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Daily Practices to Break Negative Thought Cycles

We’ve all been there — caught in a loop of negative thoughts that just won’t let up. It starts with something small: a mistake at work, a tense moment in a relationship, or that quiet inner voice that says, “You should have done better.”

At first it’s just a flicker of self-doubt. But then another thought piles on. And another. Before long, you’re stuck inside a mental echo chamber, replaying every flaw and failure your mind can find.

If you’ve ever wondered why it’s so hard to stop that cycle, you’re not alone. These patterns are deeply wired — survival strategies the brain once used to keep you safe. The mind learned to predict danger, to prepare for rejection, to anticipate loss. Over time, that vigilance became automatic.

But with practice, awareness, and compassion, you can begin to loosen that hold. You can train your nervous system to pause, soften, and respond differently — even when your thoughts haven’t caught up yet.

Below are five daily practices to help you break free from those old loops and build a new kind of inner dialogue — one that feels grounded, compassionate, and steady.

1. Pause and Ground: Reclaim the Present Moment

When your thoughts start spiraling, your body almost always knows before you do. The chest tightens, the jaw locks, breathing becomes shallow. That’s your cue.

Pause. Inhale slowly through your nose, and exhale through your mouth. Feel the floor beneath your feet. Let your eyes rest on one object in the room. Notice its color, texture, light.

This isn’t about “relaxing.” It’s about anchoring. Mindfulness invites your nervous system out of the storm of mental noise and into the steady rhythm of the present.

You might place a hand over your heart and quietly remind yourself, “I’m right here. I’m safe enough right now.” That phrase — “safe enough” — is key. It’s not perfection; it’s presence.

If grounding feels hard, add sensory details: run your hands under warm water, trace the outline of your fingers, or feel the texture of fabric. These cues tell your body: we’re here, not back there.

2. Defuse Instead of Debate

Our instinct is to argue with negative thoughts: That’s not true! I shouldn’t think that way! But fighting thoughts often keeps them alive.

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we use defusion to step back from the thought instead of wrestling with it. It’s a shift from “This is true” to “I’m noticing that I’m having this thought.”

Try this:

Picture yourself sitting beside a stream. Each thought drifts by on a leaf. You don’t have to stop them — just watch them float past.

Or, when the same old story returns (“I’m not enough,” “I always mess up”), name it: “There’s that old Not-Enough Story again.”

You can even exaggerate it by singing the thought to the tune of “Happy Birthday.” It sounds ridiculous, but the moment you laugh, you’ve broken fusion.

Thoughts are just words, sounds, and mental images. They’re not commands. Defusion helps you hold them lightly — noticing them, but not obeying them.

Over time, you’ll find that the thought may still show up, but it no longer decides what happens next.

3. Practice Self-Compassion (Especially When It Feels Undeserved)

When negative thoughts arise, our inner voice can turn sharp. We talk to ourselves in ways we’d never speak to someone we love. But healing begins with warmth, not war.

Dr. Kristin Neff calls this the self-compassion break — a short, evidence-based practice that helps regulate your nervous system and re-connects you to your humanity.

When you notice your inner critic, pause. Place your hand over your heart, or anywhere that feels comforting. Then say slowly, either aloud or silently:

This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of being human. May I give myself the kindness I need right now.

You may not believe these words at first — that’s okay. Self-compassion isn’t about pretending you’re fine; it’s about meeting pain with care instead of contempt.

Over time, this practice shifts how your brain responds to distress. The body softens, the inner dialogue quiets, and you start to realize: harshness never helped — kindness does.

4. Reparent the Inner Child

So many of our thought loops are echoes of younger experiences — times when we felt unseen, unsafe, or unworthy. Those beliefs become internalized as protective stories: “If I expect rejection, it won’t hurt as much when it happens.”

Inner child work helps you reconnect to those parts, offering the safety and care that were missing then.

Find a quiet moment. Close your eyes and picture yourself at a younger age — maybe six, ten, or fourteen. Notice their expression, posture, or energy. Without judgment, ask what they might be feeling.

Then gently say: I see you. You didn’t deserve to feel that way. You’re safe with me now.

You don’t need to force an image or emotion. The goal isn’t to fix the past — it’s to extend compassion to the parts of you that still carry it.

Sometimes journaling helps: write a short letter to that younger version of yourself. Let it be tender, even awkward. The act of writing begins to bridge the gap between then and now — between pain and safety.

5. Reflect and Reinforce: End the Day With Intention

At the end of the day, spend a few minutes checking in. Not to analyze or criticize — just to notice.

What thoughts showed up most today?

How did I respond differently than I used to?

When did I offer myself compassion, even for a moment?

What might my younger self have needed to hear today?

Write a few lines. Or simply sit quietly with what you notice. Reflection builds self-trust — it tells your mind, I’m paying attention.

You might close with a grounding sentence like, “I’m learning to care for myself, one thought at a time.” Even if it feels small, this nightly practice helps your brain recognize the difference between the old loop of judgment and the new rhythm of awareness.

The Bigger Picture

Breaking negative thought cycles doesn’t mean never thinking negatively again. Thoughts are part of being human — they ebb and flow like weather. What changes is how you meet them.

When you meet a thought with presence, compassion, and curiosity instead of panic, your nervous system begins to trust that you can handle what arises. Over time, those old loops lose their power.

You start to sense the quiet space beneath the noise — the part of you that notices, instead of reacts. That space is where healing happens.

If these practices feel familiar but hard to sustain, therapy can help deepen them. At Rise Healing Center, we integrate EMDR, ACT, somatic work, and parts-based approaches to support this kind of change. You don’t have to fight your mind alone. Healing happens in relationship — with yourself, and often, with another human who can hold space while you learn a new way of being.

#mental health #trauma #anxitey #emdr therapy #teen counseling #couples therapy #mindfulness

Passing Down Healing Instead of Trauma

Understanding Intergenerational Trauma

When we think about what gets passed down through families, we often picture the obvious things: physical traits, personality characteristics, cultural traditions, family values, and even small habits we unconsciously absorb from the people who raised us. At the same time, something far less visible is often passed down as well. Emotional pain, survival strategies, attachment wounds, unresolved trauma, and even the way we relate to ourselves and others can move through generations in subtle yet powerful ways.

Intergenerational trauma refers to the way unhealed emotional wounds continue shaping a family system long after the original harm occurred. Sometimes the source is clear and identifiable, such as abuse, neglect, addiction, violence, displacement, or chronic instability. In many families, trauma presents in quieter and more nuanced ways, embedded within emotional patterns and relational habits that become so familiar they are rarely questioned.

A child who grows up in an environment where emotions are dismissed may become an adult who feels ashamed of vulnerability or uncomfortable expressing needs. Someone raised by a highly critical caregiver may develop a relentless inner voice that constantly communicates inadequacy, regardless of how much they achieve. A parent who grew up in chaos may love their child deeply and still become controlling, emotionally reactive, or withdrawn during stressful moments because their nervous system learned long ago that hypervigilance, shutdown, or control were necessary for safety.

This is often how trauma gets transmitted across generations. It usually does not happen through conscious intent or deliberate harm. More often, it is passed through nervous systems shaped by survival, through protective parts that developed early in life, and through relational patterns that were never given the opportunity to heal.

Understanding this changes the way we think about healing. Intergenerational trauma is not about assigning blame to parents or previous generations. In many cases, caregivers operated with the emotional tools available to them. Many people were never taught how to regulate emotions, tolerate vulnerability, communicate safely, or repair relational ruptures because those skills were never modeled in their own upbringing. People often pass down what they know, and what they know is frequently rooted in survival.

Understanding where pain originated, however, does not require continuing its patterns.

Awareness Is the First Step Toward Healing

One of the most meaningful moments in trauma healing occurs when a person begins recognizing that their present-day reactions may be connected to experiences from long ago. This awareness often begins with questions that appear simple on the surface yet carry remarkable depth underneath. Why does conflict feel overwhelming? Why do certain situations trigger intense shame, fear, or anger? Why does asking for help feel unsafe? Why does emotional closeness sometimes lead to withdrawal or shutdown?

Questions like these often mark the beginning of transformation because they signal movement from unconscious repetition toward conscious awareness.

Awareness alone, however, rarely creates lasting change.

Many people understand their trauma intellectually. They can explain why they struggle with boundaries, people pleasing, perfectionism, attachment wounds, or emotional regulation, yet they still find themselves repeating familiar patterns in relationships, parenting, and daily life. This disconnect can feel discouraging until we recognize an important truth: trauma is not stored only as memory or narrative. Trauma is also stored in the body, in the nervous system, and in the younger emotional parts of ourselves that learned how to survive painful experiences.

Healing the Inner Child Through Parts Work

This is where inner child work and parts work can become especially meaningful.

Most people do not move through life as one completely unified emotional self. Instead, we often carry different internal parts shaped by our life experiences. Some parts learned to stay hypervigilant and anticipate danger. Some became perfectionistic in an effort to earn love, approval, or safety. Some learned to emotionally shut down because vulnerability once felt too risky. Other parts carry the deeper pain, including loneliness, grief, fear, shame, or unmet needs that were never fully seen or soothed.

Many of these wounded parts were formed in childhood, during developmental stages when we were especially dependent on the emotional environment around us.

When therapists talk about the inner child, they are referring to the younger emotional parts of ourselves that still carry unmet needs, unprocessed pain, and core beliefs formed early in life. A child who repeatedly felt unseen may become an adult who logically knows they matter while still carrying a younger part that feels invisible and longs to be chosen. A child who learned that love was conditional may become an adult who over-functions, over-gives, or constantly sacrifices themselves in order to preserve connection and avoid rejection.

Without realizing it, many adults respond to present-day situations from these younger wounded parts.

A disagreement with a partner may trigger a much older fear of abandonment. Constructive feedback from a supervisor may awaken shame that feels far older than the present moment. A child’s emotional outburst may activate unresolved pain from one’s own childhood. The intensity of these reactions often makes much more sense when we recognize that it is not only the adult self responding. Often, younger parts carrying old wounds have been activated.

Parts work invites compassionate awareness toward these internal experiences rather than shame or self-criticism.

Instead of asking, “What is wrong with me?” we begin asking, “What part of me is showing up right now, and what is it trying to protect?”

That shift can be profoundly healing.

Protective behaviors such as anger, emotional withdrawal, perfectionism, people pleasing, numbness, or control often begin to make sense when viewed through this lens. These responses are not signs of weakness or brokenness. In many cases, they are adaptive strategies developed by parts of us that were trying to survive overwhelming experiences with the resources available at the time.

Why Therapy Can Be Transformative

This is why skilled trauma therapy can be so transformative.

Healing from trauma often requires more than insight, education, or willpower. It requires corrective experiences, especially relational ones, that challenge what the nervous system has learned to expect. For many trauma survivors, one of the most powerful aspects of therapy is not a specific intervention but the experience of being consistently met by another human being with presence, attunement, safety, and compassion.

Within a strong therapeutic relationship, clients often encounter something they may have rarely experienced in childhood: being seen without judgment, emotionally understood without being dismissed, and accepted without needing to earn connection through performance, perfection, or caretaking.

That kind of connection can be profoundly reparative.

Over time, the nervous system begins learning something new. It begins discovering that emotions do not have to signal danger, vulnerability does not automatically lead to rejection, and having needs does not make someone burdensome or unworthy. Younger parts that once felt alone begin experiencing safety, connection, and care. Protective parts that once worked tirelessly to prevent pain can begin softening as trust develops.

These shifts are gradual and deeply embodied. Healing is rarely about simply changing thoughts. More often, it involves developing a new internal experience of safety, connection, and self-worth.

How EMDR Helps Process Trauma

For many individuals working through trauma, therapies such as EMDR can play an especially meaningful role in this process.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing helps the brain process experiences that became stuck in the nervous system because they were too overwhelming to fully integrate at the time they occurred. Even when traumatic experiences are years or decades in the past, the nervous system may continue responding as though the threat is still present. This explains why people often feel confused by the intensity of their reactions. Intellectually, they know they are safe, yet emotionally and physically their body responds as if old danger is happening again.

EMDR helps close that gap.

As traumatic experiences are reprocessed, the emotional charge surrounding those memories often begins to soften. Memories that once triggered panic, shame, helplessness, or intense fear can lose much of their power over the present. Younger wounded parts can begin releasing the burdens they have carried for years. Protective parts often no longer need to work so hard to keep pain at bay.

The memory itself does not disappear, yet it no longer dominates the nervous system in the same way. Many clients describe feeling more grounded, more flexible, and less controlled by automatic trauma responses.

Healing Changes Future Generations

The impact of this healing extends far beyond the individual.

One of the most powerful truths about trauma work is that while pain can be passed down, healing can be passed down as well.

When adults engage in meaningful therapeutic work, particularly around childhood trauma, they often begin showing up differently in their relationships and families. They become more emotionally available, less reactive, more capable of repair, and better able to remain present during difficult moments. Instead of repeating cycles of shame, criticism, avoidance, or emotional disconnection, they begin creating new relational experiences for the people around them.

This becomes especially important in parenting.

Children do not need perfect parents. Perfection is neither realistic nor necessary for healthy attachment. What children need is sufficient emotional safety, responsiveness, repair, and connection to build secure relationships. They need caregivers who can acknowledge mistakes, tolerate discomfort, and remain emotionally present during rupture.

Sometimes healing sounds as simple, and as profound, as a parent saying, “I’m sorry,” “I understand why that hurt,” or “Your feelings make sense.”

For many families, those words represent something entirely new.

When parents do their own healing work, they are not only helping themselves. They are also becoming more able to recognize when their own younger parts are being activated in interactions with their children. Instead of unconsciously reacting from old wounds, they gain the ability to pause, regulate, and respond with greater intention and compassion.

That pause can change generations.

Breaking the Cycle Starts With One Person

Breaking intergenerational trauma often means becoming the first person in a family system willing to pause, look inward, and choose a different path. This work can feel challenging because healing often requires grieving what was missing, facing pain that has been avoided for years, and tolerating unfamiliar ways of relating. Family systems do not always welcome change, which can make the process feel isolating.

Choosing healing creates ripple effects that extend far beyond the individual doing the work.

When one person learns to regulate their nervous system, communicate with greater safety, and relate with more compassion and authenticity, that change affects partners, children, friendships, and future generations. The impact is often far greater than we initially realize.

You do not have to continue carrying patterns that were handed to you.

It is possible to honor your family’s story, hold compassion for the pain that came before you, and still choose something different.

Sometimes healing begins with a simple yet powerful realization: the trauma may not have started with you, yet it does not have to continue through you.

Within that choice lies something deeply hopeful.

The work you do in therapy is not only about reducing symptoms or feeling better in the present. It may become one of the most meaningful legacies you leave behind. Instead of passing down fear, emotional disconnection, suppression, or survival-based coping, you can begin passing down safety, connection, resilience, emotional attunement, and the capacity for healthy love.

That is how family stories begin to change.

Sometimes healing begins with one person deciding that the pain stops here and then doing the hard but transformational work in therapy.

#mental health #anxitey #trauma #emdr therapy #teen counseling #couples therapy #mindfulness

Navigating Anxiety as a College Student

College is often talked about as a time filled with freedom, excitement, friendships, and personal growth, but for many students it is also one of the most emotionally overwhelming periods of their lives. Between academic pressure, financial stress, relationship challenges, uncertainty about the future, and the constant pressure to appear successful and socially connected, many students find themselves carrying levels of anxiety that slowly begin affecting nearly every part of their daily lives.

For some people, anxiety during college shows up in obvious ways, like panic attacks, feeling unable to focus during exams, or becoming so overwhelmed that they break down emotionally. More often, though, anxiety becomes woven into everyday functioning in ways that are easy to normalize. A student may constantly overthink conversations, avoid assignments because starting them feels mentally exhausting, feel guilty whenever they are not being productive, struggle to sleep despite being exhausted, or spend most of their day feeling mentally “on” without ever truly relaxing.

One of the reasons anxiety can become so intense during college is because students are often managing multiple major life transitions simultaneously. Many are living away from home for the first time while also trying to establish independence, maintain grades, build friendships, navigate dating and relationships, work jobs, manage finances, and make decisions that feel like they will determine the rest of their future. Even students who appear highly functional on the outside are often operating under an enormous amount of internal pressure.

The college environment itself can also unintentionally reinforce anxiety. Students are surrounded by constant comparison, competition, and performance-based evaluation. Grades, internships, social status, career planning, and even social media presence can begin to feel tied to self-worth. It becomes easy to feel like everyone else has their life together while you are struggling just to keep up emotionally. Social media intensifies this even further by creating a constant stream of curated images of success, happiness, friendships, productivity, and confidence that rarely reflect the full reality of what people are actually experiencing.

Something many students do not realize is that anxiety does not only affect thoughts — it also affects the nervous system and the body. When someone spends long periods of time under chronic stress, the body can begin operating in a prolonged state of alertness and tension. This can lead to symptoms like muscle tightness, chest pressure, digestive issues, racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, irritability, emotional numbness, exhaustion, and difficulty feeling fully present or relaxed. Over time, many students start criticizing themselves for not being more motivated, disciplined, or emotionally stable when in reality their nervous system has simply been overloaded for too long.

Anxiety in college is also not always just about school itself. Academic pressure often interacts with much deeper emotional experiences and patterns that students may have carried for years. For some people, fear of failure is deeply connected to fear of disappointing others or feeling unworthy unless they are achieving. Perfectionism may develop from growing up in environments where mistakes felt unsafe or where approval was tied to performance. Social anxiety may connect to earlier experiences of rejection, criticism, bullying, or attachment wounds. This is part of why college stress can feel so emotionally consuming — current pressures are often activating much older emotional patterns underneath the surface.

Another challenge is that anxiety often causes people to become disconnected from themselves. Students may spend so much time trying to meet expectations, stay productive, and keep functioning that they stop paying attention to what they are actually feeling emotionally and physically. Many become stuck in cycles of overworking, avoidance, self-criticism, procrastination, and burnout without understanding why they feel so exhausted all the time.

While there is no perfect or immediate solution for anxiety, healing usually involves learning how to work with the nervous system rather than constantly fighting against it. This often includes improving sleep, reducing overstimulation, creating more consistent routines, slowing down enough to recognize emotional needs, and learning how to separate personal worth from productivity and achievement. Therapy can also be extremely helpful in identifying the underlying emotional patterns that may be contributing to chronic anxiety and overwhelm.

Approaches like EMDR, somatic therapy, attachment-focused therapy, ACT, and parts work can help students better understand both the emotional and physiological aspects of anxiety rather than viewing themselves as simply “bad at coping.” Instead of only trying to manage symptoms, therapy can help students build a healthier relationship with themselves, their emotions, and the pressures they are carrying.

Many college students wait until they are completely burned out before seeking support because they believe their anxiety is not “serious enough” to deserve help. In reality, support can be valuable long before someone reaches a breaking point. Anxiety does not have to completely derail someone’s life in order to be worth addressing.

College can absolutely be a meaningful and transformative experience, but that does not mean it is easy. Struggling with anxiety during this stage of life does not mean someone is weak, failing, or incapable. In many cases, it simply means they have been carrying an unsustainable amount of stress, uncertainty, pressure, and emotional responsibility without enough support.

At Rise Healing Center, we provide therapy for anxiety, trauma, and emotional overwhelm for college students and adults throughout California, including virtual therapy and EMDR therapy. If you are interested in beginning therapy, you can click any “Get Started Now” button on our website to schedule a consultation.

#mental health #anxitey #trauma #emdr therapy #teen counseling #couples therapy #mindfulness

Supporting Your Partner with ADHD—Without Losing Yourself

Being in a relationship with someone who has ADHD can be both deeply rewarding and uniquely challenging, because while ADHD often brings energy, creativity, and humor, it can also lead to frustration when day-to-day responsibilities begin to feel uneven or when communication breaks down in ways that neither partner intended. At times, this imbalance can even slip into what’s often called a parent–child dynamic, where one partner feels like they are always managing and the other feels managed, and although this pattern can happen gradually, with awareness and effort it can absolutely be prevented so that both people feel supported and respected in the relationship.

Understand ADHD Beyond the Stereotypes

ADHD is often misunderstood, reduced to ideas about being “scattered” or “hyper,” but in reality it is a condition that affects executive functioning, meaning the brain processes that help us plan, organize, regulate emotions, and follow through on tasks. This is why your partner might leave projects unfinished, lose track of time, or forget things that are genuinely important to them, and while those behaviors can be frustrating, recognizing that they are symptoms of brain wiring—not laziness or indifference—can help shift your response from blame to compassion, and compassion is often the first step toward change.

Learning how ADHD impacts daily life is an important part of ADHD relationship support, because when you understand the “why,” it becomes easier to respond with patience instead of resentment.

Avoid the Parent–Child Dynamic

One of the most common challenges couples face when ADHD is part of the relationship is the gradual slide into roles that feel unequal: the non-ADHD partner becomes the “responsible” one, carrying most of the logistics, while the partner with ADHD becomes viewed as less capable or even dependent. This dynamic may solve immediate problems, but over time it breeds resentment and distance.

To prevent this pattern from taking root:

Work together to share responsibility using tools like calendars, reminder apps, or visual notes so that systems—not one person—carry the weight.

Assign household or financial tasks based on each person’s strengths rather than defaulting to the non-ADHD partner by assumption.

Schedule a weekly planning session so that decisions and reminders happen at a set time, rather than becoming a source of daily correction and tension.

These practices help preserve equality and respect, reinforcing that you are partners rather than parent and child.

Communicate Clearly and with Care

Because ADHD affects attention and memory, long or complicated explanations often get lost, and subtle hints or indirect requests may not land as intended. It can be far more effective to keep requests short and specific, to follow up important points in writing, and to check your tone so that your words don’t sound like criticism. Many people with ADHD have carried years of messaging that they are not enough, and when communication reinforces that, even unintentionally, it can quickly shut down connection. Clear and kind communication, by contrast, helps both partners feel understood.

Remember the Strengths Alongside the Struggles

Living with ADHD is not only about what goes wrong. Many people with ADHD bring remarkable creativity, humor, quick thinking, and the ability to hyperfocus on areas of deep interest. While it is natural to notice the missed appointments or the disorganization, naming and appreciating these strengths provides balance and reminds both of you that ADHD is not only a challenge, but also a different way of experiencing and contributing to the world.

Highlighting strengths is just as important as addressing struggles, and this balance is a cornerstone of healthy ADHD couples therapy.

Regulate Emotions Before Reacting

Because ADHD can heighten emotional intensity, disagreements in these relationships sometimes escalate quickly, and what begins as a small frustration can spiral into a full argument in minutes. If you notice this happening, it can be more helpful to pause and step away than to try to push through. Saying, “Let’s revisit this later when we’re both calmer” is not avoidance—it’s a skillful way to ensure that each of you has the space to regulate before trying to communicate again.

Set Boundaries and Protect Your Own Well-Being

When your partner struggles, it can be tempting to over-function, to take on more than is sustainable, and to sacrifice your own needs for the sake of stability. Over time, this only deepens resentment. Boundaries—whether around your time, your energy, or your emotional capacity—are not rejection, but rather the framework that keeps you steady. Maintaining your friendships, hobbies, or therapy work ensures that your identity does not shrink into being the manager of your partner’s symptoms.

Remember: supporting a partner with ADHD also means supporting yourself.

Consider Professional Support

Sometimes the patterns that emerge in ADHD relationships feel too entrenched to shift on your own. In these cases, couples therapy, ADHD coaching, or individual therapy can help you learn new ways to communicate, balance responsibilities, and break cycles of frustration. Professional support is not a sign of failure—it is a way of ensuring that both partners have the tools they need to thrive.

If you find that you and your partner are stuck in repeated conflicts or struggling with the parent–child dynamic, working with a therapist experienced in ADHD relationship support can provide the structure and guidance you both need to feel more connected and less overwhelmed.

#mental health #anxitey #emdr therapy #teen counseling #couples therapy #mindfulness #trauma

Perinatal Anxiety: The Pregnancy Struggle Nobody Warns You About

Pregnancy is often described as a time filled with excitement, anticipation, and a kind of glow that people expect to come naturally. For some, parts of that experience are present, yet many find themselves facing something far less discussed: persistent worry, racing thoughts, and a quiet sense that something could go wrong at any moment.

Perinatal anxiety can take hold in ways that feel confusing, exhausting, and unexpectedly isolating.

What Is Perinatal Anxiety?

Perinatal anxiety refers to anxiety that occurs during pregnancy and throughout the first year postpartum. Occasional worry about a major life transition is normal, yet perinatal anxiety tends to show up as ongoing, intrusive thoughts that feel difficult to control and hard to step away from.

You might notice:

Repetitive “what if” thoughts about your baby’s health or safety

Difficulty relaxing, even after reassurance from medical providers

Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep because your mind keeps scanning for problems

A lingering sense of dread that is hard to explain

Feeling constantly on edge, overwhelmed, or emotionally depleted

The persistence and intensity often stand out, especially when the mind does not seem to slow down even during moments that should feel calm.

Why Nobody Talks About It

A strong cultural narrative continues to frame pregnancy as something that should feel joyful, meaningful, and deeply fulfilling. Expectations like these can make it incredibly difficult to admit when the experience feels heavy, tense, or dominated by anxiety.

Many people find themselves thinking:

“I should feel grateful for this, so why do I feel this way?”

“If I say this out loud, will people think something is wrong with me?”

“Other people seem to handle this better, so maybe I just need to push through.”

Silence often follows, not because the experience is rare, but because it feels risky to speak honestly about it.

What Perinatal Anxiety Actually Feels Like

Perinatal anxiety rarely stays limited to thoughts alone. The entire nervous system can remain in a heightened state of alert, as if something needs constant monitoring.

The mind may continuously scan for potential threats:

Is the baby moving enough right now?

What if something is wrong that has not been caught yet?

What if I overlook an important symptom?

At the same time, the body often reflects that internal pressure:

A tight or constricted feeling in the chest

Shallow or rapid breathing

Restlessness that makes it hard to settle

Ongoing tension that lingers throughout the day

Reassurance from a normal ultrasound or appointment may bring temporary relief, although the anxious cycle often returns shortly after.

Risk Factors Without Being the Whole Story

Perinatal anxiety can affect anyone, including those who have never struggled with anxiety before. Certain factors can increase vulnerability, although they are not required for the experience to develop.

Some of these include:

A history of anxietyor trauma

Previous pregnancy complications or loss

High levels of external stress or major life changes

Limited emotional or practical support

Personality traits such as high responsibility or perfectionism

Many people experience perinatal anxiety without any clear or identifiable reason.

When Pregnancy Follows Loss or Trauma

Pregnancy after miscarriage, stillbirth, or a traumatic birth experience often carries a different emotional weight. Joy and hope can exist, yet they are frequently accompanied by a heightened sense of vigilance that does not easily turn off.

A prior loss or traumatic experience can shape how the nervous system responds in a subsequent pregnancy. The mind may hold onto the memory of what went wrong before, even when current medical information is reassuring. Instead of assuming things will go well, the brain may prepare for the possibility that something could go wrong again.

Common experiences in these situations can include:

Difficulty trusting positive updates or normal test results

Feeling emotionally guarded or hesitant to fully attach during pregnancy

Increased monitoring of symptoms or body sensations

Strong reactions to milestones that previously marked loss

A sense of waiting for something bad to happen, even without evidence

None of these responses are irrational. They reflect a system that learned, through real experience, that loss is possible. Anxiety in this context often functions as an attempt to stay prepared, even though it can become overwhelming and exhausting.

Support in these situations often involves gently helping the nervous system recognize the difference between past and present, while also honoring the reality of what has been experienced.

Why It Matters

Perinatal anxiety rarely resolves through willpower alone. Effects can extend into sleep, energy levels, relationships, and the overall experience of pregnancy and early parenthood.

When left unaddressed, perinatal anxiety can:

Disrupt rest and recovery, which are already essential during pregnancy

Affect emotional connection and bonding

Increase the likelihood of postpartum anxiety or depression

A meaningful life transition can begin to feel overwhelming and difficult to move through without support.

What Actually Helps

There is no single solution that works for everyone, although certain approaches consistently reduce the intensity and frequency of anxiety.

Regulating the Nervous System Anxiety is closely tied to the body, so supporting the nervous system can create noticeable shifts in how anxiety feels and how long it lasts. Practices such as slow, intentional breathing, grounding exercises, and gentle movement can help the body move out of a constant state of alert.

Trauma Informed Therapy Therapeutic approaches such as EMDR can help process underlying fear patterns and reduce the intensity of intrusive thoughts, particularly when anxiety is connected to earlier experiences or unresolved stress.

Naming the Experience Understanding that the experience has a name can shift the internal narrative from “something is wrong with me” to “something difficult is happening that can be supported.”

Support That Feels Validating Helpful support creates space for honesty, rather than minimizing or dismissing the experience. Feeling understood often reduces isolation and makes regulation more accessible.

When to Reach Out

Support becomes especially important when anxiety feels constant, increases over time, interferes with sleep or daily functioning, or leads to panic, avoidance, or intrusive thoughts that are difficult to manage.

Reaching out earlier often makes the process feel more manageable and less overwhelming.

Perinatal anxiety does not reflect a lack of gratitude, readiness, or strength. In many cases, it reflects a nervous system working intensely to protect something deeply important.

With the right kind of support, that system can begin to settle, allowing pregnancy to feel less like something to brace for and more like something you can move through with greater steadiness.

If you are navigating perinatal anxiety and looking for support, Rise Healing Center offers trauma informed therapy tailored to this stage of life. Reach out to learn more.

#mental health #anxitey #emdr therapy #trauma #teen counseling #couples therapy #mindfulness

The Mental Health Benefits of Limiting Media Consumption

In our always-connected world, it’s easy to get swept up in a constant stream of news, social media updates, and digital content. While staying informed and connected can be important, too much media—especially when it’s unfiltered or emotionally charged—can take a toll on our mental health.

As a therapist, I often talk with clients about how limiting media consumption can support emotional well-being. Here are some of the ways reducing screen time and curating what you take in can make a meaningful difference:

1. Reduces Anxiety and Overwhelm

Endless scrolling through breaking news or distressing headlines can keep your nervous system in a heightened state of alert. This chronic exposure to stressful information increases anxiety, even when it’s not directly impacting you. Taking regular breaks from the news and limiting social media use can create space for your body and mind to settle.

2. Improves Sleep Quality

Many people consume media right up until bedtime. But blue light from screens and emotionally activating content can disrupt sleep. Setting boundaries around screen use—like turning off devices an hour before bed—can support deeper, more restorative rest.

3. Boosts Mood and Self-Esteem

Social media is often a highlight reel, which can trigger comparison and self-doubt. Spending less time on these platforms—or being intentional about who you follow—can protect your self-worth and help you develop a more compassionate internal voice.

4. Enhances Presence and Connection

Reducing screen time creates more opportunities for real-world connection—with yourself, loved ones, and the present moment. Whether it’s engaging in a hobby, taking a walk, or simply pausing to breathe, stepping away from media allows for more mindful, grounded living.

5. Supports Emotional Regulation

When we’re flooded with external input, it’s harder to stay connected to our own inner experience. Creating moments of quiet throughout the day gives your nervous system a chance to reset. This helps you become more aware of your emotions and respond with greater clarity and calm.

Tips to Start Limiting Media Mindfully:

Set time limits on social apps or build in “media-free” hours.

Turn off push notifications that aren’t truly necessary.

Create a wind-down routine that doesn’t involve screens.

Follow content that supports your mental health—and unfollow what doesn’t.

Do a quick check-in: How do I feel before and after I engage with media?

Being intentional with your media habits isn’t about disconnecting from the world—it’s about protecting your well-being. By creating thoughtful boundaries, you give your brain and body more space to rest, regulate, and reconnect.

Want help applying this to your life or exploring the deeper emotional impact of media? Reach out—we're here to support you.

#mental health #anxitey #emdr therapy #teen counseling #couples therapy #mindfulness #trauma

How Childhood Trauma Shows Up in Adult Relationships

You might not think about your childhood when you’re arguing with your partner, shutting down during conflict, or feeling unexpectedly anxious when someone pulls away. But for many people, early experiences—especially painful or overwhelming ones—quietly shape how we connect, trust, and respond in relationships as adults.

Childhood trauma doesn’t always look like what people expect. It can include obvious experiences like abuse or neglect, but also more subtle patterns—emotional inconsistency, chronic criticism, lack of attunement, or growing up in an environment where your needs weren’t consistently met. The nervous system adapts to these conditions, and those adaptations often follow us into adulthood.

1. You Feel “Too Much” or “Not Enough” in Relationships

One of the most common ways childhood trauma shows up is through emotional intensity—or the opposite.

You might notice:

Strong reactions to perceived rejection or distance

Feeling easily overwhelmed during conflict

Anxiety when communication changes (e.g., delayed texts)

Or:

Difficulty accessing emotions

Feeling numb or disconnected during important moments

Struggling to express needs or vulnerability

These aren’t personality flaws. They’re nervous system responses shaped by earlier environments where emotional safety may have been inconsistent or absent.

2. You Fear Abandonment—or Avoid Closeness Altogether

Early relationships teach us what to expect from others. If caregivers were unpredictable, unavailable, or intrusive, those patterns often become internalized.

In adult relationships, this can look like:

Anxious patterns: needing reassurance, fearing abandonment, overanalyzing interactions

Avoidant patterns: pulling away when things get close, discomfort with dependence, valuing independence to a fault

Sometimes people experience both—wanting closeness deeply but feeling unsafe when they have it.

3. Conflict Feels Threatening, Not Repairable

In healthy relationships, conflict is uncomfortable but manageable. For those with trauma histories, conflict can feel much bigger—like a threat to safety, connection, or identity.

You might notice:

Going into fight, flight, freeze, or shutdown quickly

Escalating arguments or feeling unable to stay present

Avoiding conflict entirely to prevent emotional overwhelm

If you didn’t experience safe repair growing up, your system may not recognize that disagreements can end in reconnection rather than rupture.

4. You Struggle to Trust—Others or Yourself

Trauma often disrupts trust at a fundamental level.

This can show up as:

Questioning others’ intentions, even in safe relationships

Difficulty relying on a partner

Second-guessing your own perceptions or needs

If your early experiences taught you that your feelings weren’t valid or that others weren’t reliable, trust becomes something your system approaches cautiously.

5. You Repeat Patterns You Don’t Understand

Many people find themselves in similar relationship dynamics over and over—feeling unseen, overgiving, choosing emotionally unavailable partners, or recreating familiar relational tension.

This isn’t because you’re “choosing wrong.” It’s often because your nervous system is drawn to what feels familiar, even if it’s painful. Familiar doesn’t mean healthy—it just means known.

6. Your Body Reacts Before Your Mind Does

One of the most overlooked aspects of trauma is that it lives in the body, not just in memory.

You might notice:

A tight chest during conversations

A surge of anxiety when your partner is upset

Shutting down or going blank mid-discussion

These responses happen fast—often before you can logically process what’s going on. That’s your nervous system trying to protect you based on past experiences.

So What Helps?

Awareness is the first step—but it’s not enough on its own.

Healing from relational trauma often involves:

Learning to regulate your nervous system (so reactions feel less overwhelming)

Understanding your attachment patterns (so you can respond rather than react)

Practicing safe connection and repair (often in therapy and in relationships)

Processing unresolved experiences (so the past stops shaping the present)

Approaches like EMDR, Brainspotting, and other trauma-informed therapies can help your system reprocess experiences that are still driving current reactions.

If you see yourself in any of this, it doesn’t mean you’re broken or incapable of healthy relationships. It means your system adapted to what it went through—and those adaptations made sense at the time.

The good news is that patterns learned in relationship can also be healed in relationship.

With the right support, new experiences of safety, connection, and repair can begin to reshape how you relate—to others and to yourself.

#mental health #anxitey #trauma #emdr therapy #teen counseling #couples therapy #mindfulness

How Mindfulness Rewires an Anxious Brain

Anxiety doesn’t just happen in your thoughts—it shows up in your body, too.

It can feel like a tight chest, a racing heart, or a constant sense that something isn’t quite right, even when you can’t point to a clear reason. This is your nervous system doing what it’s meant to do: scanning for potential danger and trying to keep you safe. The challenge is that for many people, this system stays activated longer than it needs to, and the body has a hard time settling back down.

Mindfulness is one of the ways we can begin to shift that pattern. Not by forcing anxiety away or trying to override it, but by gradually changing how the brain and body respond to it.

What’s Going On in an Anxious Brain

When anxiety is high, the brain’s alarm system—primarily the amygdala—tends to be more active. At the same time, the areas of the brain responsible for regulation, perspective, and decision-making have a harder time stepping in and balancing things out.

This is why anxiety can feel so confusing. You may logically understand that you’re safe, but your body continues to respond as if something is wrong. That gap between what you know and what you feel is a very real neurological experience.

What Mindfulness Actually Does

Mindfulness is often described as paying attention to the present moment, on purpose, without judgment. In practice, it’s much simpler than it sounds. It’s noticing what is happening right now—your thoughts, your body, your surroundings—without immediately trying to change or fix it.

With consistent practice, this begins to shift how the brain responds to stress. The alarm system becomes less reactive, and the parts of the brain involved in regulation have more opportunity to engage. Just as importantly, you start to relate differently to anxious thoughts. Instead of getting pulled into them automatically, you’re able to notice them and create a bit of space before reacting.

When It Feels Like It’s Not Working

A lot of people try mindfulness and feel discouraged because their mind keeps racing. That doesn’t mean it isn’t working.

The practice is not about stopping thoughts or creating a perfectly calm mind. It’s about noticing when your attention has wandered and bringing it back. That process—losing focus and returning again—is the repetition that helps retrain the brain over time.

Easy Ways to Practice Without Adding More to Your Day

Mindfulness doesn’t have to be something separate from your routine. It tends to be more effective when it’s built into moments that already exist in your day.

Morning coffee or tea

Instead of immediately moving on to your next task, you might spend a minute noticing the experience of drinking it. The warmth of the mug, the smell, the taste. When your mind starts to jump ahead into planning or worrying, you simply bring your attention back to what you’re doing.

Walking the dogs

During a walk, you can shift your attention to the rhythm of your steps, your breathing, and the environment around you. You might also notice your dog—what catches their attention, how they move, how often they pause. When your mind drifts, you gently return your focus to the walk.

Taking a shower

Showers are often a time when thoughts spiral or replay. You can use this time to focus on physical sensations instead, such as the temperature of the water, the feeling on your skin, and the sound it makes. Each time your mind wanders, you bring it back to those sensations.

Hugging a loved one

Hugs are often brief and automatic. Slowing down for even a few seconds and noticing the contact, the warmth, and your breathing can turn it into a more intentional moment of connection.

Petting your dog or cat

When you’re with your pet, you can pay attention to the texture of their fur, their breathing, and how they respond to your touch. Animals tend to be naturally present, and even briefly matching that pace can help shift your own nervous system.

The Shift That Matters

Most people come into this wanting anxiety to stop altogether. While that’s understandable, what often changes first is your relationship to it.

You begin to notice anxiety without immediately reacting to it or trying to push it away. Over time, this creates more space, and the nervous system has more opportunities to settle instead of staying in a constant state of activation.

Mindfulness is not complicated, but it does require consistency. It’s built through small moments of noticing and returning your attention, repeated over time.

As those moments add up, the brain becomes less reactive and more capable of regulating itself. The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety completely, but to feel less controlled by it and more able to move through it when it shows up.

If you’re struggling with anxiety and want support integrating mindfulness in a way that actually works for your brain and your life, we’re here to help.

At Rise Healing Center, we take a whole-person approach—blending evidence-based practices with real-world application so that change isn’t just something you understand, but something you experience.

#mental health #anxitey #trauma #emdr therapy #teen counseling #couples therapy #mindfulness

Supporting Your Partner with ADHD—Without Losing Yourself

Understand ADHD Beyond the Stereotypes

Learning how ADHD impacts daily life is an important part of ADHD relationship support, because when you understand the “why,” it becomes easier to respond with patience instead of resentment.

Avoid the Parent–Child Dynamic

To prevent this pattern from taking root:

Work together to share responsibility using tools like calendars, reminder apps, or visual notes so that systems—not one person—carry the weight.

Assign household or financial tasks based on each person’s strengths rather than defaulting to the non-ADHD partner by assumption.

Schedule a weekly planning session so that decisions and reminders happen at a set time, rather than becoming a source of daily correction and tension.

These practices help preserve equality and respect, reinforcing that you are partners rather than parent and child.

Communicate Clearly and with Care

Remember the Strengths Alongside the Struggles

Highlighting strengths is just as important as addressing struggles, and this balance is a cornerstone of healthy ADHD couples therapy.

Regulate Emotions Before Reacting

Set Boundaries and Protect Your Own Well-Being

Remember: supporting a partner with ADHD also means supporting yourself.

Consider Professional Support

#mental health #anxitey #emdr therapy #teen counseling #trauma #couples therapy #mindfulness

How Brainspotting Addresses Attachment Issues

Some wounds aren’t loud. They don’t shout, don’t bleed visibly, and don’t come with obvious memories. Yet they shape everything—relationships, trust, emotional safety. These are attachment wounds, and they often stem from early experiences where emotional needs weren’t met consistently. Whether from neglect, inconsistent caregiving, or trauma, these issues ripple forward into adult relationships. Brainspotting, a brain-based therapy that targets the body and subconscious mind, offers a unique path to healing them—without needing to explain everything in words.

What Are Attachment Issues?

In childhood, our brains wire through connection. When caregivers are attuned—reliable, loving, present—we build what’s known as secure attachment. But when those early connections are unstable or harmful, our systems adapt. We learn not to trust closeness, or we cling to it out of fear of loss. These patterns become our blueprint.

Symptoms vary:

Fear of abandonment

Difficulty depending on others

Emotional overwhelm

Disconnection or numbness

Feeling unworthy in relationships

And while traditional talk therapy helps build awareness, it doesn’t always reach the parts of us that still feel unsafe, unseen, or unlovable. That’s where Brainspotting shines.

What Is Brainspotting?

Developed by Dr. David Grand, Brainspotting is a neuroexperiential therapy that uses fixed eye positions—called brainspots—to access and reprocess trauma stored in the subcortical brain. These areas—deep beneath the surface—don’t speak in words. They speak in sensation, emotion, and instinct.

A brainspot is found by noticing where in the visual field the client feels the most activation or intensity. Once the brainspot is identified, the client holds their gaze there while tuning into their internal experience. The therapist stays present, attuned, and non-intrusive—creating a safe container for the brain to do what it naturally wants to do: heal.

Why Brainspotting Works for Attachment Trauma

Attachment wounds are unique—they’re often pre-verbal, stored in body memory rather than conscious narrative. Brainspotting works directly with this implicit system.

1. It Bypasses Overthinking

Clients often understand their issues intellectually. “I know my parent did the best they could.” “I know I’m safe now.” Yet the feelings persist—tightness in the chest, panic when someone pulls away, shame in moments of vulnerability. Brainspotting doesn’t require storytelling. It accesses the emotional core directly through the body-brain connection.

2. Safety Through Connection

At the heart of Brainspotting is dual attunement—the therapist tracks both the client’s emotional state and physiological cues. This level of presence and connection creates a reparative experience that mirrors secure attachment. Simply being seen and co-regulated in this way can start to undo early wiring that told the nervous system: You’re alone.

3. Nervous System Reset

Attachment trauma leaves behind dysregulation: some clients are chronically activated (anxious, panicked), others are shut down (numb, disconnected). Brainspotting helps process the stored trauma so the nervous system can find equilibrium. Over time, this fosters emotional flexibility and relational safety.

4. Embodied Healing

Many attachment injuries are held somatically—tight shoulders, a clenched jaw, an uneasy stomach. In Brainspotting, clients are encouraged to notice these sensations and stay with them. This presence—without needing to fix, suppress, or analyze—leads to a gradual shift. A sense of safety, often for the first time, becomes possible.

Who Benefits Most?

Brainspotting is especially impactful for people who:

Had emotionally unavailable or inconsistent caregivers

Were adopted or experienced early separation

Suffered childhood trauma or neglect

Struggle with intimacy, abandonment fears, or chronic relationship stress

Feel stuck in therapy or disconnected from emotion

Even clients who have done years of self-work often find that Brainspotting reaches places they didn’t know still needed healing.

Attachment issues are often invisible to others, but deeply felt inside. They affect how we love, how we cope, and how we see ourselves. Brainspotting works not by analyzing the past—but by giving the brain and body a chance to resolve it, quietly and effectively.

If you've done the talking and still feel stuck, Brainspotting may be the shift you’ve been waiting for. You don’t need to relive every detail—just hold still, look in the right direction, and let your nervous system guide the way. Contact Us

#mental health #anxitey #emdr therapy #teen counseling #couples therapy #mindfulness #trauma

Now Accepting CenCal and UC SHIP Insurance for Therapy in Santa Barbara County

Our practice provides specialized, trauma-informed therapy in Santa Barbara County for individuals seeking focused, evidence-based care. We work with both private pay clients and select insurance plans, depending on each person’s needs and preferences.

We currently accept CenCal and UC SHIP insurance, expanding coverage options for clients seeking EMDR therapy and Brainspotting therapy in Santa Barbara — modalities that can be difficult to find within insurance networks locally.

At this time, CenCal and UC SHIP are the primary insurance plans we accept. Most other services are provided on a private pay basis. Care remains individualized and clinician-directed for every client, regardless of payment method.

Specialized Trauma Therapy — With More Coverage Options

Many effective trauma and nervous-system-focused therapies are often associated with private pay practices. By participating as a CenCal therapy provider and UC SHIP therapist, we are able to extend access to specialized treatment while maintaining the same clinical standards and treatment approach.

Services include:

EMDR therapy in Santa Barbara

Brainspotting therapy in Santa Barbara

Trauma-focused individual therapy

Somatic and nervous-system-informed interventions

Structured, goal-oriented treatment planning

Treatment approach is based on clinical fit and client goals — not a one-size-fits-all model.

Supporting Access for Students and Medi-Cal Members

CenCal (a Medi-Cal plan) and UC SHIP coverage allow us to work with Santa Barbara County residents and UC students who might otherwise face financial barriers to specialized therapy. Including these plans is part of a deliberate access model designed to widen coverage options while keeping services clinically focused and sustainable.

Clients receive the same level of specialization, structure, and individualized treatment planning across payment types.

Quality of Care Is the Same Across Payment Types

Whether you use CenCal, UC SHIP, or private pay:

Therapy is tailored to your goals and history

Modality selection is clinically driven

Sessions follow the same standards of care

Treatment planning remains individualized

Insurance affects billing and documentation requirements — not the depth or quality of the therapeutic work.

Private Pay Options Remain Available

We continue to offer private pay therapy in Santa Barbara County for clients who prefer expanded scheduling flexibility, out-of-network options, or insurance-free care. Some clients choose private pay for increased privacy, scheduling control, or extended-format sessions.

Both pathways remain available, and we help clients choose the option that best fits their needs.

A Balanced, Sustainable Access Model

Participating in CenCal and UC SHIP is part of a balanced practice model — one that supports broader community and student access while maintaining sustainable operations and high clinical standards. This allows us to continue offering specialized trauma therapy in Santa Barbara while responsibly serving a wider range of clients.

Areas We Serve

We provide therapy in Santa Barbara County, including Santa Barbara, Goleta, Isla Vista, Carpinteria, Lompoc, and surrounding communities, through in-person and telehealth appointments.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do you accept CenCal for therapy in Santa Barbara County? Yes. We are a CenCal therapy provider and offer specialized trauma therapy modalities, including EMDR and Brainspotting when clinically appropriate.

Do you accept UC SHIP insurance? Yes. We work with UC SHIP plans for eligible UC students seeking therapy.

Do you accept other insurance plans? At this time, we primarily accept CenCal and UC SHIP. Most other services are offered on a private pay basis.

Can I receive EMDR or Brainspotting using insurance? Yes. When clinically appropriate, EMDR and Brainspotting may be incorporated into treatment for clients using CenCal, UC SHIP, or private pay.

Do you accept insurance for couples therapy? No. Insurance plans generally do not cover couples therapy and require one identified patient with a diagnosable mental health condition. Because of this structure, couples therapy is offered on a private pay basis only.

#mental health #anxitey #emdr therapy #teen counseling #couples therapy #mindfulness #trauma

Daily Practices to Break Negative Thought Cycles

Below are five daily practices to help you break free from those old loops and build a new kind of inner dialogue — one that feels grounded, compassionate, and steady.

1. Pause and Ground: Reclaim the Present Moment

When your thoughts start spiraling, your body almost always knows before you do. The chest tightens, the jaw locks, breathing becomes shallow. That’s your cue.

Pause. Inhale slowly through your nose, and exhale through your mouth. Feel the floor beneath your feet. Let your eyes rest on one object in the room. Notice its color, texture, light.

This isn’t about “relaxing.” It’s about anchoring. Mindfulness invites your nervous system out of the storm of mental noise and into the steady rhythm of the present.

2. Defuse Instead of Debate

Our instinct is to argue with negative thoughts: That’s not true! I shouldn’t think that way! But fighting thoughts often keeps them alive.

Try this:

Picture yourself sitting beside a stream. Each thought drifts by on a leaf. You don’t have to stop them — just watch them float past.