Mister Fahrenheit

[davidxstark]

David automatically let out a snort, not sure if he'd ever heard the words 'Lindsey' and 'sweet' used in a sentence together. "Oh, I'm one hundred percent gonna tell her you said that. I already know she'll hate it. I can't wait," he grinned. Of the Stark sibling duo, he was the feeler. Knowing their mom, though, the both of them likely inherited the sensitive gene. His sister's was just buried deep down while David might as well have had his tattooed on his arm. It likely contributed to the easy flow between him and Rocco there.

His face dropped when Rocco explained the Savannah stuff. Lindsey was known to exaggerate, but as he listened, he couldn't help but think she was right on the nose of things. He shifted a bit uncomfortably, unable to not feel a pang of guilt towards leaving when everything in their lives collapsed. He was finally realizing that if losing Frankie and Piper was astronomical for him, it was a million times worse on Rocco's end. He lamely reached for a chip when offered and kept it pinched between his thumb and pointer finger as he thought. "I'm sorry about Savannah," he offered up first. "And it's probably for the best you didn't say anything to Linds unless you want to see a bunch of red hair chunks balled up in her fists. But in all seriousness, um...I think that grief's a weird thing, and not just when you're experiencing it, but for the people around you, too. Not everyone handles it well." He could feel a tightness in his throat as he continued to speak. "I get what you mean, too. I wonder when things will be normal again. I don't know if they ever will, though. It kind of scares me." If there was anyone he could be vulnerable with, it was Rocco. That's why he let the next words come out instead of attempting to bury them like he had for the past few years. "You know, I thought that getting out of here and away from all of this sadness would make things better, or like all the bad stuff didn't happen, but honestly? I think it just made things worse. I hurt a bunch of people, and I don't even know how to begin apologizing for that because I'm...I'm still in that bad place myself." The chip in his hand had been disintegrated at that point. His gaze was stuck on his balled up fists that were slowly distorting into a watery, wobbly mess. "I don't want this to be our new normal, Rocco, cause it fucking sucks. I wish I knew how to fix it.

[roccoxstone]

Rocco's eyes widened, and he shook his head. "No!" he choked out, a little desperately. "I don't know that she'd forgive me for telling you. I don't wanna get on her bad side when she just came back." There was a possibility her time away had softened her, but somehow, Rocco doubted it very much. He hoped it hadn't. Too much had changed, and it would be a step too far if Lindsey had lost what made her Lindsey.

His momentary panic gave way to another pang of sadness when David said he was sorry, and Rocco nodded, glumly. "I think, realistically, I've already lost her," he admitted, and it was the first time he said it out loud. "I just don't have it in me to make that official. It's just... every time I see her I get this weird feeling in my chest." He raised a hand to rub at his chest, that same sensation making itself known now. It was a slight breathlessness, a sinking feeling in the pit of his gut that something terrible was going to happen, a heartbeat so fast it felt like it was trying to take off like one of Danny's planes. "It's just... she makes me feel guilty, you know? Not on purpose. But she left me, after I'd told her..." he broke off, swallowed. "I told her I was struggling with my mom, and she left, and it still feels like I did something terrible to her." He didn't know if that made sense, but if anybody could understand, it was David.

He leaned back again, staring at the ceiling, because it was a little easier than looking at David in that moment. He didn't have the right answers. "You know, I thought you and Linds were having a great time while you were gone," he said to the lightbulb, a slight smile tugging at his lips despite the tears now running freely from his eyes. "I think because being here felt like I was being left behind. Everyone was moving on with their life, you know? But I've just been stuck in the same place. I guess there's no real way of outrunning it, right? No matter where we go, we still have to live with what happened."

[davidxstark]

David automatically let out a snort, not sure if he'd ever heard the words 'Lindsey' and 'sweet' used in a sentence together. "Oh, I'm one hundred percent gonna tell her you said that. I already know she'll hate it. I can't wait," he grinned. Of the Stark sibling duo, he was the feeler. Knowing their mom, though, the both of them likely inherited the sensitive gene. His sister's was just buried deep down while David might as well have had his tattooed on his arm. It likely contributed to the easy flow between him and Rocco there.

His face dropped when Rocco explained the Savannah stuff. Lindsey was known to exaggerate, but as he listened, he couldn't help but think she was right on the nose of things. He shifted a bit uncomfortably, unable to not feel a pang of guilt towards leaving when everything in their lives collapsed. He was finally realizing that if losing Frankie and Piper was astronomical for him, it was a million times worse on Rocco's end. He lamely reached for a chip when offered and kept it pinched between his thumb and pointer finger as he thought. "I'm sorry about Savannah," he offered up first. "And it's probably for the best you didn't say anything to Linds unless you want to see a bunch of red hair chunks balled up in her fists. But in all seriousness, um...I think that grief's a weird thing, and not just when you're experiencing it, but for the people around you, too. Not everyone handles it well." He could feel a tightness in his throat as he continued to speak. "I get what you mean, too. I wonder when things will be normal again. I don't know if they ever will, though. It kind of scares me." If there was anyone he could be vulnerable with, it was Rocco. That's why he let the next words come out instead of attempting to bury them like he had for the past few years. "You know, I thought that getting out of here and away from all of this sadness would make things better, or like all the bad stuff didn't happen, but honestly? I think it just made things worse. I hurt a bunch of people, and I don't even know how to begin apologizing for that because I'm...I'm still in that bad place myself." The chip in his hand had been disintegrated at that point. His gaze was stuck on his balled up fists that were slowly distorting into a watery, wobbly mess. "I don't want this to be our new normal, Rocco, cause it fucking sucks. I wish I knew how to fix it.

[roccoxstone]

Rocco cracked something that sort of looked like a grin, if you squinted your eyes and tilted your head to the side. It wasn't the usual Rocco smile that used to come to him so much easier than it did these days, though. There was something forced in the way his teeth came together, and a tired, hollow look behind his eyes he could never quite shake. "She'll lie through her back teeth denying it," he pointed out. "But it definitely happened. Scout's honour." He had never been in the scouts, nor was that how scout's honour was supposed to be used, but Rocco was clearly oblivious to that.

He let his head fall back against the wall, not really sure what to say in response to David's condolences on the sorry state of his relationship. "It's okay," were the first words to slip from his lips, but even Rocco could tell how unconvincing they were. It wasn't okay. He wasn't okay, and that was fairly obvious for anybody who knew him to see. That made it more difficult to handle, because with that came the guilt of knowing just how much he was worrying the people he cared about, and yet he still couldn't stop the downward spiral he had found himself on. "Well, it's not. But you know," he raised his shoulders in a half-shrug, letting David's words about the nature of grief settle over to him. They hit harder than Rocco liked to admit, and when he looked up to look at David properly, a part of him was selfishly grateful to see his eyes were as watery as Rocco's own in that moment. "I don't want it to be normal, either," he admitted, his voice soft. "Only... it kind of is, dude." He wasn't speaking from a place of resentment. He'd never been angry with David or Lindsey for leaving, completely understood why they felt as though they had to, even though he hated the feeling of being left behind. "I don't think it's anything you need to apologise for. Not to me, anyway. You did what you thought was best for you at the time, even if it turned out to be the wrong thing. At least you did something." It was more than Rocco had done, lingering like a ghost in the same apartment he had grown up in, only that it was empty now. "I just... hate that this is how things are. I think about... well, the last time we were all happy. And I keep thinking if I'd seen any warning signs, we'd all be happy still."

[davidxstark]

Although there was a split-second of hesitance, David found himself stepping through the door. He'd come to peace, or at least some fucked up version of what seemed to be peace, with the fact that things would never be how they used to. That's why the impact of the apartment didn't feel so heavy. He'd had time to mourn the old version of his life. It was still heavy, but not exactly in the same way. He nodded a little once Rocco's correct guess came out. "I mean, I would've come back eventually, but her threatening to physically harm me got me on a plane just a little bit faster." He raised a brow once Rocco thanked him, finding the gesture a little odd. "Hey, you're the closest thing I have to a brother. I'll always show up if you call."

He slowly followed behind, not minding the mess. It wasn't too different from how his own space was decked out. "What, no hot dates?" he automatically quipped. He couldn't help but fall back into that natural rhythm with Rocco. At the same time, though, if anyone would've understood the frame of mind he'd been stuck in, it was David. Both of their world's imploded, and both came out more scarred than they let on. There was no easy way to go back to how they were before that. He was just settling down on the other side of the couch when Rocco shot up like a Jack-In-The-Box and had him start in place. "I'm all good, dude," he shook his head with a soft chuckle. "It's okay to say you missed me, you know. I'm not about to call you gay or anything. That's Caesar's job." Although the smile remained, his tone did become serious for a split second. "I get it, though. It is weird. Everything's just..." He trailed off, not having the right words to describe it but knowing Rocco would understand. "It's really good to see you, too."

[roccoxstone]

Rocco snorted, some of the tension leaving his shoulders as he dropped back on to the couch, this time staying in place. "Sounds like Lindsey," he said, not without fondness. "She's always had a way with words. Sharp, point ones, but words nonetheless. You know, she was actually really sweet the last time she was here. It wasn't until she left I realised that was kinda weird." He leaned back in the chair, resting his elbows on the arm rest and trying not to make it weird when David declared him the closest thing he had to a brother. For some reason, those words stuck with him. Rocco had brothers - Danny and Caesar, but neither were really around the way he'd wanted them to be. He definitely couldn't imagine sitting in this room with them, having the sort of conversation he knew he would have with David, and thinking they might understand.

The comment about hot dates had him shaking his head a bit, frown coming across his face. "No, no, nothing like that. I mean, Savannah is still... we're together, at least. But it's weird. She left, and then came back, and it's kinda never gotten back to where it's not a bit awkward. I didn't tell Linds this, cause I don't want her to beat the girl up or anything, but I think I'm half expecting each time I see her to be the last before she takes off again." Was it insensitive to talk about his love life with David? Rocco didn't know. "I did miss you." He confirmed. "It's weird. I mean, I knew I missed you and Lindsey, but I don't think I even realised how much until you both showed up. Now it's kinda hitting me all at once." He reached for the half-empty bag of chips on the table and moved them into the space between them, a silent invitation for David to take one. "It's just... all been shitty. And hard. I just don't know when things are gonna feel normal again. I mean, I know they can't go back, I just mean... when I'll get used to this being normal."

[davidxstark]

David's eyebrows crinkled together for a moment at Rocco's question before his face softened and he offered a small shake of his head. "She's fine. Well, okay, she's not fine, but...she's alright, I guess. This isn't about her." Even insinuating that she was alright felt like exaggerating. The truth was nobody in the Stark or Stone family had been okay in years, they were finally just coming to terms with it. That was what lead David to see Rocco in the first place. There was bad, and then there was Lindsey calling for help bad. He knew it was urgent after that. The guarantee of being able to help drastically was slim, but it was better than nothing, and that seemed to be what Rocco currently had.

There was an initial sense of worry, but it only heightened when David felt Rocco hugging him back as if he were a life raft. He patted his back and left his hand in place there. As weird as it probably looked to anyone passing by, Lindsey's voice going 'ha, gaaay' in his head, it was needed. More for him or more for Rocco, he wasn't quite sure. He didn't want to think about the fact his grip was just as tight. "A little birdie told me you could use the company, and between me and Caesar, I'm clearly the better choice," he chuckled lightly before finding himself sighing. He couldn't remember the last time he was able to fully joke like that. Something about being back in the Stone residence had him feeling like he could breathe again. Despite everything, it was still a form of home for him. "Wanna catch up?"

[roccoxstone]

Rocco stepped back to let David inside, trying not to let his brain short-circuit completely. There was a look on his face that clearly said he was thinking very hard about who the said little birdie might be, perhaps for a second longer than necessary given that the pool of people they both knew had shrank massively over the years. "Lindsey?" he said, tentatively, as thought it could have been literally anybody else. "I guess I should say thank you. For showing up." It was obvious that he meant it, the confusion on his face giving way to something much softer. He wasn't used to people showing up for him, and a surprise appearance from both Stark siblings, as much as it was throwing him, it was also soothing something in him he didn't really know was as broken as it obviously was.

Once they were inside, Rocco scratched the back of his neck, eyes darting around the room. The place wasn't exactly guest-ready. Laundry, both clean and dirty, accumulated in piles all over the place, there was half-eaten bags of chips on the coffee table and kitchen counter, and the blanket he'd obviously been using as a makeshift pillow balled up on the couch. "Uh, sorry about the mess," he said, quickly. "I wasn't exactly expecting... well, company." It wasn't just today. The clutter in the room was an accumulation of weeks, if not months, of not expecting company. He shuffled to the couch and flopped down, then immediately popped back up, as though he'd forgotten something. "Oh, right! Do you want something to drink? Coffee is out, but I have, um... water?" He paused, looking at David with an embarrassed sort of grin. "It's just... really good to see you, man. Even if it's weird. Not a bad weird. Just, you know, different weird."

[lindseystark]

Lindsey felt her grip tighten against Rocco's shoulder, likely pinching him in the process but being too wrapped up in her thoughts to notice. She had no idea that Ginger Spice had ditched him, too, and despite not being one to feel guilt that easily, the sudden hollow and caving sensation in her gut showed otherwise. "Wow," she let out a humorless laugh before shaking her head and pressing her lips into a line. It was so fucked up that she didn't have the words to properly express it. Frankie, Piper, David, her, and Savannah. They'd all left him. Her mom, despite trying her best, was a basket case to her own problems, and Caesar had about the same amount of emotional empathy as mayonnaise. There wasn't any reason for Rocco to see any sense of hope. Not when this had been his reality for the past while. Lindsey wasn't a crier, so the feeling of a prickly, itching in her eyes was weird. She chalked it up to shitty new mascara and blinked it away to focus on the guy in front of her, the one she wasn't sure she could ever properly repay for all the lost time. "Yeah," she sighed, her thumbs now rubbing tiny circles against his shoulders. She wasn't understanding it from his direct experience, but she got it in her own messed up way. "I'm clearly not an expert and have my own issues to deal with, but I wanna help. I know this'll be ironic coming from me of all people, but, um, have you thought about, like, therapy or something?"

[roccoxstone]

"Oh?" Rocco frowned. Of everything he expected to come from Lindsey's mouth, suggesting therapy wasn't one of them. Not seriously, anyway, but he could tell by the tone of her voice that there was no joke in what she was saying. Maybe she had changed in her travels, or maybe he was just that pathetic. Suddenly, he felt ashamed of himself, as though he was seeing himself through her eyes, and when she looked at him, she saw something to be pitied. He didn't like the thought. It was enough to have him withdrawing from her a little bit, leaning back in his seat so her hands fell from his shoulders and looking anywhere but directly at her. "Uh, no, not really." He wasn't sure why the idea hadn't occurred to him before, nor why he was so opposed to it now, aside from the fact that he hated admitting that he needed help.

[davidxstark]

It was a sad, stupid truth, but when he decided to go to the UK, David didn't think he'd be missed. By his mom, maybe, but that was an obligation. There wasn't much to miss, though. He was at rock bottom, and when you're that far down, there was no seeing light. The dark storm fogging up his head and mind felt permanent. He knew it would've taken something big to shift it or break through, and that came in the form of his sister pretty much pleading with him to come home. It had a more threatening aura rather than asking, and he knew better than to test that. She'd hunt him down and drag him back if necessary. Still, when Lindsey was the one to call for a regroup, it meant things were serious. He'd talked to her over the phone, and it wasn't super long and drawn out, but it was enough that he knew Rocco needed them. Needed him. He had no doubts that his mom and sister did what they could with the guy, but they were only two pieces of the puzzle.

David didn't need directions for where he went next. Frankie's apartment might as well had been his own home with the way his feet carried him there. He wanted to make a joke upon seeing Rocco, a 'look what the cat dragged in' hanging on his tongue when he noticed his face. It was the same sunken eyes and dark circles that he saw reflected back at him in the mirror every day. If a dark cloud had been following him, it seemed that it started as a giant one that split in two: one covering his own head and the other covering Rocco's. That's what had him moving over and immediately hugging him. He was silent for a few beats before giving him a hearty pat on the shoulder. "It's been too long, buddy." @roccoxstone

[roccoxstone]

"Holy shit." Rocco wished he had something smarter to say in response to David showing up at his door, but he'd never been known for his brains. Lindsey was one thing, but David was an entirely different matter. Since his breakup with Piper, Rocco had kept his distance, even before David had found himself on the other side of the world. He looked different, though. The same sad look Rocco saw whenever he caught a glance at himself lived in David's features, too, and that made Rocco even sadder. Seeing him again was not something he'd ever expected, and his first instinct was to wonder if all was okay. Maybe he was just so conditioned to bad news that he'd come to expect it. "Is everything okay? Your mom...?"

He didn't have time to finish the sentence before David was hugging him, and Rocco hugged him back, a little too tightly, his eyes squeezed shut. It had been too long, but Rocco thought he wanted it that way, unable to envision a world where David still wanted him around. Even now, with him at his door, he felt guilty, as though inviting him in would be too much or too painful for him. "What are you doing here?" He managed to choke out, his voice much softer than before.

[lindseystark]

Lindsey wasn't a bleeding heart by nature, at least not to the same extent the rest of her family seemed to be. It was different with Rocco, though. She'd known him for practically as long as she'd been on the earth, and that meant she knew him well enough to understand that things were really not okay. Her eyes were practically bugging out of her face as he attempted to brush everything off. "Oh, give me a fucking break, dude," she automatically replied. There wasn't any malice or real anger in her words, though. It was frustration that he was so forgiving of a situation where he should've been livid. "I don't need what, the truth? Rocco, look at me." She was too lazy to physically get off of him at this point, so she moved her hands to cup his face once more and gently force him to look her in the eye. "Maybe it was something I had to do alone, but that doesn't make it right. I left you behind when you needed me. That's shitty." She never really understood how deep the fractures ran with her mom and dad, but for the first time, she was getting a glimpse of something eerily similar. Unfortunately, she was the one who did the vanishing act and let a hurricane rip through the closest thing she had to her real family. "You had to deal with all this shit by yourself. We all lost so much in such a short amount of time, but you especially, and it's just...it's fucked up and selfish of me, dude, and I know you know it is." Her shoulders slumped a bit while registering her own words. Her tone that followed was a lot softer than it'd been since entering the apartment, but it still had the same intensity. "You shouldn't forgive me for any of it, even though I know you will. But I'm really, truly sorry. I know it's no consolation for all the time that was lost, but I'm here right now. I'm not really great at this whole comforting thing, but I love you. You're my best friend, so whatever you need, you tell me or I'll force it out of you."

[roccoxstone]

He'd spent years bottling everything up. Now, Rocco wasn't sure he even knew where to begin with everything he was feeling. He'd been stumbling along, so wrapped up in the muddle of his current mental state that it had grown into a maze he couldn't see his way out of. Because when it came down to it, when he had needed the people he loved most, only Casey had been there, and there was only so much one woman could do. Had Lindsey and Savannah, or even one of the two, been there, maybe things would be different, but there was no way of knowing that for sure. "Thing is, Linds," he muttered. "it wasn't just you who left me behind. You and David, I get why you had to leave, but even Savannah left me for a bit. And yeah, she came back, I get that, but it's..." he shook his head. He wasn't really ready to dive in to the other big mess in his life that was his relationship. "So I'm not gonna hold it against anybody that they left. If that was what was best for you, then great. I'm just... I'm tired of not knowing what's best for me." He knew that he'd been in a state of not knowing the answers for far too long, but so far, they still seemed so far away that he couldn't even see them. He'd accepted that they weren't there. There were no answers. This was just the way things would be. "It just feels like it's gonna be this way forever, you know?"

[lindseystark]

Lindsey's expression remained fairly neutral until she noticed tears suddenly tumbling down his cheeks. There was no hiding her concern once that happened, but rather than pounce on the impulse to get answers right off the bat, she actually listened to his explanation. The image of a littler version of them was in her mind now, his bone jutting against the skin in an unnatural way. Kind of similar to how that image would be burned into her brain for life, so would the one of him crying in front of her. She was finally witness to the crushing pain of knowing something was wrong but with no way to fix it. "Oh, Rocco," she sighed, not moving from her spot on his lap. She had no idea why the next move followed, but there was something about his uncharacteristic lack of reception to her touch that had her more frantic for some sort of reaction, one that showed her that her real Rocco was still in there. The hug that followed was one that might've been a bit suffocating if it weren't for the fact that Lindsey was just a bit larger than pocket sized. Her arms were around his neck and her mouth was pressing against his face, smothering any tear-stained inch of skin with a peck of her lips. "M'sorry, baby," she muttered before pulling back to look at him once more. To an outsider, Lindsey's moves likely seemed questionable. This was her best friend, though, and if that's what it took to bring him back to himself, then she'd do it. "I didn't think things would get like this. I would've brought you with me if I knew."

[roccoxstone]

For too long, Rocco had held off burdening the few people who he still had around him with his thoughts, his feelings, and the ugly, constant hurt that grew and grew inside him. He had sobbed in Casey's arms once, years ago now, on this couch, but since then, he had held it in, trying to be something like how he used to be. Somehow, letting it out was even worse. If he had answered the door as a shadow of his former self, now he wasn't even that. A speck of dust that used to be a person. Affection had always come easily between him and Lindsey, but now he practically flinched at the touch of her lips, uncomfortable in her attempt to comfort, unwilling to accept her pity. He shook his head again. "You don't got to be sorry, Linds," he meant it when he said that. Being left behind, the last remnant of what once was, was not a nice feeling, but she needed to do what she needed to do. The way he felt was not her fault. "No, no. It's - it's better like this. You needed to do it alone." He understood, and he hated that he did. Just once, he wanted to put himself first, like Lindsey and Caesar and even Savannah had. But that just wasn't him. "I'm sorry," he choked out, turning his face away from her to stare at a spot on the wall. "You don't need this."

[lindseystark]

Watching Rocco back tracking after showing an ounce of emotion made a pit feeling grow in Lindsey's stomach. Things with him had always been on a goofy best friend level, and even when it came to the hard shit in life, they usually got through it with a gentle roasting or dirty joke. This was very different from anything else they'd dealt with before, though. The way he untangled himself was the last straw on her end, shooting him crazy eyes as he attempted to flip the subject around. "Oh my God, Rocco. I I didn't love you so much, I'd be choking you out right now," she uttered before she could even think to say something nicer, and even then, she likely wouldn't have. Her next move might've looked weird to an outsider, but Lindsey did not care. Her lack of shame came in handy for that. She swung a leg over so that she was now perched in his lap, her hands back to cup his face between them. "I'm not telling you shit until you tell me what's really going on here." Gentle wasn't really in Lindsey's repertoire, but some unique version of it was apparently reserved for him. One hand stayed put against his face while the other ran through his hair, watching the floppy brown mop move through her fingers until stopping at the back of his neck. "Come on, dude. You know that out of anyone else in the world, you can talk to me."

[roccoxstone]

Rocco opened his mouth to protest, but Lindsey's next move shut him right back up again. It wasn't a surprise that she would express her concern in a more physical way than pretty much anybody else he'd ever known - he knew her better than that, and their friendship had always been on the tactile side. What was surprising, though, was how alien it felt to him. He had always been someone who was almost as physical as Lindsey herself, easily able to both give and receive affection, but now, he couldn't really remember the last time he had done that. Even with Savannah, things were still so awkward and borderline-formal that it was difficult to remember the last time she had sat in his lap, and eld his face in her hands, and really looked at him like Lindsey was doing. It felt unnatural, and that was another reminder of how much of himself Rocco had lost. Maybe that was why, coaxed into a sense of comfort by the feeling of her hand brushing through his hair, he finally let the tears he was holding in fall. But how could he explain it? He had been hurting for so long that he could not even tell anymore where the pain came from, only that it existed. "I don't know," he finally admitted, struggling to put it into words she would understand. "Do you remember that time I jumped off the swing, and hit the ground so hard my ears were ringing, and I was shouting at you that I'd gone deaf, and you were like 'no you haven't, you've broken your wrist'? It's a bit like that. I can't tell what's broken, because my ears are ringing too loud."

[lindseystark]

Despite growing up among two of the most emotional people she was pretty sure ever lived, Lindsey considered herself to be a head over heart person. It was the one thing she'd seemingly gotten from her dad. That, and his tendency to run when things got a little too much to bare. Unfortunately, she was now getting to see first hand what happened when she did that. It wasn't all her fault, but she knew that she was partly to blame for the state Rocco currently happened to be in. "Rocco..." If her voice didn't show it, her brows did with the way they pinched together in concern, taking a quick glance over her shoulder before gently pushing him back inside and shutting the door behind them. She wordlessly grabbed around his wrist and pulled him behind her until they were both seated on Frankie's million year old couch. "Whether you want to or not, dude, I'm gonna need you to talk to me," she said while looping her arm through his. She may not have been a huge feeler, but she was definitely a toucher, and part of Lindsey felt like he'd blow away if she didn't keep a steady hand on him. "And, like, really talk. Tell me everything."

[roccoxstone]

If there was one thing Rocco had learned about himself in the last few years, it was that he didn't like putting his sadness on other people. On occasion, Casey was a rare exception when she managed to drag it out of him, but it was different with Lindsey. She was his best friend in the world, but they'd never really gone to emotional places with one another, and he didn't really want that to change now. However, it was getting harder and harder to hold back his tears with how gently she was treating him. If it wasn't weird enough to see her again, it was even weirder to see her like this. "No, no, it's fine," he managed to stutter out, in a voice that didn't really feel like his. "You didn't come all this way to listen to me complaining, right?" He gently detangled his arm from hers, but didn't really know what to do with it when he had it back, and settled for dropping it in his lap. "So. Tell me about the West Coast? You met any Kardashians yet?"

[lindseystark]

Lindsey wasn't Einstein, but she also knew when things were fucked up. In all honesty, they had been for a while. Her leaving didn't help. She thought that proximity and distance would make the hard things less hard, and it did for a bit. It didn't fix them, though. From the way Rocco hugged her, she got the feeling that it only make the existing cracks grow deeper. She wasn't about to admit it, but with the way she hugged him back just as hard, maybe there was something broken inside of her, too. "Remember when I said I'd miss you the most? That hasn't changed," she muttered into his shirt, taking in the familiar scent of him before her eyes moved upwards. "Hey," she said once she finally looked at him and really looked at him. There was a tinge of concern when he accepted the hug but remained silent. Now it was a full on alarm siren echoing in her head. She didn't break away from the hug, just tilted her chin upwards to take in his expression. She wasn't sure what possessed her to do it, but she reached up to cup the side of his face and stroke his cheek. "What's wrong, buddy?"

[roccoxstone]

There was a lump in Rocco's throat that grew bigger the longer Lindsey held him, and it was all he could do not to burst into tears then and there. As glad as he was to see her again, it was serving as a harsh reminder how different their lives were now, that all they had grown up with was gone and Rocco was the only one still in the same place they began. Things would never be as they were, and while he got it, and knew why she needed to leave, it didn't make it easier to be the one left. "Missed you too," he mumbled, managing the swallow the lump and keep his voice even. He wasn't sure why he felt so much like crying, but when she cupped his face and asked him what was wrong, he couldn't really hold it in anymore. He wasn't shedding tears, yet, but his face crumped, and it was obvious he was close to it. Rocco pressed his lips tightly together, afraid to speak, and shook his head, a bit manically. If he started talking about it, he wasn't sure he'd be able to stop.

[lindseystark]

There were many traits that Lindsey had managed to get from her dad. The willingness to drop everything when shit got hard and leave it behind was, unfortunately, one of those. It seemed that a lot what made Lindsey Lindsey was inherited from him. Still, she was also her own person, and as much as she wanted to leave her past as past, there was one goof that would make her break that belief every time. No amount of margarita's or hook up's or west coast beaches could fill the void that was left when she jetted out of New York. She knocked at Rocco's door and waited, rocking back and forth on her feet until he opened it. Although she was usually full of many words, she didn't have any to say as she immediately broke the space to hug him as tightly as she could. @roccoxstone

[roccoxstone]

Rocco didn't exactly get many visitors these days. Savannah sometimes, though things had never quite got back to the way they were between them. Casey on occasion, when he was particularly overwhelmed and left it too long before letting her know he was okay. Caesar still drifted in and out like a feral cat, but usually slept when Rocco was awake and was out when Rocco slept. He wasn't expecting any of them today, though, so the knock at the door was a surprise. A bigger surprise was who stood behind it. He hadn't seen Lindsey since she left New York, and he missed her, as much as he understood who she was and what she needed to do. He didn't say anything when she pulled him into a hug - he didn't really have much to say these days anyway. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her and, for the first time in years, he hugged his best friend.

[roccoxstone]

savannahxlandry​:

Savannah struggled to keep her eyes on him. There was so much muddled between the lines of everything that had happened to them, and it was mostly being bogged down by resentment and the communications that they should’ve had but didn’t. “Rocco, you told me you felt alone, and when I pretty much pushed away my sister to try and focus on you, that didn’t make things better either. I couldn’t get through to you, and I didn’t know what to do with that. I didn’t know how to even begin to make things better, and whether you could help it or not, you were icing me out. You still are.” Her lips trembled as she failed to hold back any tears, hating the feeling of all of this. This wasn’t getting them anywhere. She was hurt, but deep down in her stomach, there was a twinge eating away at her. She knew that a large part of this was caused because of her action, even if that wasn’t what she ever intended. There wasn’t a single part of her that ever wanted to feel this way, especially not with Rocco. She took in a breath and made herself look at him. Throwing each other’s wrongs back and forth wouldn’t make anything right. Ignoring the biggest part of what got them there wouldn’t, either, so she finally faced it. 

“I’m sorry, Rocco. I truly, deeply am sorry. I deserve it, everything you’re saying right now. I’ve never lost anyone like you have, and I didn’t know how to be there for you in the right way. I really wish I did. I wanted to make it better for you, and I thought just being present was enough, but it wasn’t. I was trying to deal with two awful situations happening to two people I really love, and I wasn’t equipped to. I lost my balance. I didn’t know how to make it better, and everything I tried seemed to make it worse and hurt you more. I couldn’t find the right things to say or do to stop that, so I thought removing myself would help. I should’ve just talked to you, but I was upset and scared and didn’t want to hurt you more than you already were. I’m sorry I went about it the wrong way.” She shook her head softly, not even bothering to wipe at her face. She was simultaneously exhausted and just so, so sad. “I…I don’t know. Maybe just…give me a chance to try and make things right. I don’t really know how, but I want to get there. It doesn’t have to be now or anytime soon, but…please don’t give up on me just yet.”

.

He knew he was hurting her, and he hated himself for it. Rocco knew that he wasn’t a bad guy - he didn’t want to hurt anybody on purpose. But when everyone around him was falling apart, and he could barely hold it together himself, he had to be a little harder. There was a part of him that wanted to open his arms and take her into them, to tell her that it was all going to be okay. But where would that get them? It was more things left unsaid, more resentment bottled up to erupt another time. How would that make anything better? And if he did choose honesty now, could it get any worse? Rocco pressed a hand to his forehead, squeezing his eyes tightly shut as he tried to think about what he wanted. It was all overwhelming, and he felt put on the spot, pressured to make a decision now that would have monumental consequences on the both of them. “That didn’t give you the right to leave.” He can accept his own faults here, but where they are now is a result of both of their misguided actions. “So where does that put us now? I fucked up first, you fuck up back, and now what?”

Her apology changed everything though. As soon as it slipped from her mouth, Rocco’s hardness melted away. He didn’t want to fight her, and didn’t want to make her feel any guiltier than she already did. She may not have reacted in the best way, but nothing that happened was her fault. The fact that she was here, saying sorry and trying to make it work, said a lot. He had two choices - he could continue to hold what had happened above her head, or he could work with her to make things right. It was a lot to process all at once, but only one of those things was ever going to make him happy. “I’m sorry too.” He sighed, allowing his hand to drop from his head to his side. “I didn’t mean to take it all out on you, or make you feel like my shit was on your shoulders. I guess I didn’t know what I really wanted or what I was feeling until it was too late, and by then I had already pushed you away.” He stopped, brow furrowing, giving himself a moment to think. “I want to fix this. I really do. It’s just… a lot all at once, you know?”

[roccoxstone]

savannahxlandry​:

“Y-yeah, I know,” she nodded in reply to his statement. “I was just jok-” she was about to say, but she let her voice cut off before she could finish. This wasn’t them. This was so far from them. The fact she couldn’t even gently approach things without it feeling horrible made that clear. Somehow, the idea of just talking now made her want to throw up. Tucker would be dealing with hell once all this was said and done. In almost a direct opposite reaction to him, she started shaking her head. She wasn’t sure if it was just her body on autopilot or a way to try and keep the tears she could feel pooling stuck where they were. 

“Do you even want to?” she asked. Despite the words, her tone wasn’t accusatory at all. It was similar to that in the voicemail she left on tour. “Because if not, could you just please tell me?” With the way she could feel her lower lip trembling, she knew she wasn’t going to be able to answer his question of where to have this chat. Whether they liked it or not, it was about to happen in the middle of the sidewalk. “I know this got all fucked up and it’s not that easy to repair, but I still want everything with you. Despite the distance and the not talking and everything…but that’s where I’m at, and I don’t want to be selfish. If you don’t feel the same, can you just show me a sign or something?” She could barely look at him as he spoke, running her thumbs across her face in a futile attempt to get rid of the tears. “I’ve been hoping and praying to God that there’s something still left between us that can be fixed, but if this is just a one sided thing and I’m humiliating myself right now, just tell me, Rocco. Tell me and I’ll stop calling. I’ll leave you alone for good. I don’t want to do that because it’s still just…God, it’s still you. I just…I want you to be happy. If that happiness doesn’t include me, tell me, Rocco. I won’t be mad. I’m just so tired of not knowing what this is anymore.”

"Oh. Ha." He didn't mean the words to come out sarcastically. There was no bitterness or anger behind them. As with before, he was reacting more than anything else, trying desperately to grip to a sort of normalcy that no longer existed. He knew if he could just laugh, or smile, or do anything to diffuse the tension, it would make everything a thousand times better, but he just couldn't will his body to act in that way. It almost felt a little like an ambush - if he had received any sort of warning, he could have prepared, and it might be better than this, if that was possible. As it stood, he felt a little bit like a raccoon that had been backed into a corner.

Her question washed over him, and he realised he didn't know the answer. He missed her, like really missed her. But the more she spoke, the deeper the furrows grew between his eyebrows, a frown crossing over his face. He wasn't a confrontational kind of person. Rocco couldn't even recall a time where he had been directly involved in an argument. He wasn't quick to anger, he didn't make waves where there was no need to do so, but what was coming out of Savannah's mouth sent a wave of indignation through him. As much as he didn't want to speak up, he couldn't help himself. He needed to stand up for his own feelings - if not now, then he never would. "You want me to give you a sign?" he repeated, almost monotone, now. "I don't even know how to respond to that, Savannah. You left. You left without a word, left me a confusing voicemail from a number I couldn't contact you on, and then radio silence again. You didn't give me a chance to 'just tell you' how I was feeling. You didn't give me any signs or warnings or anything like that. And now you show up out of the blue and expect me to know how to feel about any of this?" There was no malice or accusation in his voice, but his frustration was more than obvious. "If you don't know what this is, you've only got yourself to blame. How can you hope and pray that there's still something there, and then do nothing to actually fix things? What is is you want me to do, Savannah?"

[roccoxstone]

savannahxlandry​:

Savannah starred at him, giant eyes never straying away from his face. She wasn’t Einstein, but she’d be stupid to not recognize the pain etched into his features. She felt like they were there for her as well. She shouldn’t have been surprised that she ran into him outside on some random sidewalk. It seemed like that was becoming their thing, the most unremarkable blocks of pavement making them who they were. 

“Hi,” she replied, her voice discernable but definitely not at regular Savannah volume. “I, uh, I think if you’ve looking for a tackle, you should warn a girl next time. I’ll steal Tucker’s football helmet or something, cause that collision there? Neither of us will be NFL players with those moves. Probably gonna leave a nasty bruise and everything,” she said, attempting to lighten the mood in some way. It was almost impossible, though, the air between them like a thick fog. She knew this wasn’t just something that could be fixed with a joke or hug or ‘I’m sorry.’ Band-aid solutions weren’t going to work. Whatever reminisce of a grin she tried to work up fell away fast. “So, look, I, um…I’m sure I’m the last person you want to see. Totally get that. If you want me to go, just…say the word, I’ll find an Uber or a tractor or whatever. I just…I don’t like this, and I don’t know how, but I thought maybe we could talk and try to fix it…or something.”

It was definitely a case of be careful what you wish for. He had been praying for something, anything, that would delay him going home alone, but this definitely wasn’t what he had in mind. In fact, he was pretty sure this was the only thing worse than another night on the couch in solitude. It wasn’t that he didn’t still care for her. In fact, it was almost the exact opposite. He loved her, and that was what made it all the worse. It was too much for his tiny little pea brain to comprehend, and as much as he had wanted her to come back to him, he knew now wasn’t the time. Not like this. He couldn’t help but wish, oddly enough, that Lindsey was there. She would know what to say, even if he didn’t.

As much as he wanted to avoid the situation entirely, Rocco didn’t have it in him. It wasn’t in his nature to be rude, even when he was hurting. He hadn’t realised before all of this went down just how capable he was of putting others first, of being the bigger person. If you’d have asked him pre-Miami, he would have said his nature was quite the opposite. But if this shitty situation had taught him anything about himself, it was that. “I just wasn’t looking where I was going,” he said, his voice coming out in a monotone. He was hardly in the jovial, joking mood she was used to, and it seemed she was going for. “But yeah. Crash helmet. Good idea. Sorry for bruising you.” He was reacting to her more than he was actually conversing with her, but he didn’t know what else to do when he was so unsure of what she wanted - at least, he was until her next sentence had him freezing. “No, it’s fine. We can talk.” He started nodding, only stopping when he realised he had been doing so for a few seconds too long, and probably looked crazy. “Did you want to come up? Or do you have somewhere else in mind?” 

[savannahxlandry]

“Tuck?”

“Hmm?”

“I thought we were going to the movies,” Savannah questioned, raising a brow towards her brother as he pulled up against the curb. Without thinking much of it, she automatically opened her door and stepped out, glancing around and wondering if he’d gone a block too far. Tucker was usually good with directions. Considering it was a different city, it was always possible to get things confused. He was more a physical map than a GPA person. It could’ve happened to the best of them. 

“Oh! Well, I’m going to the movies,” Tucker insinuated, the grin on his face showing that he wasn’t done his thought. “But you? You’re gonna talk to your boyfriend.”

“What?!”

“I’ll bring you back some popcorn, promise. Large size with gallons of butter and er’thang.” He leaned over from the drivers side just to yank Savannah’s door shut and lock it.

Sav rushed up to the window, pounding with her fist as Tucker just smirked and watched. “Tucker! What the hell?! Let me back in!”

She watched in horror as he reached over, turning up the radio’s volume knob and blasting whatever Chesney or Aldean or Brooks song was on.

“If this is some kind of joke, it’s not funny!” she attempted to shout over the music. “Open the damn door!”

“Y’all have fun now!” she managed to lip read from him as he gunned the engine and took off down the street.

“Tucker!” she shouted one more time, flipping him off as a final retaliation, although it didn’t do much. She turned around with a huff, realizing that the asshole had dropped her right across the street from Rocco’s apartment complex. That was one way to tell someone they were tired of listening to your long winded relationship problem rants. 

Savannah crossed her arms over her chest, starring at the building as if it were about to come alive and eat her. Of course she wanted to try and patch things up with Rocco, she just didn’t know how. The super vulnerable voicemail she’d left from Europe didn’t help things much, either. Knowing that he might’ve heard it made her want to vomit, but so did knowing that he could’ve just seen her name and deleted it without listening. It was a lose-lose situation. She didn’t have to do this, not right now. Not with Tucker forcing it upon her.

“This is stupid,” she muttered to herself, suddenly feeling like a creep for just standing there and lurking. It couldn’t be that hard to find a main street and request an Uber home, right? With that, she yanked out her phone and started walking, punching at the screen instead of watching her step. That was her biggest mistake. Just as she got to her app, she bumped into something hard.

“Jesus!” she let out, watching her cell go falling to the pavement. “Ah, that’s fantastic,” she groaned, bending over to grab it and survey the damage. There didn’t seem to be anything major, so she shoved it into her pocket with a sigh. Her expression of annoyance turned into one of a deer in the headlights when she looked up and realized it was a who she walked into, not a what. “Rocco.” @roccoxstone​

[roccoxstone]

The last few months had been jarring, and that was putting it lightly. Since that night in Miami, his life had been in a state of freefall. He had never known he had so much to lose - probably because he had never anticipated losing all of it. Except, that was exactly what had happened, and every time he got to a point where he thought he had gotten through the worst of it, another bolt came out of the blue to knock him back off his feet. It was getting harder and harder to stand up. He’d never been the smartest, most switched on person to begin with, but with everything he was going through, he wasn’t sure if there was anybody alive who wouldn’t feel mixed up if they were in his shoes, regardless of their intelligence. 

He’d spent the day at Piper’s, and as glad as he was for her reappearance, as much as he had been hoping she would come back, this new, not-so-much improved version of her was so far removed from what he expected that it felt completely wrong. Still, he hung around. They needed each other, even if she would never admit it out loud. Maybe if he kept it up, it would start to feel more like where they’d been before, even if the rest of the world continued to turn. 

Rocco wasn’t exactly in a hurry to get home. The apartment was far too quiet for one. Caesar popped in and out from time to time, as Caesar did, but was never around enough to make his presence known. At least that never changed. The closer he got, the slower he walked, looking for anything to slow down his progress. His eyes were glued to the sidewalk, carefully studying the cracks in the concrete and manoeuvring around them. It was a game he used to play as a kid, and right now, it felt just as important as it had back then. Or at least, it did until something collided with him, sending him stumbling a little to the side, foot finally landing on one of the many cracks. 

He glanced up, looking to see the source of the collision. The second his eyes landed on her, he felt the colour draining from his face. Savannah. They’d been pretty much no-contact for a long time, apart from the one, weird voicemail she had sent him from a weird-looking number. He wasn’t sure where things had gone so wrong with them, but the fact it had gone so sour was still something that cut him deep. He wasn’t ready to see her again - but obviously, he hardly had a choice in that when she was stood right in front of him. 

“Um,” he began, eloquently. “I was just...” he raised his arm to point at his building, then trailed off and dropped it again, still struggling to find the right words to say to her. In the end, he settled just for the one. “Hi.” 

[roccoxstone]

lindseystark​:

Lindsey gave him a half-assed grin. She wasn’t about to come right out and say that she’d been concerned about Rocco, but she had been. She was. Ever since his mom and then things going sour between him and Ginger Spice, she felt a little helpless in trying to be there for him. It was partly Lindsey’s selfishness in the matter but also partly not knowing even where to begin to help. It was so much, and the fact he was handling it all with a grin didn’t fully sit right with her. Still, she knew the Stone’s were all stubborn, so she wasn’t going to push him when he wasn’t ready. 

“Who the fuck uses an iron nowadays, anyways? I mean, besides my mom maybe, but she’s old. That’s what YouTube tutorials are for.” Lindsey knew that she had to think about getting out of there soon, but she couldn’t pull herself away from Rocco. Not just yet. “Please do. Not that Caesar would care that much, but I think it’s important for him to know anyways. I like to imagine that deep down, he’s actually jealous of our bond. Way, deep down, though, once you wad past all the other things that possess him.” She pulled back briefly, hands still gripping his shoulders as she sighed. “Okay, I know I literally just said that I kind of want to go MIA in the MEX, and that still stands, but…if things end up going berserk here, like emergency level where robot aliens take over the city or shit just gets bad and you don’t feel like there’s anyone you can talk to about it…call me, okay? I might take a bit to call back or respond or whatever, but I will. You’re my one and only exception to the no contact rule.”

“I don’t think ours has ever been used to be honest.” It wasn’t a lie. Rocco had definitely never seen his mom doing it. Maybe Piper had before, but not the Piper who had come barrelling back into their lives from wherever she had been hiding out. Things were so different now that he could hardly stand it, and when Lindsey was gone, it would be different again. He was tired of his, of the disappointment and sting of being left behind, but he knew there was little he could do. He had thought the way they were before would last forever, and it hurt to know that things would never go back to how things were ever again.

“Linds...” he didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t that he wanted to lose her, but he was never very good at reaching out for support in the first place. And if she wanted no contact, who was he to deny her that? He gave her a small shrug, shaking his head a little. “It’s fine, Lindsey. You don’t have to worry about anything here at all. You’ve done enough dealing with my shit. Everyone has. It’s time to make yourself happy now, and I’m not going to ruin that by bothering you with stuff here. The stuff you want to get away from.”