akaseiji @rizasei - Tumblr Blog

Pasar Kangen 2026

Taman Budaya Yogyakarta

-1 aura.

22/7/2024

kadang, aku ngerasa not belong anywhere. probably because I'm having a lot of setbacks. aku pun merasa kalau akhir-akhir ini jadi panikan, sensitif, dan terlalu banyak overthink. jujur saja, menyalahkan diri sendiri dan menempel jidat dengan nasihat: 'kamu tu jangan berlarut-larut, kalau di kamar terus blablabla' is not helping at all, kadang malah semakin menyalahkan diri sendiri jadinya putting on shame to myself. and it's not something good for my growth.

some people will never understand me, some people will understand me. some who understand will sympathize, some will turn their heads away, some will ignore. I am truly not for anyone.

people look so happy from afar. i saw that and wonder, why can't i be happy like them? but then, i remember, i hadn't been true to myself since the last day a big setback took a toll on my mental well-being. I've been putting a lot of pressure onto myself, and then there's stream of pressures from outside.

someday, i feel like not breathing.

but today, when i feel suffocated, i'll think about kujira. and when i think about kujira, i'll think about yuumei-san. and when i think about yuumei-san, i'll think about blue period. then i'll think about mashiro. then i'll think about my relationship with drawing.

the last word i can speak of is a noise, but the painting will say it all.

Udah kek Tanaka, dara-dara-dara, rasanya mager sekali. Pengen balik ke masa-masa genki penuh energi.

Do not fear, I am with you, I hear and I see.

If it's happen to someone else, it can happen to you too.

Plis ITS klo adain UAS jangan barengan sama UGM, doi w panikan soalnya.

Aah~ saat-saat kayak gini malah kepikiran kata-kata johzenji:

"Pertama, kalau mau main, cari dulu tempat bermainnya."

Kalau gabisa menikmati permainan, berarti kurang jago.

Kalau mau berjuang, cari dulu battlefieldnya.

My Cat 'Oreo', 2022.

Realization #1

Kalau sebelum tidur aku dengerin musik lumayan lama dan lumayan bervariasi, bangun-bangun di keesokan harinya badanku kerasa aneh dan gaena. So, music actually isn't a good choice for me.

Kadang-kadang, kalau lagi sendiri dan tenang gini, sering feeling nostalgic. Tiba-tiba keinget, mungkin dia emang engga pernah orderin makan, still like a child, tapi dia pernah bawain makanan, susu, coklat, even onigiri, roti, procold, vitamin, dsb sekresek gede bat pas aku sakit wkwk

..himdeureo.

rasanya kek pengen casually beli boneka hari ini, minum susu, terus beli bunga.