Robert Of Normandy

Call me short and I'll shank you with my heels.

[robertofnormandy]

You in Norway yet?

Almost! I'm in agony, I hope my dad dies.

[robertofnormandy]

Why are you going to norway?

I guess cause my dad wants to prove something to Harald Hardrada by sending me - but also he might want me dead, so! You know!

Fuck my dad or whatever.

[robertofnormandy]

The fucking audacity... didn’t even come to tell me himself... had to have Rufus do it... 

[robertofnormandy]

What do you mean I’m going with the messenger to Norway? Is this cause I’m a bastard?

[robertofnormandy]

(rufus) Every time Dad asks you to do shit you’re always like “tHiS iS bEcAuSe I’m A bAsTaRd IsNt It.” No. It’s cause you’re whiny and he wants to get rid of you. He says pack your shit.

[robertofnormandy]

Rufus I hope you die.

[robertofnormandy]

What do you mean I’m going with the messenger to Norway? Is this cause I’m a bastard?

[robertofnormandy]

(rufus) Every time Dad asks you to do shit you’re always like “tHiS iS bEcAuSe I’m A bAsTaRd IsNt It.” No. It’s cause you’re whiny and he wants to get rid of you. He says pack your shit.

[robertofnormandy]

What do you mean I’m going with the messenger to Norway? Is this cause I’m a bastard?

[robertofnormandy]

Does your brother Henry happen to have a friend named Stephen?

Henry? Uh... yeah. He and Stephen sure are... yeah they're friends.

As much as Dad's being homophobic I don't think he realizes that none of his kids are... un-gay

[robertofnormandy]

How do you know harald hardrada is hot, have you met him?

No, I've heard about him though. What's not to like about men who are six feet and over and also buff and a Viking???

[robertofnormandy]

Yeah but if he dies he’ll really not bother you anymore

I don’t care either way as long as he stops bitching

[robertofnormandy]

what does your mom think of all this?

My mom lives in a shitty little house in upper Normandy I DONT think she cares about the English succession.

Do you mean Matilda? Cause according to Richard I can’t call her my mom

[robertofnormandy]

Who do you want to succeed Edward

My dad????

Look if he’s happy being King he won’t be a bitch to me anymore which in my opinion is a win win

[robertofnormandy]

how is rufus btw?

He’s fine. Pissy cause dad’s pissy, you know the drill.

Being a pint sized bitch.

[robertofnormandy]

what's ur dad up to bobby boy

Being a bitch.

In all seriousness, he’s making preparations to invade England or something. He sent a messenger to Harald Hardrada, and I dunno what that’s about whatsoever. All that’s certain is he’s being a whole bitch about every little thing. Not even Rufus is safe.

[robertofnormandy]

You may not know it Rufus but unlike you, I fuck severely.

[robertofnormandy]

“harald hardrada fan club” he’s a king, they prefer to be called “norsemen”

pFFFT

[robertofnormandy]

we made copies

w - WHO IS WE???

The Harald Hardrada fan club?! 

That’s a thing?

[robertofnormandy]

yeah do u want a copy or nah.

No. Definetly not. I don’t - No thank you