SEMI HIATUS ! For love and justice, the pretty Guardian in a sailor suit, Choi Yewon Sailor Arin! SOPA's third-year sweet pea, former Sphere trainee, and most likely the cutest dongsaeng you've ever had. ( click me! )
Ā°.āā¢. @rkyeri .ā¢ā.Ā°
backdated: early march
she stood outside of yeriās apartment with a cake in hand, shuffling carefully to somehow knock on the door without dropping it. it would be a shame to ruin something on a day like this when the cake was a small gesture to commemorate a very special day: yeriās birthday. she only turned eighteen once, and yewon hoped that she would remember it as a wonderful day. yeri was one of her closest friends, so yewon made a big deal out of this.
yewon might look comical as she balanced the box and her overnight possessions. the dessert was supposed to be a surprise---the cherry on top of a fun birthday sleepover. she didnāt think about how it might inconvenience her to carry it all this way until now, but all of it would be worth it if it could bring a smile to yeriās face. she rapped on the door with the knuckles of one hand and then quickly steadied the box again.Ā āyeri? are you home?ā she called. unless she put the box down on the floor, she couldnāt get to her phone to send her a text, so she silently prayed yeri was inside.
it had been about a year since yewon realized this feeling that maybe sehun was a bit different, a bit more special, than her other male friends. the entire time, the thought of confessing to him was on her mind because it would be so much easier to let go of her worries. carrying this secret around was like carrying a heavy weight on her shoulders, and she knew that there would inevitably come a day where she would tell him. she could be honest with him at any given moment, but the fear of rejection or worse, ruining their friendship, was too scary, and so she kept quiet for months and months.
but she came close once. somewhere inside of her, the courage to speak took a hold of her, and she told him---almost. her face turned red, and embarrassment washed over her like a tidal wave, leaving her to squeak out a ānevermind!ā and escape the situation immediately.
since then, yewon couldnāt bare to face him. it was too embarrassing, and she didnāt want to have to explain herself. naturally, the only conclusion she could come to was to avoid him like the plague, even if she knew it wasnāt fair to him and that he might blame himself. running from her problems was simpler than dealing with them. she could handle another day with this secret. once it was out there in the open, nothing was predictable and safe anymore.
one could only avoid someone for so long, particularly when they shared the same school. yewon accidentally brushed past him and turned to apologize before her eyes widened. she made a move to dart out of his sight, but unfortunately, the universe was not on her side today. she stumbled over her own feet and hit the floor hard, likely giving her bruises on her knees---but that wasnāt as important as the fact that she couldnāt get away in time.
it took a moment for her mind to process that she had fallen but in that second, her eyes met sehunās. āiām sorr---,ā she started then visibly panicked because no, she canāt be here! heāll ask why sheās acting strange! she needs to leave! now!Ā with her apology long forgotten, she scrambled to pick up her scattered belongings.
admittedly, staring at strangers was extremely weird, and she should feel a bit more shame in making him uncomfortable with her hard gaze... but she couldnāt help feeling like this wasnāt the first time she had seen him. travelling via subway and other public transportation, there were many people that yewon got to meet, and eventually she had learned to recognize a few familiar faces among the crowd---but this wasnāt the same. something about him was familiar but at the same time, not.
despite her shyness, she mustered up the courage to tap on his arm lightly. if she didnāt ask now, she might never get another chance, and she had to know.Ā āexcuse me---do i know you from somewhere?ā she tilted her head, as if that would help boost her memory. it was a shot in the dark, but he looked kind of like...Ā āare you that boy that hangs around yeri?ā she realized then that if he didnāt know yeri, this was incredibly awkward.Ā āuh---you know, kim yerim, a little bit shorter than me... sopa student...?ā her voice fell as she became more insecure, the more she continued to speak.
yewon hadnāt gotten to see yulhee much with her training. with the olderās recent graduation from sopa, yewon couldnāt help but worry that she might never see the other ever again after that. this time in life was one where many people broke apart from each other to go on their own separate paths, and as logical as it was to let go of those people, yewon was too attached. spending this many years in the same school with the same people, you grow accustomed to routine. not seeing yulhee around the halls anymore would be strange...
she knew yulhee was a busy person and had more reasons to turn her down than to not, but she paid no mind to this fact. with her phone pressed against her cheek, she listened to the dial tone and hoped that the other would pick up. when she heard the ringing stop, she immediately began,Ā āyulhee? itās me, yewon. hi. i--um--i was wondering if you might want to hang out sometime and get some ice cream or something...i-if youāre not to busy, of course! if you are, i understand.ā
her bedroom floor wasnāt the best place to be doing this, but the good thing about doing yeonjungās hair in here (as opposed to the bathroom) was that yewon had all of her hair accessories in one spot on her dresser.
that was probably the only good thing about yewon doing yeonjungās hair.
it was no secret to anyone that yewonās skill in creating neat hairstyles was limited to ponytails and pigtails. braids were downright out of the question. she couldnāt even recreate her favorite sailor moon hairstyle without asking for help. it was pitiful, and truthfully, yewon was amazed that yeonjung even let her touch her hair in the first place--but what else were they supposed to do during a sleepover? (watching sailor moon would no doubt happen, but yewon could save that for later.)
ātwist here, and then here,ā she mumbled to herself as she intertwined yeonjungās hair into a braid--or an attempt at one. it didnāt quite look right, and she was starting to think that she messed up somewhere.Ā āthis is so hard,ā she sighed in defeat and let the other girlās hair fall.Ā āpeople do this every day?ā
her parents never talked much about the rest of the family, and until today, yewon didnāt question it. for a long time, that was just how things were, and no one was complaining much (except her grandparents who always demanded that they see more of yewon and her brother).
a family reunion wasnāt something that they could avoid so easily. unbeknownst to yewon, this had been planned āmonths in advance or something like thatā according to her brother. yewon wasnāt sure of what to expect exactly, having not seen most of these people since she was very small--if she had ever seen them at all. watching her parents flit around their home nervously trying to make sure that they hadnāt forgotten anything gave yewon bad vibes, and she wondered if there was a reason why they hadnāt seen the rest of the family in a while.
when they arrived, she was overwhelmed with hugs from people who claimed not to have seen her in ages and compliments from others whom she didnāt recall ever meeting in her life. ever the polite child, she smiled shyly and let it happen. her parents acted a little bit differently--more stiff, though still courteous--around these people, but yewon imagined it was because they had known each other longer.
though sheād probably never voice it aloud, she was grateful when she had a moment to escape from the grownups and grab something to drink. the kitchen was large, but evidently not large enough as yewon felt someone accidentally bump into her, causing her to jolt forward. as if in slow motion, she watched the cup in her hands slip and hit the floor, spilling all of its contents.
āoh no, oh no!ā she started and scrambled to dab at the liquid with napkins from the counter. āi--iām so sorry,ā she said before her startled expression changed to one of recognition. āsh-shiah?ā
(( sorry iām a little delayed in posting this. i had a few things going on irl but anyway, itās here now!!Ā you know the deal~ haha PLEASE LIKE THIS POST FOR A CHARISMA STARTER!Ā iāll do as many as i can, and iāll do my best to tailor them to your muse specifically! ^^
(( hey... so... itās me... ur resident lil flower mun lani/kiki. if youāve been in the rp for longer than about five or six months, you might remember my lil moon princess choi yewon!! admittedly, iām a little nervous about bringing her back since this is her third time around, but hey--third timeās the charm, right? i hope u missed my long ooc posts bc i canāt stop, wonāt stop
so if youāve never met yewon before, hereās some basic facts:
june 18, 1999 / 17 years old
has one older brother but theyāre not blood related bc yewon is adopted
comes from a very wealthy family
she loves sailor moon. like...seriously.
former sphere ent trainee
failed her last audition which was for kt ent
sopaās resident sweet pea
sheās very very cute and optimistic. usually sheās very bright and energetic too
sheās also very insecure about herself
very innocent!!!!! also idealistic and hella stubborn
lowkey highkey still like-likes oh sehun but shHH ITS A SECRET
pls love my daughter. ;; <3 she probably loves you.
so since weāve last seen our pretty guardian, the rebellious stunt she pulled by going to the kt audition without her parents permission got her grounded for a few weeks. (the first time she ever got grounded too rip.) after that, sheās been told to think of something more realistic for a career and to focus on her schoolwork and post-high school future. ....but, of course, yewon canāt give up her dream. u know. sheās been doing what her parents told her to, but itās really been making her kinda sad??? bc sheās not as passionate about it as she is about becoming an idol. she still wants it, and lots of her friends are trainees and she misses them.
thank you so much to the people who welcomed yewon back ;; <3 i was hesitant to bring her back bc a third time seems a little excessive and i thought people might be tired of her, but yewon really wanted to come back!! she missed everyone. so yes!! thanks again ;; you guys are really sweet. i love yewon a lot, and iām glad i can play her again~
if youād like to plot with yewon, please donāt be shy!!! i know i am.Ā charisma starters will probably happen too but in a separate post!! thereās a lot going on in this one haha
The instructors watch your performance silently, which only makes dancing without the soundtrack even more awkward. When youāre done, they nod to each other, and after the same female coach from before whispers something to Katie Lee, itās the CEOās turn to speak.
āYou have great potential, thatās for sure, and we can certainly appreciate the fact that you managed to pull off what was requested of you. Howeverā¦ā Thereās a pause, and itās clear that what comes next wonāt be a positive answer. āWe already have a lot of strong female trainees here in KT, and because of that, we have to be even harsher with cuts than usual. KT isnāt the place for you to achieve your dreams right now, but if you continue practicing and build your confidence, Iām sure youāll find success soon. Thank you for coming in today, Yewon-ssi.ā Ā
itās as if icy water was dumped all over her.
before coming to the audition, yewon knew the chance of failure was a very real outcome. last night, she had trouble sleeping due to her vivid imagination going through various scenarios of how she could mess up, how that chance at her dreams of training under kt could disappear right before her eyes. she walked herself through each one, tried her best to prepare herself for the worst, told herself she could be strong even if katie lee told her she had no talent at allā¦
but thatās not what happened. katie lee didnāt say that. in fact, she said much the opposite, complimentingĀ her instead.Ā yewon didnāt prepare herself for this.
she does her best to keep her composureāa bad impression on a ceo might follow her wherever she goes, and yewon would rather anything happen than that. still, she is entitled to her emotions and theyāre not entirely unjustified.
she swallows thickly again. her face feels hot, as if she might cry, but yewon takes a deep breath.Ā āthank you too,ā she responds with a small voice. she bows again.Ā āit was an honor to audition today, and iām thankful for the opportunity to show you my talents and for your words. i promise iāll do my best to improve.ā
when she rises, she doesnāt meet their eyes. a small voice at the back of her mind tells her something is off about this.Ā if she had great potential and met their standards during the impromptu performance of āoh,ā then why this? it doesnāt add up. thereās a moment in which yewon realizes she can go home and let herself mourn lost chances, cry in her brotherās arms for an hour, then spend the next two months trying toĀ forget about all of thisā¦ thatās exactly the path that kt entertainment set up for her, and having just found some confidenceāsomething katie lee said she needed to improve onāyewon is afraid to go down that road again.
her brotherā¦ she didnāt just leave him to take the brunt of everything to be thrown out like this. what would he say when she came home and avoided his eyes? what would he do when she couldnāt bring herself to admit that kt liked her but still rejected her because they have too many female trainees?
āiāā she speaks then cuts herself off to reconsider and put some thought into her words before she blurts them out. āmiss katie lee,ā she says formally, āumāif itās okayāmay i you ask a question?ā she meets the ceoās eyes. there are so many ways to phrase what she wants to ask themā¦. āplease understand, i donāt mean to offend you or your company or anyone here because i really am honored and grateful for this, but if i donāt ask now, iāll never knowā¦ and i have to knowā¦ā oh boy, youāre asking for it, yewon. you shouldāve just walked out the door and saved yourself the trouble.Ā she tucks her shaking hands behind her back. thereās no backing out of this now. āif you had enough female trainees, why did you scout me? why did you let me schedule an audition?ā her nail digs into the skin of her hand. warning bells ring in her head, telling her this is a bad idea, but she presses forward. her emotions are running high, giving her an uncharacteristic boldness.Ā āyour job is probably very busyā¦ā
āwhy waste time on me?ā
somehow, though her face is tooĀ hot nowāshe manages to keep herself mostly put together. itās a wonder, considering yewon rarely had to be this honest with her feelings in front of someone so significant with the power to change her life with merely a few spoken words.
and yewon knows that sheās not wrong about asking this, though it feels wrong. if she walked out before asking her question, she would never get an answer, and it would eat away at her foreverā¦ she wasnāt a child throwing a fit over not getting her way because no matter what katie leeās response, yewon still plans on leaving like she had non-verbally suggested. she can accept her fate, but the reason for it just feels tooā¦off.
āiām sorry if iāve said too much or spoken out of lineā¦ā she confesses and bows deeply. her hands are balled up, a result of all the different emotions running through her. āi can walk out of here and accept that you donāt want me because iām untalented. i might not be very skilled or beautiful or special enough to be a kt trainee. butā¦ā she pauses to carefully choose her words. āi donāt understandā¦ā if i could pull off what you asked of meā¦if you said you were āmovedāā¦Ā āmaybe i misunderstood. iām sorry.ā iām sorry. iām sorry. iām sorry.
One of the staff members that watched your audition steps out of the audition room, and nods to you. āPlease come back in,ā he instructs, opening the door for you. He then makes his way back to the table at the head of the room and takes a seat.
āYour voice has potential, and your performance was moving, but at KT Entertainment, weāre looking to train future idols, and to be an idol, you have to handle any concept thrown your way.ā a female instructor speaks up. āSurely you know Oh by ChiChi. Please perform that for us now, including the choreography, if you know it. Just the chorus will do.ā
when yewon walked into the kt building earlier today, she genuinely believed she knew what to anticipate from the audition, though it might be with a different company. however, standing in front of the panel of judges with a request thrown at her like this was anything but expected. whatever compliment they had just given her regarding her performance is drowned beneath the abruptness of this new dilemma, and she swallows thickly. itās an unexpected performance, sure, but certainly not impossible. yewon lovesĀ chi chi.
āof course,ā she replies politely with another small bow.Ā āi understand.ā
she repositions herself in the center of the stage and takes a brief moment to remember where the chorus started. then, with the cutest voice she could muster while singing, she begins.
itās a bit awkward to sing this a capella, but dancing without music is the real challenging part. yewon isnāt new to singing without a track, but never had she tried to dance without one. nonetheless, she does her best to match her idols movements from her memory. itās been a while since she had danced to this song considering that it was released when she was roughly ten years old, and she can only hope that the choreography she was performing is correct (although with how many times she practiced it randomly at home, sheās confident she can nail most of them.)
if her moves were incorrect, her stage presence isnāt. the one thing yewon feels perhaps the most confident in is performing a chi chi song, particularly the older ones, because of their cute concepts. itās no secret that yewon does exceptionally well with them--although maybe kt hadnāt been aware of it when they first requested her to do this song in particular. her voice is a tad higher to sound cuter, and she is nothing but overdone facial expressions, from pouts to smiles to shock. cute is what yewon pulls of best.
ģ ģ ģė ė“ź° ģė Brand new sound
ģė”ģģ§ ėģ ķØź» One more round
Dance dance dance till we run this town
ģ¤ė¹ ģ¤ė¹ Iāll be Iāll be down down down downĀ
when she finishes the chorus, she smiles to hide how nervous she still is. dancing isnāt necessarily yewonās strength, but at least she didnāt have to rap. besides, joining special t surely helped her improve her capabilities some...though that couldnāt help her if her memory of the dance--or lack of it--was so bad that it showed. yewon didnāt think she did too badly. she was sure of ninety-five percent of the moves, but standing in front of the people who trained chi chi make yewon second guess everything.
āyou can be anything you want to be, yewon. you just have to want it...ā ā
many months have passed since yewon was last in this position: sitting outside of the room in which one of the most important performances of her life would be judged. having done this before, yewon knows what to expect when she enters the room, but if anything, having to do this again made her twice as frightened. this audition means twice as much as the last one did, and yewon feels as though everything--these past months focused only on schoolwork, her wavering hold on her dreams, her brotherās words of encouragement, and his belief in her--has come down to this moment. itās not any less unnerving to think about the fact that the path of her future would be set in stone from this performance alone--on whether the staff concluded her demonstration of her talents to meet their high standards or not. she had almost told jongdae that both results wouldnāt make a difference to her, but she knew deep down that itās not true--not anymore...
while she waits to be called in, yewon allows her mind to wander. had anyone else been casted at the camp? she had heard the hushed gossip spreading during the closing ceremony that many people had received offers in various fashions from different companies, but she canāt recall hearing anything about kt. yewon doubted she was the only one to have gotten scouted. (surely kt was looking for more talent than just a seventeen-year-old girl.) however, the hall is empty except for her. it wouldāve been nice to have someone to talk to... maybe this was what she gets for having picked the last day available to audition. (at least it bought her some time to choose a song.)
she wonders what her parents are doing now and what they would say when they inevitably found out about her coming here. her brother promised her that he would handle everything and that she had nothing to worry about, but she still feels guilty about leaving the worst task to him... he was always too kind to her, and yewon is suddenly overwhelmed with the fact that she might never be able to repay his kindness. he had done so much for her...
āchoi yewon? weāre ready for you now. please, come this way.ā
yewon rises from her seat and nods, giving the man a polite smile.Ā āthank you.ā
the layout of the room reminds yewon of her first audition, including a section separated off as a āstageā and a panel of judges who are already watching her every moment. yewon doesnāt get a good look at them as she makes her way to the front, only glances and flashes a smile (though sheās still incredibly nervous on the inside).
she can barely remember her brief introduction during her audition at sphere, but she thought that it might have gone a little bit like what she had rehearsed for today. āhello,ā she says with a bow. she can already tell that sheās more composed this time around. there are no stutters this time around--she speaks slowly and clearly to avoid it. Ā āmy name is choi yewon. iām seventeen years old, and i attend seoul school of performing arts as a second-year. today iāll be performing ābreatheā by luna. thank you for considering me.ā
she takes a deep breath. then, with a curt nod of her head, the music that she had prepared begins. thereās only a short beat before yewon sings, and when that cue comes, yewon closes her eyes.
ninety seconds are such a short amount of time, but itās much longer than what she was given the first time. at first, she had a difficult time figuring out what song to pick and then what section. this song feels different to yewon--so simple, yet still able to leave an impact--and that partially why she chose it. it feels like sheās baring her heart out with this song (which should be nerve-wracking considering that she had never done a performance quite like this) but yewon can only focus on the lyrics as she sings the first two lines.
when she reaches the next part of the verse, thereās a surprising strength in her voice as she Ā jumps up an octave, just as she had practiced last night. with a hand on the microphone and the other holding the stand, she seems to lose herself in the moment. she still hasnāt opened her eyes, and she could almost swear it didnāt feel like the judges were there at all--just yewon, alone with the music.
her voice is clear and strong as she belts the beginning of the chorus but softens slightly when the song called for it. the lyrics are beautiful and almost poetic in the way they were written, so yewon does her best to sing them earnestly, like luna did. she opens her eyes but doesnāt make eye contact with the judges, instead looking just above their heads and focusing on the spot behind them so her nerves wouldnāt shake her.
without missing a beat or losing momentum, she jumps into the bridge of the song.
if thereās any part of the song that might show just how much sheās in the moment, itās this one. last time, yewon had focused so much on impressing the judges, but now, yewon doesnāt even think about it. thereās no need for fake acting this time. the song speaks for itself, and yewon connects with it enough to not consider it. she feels the song, and itās so different from anything sheās ever done before, including her performance with sehun.
the song had built itself up to this moment, and yewon smiles softly as she sings the final line delicately.
ėė¬“ ģė¦ė¤ģĀ
she holds out the last note an extra beat for a dramatic effect and so the song wouldnāt feel like it was ending so abruptly. the music cuts, leaving the room silent. the air is thick, and yewon is too surprised with herself and her audition to interrupt any thoughts the judges might be having. she wasnāt shaking before, but now she can feel herself trembling. discreetly, she hides her hands at her side and bows.
āthank you,ā she mumbles when she rises. her voice sounds foreign.
āthank you. please, step outside.ā
she feels light-headed as she walks out of the room and briefly wonders if she might actually pass out.Ā she knows thereās know way of knowing if this was enough to satisfy kt this time, but, as she leans against the wall, a sense of accomplishment passes over her. despite all odds, she had caught the attention of one of south koreaās biggest entertainment companies again. she was given a second shot at her dreams when some never got that chance...Ā she had come so far since leaving sphere entertainment, and it showed, though no one but her could see it.Ā she did this audition--not for kt entertainment, not for her parents, not for her friends, not even for her brother.Ā she did this for herself, because her brother was right. even if she fell down a million times, she had to keep going if she ever wanted to achieve her dreams.
perhaps itās the adrenaline thatās running through her veins, but a giggle bubbles up, and then yewon is outright laughing. this whole experience was unbelievable, but here she was in the halls of a kt entertainment building having just auditioned to join their lineup of trainees. who wouldāve ever thought choi yewon could do that?Ā she covers her mouth to soften her giggles and get control of herself.
as she comes down from her high, yewon knows what comes next could change her life again or break her entirely, but she smiles anyway.
ā Ā post-rksummercamp
ā just think of the future and think of your dreams... ā
it hadnāt been that long since she was last in her bedroom--no more than a few days at most--but it feels like a lifetime had passed. itās the same as she had left it: slightly unorganized, covered in sailor moon merchandise (among others), and decorated with mementos from her travels and times spent hanging out with her friends. the room is so obviously hers, but as she passes through the doorway and loosens her grip on her bag, it feels anything but.
she lets out a sigh--a result of the worries that buzz around her head--and sets her bag on the foot of the bed. she hadnāt forgotten about the letter from kt thatās tucked somewhere inside of it. how could she? it was all she could think about on the ride home...
āyewon,ā her fatherās voice comes from the door.Ā āhow was camp?ā
itās a question that yewon doesnāt want to answer, and she hesitates before glancing over her shoulder.Ā āit was fine,ā she mumbles.Ā āi performed in the talent show with sehun. you remember sehun, right? heās really, really tall.ā
āi think so,ā he replies. āthat was fun, right?ā
āyeah. i think the crowd liked us. we sang āspring loveā. it was niceā
āgood, good.ā yewon doesnāt make no effort to further the conversation, and itās painfully obvious that itās going nowhere.Ā āso...ā he starts after clearing his throat.Ā ādid anything else happen?ā
yewonās tone is indifferent as she replies, āi ran into luna there.ā
āoh? whoās that again? you have so many friends...ā
āa trainee from sphere.ā
āah, it mustāve been nice to see her again after so long.ā
āmmm, it was.ā
if he couldnāt sense the tense atmosphere before, he certainly could now.Ā ādid something happen, princess? you know you can always tell me anything.ā
yewon is suddenly painfully aware that she could tell him about the scouting. her family is her biggest set of supporters, and theyād be there for her whenever she needed them. he might be able to help her figure out what to do. she had planned on asking her brother, but what was the difference?
all it takes is for her to remember sphere, and yewonās resolve shatters.Ā she presses her lips together. no, of course she couldnāt tell him. her parents had made her leave sphere entertainment. why would they want her in a company again? and what if he scolded her for getting scouted? that was beyond her control... yewon couldnāt bear the idea of having her parents upset with her again...
ānothing happened, dad. just a bunch of people singing songs around a fire. you know how camp is.āĀ itās the first lie she ever told her parents.Ā her voice doesnāt even sound like it belongs to her anymore.
we don't talk about the past,
we don't talk about the past now...
the letter rests on her desk for the first few days but is later relocated to the top of her dresser then her sock drawer when the sight of it starts to drive her insane. it comes slowly but surely, and her condition begins to worsen with each passing day. at night, she tosses and turns, unable to get much sleep. during the day, sheās always off in a daze and forgets to eat. itās an awful way to live, and yewon canāt remember a time in her life where she felt this troubled.
it doesnāt take long for her brother to sense something is off. though she may have strange quirks and habits, this is far too extreme. he approaches her about it one night a few weeks after the campās end just as sheās about to fall asleep. she appears the same as normal, buried deep under her blankets with an arm around her artemis plushie, but if he hadnāt looked closer and seen the darkness forming under her eyes, he might not have ever felt the need to interfere.
āhey, whatās been up with you lately?ā he says with arms crossed as he leans against the door frame. āand donāt tell me itās nothing. youāre not a good liar. iām your brother. i know you better than that.ā
yewon wants to roll over and ignore him--do anythingĀ to make him and her current problem go away--but she knows that she canāt keep running, at least not from him. heās stubborn and persistent, traits they both shared. with a small sigh, she props herself up on her elbows.Ā āwhat?ā
ādonāt act like you didnāt hear me. youāve been acting weird ever since the camp. what happened?ā his words sting, but theyāre nothing but the truth.
āno, i--ā heās right. she canāt lie. āitās just--something is on my mind.ā
the answer doesnāt satisfy him, and truthfully, yewon didnāt expect it to.Ā ālike what?ā
āi...if i tell you, you canāt tell mom and dad. promise me. please.ā
he arches a brow. yewon rarely asks him for this, let alone makes him swear it. the severity of the situation is more than evident now, and though itās in a cautious and apprehensiveĀ manner, he nods nonetheless. āi wonāt.ā he moves to sit at the edge of her bed.Ā āwhatās up?ā
she sits up completely now with her plushie long forgotten. she still wants to ignore him and go to sleep instead. it would be the easy way out of things, but it would only be a temporary fix. she had wanted to ask her brother for advice, and here he is...
she takes in a deep breath and finally confesses, āi got scouted. by kt. after the talent show at the summer camp. they want me to audition sometime next week. i have to schedule an appointment, and i havenāt done anything yet.ā her eyes drop to her hands resting in her lap. āi donāt know what to do, oppa. iām scared iāll fail the audition, and if i make it, iām scared iāll have to leave again. i had to leave sphere...i donāt want to have to do that again... that was awful.ā her voice breaks, but itās a relief to finally say it aloud after putting on a brave face for so many months and pretending nothing was wrong.Ā āit was my fault, but it was awful. i really wanted to be an idol, and i had the opportunity right in front of me, but i blew it. iām scared to get my hopes up in case kt doesnāt want me in the end, but iām scared to not have a dream too... i think i still want this, but what if sphere was my only chance? i donāt have any other plan. if i make it, can i really give them the next two years? what if iām not enough? what if iām not meant to be an idol?ā
moments pass with nothing spoken. then, come words that yewon never expected to hear. āactually, if iām being honest, i think there were other ways that situation couldāve been handled, but mom and dad were stubborn. i think you were on your way to finding a balance between training and schoolwork, but they didnāt see it like that. i donāt think itās completely your fault.ā
his words hit her like a wrecking ball. she had been waiting for words like these for so long, having been unable to forgive herself since she had left and not letting it go for even the briefest of moments. thereās a sensation like a weight being lifted off her chest while somehow simultaneously, she feels like sheās drowning. her eyes water, and she tries blinks away the tears as quickly as they came.
āi think you should do it.ā he gives her a small smile, and if he sees the wetness in her eyes, he doesnāt comment on it.Ā āyouāve done it before, so if you make it this time, youāll know what to do. youāve wanted this for a long time. are you really going to give up just because you fell down once? thatās not how you finish the race. even if you fall a million times, you have to keep going. you want it that badly, donāt you?ā
āi donāt know what i want,ā yewon admits with a sniffle.
āthatās fine,ā he reassures her with a pat on her foot.Ā āweāre still young. maybe weāre not supposed to know. but if you never try, how will you ever find out?ā he leans back and lets out a deep breath. he pauses momentarily to let his words sink in, then says, āultimately, the decision is up to you, yewon. no matter what iāve got your back. we all do, even if mom and dad donāt always make it seem that way. they just want the best for you, and you know that.ā
yewon nods and wipes her eyes. āi know.ā
āat least think it over and remember everything i just told you. if you end up doing it, iāll deal with them later, okay?ā he rises from the bed and stretches casually. āhey, itās late now. you should probably get some sleep. i know youāve not been sleeping right.ā
āokay, oppa.ā
āyou can be anything you want to be, yewon. you just have to wantĀ it...Ā goodnight. sleep tight.ā
ā...goodnight.ā
sheās shaking like a leaf as she holds her phone and inputs the number left at the bottom of ktās letter to her, and she considers deleting it. her finger accidentally taps the call button as it trembles, however, and when the voice of a staff member comes through the speaker, yewon realizes itās now or never.
āhi, my name is choi yewon. i--um--i was scouted during the summer camp that kt was at. it was a few weeks ago, i think. iām calling to schedule an audition...ā
so, just think of the future,
think of a new life.
and don't get lost in the memories,
keep your eyes on a new prize...
theartofmadeline
stormborns
dededos
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