"Just because we're good-looking doesn't make us villains."
"You’re the AT&T of people."
"I wanted to live in the moment."
"I was so unpopular that the crossing guard used to lure me into traffic!"
"Your love is toxic! And it destroys everything it touches!"
"People can find the good in just about anyone but themselves."
"Alcohol makes people sad. It's the Lifetime movie of beverages."
"You're not worth the monologue."
"When you become roommates with friends, the things you love about them become the things that makes you want to smother them with a pillow."
"I don't really know how [girl/boy]friends work, but I don't think you have one any more."
"I was never one to hold grudges. My father held grudges. I'll always hate him for that."
"I refused to give Santa a Christmas list because I didn't want to depend on any man for anything."
"It’s like God spilled a person."
“Maybe forcing things to be bright just makes the darkness underneath even darker.”
"I can't count the reasons I should stay."
"I'm comforted by your facial symmetry."
"If I had a final wish, I'd use it to stay alive."
"It's cool to know other people think about this stuff, too."
"To the empowerage of words."
"If all I wanted was sex, I could get it from plenty of people without having to go through all this crap."
"I can't think of a better use of my time here than being unconscious."
"Disappointing you is like choking the little mermaid with a bike chain."
"There you go. Treating me like Judas. Judging me like Judy."
"I'm much sadder than you. I'll figure out why later."
"Sometimes I think I lost something really important to me, and it turns out I already ate it."
"You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world's mouth!"
"People use each other. That doesn't mean there aren't good feelings that go along with it."
"I don't know who told you that pouting was an option, but all you're making me feel right now is hatred of Renee Zellweger."
“You are better than you think you are. You're just designed not to believe it when you hear it from yourself.”
"What does this look like? An hour-long episode of The Office?"
"Set phasers to love me!"
"Left unattended, I will end up doing [him/her] like a crossword."
"I thought this was America. Not Arizona."
"Don't tell me what I can't do! What are you, Cosmo's July quiz?"
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