon them. It was quiet as a winterâs night, yet there seemed to be amplified sounds of pleas that appeared in Frodoâs tone; no more subtle than a hunter in a forest stalking his game, but it was loud enough for Samwise to notice. âPlease,Mister Frodo.â The male quickly digressed when the other released his hold on his gardenerâs hand, before shifting himself away and suddenly placing a wall between them, as he always did when he convinced himself to find no reason to be happy any more.âYâ âave tâ give it a chance. Weâve made it through obstacles during the journey, anâ this is nothinâ compared to the oneâs we faced! If only yâ would listen..â A sigh escaped his lips as he watched the Hobbit struggle with the door, desperately reaching out for a chance to break away from the place, or even indicate to Samwise that he should leave â but neither was happening. Not after everything.Â
Samwise made his way over to his master, meaning to reach and remove Frodoâs hand from the door knob , but he only knew that he would be shunted away. The other Hobbit was in a fragile state, and the gardener did not want to make things worse than it already was by forcing his friend to cease his actions. Once Mister Frodo was set on doing something, he sure as thunder was not going to allow somebody to prevent him from carrying on. âThis break wonât prevent me happiness,no way. Jusâ give me this chance - a chance tâ help yâ more.â Samwise countered, attempting to persuade the other that their journey to Rivendell would not affect the out-come of his own life; he was sure to continue it all the same once he was back in The Shire. At the mention of Gollum, a deep frown creased the gardenerâs forehead as he thought back to the foul creature that was once a Hobbit, but the rude comments were best kept to himself as he didnât wish to bring Gollum into this; it caused nothing but more arguments!
ââm not leavinâ yâ.â Samwise responded, shaking his head as the deep frown remained on his face.âNot this time, not never. Yâ can get rid of me after this journey tâ Rivendell as yâ please, but not so soon!â He explained, a small sternness in his tone as he emphasised his intention to stay, watching as Frodo left the door wide open before suddenly disappearing into the bathroom before Samwise could utter any more words. The worried gardener waited a moment in order to give his master some privacy, until deciding to tend to him as he saw Frodo hunched over the rubbish bin with an unsteady posture â the alcohol must not have agreed with him, or it was the over-whelming pressure from battling against the consequences of the ring. If he was still fighting, Samwise thought heavily.Â
Crouching down besides his friend, Samwise did his best to calm the male down by rubbing circles into his back, as he always did to comfort him in the mornings.âIâll see yâ tâ Rivendell,thaâs a promise.â He spoke in a lowered tone, soothing almost. âJusâ as I saw yâ tâ Mount Doom. Whether yâ want me company or not, âm cominâ with, anâ no amount of protest will prevent thaâ.â It sounded harsh, but the youngest Gamgee had to turn to strictness in order for Frodo to understand that he wasnât alone, that his friend was here, and everything would be plain sailing once they made it to the wonderful city of Rivendell.
âYer not goinâ tâ worry âbout writinâ the book, Mister Frodo, definitely not. Yer goinâ tâ relax, anâ see the Elves â theyâll be kind tâ us, anâ we can spend an eveninâ takinâ a stroll in the nearby forest.â Samwise comforted, a light smile adorning his face as he wished desperately for his master to regain his stableness. âThereâll be food, anâ lovely music, as well as watchinâ them train with swordsmanship and marksmanship. Yâ wouldnât want tâ miss thaâ,Mister Frodo,surely? Come now, we need tâ get yâ dressed for the day ahead - but weâre not settinâ out before we âave a hearty breakfast downstairs.â Â
It was hopeless. Everything was fading into his own surreal universe. Sam had to be gone, Sam wouldn't come after him. He wasn't worth it, he didn't deserve it. The thoughts flooded his mind, tears rolling down his cheeks as he tried to break from whatever false reality he thought he was trapped within. Perhaps a twisted nightmare, and the moment he believed, Sam's cold, lifeless body would be lying on the ground a few feet from him. He wanted to believe that it wouldn't happen, but everything he believed in was a mess. Lies and destruction controlled him. "I don't... I don't deserve ye, Samwise Gamgee." That was all he could muster, his hands grabbing at the fabric that covered his friend's torso. "I cannot accept anything... Not generosity, not happiness, not that hopeful smile... I cannot believe you'd follow me... Not after what I said.." His arms draped around his gardener's neck, eyes closing. "Th' dream... Th' nightmare... I was surely dead.. It was going t' kill you, I jus' know it... It isn't worth it.. What if I lose you?" He closed his eyes, continuing his rambling. If Sam wasn't really there, he could at least let out his feelings. "I need you... But I want you t' be happy... I would rather be miserable, than drag you int' hell with me... I want you to marry, find love, live a true life.. One you've dreamt of.. Can you do that when your taking care of me?" He sighed, arms tightening around his friend. "Sam.... Sam, I want you happy... I don't want to keep you from anything anymore.. I have t' let you go... So you can move on.." He shook his head against Sam's chest. "You're not here, though... The moment I believe you're here, it will be a nightmare.. I can't bare to see your corpse again... I cannot handle the sight... It is so real... My nightmares have become so real, Sam... It hurts me, even after I wake... It hurts me even more to see you there, woken from your own slumber t' take care of me.."
// Sorry for my lack of presence lately. Some stuff has come up in my life that I need to sort out. I'll still be responding to Paras, I will just be a little slower than usual.
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âWell,â Bilbo huffed, âI canât force you to believe in what you donât believe and donât believe in what you do believe.â
There was a brief silence before the older hobbit cleared his throat, âBut I can try to offer you a room in my house once more, you seem like a good young hobbit who would respect oneâs home.â Bilbo smiled at the end, hoping that the young hobbit would accept his offer.
"Bilbo... Uncle." He mumbled, gaze lowering. "I-.. I will not impose on ye.. 'm not that kind o' guy... Ye raised me better." He bowed his head, mumbling an apology. "I will be fine. "
Forgive me || Frodo&Aragorn
âEnjoying this, Frodo?â Aragorn murmured as a low noise of pleasure sounded from deep in his own neck. Frodoâs lips just felt so goodâŠ
The hobbitâs skin was so soft, and his lips so gentle.. It was the perfect combination.
Forgive me || Frodo&Aragorn
Aragorn let his arms drape around Frodoâs body, pulling him even closer and managing to deepen the kiss.
Aragorn had never experienced anything like that, and he didnât really understand the passion he was feeling.
I Don't Deserve You || Frodo & Sam
Samwise knew that his master would express his stubborn streak when coaxed away from drinking, as he could already hear the commotion of protests from Mister Frodo as the barmaid requested he had had quite enough for one night, and that he should drink no further but head off to the paid room. The youngest Gamgee settled his pint down on the table, before turning his head to the right in order to glance over at his friend; concealed by his cloak hood, though his master was too interested in trying to dismiss the barmaid to look his way, he was certain that it would be a while before he could reveal himself. âOh,Mister Frodo..â Samwise whispered,averting his gaze as he could look no more; it was a pitiful sight, yet heart-breaking to see his dear friend in such a state. It wasnât Mister Frodo! He arguably distinguished in his thoughts as he stared down at his pint.
When he heard Frodoâs remark about getting him another drink, Samwise happened to glance over just as the barmaid caught his eye. She looked as equally worried as himself, silently inquiring about the fourth drink, with which the gardener nodded his head; if it quietened down his friend, then it had to be done. He was causing some of the Men to pay attention to the commotion, and he didnât want Frodo getting into more trouble than he was already in. The caring side of his heart wished to get up from his seat and make his way over to his friend, where he would gather him in his arms and reassure him that the journey to Rivendell would not be spent alone; neither disagreement, nor protest would stop the gardener. But, he had to remain where he was, if there was any chance of Frodo agreeing to let him join alongside him.
Watching with relief as Frodo was guided towards the stairs soon after the fourth drink - most probably taken to his room - Samwise finished off his ale, before setting it back down on the table with a gracious,self-satisfaction for his good deed. It was a short moment before the same barmaid joined his table in front of him, pushing another ale towards him, and describing the state of his friend.âThank yâ kindly,miss. I appreciate the help,I do.â He replied,pulling the key towards him once she set it on the table; he would forever be grateful for the young lass, since she had put herself forward for a stranger without knowing the back-story. Some might deem it foolish, but the gardener found her brave. She reminded him of Rosie, and he couldnât help the light smile from appearing on his face as he thought of the beautiful barmaid, noting to himself that he should have to visit her in The Green Dragon sometime soon.
After all, he was always encouraged by Mister Frodo to find happiness.
â
Once the hype of Men had quietened down somewhat for the night, Samwise headed upstairs and made his way towards the room next to Mister Frodoâs. He was lucky for the door being shut, else his master might have spotted him. However, he could not help but glance before passing by, knowing that Frodo was distressed behind it and he could only wait until the morning when his friend was fully sober.
The room he was in was simple, with the familiar bed set in the middle where he was once nearly the corpse on. It sent a small shiver down his spine, despite it not being the same room he was sharing with his companions a year ago - it still gave him dreadful memories that they all could have been subjected to the sharp tip of a blade from a Black Rider. They were all indebted to Aragorn, and neither one could express their gratitude as much as they wished to; their saviour was far too grand to be given a simple âthank youâ.  As Samwise settled his two rucksacks down on the bed, he observed the various furniture that were tarnished with age, and the large window set in front of him which over-looked the streets below, full of rowdy Men and merriment from drunkards.Â
As the night drew on, the gardener decided to catch some sleep in order to be awake in time to rouse Mister Frodo, for he knew that his master wouldnât wake otherwise. He was too used to being awoken by his gardener. Once his head hit the pillow, Samwise drifted off instantly as the journey towards Bree had taken the energy from him; he was glad for a soft bed, instead of sleeping upon the branches of an oak on the side of the road. However, it wasnât even two hours later before he heard Frodo calling out in the next room, followed by the sounds of yells from Men in further rooms and the scurrying of feet as his master must have scrambled from his bed - either in fright, or nauseousness, he wouldnât find out until the morning.
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Dawn broke with the sounds of the landlord below, preparing his pub from the hype of last night, and making sure the place was well-presented before he would allow any more customers to come in. Samwise groggily awoke, squinting his eyes against the sunlight through his window, before making his way out from his bed where he would then wash and change into new clothes from the rucksack he brought. Frodoâs clothing were in the other rucksack, and he would have to hand them over to him once he woke him.
With the clothing in hand, and himself already ready for the day, he made his way quietly over to the room next to him. He was about to enter the room when he heard an audible crash from his master kicking something aside, which made the youngest Gamgee draw back until he was sure that the other male was safely back in his bed. It was a good while until he heard the bed dip, and the rustling of sheets as Frodo made his way back, giving Samwise enough initiative to slowly open the door after around ten minutes.
Instead of speaking aloud, since he knew that Frodo would be feeling the consequences of drinking too much ale, he placed the clothing on the chair in the room before making his way over to the bed and settling down on the edge of it. It was going to take a good deal to coax his friend to carry on with the day, but he wasnât about to give up so suddenly. âYâ oughta be wakinâ up,Mister Frodo.â Samwise said in a hushed voice as he pushed the covers away from Frodoâs face gently, before brushing aside his brown locks lightly, encouraging his master to wake up.ââm sorry thaâ thereâs no tea for yâ this morninâ, but âm sure the barmaid might âave somethinâ thaâll wake yâ up more.â He added, hoping not to startle Frodo by approaching his sudden appearance carefully. He wasnât meant to be here, after all.
"Nnn..." He felt horrible. The sound of Sam's voice only made things more surreal. His gardener didn't come with him. In fact, he remembered abandoning him. His eyes kept shut, tightening so he could just.. Pretend a little longer. He couldn't handle the reality anymore. "...Why aren't ye here, Sam? Why'd I-..?" He reached up, startling himself as his hand brushed against his friend's. He almost thought he'd lost his mind, tears pushing out the corners of his eyes, back into dark curls. "...I can't do this, Sam... I don't deserve you... I-.." He actually wasn't sure if he was talking to the other hobbit, or if it was just some twisted nightmare. "You will never be happy if 'm here... I can't put you through that hell.. You managed to push me to Mount doom, but... You should be gettin' married, Sam.. Makin' a family.. Instead, you're takin' care of me and... I can't live with that.." He tugged the hand down some, pressing it against his cheek. He could feel the palm against his skin, the perfect size to rest there. He kept his hand against Sam's, holding it to himself. "D'ya blame me? I may have t' lie, but.. I just want t' see you smile... I can never be happy again.. You can try for years, until the end of your life, but... 'm never changing... I've changed enough, Sam.. I've changed too much, and it can't be reversed.." His eyes opened slowly, glancing to his friend. His vision was blurred by the tears, bottom lip quivering as he neared a break down. "Please.." His voice cracked, blue eyes trying to focus on his friend. "I don't deserve ye, Sam... I don't deserve any of this... I can't sleep, I can't relax... I keep you worried all the time... Just being me... It was never like this before... do you even remember our lives before the journey? I don't. I can't. 'm not that hobbit... I'm not him anymore... I've given up, 'm empty.. The nightmares won't stop, the neediness won't go away... You're so much more than my gardener... You're my life right now, because.. I lost mine the moment I claimed that ring.. All is empty and dark without it.. Life is meaningless... The desire has driven me mad, Sam..." His hand grasped onto the one he had against his cheek, eyes closing again. "I give up, Sam... You need t' go home... You need to stay away from me.." He rolled over, letting go of the hand and forcing himself to his feet. He stumbled towards the door, grasping the knob. "You.. you still have a chance, an' I can't let you turn it down.. I need t' leave... I thought I could do it, but the truth is... The truth is that I'm letting you hold me up...On my own, I can't stand.. I can't be strong.. I can't try.." The tears stung, his free hand reaching up to wipe some of them away. "No more excuses, Sam... Ye know it's true... You will waste your life away.. You've seen it.. The nightmares may not be as frequent, but.. I don't go out anymore.. I lock myself away and write, or remember... Sometimes I'll think about what could have happened... If I could have kept the ring.. I could have had it.. Gollum took it from me, but.. I could have hid.. I could have had it forever..." Frowning at the realization of his words, he pulled open the door. "..'m settin' you free, Sam... Because you're important t' me.." He couldn't even handle it, nor would the pounding in his head vanish. He turned, stumbling off into the bathroom and dropping down, coughing up into the small trash can. He choked out another sob, reluctantly bring himself to his feet and turning on the water to wash out his mouth. He only hoped he'd go into the room and it would have all been a delusion. "Nn..." Lowering himself to his knees, he reached for the garbage yet again.
â§ â
âDrogo? he⊠passed away? Primula as well?â Bilbo was utterly and completely baffled. âThatâs â thatâs impossible, I saw them just the other day at Hobbiton!â
"N-No... You are wrong.." He could feel the ping of pain hit his chest at the thought. "Th-They can't be... You took me in, they.. They..."
Forgive me || Frodo&Aragorn
Not being able to control himself, Aragorn kissed Frodo a bit harder than he usually did, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around the hobbitâs body.
Heâd never truly kissed anybody like that before, and Aragorn was happy that he got to experience it with Frodo.
Without Safety || Frodo & Bofur
Bofur ran after the hobbit, now fully regretting agreeing with the young halfling. It might have been wiser to talked to Bilbo first. âIf you donât slow down you will be all alone in this forest! I donât think it wise Frodo to run off without anyone to help you. Didnât Bilbo teach you better?â He was catching up with the hobbit and if he got a hold of him again he would not put him down until he was safely back inside Bilboâs home.
He spun around, walking backwards. "C'mon, sir. Have an adventure with me! Let us run through the world and never stop!" He smiled, waving Bofur along before turning and starting off. "It's beautiful! Can't ye' see!? The world is untouched by me, and I need to learn it! Please!" He begged, trying to stay out of the dwarf's arm range.
â§ â
âParents drowned?â The hobbit spoke, eyes widening and lips curling into a frown, âMay I have their names?â
"Drogo Baggins and Primula Brandybuck.." He glanced to his uncle, hopeful to have some spark of realization.