mind's a mess

Rose. Waitress. Jesters Affiliated. There's a flower that grows in the darkness. It's called Lirio de los Valles. It actually does better in the shade. It blooms in spite of the darkness. You remind me of that flower. So you might as well bloom because it's going to be dark for awhile.

[rosecxlloway]

"We’re here to celebrate,” the blonde clarified to her sibling as the pair of them sat across from one another at a miniature table outside of some bar on Fremont Street. Early afternoon and the place wasn’t quite packed with tourists and partygoers just yet. “I dropped our mom off at the clinic this morning. They said she’s welcome to stay for a thirty day detox, or longer for the full ninety day course to sobriety.” @lukexcalloway

[rosecxlloway]

tabithasmuses‌:

“Oh, darling. You have all my faith.” Marley meant it, too. If there was anybody she believed in, it was Rose Calloway. That girl was going placed, and she couldn’t wait to see where those places were. “Aw, you care about his education.” She teased, placing a hand over her heart, as if touched. Her face softened into something genuine then, staring into her best friend’s face with pure and utter adoration. “I really do.” And she hoped the other knew her back, too. Marley felt like she did, at least. Shaking her head, she allowed Rose to tug her out of the bar. “Obviously somewhere closer to home.”

@rosecxlloway​

"I do, but it’s pretty clear he doesn’t. That’s probably drink number four and he’s got an exam in the morning, I’d bet my next paycheck on it.” Not that she would ever give up such a valuable commodity, but it was nice to joke. “Have I ever told you that you’re my best friend?” With that, she squeezed the other woman’s hand affectionately before letting go once they were outside. “I know I said let’s go somewhere new, but the boys are all down at Death & Co tonight. That’s like, five minutes from our place.” Her way of not so subtly running into the man she actually wanted to see tonight, all other prospects be damned. Or maybe that was just the booze talking.

[rosecxlloway]

ryanelijah‌:

He frowned when she seemed to still disagree with the idea that true love and soulmates were a thing. He wanted to say more but he knew better than to push her. Beside, what could he even say? To trust in someone while he was doing everything to betray hers. “Easy isn’t as exciting as people make it out to be,” he said softly, looking away from her for a moment. Ryan was pretty sure he’s never done anything that could be defined as easy. And that was probably all his fault, thinking he had to do things a certain way to make sure that no one would ever get hurt or upset over something minor. His gazed dropped back down to her once her hands were on his arm, pulling him from the bar. “Wow, you can’t wait to get me home, huh?” He questioned, teasing her once again. 

Canting features to the side, she studied his response for a moment and absently wondered what skeletons lingered in Ryan Hunt’s closet. He possessed that sort of demeanor, always knowing far too much about Rose without ever quite giving up personal details about himself. An enigma as far as she was concerned and maybe, just maybe, she craved the concept of learning more about him. “Yeah, I’m dying to get you in my bed,” the blonde retorted with playful sarcasm, albeit grateful that she was ahead to avoid him witnessing the flush of her cheeks once more. 

It only lasted mere minutes, their walk from the biker bar to the apartment she shared with Marley, the latter seemingly out for the evening as she found a bedmate to keep her company. “You want a drink?” Rose questioned as she unlocked the door and flipped on a light. “Promise they’re free here.”

[rosecxlloway]

tabithasmuses‌:

“I’m not easily surprised.” She informed the other, but with a smile that made it clear she was joking. Her eyes floated back to the man, snorting at Rose’s response. “Probably has homework he needs to do by Monday.” She quipped back, before following along and downing the rest of her shot. Her eyebrows rose and remained raised as she awaited a response, knowing she was right, and knowing Rose knew so as well. “How’d I know?” Marley laughed, shaking her head. “Because, my love, I know you.” She reached up to stroke her cheek.

@rosecxlloway​

"Have a little faith in me.” Though despite her admonishment, the blonde released a laugh of genuine amusement. “Which is exactly why I’m not going home with him.” Rose might have been the first to admit that her taste in men was questionable at best, but even she knew better than to pursue someone beneath her league or too young. “You really do, huh?” Clasping her friend’s hand as it left her cheek, she began leading them towards the door. “Got any ideas where you wanna go?”

[rosecxlloway]

bloodyvalens‌:

          “It’s not selling nothing. It’s being realistic an’ keeping things separate that should stay that way,” he shot back roughly with a clearing of his throat as he eyed the new addition to their small space that warranted her a few extra minutes. “That sounds an awful lot like someone who wants to see something that they shouldn’t be seeing. Or wanting something.” Valentine shook his head, but the touch of amusement lightened his features enough to know that he was thoroughly enjoying the conversation even if it left a bit of a sour note on the tip of his tongue. It was better that way, leaving in the middle of the night – sometimes Marley knew and other times, he wasn’t going anywhere that she needed to know about. Same with the woman by his side, seemingly protective and curious in the same breath as he took a sip of his drink. He let it settle for a moment. “She can handle herself. She’s a big girl.” And he wasn’t looking to hurt her either, but kept that bit to himself.

“Like you and the word trust.” Stated simply, she plucked her assertion from the array of hints nearly thrown in her direction by the man. If he desired her distance then she would provide it, granting him the superficial benefit of the doubt which she extended to the broad majority of Jesters. “The only thing I want is for my earbuds to stay in. Besides, I really don’t think there’s anything I want that you could give me.” Beyond confirmation that his silhouette did not belong to another individual whenever depraved curiosity descended upon her and forced Rose to peek into the hallway. "I know she can, this isn’t a come to Jesus talk. I’m not looking to defend her honor or tell you what to do.”

[rosecxlloway]

lukexcalloway‌:

“Yeah, okay,” he echoed, agreeing with her in the easiest way possible. He released Rose from his arms, taking a step back as he ran a hand through his hair. He hadn’t meant to yell, and for that he felt guilty. “As long as you do that, I’ll be good. So…yeah, go. Go do somethin’. I can handle lunch for myself.”

“Swear to me that you won’t immediately go for the cans of Chef Boyardee.” Grown adults yet still somehow their arguments devolved into childlike screaming and shoving, how the pair of them managed to claim any sense of normalcy was beyond comprehension. “And... I’m sorry I hit you. That wasn’t okay.”

[rosecxlloway]

ryanelijah‌:

Ryan frowned at her answer, not liking the idea of someone as wonderful as Rose giving up on the idea of true love. Not when they were standing this close together. “He wasn’t your soulmate,” he said in a very matter-of-fact tone, his eyes staying on hers. He let out a soft sigh and shook his head. “You know, I think…I think I can’t begin to understand everything you went through. But I’ve seen it, you know…I…I saw how broken a person could become after the person they love wronged them. How they gave up,” he went on. He knew it was a risk to tell her any of this. But for once, he wanted to tell her something true. “Please don’t give up?” He pleaded with the blonde. The thought of seeing the same sadness his mother’s eyes have in Rose’s tore him up. There were moments when Rose truly surprised him, moments that made his heart race. He knew better than to assuming anything more then something innocent, but for a moment he nearly questioned what she was asking him. Until, of course, she amended herself. A breathy laugh escaped him. “Yea, anything you want, Rosie.” 

He wasn’t your soulmate. There was a gravity which came from hearing those words aloud for the first time in five years, a confirmation that someone else might exist or perhaps already did. A dangerous hope to cling to amidst her newfound outlook. "You’re asking me to believe in fairytales again, Ryan. I don’t... I don’t know if I can do that.” In perfect honesty, she was frightened of herself, of her decisions, of her own beating heart. It possessed a certain penchant for always choosing wrong. “I’ll tell you a secret. Sometimes giving up feels a whole hell of a lot easier than trying again. Less scary, too.” Finishing their latest round, because it would be rude to let his generosity go to waste, the blonde caught one of his biceps atop the leather cut as she tugged him away from the bar. “Let’s get out of here.”

[rosecxlloway]

marley-callahan‌:

“You couldn’t handle me, gorgeous.” Marley teased, reaching to pat playfully at Rose’s cheek, before accepting the shot and knocking it back. Face twisted, briefly, a laugh broke out on her lips at Rose’s comment, the nose scrunch that followed having nothing to do with the bite of the alcohol. “But still old enough to drink.” She pointed out, as if it were a plus. “Hey, our rent’s paid for the month.” Marley defended, before sighing, looking at Rose. “You just wanna wind up somewhere where there’s more fightin’ than dancin’. You get off on it, don’t you? Bet a man’s got a scar and your panties drop then and there.”

"Maybe I’ll surprise you.” The salacious nature of her own retort was short lived as the two women relegated hues upon the childlike male sitting only a few seats down. “He probably still takes his laundry home to his mother.” With that, she finished the contents of her own shot glass. “I---” Rose hesitated before the ghost of a smile began to spread along the curvature of her lips. “Okay, it takes a bit more than a scar for that, but I don’t mind somebody with a little grit. How’d you know?”

[rosecxlloway]

lukexcalloway‌:

The truth was, he had no idea what he was doing anymore. Not with Rose now so dedicated to the Jesters, with a tattoo on her body to prove it. He had nothing now that she had that. “I’m in this for you, Rosie. For you. it’s always been for you. Everything I did, huh? For you. And I don’t regret it. Not even for a minute. I just want ya to take care of yourself, okay? To stop wasting your money on Ma and to start…start tryin’ to live for yourself and not worry ‘bout all of us. We’re gonna be here. I’m gonna be here. Promise.”

Everything done for her. His entire life vanished if only because he dedicated far too much of himself to her survival. It didn’t seem fair. "Okay,” she managed out beneath a swallow, blonde locks nodding almost imperceptibly as Rose agreed with him. For now. “If you agree to take care of yourself and stop worrying about me. I’ll quit lending Mom money and crawl out of my apartment more often. Alright?”

[rosecxlloway]

lukexcalloway‌:

It only took a few moments for Luke to recognize the extremely low blow he’d thrown his sister. And in fact, he deserved every beat against his chest, even as she shoved and yelled. He couldn’t bring himself to do the same, instead holding onto Rose’s wrists so she would stop pushing him, “Stop – stop, Rose.” He didn’t raise his voice this time, instead pulling Rose into a hug. His own demons were things he hardly could face, and throwing them out for his sister to choke on wasn’t exactly right. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Stop yelling. I ain’t – I ain’t in this for you to be upset.”

The force at which she pummeled his chest quickly gave way to exhaustion and by the time Luke clasped her wrists within far larger palms, she barely exuded the effort to fight back. "Why would you say something like that? You know you’re all I’ve got in this world.” She mumbled against the fabric of his shirt, instantly flashing back to their last embrace before Luke was forcefully removed from her arms and carted away. Her only family. The singular person whom she trusted beyond reason. “Then what are you in this for, Luke?”

[rosecxlloway]

marley-callahan‌:

So far, the night was, in fact, a bust…but despite it, Marley was having a good time. She was out with her best girl, after all, and there was alcohol coursing through her system–a lot of which had been bought with money not from Marley’s wallet, which was always a plus. Had they set their sights on anyone worthy of pleasing them for a night? Not yet, but the night was young and so were they. “Worse comes to worse, we take each other home.” Marley teased, accepting one of the shots from the bartender and glancing at her friend. “Mhm, but don’t think we’ll need to. How ‘bout him?” She nodded her head towards a man whose eyes were following Rose.

Perhaps it would always be in Rose’s nature to compare the outsiders she encountered to the men in her life, weighing the merit of some random guy’s designer clothes when compared to the awe inspiring sight of a biker’s cut. As much as she loathed to say it, there was truly no comparison; for all her efforts to separate herself romantically from that world, they remained exactly her type. "At this point that’s sounding like a better and better idea.” Though even as she spoke, the bartender returned with their shots as if solidifying them in place. “He barely looks old enough to drink.” Passing the additional glass to her best friend, she almost wished for a cigarette to go along with it. “Maybe we should go somewhere else. A place where the drinks aren’t a quarter of our rent check.”

[rosecxlloway]

ryanelijah‌:

Listening to Rose was simultaneously one of Ryan’s favorite things to do but also the hardest. He liked her, really. And he liked that she wasn’t afraid to open up to him and tell him stuff like this. But it was hard to have her open up to him like this when all he could return were lies that someone else wrote down on a piece of paper and told him to memorize. “And what did you want? Before all of this, did you want to be a rocket scientist?” He questioned, curious and wanting to get to know her even more. It was selfish, really. He shouldn’t be getting this close. Rose wasn’t someone he was even supposed to be building a strong bond with. He just couldn’t help himself. At the mention of him helping her, it sent a pang of guilt trough him. All he did was lie, lie, lie and lie. “You listen to me sometimes,” he corrected her correction. “As long as you want,” he repeated as confirmation. 

The trust she had built within Ryan throughout the entirety of their time knowing one another spanned continents, its weight nearly too enormous to bear. Rose would have willingly thrown her life into his waiting palms if a situation called for it. "No, I wanted to live this stupid little fairytale with my soulmate. It was all true love this, and true love that. I was twenty-two years old and I sounded like a child... Hoping for things that aren’t real.” A sort of bittersweet smile crossed her features then, ironic in nature by its very presence. “Guess reality made sure I learned my lesson, huh?” Several heartbeats passed between them before the blonde finally voiced her question. “Will you come home with me?” Suddenly, amending her statement, “---I mean, walk me home.”

[rosecxlloway]

ryanelijah‌:

His nose scrunched up at the mention of her brother boycotting their wedding. “That’s…not very brotherly.” Not that he could blame Luke. His own sister got involved with a Jester and look at where that left her. But Ryan would think that if he felt like that about his fellow bikers, then why would he want to be involved with them at all? That was something he didn’t understand fully. “Guess it’s a good thing for me that you don’t do as you’re told.” He shot her a quick smile. “Done,” he agreed, having no problem getting her next drink. “I’ll buy all of your rounds, as long as you’ll have me.” 

"He’d come through eventually, but this isn’t... Luke never wanted this life for me. Sometimes I think he believed I’d grow up to be a rocket scientist or whatever.” Her nose scrunched a little at the very concept of any other life beyond the one she led, her deep rooted affiliation with the Jesters so ingrained within the marrow of her bones. “We actually got in a fight about it. First one we’ve had since---” Since her colossal screw up five years prior. “Doesn’t matter.” Ryan’s smiles were contagious and despite the pink still blossoming beneath the skin of her cheeks, Rose grinned in response. “I listen to what you tell me,” she corrected. “And it’s kept me out of jail thus far.” His advice for how to spot an undercover police on the floor of the casino was utterly invaluable. “As long as I want, huh?”

[rosecxlloway]

marley-callahan‌:

“As long as you promise not to let me go home with anybody gross.” Marley laughed, holding out her pinky for a promise between them. She had fairly good judgement, she liked to think, but she wanted to make Rose feel better about having to ask for the assurance. Marley would never allow Rose to go home with somebody who wasn’t worthy of doing so…but because Rose was bringing someone home, Marley would be finding somebody’s place to go back to. Even though she’d had sex with her friend’s brother, being in the apartment while they were both having sex? Their walls were thin, and the only moaning Marley wanted to hear was her own.

TIME JUMP --- 2 HOURS LATER

"Was this a good idea?” The blonde called out over yet another Ariana Grande song, the club’s bass pounding so forcefully that it rattled her ribcage with miniature tremors. “I’ve danced with like, four guys and none of them were worth taking home.” She managed to snag the bartender’s attention and order them another round of shots at the overcrowded counter. “I think one might have even been married--- I saw a ring.” 

[rosecxlloway]

bloodyvalens‌:

            “Don’t do that. It’s a bad idea,” he told her with a shake of his glass that was emptied before the refilled order from the bartender came back to them. Valentine wasn’t to be trusted, not by what he was capable of doing other than those in the MC and his brother – Sol was the only person that he could trust to have his back, often because he did when Val couldn’t be himself. He chuckled, a low and rough sound caught in the back of his throat as he shook his head slightly and stared at her for a moment. “If I’m a shadow that you see slipping out the door, what does that make you?” Val leaned a bit closer, an elbow perched on the bar top. “Other than a voyeur.”

"Do you always sell yourself this short?” Accepting their next round with a pleasant smile, she nearly chortled aloud at his assertion regarding Rose’s role in the current dynamic. “I’m not a voyeur, just a circumstantial witness.” Ear plugs were perhaps the greatest invention known to man when it came to the individuals who crossed the threshold in search of Marley’s bedroom. The last thing she desired was to overhear the happenings. “---Who happens to care quite a bit about the girl you’re leaving behind. Plus, you guys are never really that stealthy when you leave anyway.”

[rosecxlloway]

ryanelijah‌:

Ryan kept a serious face at her question regarding their imaginary wedding. “Pretty sure we can say it’s a dry wedding and make everyone pay a cover to get in and your brother would force everyone into going,” he pointed out. All of the Jesters were fierce men, and from what Ryan has heard, Luke was no exception, especially when it came to his sister. Ryan couldn’t get the goofy grin off of his face as he watched Rose’s cheeks deepen in color. He was always saying flirty things to her, rarely getting any rise out of her. But today, he’s accomplished something great. “Oh? You’re a scout now?” He questioned, not backing away from her in the least bit. “Why haven’t I been offered any cookies yet?” 

"My brother would boycott out of principle for me marrying a biker. Marley wouldn’t even be a selling point.” Luke had certainly made a point since his return from prison to emphasize how thoroughly he detested any involvement with the gang on Rose’s end. Unfortunately for him, the youngest Calloway had already solidified her part with a crown tattoo and undying loyalty. “I could be a scout.” She countered, albeit not well as the blonde attempted to weaken the color in her cheeks by finishing off the remainder of her glass. “Because you’ve done nothing to deserve them and I don’t give away cookies for free. Buy the next round and I’ll consider it.”

[margotdaily]

Margot Robbie attending the Screen Actors Guild Awards - 27 January 2019